The episode is “99 Problems” and I think Sam and Dean have way more than that. Let’s get started.
There have been 99 teasers now and I’m wracking my brain trying to come up with one as intense as this. Nothing comes to mind. “Nightshifter” comes close, but that’s it. The episode starts with the Impala’s speedometer and it’s pushing 90. Dean is gripping the wheel and we see his panicked look in the rear view mirror. Sam is frantic in the passenger seat with bloody shoulder telling Dean to drive faster. Don’t you hear Sam the Impala’s engine pushing as hard as it can go? Any harder and it’ll explode. She’s old for god’s sake. Dean confirms this is as fast as she’ll go. He asks if Sam’s okay and Sam gives a smart ass answer. “I’m amazing.” Dean asks Sam if he’s ever seen that many and Sam says not in one place. Dean doesn’t have much time to discuss theories though, for he fishtails the Impala around a corner and then slams on the brakes just in time to avoid a fiery roadblock.
I should point out this is a Julie Siege script, because if you look at her episodes she’s notorious for causing the Impala harm. She gets it out of the way early. Dean tries to back up but someone smashes in the passenger side window and pulls Sam out of it. Another person gets Dean on the other side. A second later though, a fire hose appears and the people attacking Sam and Dean start smoking. Ah, demons. They yell in agony and suddenly Michael Shanks is on the loudspeaker talking some ancient language. After one sentence the demons smoke away. It’s really interesting that this stuns Sam and Dean, who shouldn’t be surprised by anything given all that they’ve seen. Their shocked faces are priceless.
“Well, that’s something you don’t see every day,” Dean says while Sam is speechless. They get out of the car and Michael Shanks asks if they’re alright. “Peachy,” Dean replies. Hey, that’s my sarcastic line! I use that all the time. Michael Shanks warns that’s they better be careful, it’s dangerous around there. No need to thank them. Dean still pursues, wondering who they are. “We’re the Sacrament Lutheran Militia.” Dean is confused. “Hate to tell you this but those are demons and this is the apocalypse. So, buckle up.” Well that’s a hell of a teaser! Plus Michael Shanks is awesome.
Title card. Blood, water, and there’s plenty of it by the looks of this one.
Now for the part where Sam and Dean must convince this militia that they’re all in the same business. Showing off the trunk of the Impala should work, right? That would make me think Sam and Dean are mercenaries of some sort, but I don’t know how that would convince them they’re demon killers. Or that the tall guy there actually has demon blood and can kill them with his mind. Or that they’re both the chosen vessels for the intergalactic showdown of the century. Oh, I bet they’re going to leave out the last two parts. There’s a believability factor involved when meeting new people.
Dean notices the weaponry they’re carrying and how inspired the truck is. Yeah, why didn’t anyone think of a fire truck of holy water before? Dean wants to know where they picked up all this stuff. At the Wal-Mart of course. The one guy gives a non-answer and I’m thinking Wal-Mart would have at least been funnier. Dean acknowledges that part of the state is crawling with demonic omens and they’re there to help. Sam jumps in essentially saying the same thing, but throwing in some irresistible puppy dog eyes to support his plea. Right, that worked so well with Walt two weeks ago. The three guys look at each other and Michael Shanks invites them to follow. Aww, these guys love puppies.
The title of “99 Problems” shows and aside from being a Jay-Z song, it’s my guess the 99 comes from the fact this is the 99th episode. Am I good or what? Sam and Dean drive in with the truck and it looks like daybreak. It’s kind of smoky or foggy all around. I’m assuming that’s for visual effect. Sam throws his old shirt over to Dean who puts it in the trunk. So, they just wash and stitch up these old shirts? Or is this Dean’s new oil rag? I know, I’m putting too much attention into a shirt, but it’s interesting how they showed that. I personally hope we never see the shirt again, for it’s not my fave. Any chance in season six a keen woman will take these two shopping for some new flannel shirts? They’ll pick them up on the way to the Grand Canyon.
A redhead greets one of the men, who is really her teenage son. She tells him headphones off, this is a church. Right, the world is ending and you’re worried about that? If I were a teenager in that situation, I would be partying at the lake with all the booze imaginable until the lights go out. Sam puts on his jacket to go inside because he knows churches are known to be super cold. That’s because they need to keep all the church goers awake. There’s a mass wedding going on, but people aren’t exactly dressed in white. The patrons are all packing heat and the pastor is trying to sound positive, but he’s so pulling it out of his ass. Sam can’t believe they’re seriously doing a wedding and one of the entourage tells him there have been eight that week. So, does that mean then that the honeymoon never ends until the lights go out? I’d be doing that in Vegas, not Minnesota.
Since I won’t give up on season six here, how about the episode where Sam and Dean get drunk in Vegas and marry two hookers. No? Plot overdone? They could do it Supernatural style. The hookers could end up being Monsters of the Week and get their heads blown off. You’re right, that’s more of a season eight thing.
Everyone is outside sending the happy couples off and the pastor starts with the small talk. He’s heard that they hunt demons. Psst Padre, one of them is practically half demon himself. No, they leave that out, just answering “Yes sir.” “You missed a few,” he jokes. Sam agrees and then holds out his hand and in one swipe gets rid of all of them. Or he answers “yeah tell us about it.” I forget which. Sam wants to know why demons are there. Because demons don’t like wreaking havoc on the big cities. That’s too easy. All the fun is in podunk towns in rural Minnesota.
Sam and Dean follow the Pastor to the basement community room where the town’s citizens are packing. Families are making salt round shells for the shotguns while other kids are cleaning guns. The whole town are hunters now. “A whole town of hunters? I don’t know whether to run screaming or by a condo,” Dean says. Ha! I missed that the first three times I saw this. Another irony is the stage has a happy, cheery sun on the wall and Noah’s ark animals. Yep, sick ironic humor. Must be “Supernatural.”
Sam asks the question that is completely insane for a demon hunter, why not call the National Guard? My first reaction would be because they would NEVER BELIEVE THAT DEMONS ARE REAL. The pastor says something stranger. They were told not to. He doesn’t say why. Dean gives the outsiders view, they’re as locked and loaded as they’ve ever seen and the exorcism they’re using is Enochian. They’re getting instruction from somewhere. So Dean knows Enochian now? He should I guess, but he obviously doesn’t know it well enough where he knows how to translate. I guess that’s why Cas is on speed dial. Nope, padre still won’t discuss it.