Nate Winchester’s Remix of Supernatural 9.12 – “Sharp Teeth”
I admit I did something with this episode I don’t normally do. Filled with a lot of possible options for writing this remix, I perused some other reviews for some inspiration. After seeing all the pain and tears floating around the fandom, I hope this little remix helps ease everyone’s pain.
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What are you doing here Sam? This was MY episode! |
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Nuh uh. Writers said we get to share. |
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But us together just makes this like a… like a… |
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A rerun? Is that what’s upset you? |
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Whom dares challenge me? Thou shall not take thy angel’s schtick! |
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Shut up, Cas! You’re not in this episode. |
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Come oooooon guys! I wanna be in the episode! |
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Garth’s here. |
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Wherefore art he? |
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In this room. |
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Uh… Hark! I hath not experienced the mortal pleasure of jigsaw puzzles. Fear not, adorable puppies, I shalt reassemble thou! |
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Since we’re both here, I assume you saw the same report? |
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Car totaled. Driver sh***** his pants in terror. Yep. I’m betting Garth did that to your arm? |
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This? Nah, it’s the Mark of Cain. |
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Hey that’s my cue. |
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You’re not in this episode either, Crowley! |
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I know but I’m down here on the bottom of the ocean, searching for that dagger, and I thought I’d warn you chaps that there’s a big glowing… ‘scar’ here. I think a giant monster just came out of it. |
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What do you expect us to do about it? Remodel the Impala into some kind of giant robot thing to fight it? |
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Do we look like New Jersey video gamers to you? |
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Guys, you’re disturbing my slumber? |
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Hey Garth! Buddy… Heard you had a bad night. |
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Farmer shot me. |
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Well it’s good you left him alive. |
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Why not? The pain reminds us we’re alive in the face of the grave haunting our days. |
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Garth, so awesome to see you haven’t changed. But why are you in this hospital? |
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The shotgun gave me a hangnail. |
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You checked in for that? |
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My old lady insisted. |
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You’re married? |
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Hi all! Oh Garth, so good to see you well! |
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Your wife? |
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She is the one I have pledge to trudge alongside what days remain to us in this dreary existence. |
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I love you too, *kiss kiss* |
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So you…. both seem very happy together. |
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Well she’s no Eliza Dushku… |
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Is that why you ditched Kevin? |
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I had to slap a ring on it. |
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Oh there’s so much to catch up on! You’re the closest Garth has to family… please you have to join us for dinner tomorrow. |
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Sure I’ll be there. |
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*runs away crying* |
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Was it something I said? |
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Nah, any time werewolves are involved he gets emotional. Just let him cry it out. |
| –AT DINNER– | |
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Hey you look familiar… |
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I just have one of those faces. So let me change the subject and tell you all about our not-quite cult. |
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What makes it not-quite. |
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Well we’re more spiritual than religious. |
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Food’s up! |
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Raw meat, really? |
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We eat to stave off approaching finality. |
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I thought you guys were vampires. |
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Why would you think that? |
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Last time the title made reference to teeth the episode was about vampires. Last reformed monster groups we ran into were vampires. |
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That’s a good point. I thought maybe we were worshiping a pagan god? Honey, are we vampires? |
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I don’t think we’re vampires. |
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Vampires… werewolves… what meaning do labels have in the darkness of oblivion? |
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Awwww… You know our hymns have gotten much cheerier after Garth started writing the lyrics. And playing our piano. |
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Werewolves! That’s what we are. |
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But that doesn’t make any sense. Werewolves are people 90% of the time. |
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So? |
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And you’re eating raw meat? You can chew people food you… |
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Where did you even get this? |
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… |
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That’s why the farmer shot at you! |
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So? |
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They’re COWS, Garth! They’re raised and bred FOR eating. All of you have day jobs, meaning ya’ll could BUY them legitimately and get shot at less! |
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Hell you could probably raise your own cattle and make a killing since ya’ll wouldn’t need guard dogs. |
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That’s… not a bad idea. Think you can help us out with that? |
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Sure. My brother’s good at that lawyering stuff. Let me go get him and he’ll help you out with the permits and stuff. |
| –LATER THAT DAY– | |
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You know, Dean, that I swore to never use my lawyer powers again, except in time of deepest need. |
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I know, bro. It might help you thought to just do… a little bit lawyering. Just a tiny bit. |
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All this over permits? |
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Look, Garth. I don’t want to make you angry (obviously), but your family can’t be on the up and up. |
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What makes you say that? |
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You ever WATCHED this show? |
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Yeah. Any time I’m depressed. |
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…. |
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It cheers me up. |
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So we done? |
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Can’t be, we still have half an episode left. |
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We could go help Castiel with his puzzle. |
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We could sit around writing poetry about the blackness in our souls. |
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Nah I’m going to investigate these people further. You two stand around and do your poetry. |
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Why can’t you just accept this, Dean? |
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Our father’s frequent abandonment of us left me with an inability to trust others. *runs off* |
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Shame. Your bro could write some epic goth poetry, man. |
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So what do you want to do? |
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I can call the misses. We could go see a movie. |
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I… don’t want to feel like a third wheel. |
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Don’t. We’ll bring another and make it double. I hear you’re down with bitches. |
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Dude! |
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What do you call female werewolves? |
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… |
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Ask nice and I’ll find you one in heat. |
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Thank Chuck my spider sense is tingling. |
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What? |
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Well I’ve been hit in the head so many times, it’s left me unable to hack or research like I used to. However I have apparently evolved the ability to sense when I’m about to be- |
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*double bonk* |
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*blarg* |
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*we’re unconscious* |
| –AT THE CHURCH– | |
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You &@#*! lied to me! |
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Look I can explain. After that orchard god turned me into a werewolf I- |
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I can’t believe you call this non-religion! |
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Excuse me? |
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You have a worship building. I found a holy book in your office. All of you wear symbols. I saw Garth playing the piano off sheet music! SHEET MUSIC! You’re practically Baptist right now. You’re just one silly hat away from being full on Catholic. |
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Oh you’re right! I can’t hide it any more. *sob* You’re right! We ARE religious. But we’re one of those cool, reformed wolf baptist churches, not one of those orthodox congregations. Well my wife is but she…. uh oh. |
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What? |
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Umm… the orthodox sect believes in… human sacrifice. |
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SAMMY!!!!!!! *runs off* |
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You know… I might look pretty good in a hat… |
| –AT THE SHOWDOWN– | |
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Wake up, Sam. |
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… |
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Wow, he must have some major brain trauma to be out that long. |
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Guys, we don’t get much sleep being hunters, so I have to grab these naps while I can. |
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Of course. |
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Sorry to wake you. Please don’t mind us. |
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You’re here too, my black rose? |
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Right over here, sweetie! I think mom’s gone full on stepmother cliche and is looking to kill us. |
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You don’t have a problem with that, right? Not like you love her or anything. |
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Love is but an illusionary distraction from the impending doom universal to all. … But I do find her distracting. |
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Awwwww. |
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Sorry, Garth, but I’m afraid the ritual requires human and lycanthrope blood. |
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What ritual? |
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The ritual to… Hey! I’m spilling my evil plan over here! |
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*zzzzz* five moar mints… |
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No! I have a constitutional right to monologue and you’re going to listen! |
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That is true. Though the villainous Bill of Rights was my lowest score on the LSAT. |
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Why do you want to monologue? |
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You want to know why? You want to know why every villain goes monologuing? Because NOBODY ever listens to us! You think all those Bond villains really wanted to blow up the moon? Or start wars? No! It’s all just desperate cries for help. For somebody to pay attention to us Fenrir-dammit! |
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Now as I was saying, I’m going to kill these two, and use their blood to summon our god! |
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Me! |
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Seriously? How full of yourself can you be? |
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Seems obvious. Hunters are bad ass. You got one as a werewolf making me a likely candidate. |
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Get off yourself. Is your name, Fenrir? |
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My middle name is. |
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Oh… |
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… |
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… |
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My dad was big into heavy metal. |
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But that would mean… You are THE Garth? |
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The one and only. |
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Oh dear. |
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So I’ve had my gun on you for several minutes… want me to pull the trigger now? |
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Seriously? Why didn’t you shoot earlier? |
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She had a monologue! That would be rude. |
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Yes! Shoot me now, please. |
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I dunno… Maybe I should leave you to him… |
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I think my chains are loosening. |
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For Fenrir’s sake, fire! |
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Ok. *bangity bang* |
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*blarg – I’m dead* |
| –BACK AT THE HOUSE– | |
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Be good, Garth! Enjoy married bliss. |
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Such that any of us can enjoy anything. Though I was considering resuming my old duties. |
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What, sitting around doing research? Answering phones? Way too dangerous for you. |
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Neither of you will survive without me. Now shut up and come here. |
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Really? |
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Hurry up before I change my mind. |
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*hug* |
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*hug* |
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So that it? Episode done? |
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We got enough time for some brother speeching. |
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You bring the green cooler? |
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Damn, I knew I forgot something. |
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You know what that means. |
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No chick flick moments. |
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I like your choice of car. |
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Get me a burger I’ll let you drive it. |
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Deal! Hop in, I saw a place in this town we can try. |
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*climbs into the Impala* |
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Wait, you got THE Mark of Cain? |
(crossposted @ http://natewinchester.wordpress.com/2014/02/01/9-12-sharp-teeth-remix/)
Nate Winchester is an aspiring author, blogger, and strangely the only male writer for The Winchester Family Business.
Brilliant ! Thanks for that! 😀
Brilliant ! Thanks for that! 😀
“She had a monologue. That would be rude.”
Even I cringed at this moment in the episode.
Thanx! I always look forward to the remixes. 😀
“She had a monologue. That would be rude.”
Even I cringed at this moment in the episode.
Thanx! I always look forward to the remixes. 😀
Well this only increased my tears–from laughing! Awesomely done again Nate!
“They’re COWS, Garth! They’re raised and bred FOR eating. All of you have day jobs, meaning ya’ll could BUY them legitimately and get shot at less!”
Bwha, ha, ha. Also, it appeared that the cult lived on a farm so…
Well this only increased my tears–from laughing! Awesomely done again Nate!
“They’re COWS, Garth! They’re raised and bred FOR eating. All of you have day jobs, meaning ya’ll could BUY them legitimately and get shot at less!”
Bwha, ha, ha. Also, it appeared that the cult lived on a farm so…
hheheh garth was getting his Shakespear on.
YES! Why dont the werewolves just rasie their OWN cattle . I wondered that ad nausem while watching.
Before this show is over i would really love to see Sam get AND KEEP his own car. May have to sell my soul to Crowly for that to happen.:)
Loved this, Nate..veddy funny
hheheh garth was getting his Shakespear on.
YES! Why dont the werewolves just rasie their OWN cattle . I wondered that ad nausem while watching.
Before this show is over i would really love to see Sam get AND KEEP his own car. May have to sell my soul to Crowly for that to happen.:)
Loved this, Nate..veddy funny
I would like to see Dean receive at least ONE conk on the head to make up for all the years Sam has been damseling for the show. How is he NOT permanently brain damaged?
I really did like this episode but not because of the plot. Mostly cuz of the feels.
I would like to see Dean receive at least ONE conk on the head to make up for all the years Sam has been damseling for the show. How is he NOT permanently brain damaged?
I really did like this episode but not because of the plot. Mostly cuz of the feels.