Flow Like Water – a Reflection on Supernatural’s “Captives”
Usually I would write a “Threads” recap of this week’s episode, “#Thinman”. To be honest, though, I didn’t see many hidden meanings or clues that need to be examined. After watching it, I felt like I was the victim of blunt force trauma from the blatantly obvious parallels made between the Ghostfacers’ team and Sam and Dean, and possibly the MoC’s influence on Dean’s cold stabbing scene. I believe you got the point the first time.
Instead, I would like to share with you a personal reflection on last week’s episode, “Captives”. When I read FarAwayEyes’ review of “Captives”, I had one of those moments when something you couldn’t see before, something that you didn’t even know you were missing, becomes as brilliant as the sun blinding you on a crystal clear, brutally frigid, winter day.
Her first paragraph stated:
Everyone in “Captives” was held hostage at some point. This took physical form—restraints, holding cells, and locked doors. People were handcuffed or tied. Some were chained. Others were bound to the physical plane while being a spirit. In truth, however, everyone was held captive by the same thing in the end: grief. Each character seemed to experience it in some form and in their own way. It permeated the text of this episode, giving us glimpses into various stories and character motivations. It’s what made “Captives” engaging and intriguing.
My first thought was, “Wow, that’s really good!” My second thought was, “Why didn’t I see that?” I wrote a comment about how I am always amazed that people can watch the same episode but see entirely different things, how there are layers upon layers of meaning, and how I am in awe of writers who create nuanced stories like that.
That was the extent of my philosophical breakthrough. I went about the rest of my evening routine, enriched by the insights but really not giving the article or its observations another thought. The next morning I turned on one of my favorite instrumental pieces as background music while I began the day. It is the score from the beautiful, moving climactic scene in the movie The Last Airbender. The movie was the big screen version of the popular cartoon, Avatar: The Last Airbender. Being a student of Tai Chi (a discipline that is close to the martial art used in both stories) and a closet fan of that cartoon (I admit to watching the entire story several times over), I was destined to like the movie. It wasn’t wildly successful, receiving criticism for casting and acting. The music, though, reaches into my soul, inspiring me every time I hear it. Let me share it with you. It is called “Flow Like Water”.
http://youtu.be/-mTANle_IcQ
The beauty of the music is amplified by the eloquence of the last scene in the movie. In a moment of self-acceptance, the main character of the story embraces who he is and literally commands the immense power of the ocean in a graceful union of movement and emotion. OK, cheesy, but my heart fills to overflowing every time I see it.
I have watched that scene many times, but I was reminded of its deeper meaning after reading FarAwayEyes’ insights into our dear Sam and Dean. See if this sounds like anyone else we know: In the movie, a guide from the spirit world tells the reluctant hero that he is not allowing himself to grieve. The hero has experienced overwhelming loss, of people he loved, of the peaceful world that is now engaged in war and of the normal life he wanted to live. Instead, he tried to walk away from the burdens thrust upon him and he now bears the guilt of the deaths of those who were entrusted to his care. He is afraid that if he faces the grief and guilt he feels, it will overwhelm him, so he buries it repeatedly, even when his friends tell him it is not his fault and beg him to talk about it and let it go. At the end of the movie, when he has no other choice than to face his past or die, he allows his grief to flow and its power is enough to literally control an ocean.
FarAwayEyes captured grief this way:
Grief is a strange condition. Everybody grieves differently—and grieves different things. We grieve loved ones. We grieve lost opportunities. We grieve for what could have been. We grieve for what will never be. We grieve the end of relationships. There’s no real wrong way to grieve, either. Some cry and seclude themselves. Others shout and scream in anger. We grieve each loss differently, too. One loss may make us cry while another makes us angry. Grief is something we all experience, and we all experience it differently—which is okay.
As I listened to this beautiful song today, out of nowhere and with no warning, tears began to flow down my face. I felt that uncomfortable bulge in my chest of something that is buried, begging to be released. What was happening? With the urging of the music and the immediacy of the lesson of “Captives”, I instinctively realized that I have been holding back grief as well. I know what I need to face, but I have no interest at all in letting it break through. Yet, grief will not be denied and tears find a way of leaking out. I don’t want to burden you with the inevitable transition that my life is experiencing right now, but wow. I am choosing to bury it yet again in order to finish this reflection and get through my day. This is an important day. It happens to be my mother’s birthday. We have to celebrate. I have to be happy. I need to keep going. I can’t pause to feel that tidal wave of water headed my way. After all, I am strong and will not give in to this ….
Then I thought of Sam and Dean’s grief. If you think about it, every day they make life and death decisions, literally. They save lives and take lives. They have sacrificed everything to a war against evil that just keeps raging. We have been impatiently waiting for them to talk to each other, to face their guilt and grief and anger, to share their pain, but maybe, like the fictional character in the The Last Airbender, they finally reached a point where their minds just couldn’t process it all. Dean wants to ignore it, keep fighting and put a “W” on the board but Sam won’t let him off that easily. Sam knows they need to heal emotionally. They have to face what has happened, and they will remain stuck in the mire and filth and grime of years of repressed fear, hurt, guilt, bad decisions, betrayal, disappointment and defeat until they can face it.
Obviously, the cast and crew have no control over the weather, but it couldn’t have been more perfect for that scene on the pier. The universe always seems to reflect back to us what we are feeling. We just need to be aware enough to see it. The power of the brothers’ pain was so great that night that the heavens themselves opened up, releasing the torrent of tears the boys are bottling up inside. Standing the the pouring rain, Sam and Dean were literally awash in the water that needs to flow to cleanse away a lifetime of accumulated pain.
I don’t know when we will see them heal, just as I don’t know when my “ocean” will break through. I have a new appreciation of their situation though, and I know I will stick with them until they are ready to heal.
Don’t worry about me. My life is good. Like Sam and Dean, I have family and friends, love and a home. At the beginning of my journey into fandom I shared with you the joys of new discovery. Lest anyone think that everyone else is happy and they are alone in their difficulties, I thought it was fair for me to share with you this piece of the journey that I seem to be sharing with Sam and Dean. We all just need to take that next step to grow into who we must become.
– Nightksy
- I’m the Co-Editor-in-Chief, Social Media Manager (Twitter, Facebook and Instagram), Live Tweet Moderator, reviewer and feature writer for The Winchester Family Business. Before joining the Supernatural Family, I worked for 22 years at a global consulting firm, but after years of long hours, high pressure and rigorous demands, I quit corporate life to raise my children. After my first Supernatural convention, I was driven to share my shock and awe in a two-part essay that The WFB was brave enough to post, and my second life calling, that of being a writer, began. My first published book, Fan Phenomena: The Twilight Saga was released in late 2016. Please share in my cross-fandom excitement by following its Facebook page @FanPhenomenaTwilight and my personal Twitter account @LSAngel2. You can read about this whole miraculous transition in my chapter in Family Don’t End With Blood, published in May 2017.
Beautiful, just beautiful Nightsky. I played the music while I read your review so thank you for including that. What a moving and insightful piece.
Well written. Thanks!
Thanks for sharing Nightsky. I listened to that music as I read your article. It really added an extra depth. Now I think ALL the articles should be accompanied by a score. Is that asking too much? 🙂
Thank you for bringing this music to the mix. It now has a place among my favorites. If Sam does hold the status quo until the pain can be acknowledged, touched and healed, God bless him for his strength. He’s not only holding back the incredible force of Dean but also the tide of the entire fandom encouraging him toward a rapid sweeping-under-the-rug of all this emotional angst. Very well written, and prayers go with you for your own healing.
Thanks so much for the compliments! I am happy you enjoyed the article AND the music. I considered suggesting either closing your eyes while listening to the music (because I found that movie poster distracting) , or letting it play while reading the rest of the article. It sounds like the second choice worked out well. I absolutely can include music in the future! I’ll have to find the right pieces that fit in with the week’s episode, though!
Judy Lee, Thank you for your prayers. I’ve started by taking a week away to try to recharge. It is very kind of you to be concerned.
Thanks for your reflection Nightsky. It was wonderful, as was the music. I listened to it while I was reading.
Your comment, “As I listened to this beautiful song today, out of nowhere and with no warning, tears began to flow down my face,” struck a chord with me. This has happened to me, too, on more than one occasion. And, like Far Away Eyes said in her review, grief is different for everyone.
In relation to SPN, one of the things I love about it is that we all connect with the characters and stories in our own way. There are so many layers and it means something different to each of us. I mostly connect with Sam and find it so easy to see from his POV, but it was actually Charlie’s back story that affected me the most, personally.
I do hope things will improve for you soon 🙂
It was a pleasure to read your article.I wish you all the best.
I am a avatar fan ,of the first season of the cartoon.That was one of those shows where I liked all the characters or more precisely I liked how the characters gelled to form a very interesting plot.
As you said everyone reacts differently to grief and I hope after all is said and done the people in question are stronger because of it.
Powerful music and words. Thank-you.
Thanks for sharing this. I too loved FarAwayEyes essay on grief. And whatever it is you are going through, the old adage about time healing all wounds is true. I’ve suffered through many losses in my life and although grief will always be present, it’s the good memories that make it easier to live through. So I wish you courage.
Nightsky That was a lovely article. What is it about this show that helps us get through life’s little road blocks? Maybe it is because what the Winchester’s have gone through and how they have dealt with their traumas helps inspire us to prevail against ours as well? I don’t know. I have never been affected by a television show the way I have about this one. I believe it is a great testament to Jared and Jensen and all the people who work so hard on this show that we feel such a profound connection to these characters who bring us to our knees and lift us up to dizzying heights year after year. I have been through losses I never thought I would be able to survive and even though they happened long ago I still feel them everyday. For whatever reason this show has helped me deal with those losses like nothing else has. Again thank you Nightsky reading yours and Faraway Eyes articles is like reading poetry. I wish you all the best in dealing with your loss.
That was a beautiful article and beautiful music. I let it play while I read the rest of the article. My tears are flowing…
I am glad you have family to be with, and I hope things get better for you soon. You certainly write beautifully – you even got things off MY chest! I hope you feel better after you write as well!
I am alone. I mean alone. I have been immersed in SPN since the Pilot, just dreaming that I have a brother (or someone). I need the brothers to work through this sooner than later. And I know that it will be difficult. But here I am, tears flowing because of your article, my aloneness and the brothers’ pain. I need the brothers to show they like each other. For me. Because I am alone. Somehow this show (and their love) helps me Well, anyway, it helps me.
Thank you for your article. I’m sorry I wrote such a depressing post. I hope I can delete it later when I am embarrassed and not depressed.
Love2boys – I am sorry it has taken me so long to acknowledge your comment. I went on a short trip and tried to stay away from the internet as much as possible (to recharge a little!).
It is hard to be alone. I don’t know your situation or whether medical or physical challenges require you to stay at home. I offer my own experiences with respect, because you know what is best for you. I don’t know if you work, but you seemed sad to be alone, so I wanted to offer whatever ideas I could.
Have you reached out to volunteer in your community? Besides writing for WFB, I also volunteer at a local charity store. It is one of several charity stores in the area that is always looking for volunteers. The people who are painfully shy work in the back room sorting and pricing. It involves them in a great cause but they don’t have to interact with the public! I sort and shelve books (I love books!). My mother volunteers at the local senior home (serving cookies and coffee among other things). Hospitals usually need “candy stripers” and people to hold their premature babies; food banks need people to sort food; shelters need people to serve food. I found a service that appealed to me and they were more than happy to accept my time!
Local churches usually have a service ministry coordinator that can help just about anyone in any situation. Our church will help people find a group that interests them. There are social groups of seniors, young singles, the grieving, the divorced…all get together to just not be alone. They build wonderful friendships. There are prayer groups and bible studies as well, if quiet reflection is more your speed.
Do you have a local park district? There might be a class that interests you. Tai Chi, ceramics, bird watching…so many to choose from.
If you just cannot get out, community centers or churches have people who will come visit you. Don’t hesitate to reach out to them!
Then you always have the SPN family! Would you like to volunteer sorting or categorizing or doing something else for a site? Think about it.
Take advantage of our chat room and keep commenting on articles. The other readers will get to know you, and you will always have someone to talk to!
We know you already, so even though you are alone, maybe you don’t have to be lonely. Let us know if we all can support you while you try something new!
Bravo! Tears flowing. That was so beautiful and so true.
When you were describing the character from the movie, I first thought it was Dean, then Sam, then Dean again. But it’s both of them for sure. And they are dealing with it in their own ways. Dean tries to put on his game face yet his feelings are all over his face. Sam goes inward. I wanted to go in that room with him so badly but Show wouldn’t let us in cause Sam won’t let us in. He still hasn’t talked about hell to anyone (but Lucifer).
Even though they didn’t discuss their situation in these last two episodes, I noticed subtle changes in that they behaved more like two adults. Not holding my breath for a hug-out but perhaps through all of this, at some point we will get Carver’s more “mature” relationship – an equal partnership in the family business to share the “crappiness”.
I thought I was pretty good about the grieving process, yet I found myself crying like a baby as that song played while reading this article. Best wishes for whatever is tearing at your heart strings.
I am so touched that I could inspire this piece. It’s beautifully said.
We’re all here for you in the SPN Family.
Beautifull