Five Things I Want To See Castiel Do

Here’s a fun list that’s been sitting in Jenna1987’s archives since season five!  She thought it would be fun to share it now in its completed form, given the fun we’ve been having with Castiel/Misha this week.  

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Five Things S5 Castiel Should’ve Done (After He Lost His Angel Mojo)

5. Star on a Spanish Soap Opera

Let’s face facts, ladies. Half of us couldn’t get enough of seeing Castiel hurt and in that hospital bed right after he lost his angel mojo. Some of us even wrote whole fics surrounding his loss of power and Dean nursing him back to health (I’m talking to you, you hurt comfort fans. You know who you are). Well, with his good looks, that seem to get even better when he is horizontal and in a hospital gown, why not throw him into a Spanish soap opera? Look at it this way, somebody is always getting hurt in a soap opera and the odds of how often you get hurt seem to increase exponentially with how sexy you are. Why Spanish? Well, when you don’t understand exactly what they’re saying (unless of course you speak Spanish) you have more time to just enjoy the view. Besides, half off the plot points will be thrown out of the window when the fan fic starts getting written anyhow.

4. Drunk Life/Intervention Coach 

Just as we couldn’t seem to get enough of hurt!Cas we can’t seem to get enough of drunk!Cas. I think it only fitting that the angel that was become a life/intervention coach to those truly in need. With his way of never quite understanding jokes or metaphors he is one coach that is sure to tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. After all, isn’t that what we need in coaches? Not somebody who is going to sugar coat stuff so that we think things are okay, when they’re really not, but rather one that gives it to us straight so that we may be motivated to make a change. Hell yeah that’s what we need! And why do we need Cas to be drunk? Because what he says is ten times more memorable when drunk. Seriously, ask anybody what their top 3 favourite Cas quotes are and I guarantee you’ll get a drunk!Cas one somewhere in the mix.

3. Host the Home Shopping Network

Imagine yourself bored at home (because we’ve all been there at some point in our life), sitting on your couch, channel surfing in a pathetic attempt to find something on TV. As your flipping through you find nothing interesting on because it’s a Saturday afternoon and half the channels are just running prepaid advertising and infomercials. Oxi-Clean on one channel, the Shamwow on the next. You’re a slave to the Ikea nesting instinct. If you see something clever like a table in the shape of a yin and yang you have to have it (I am Jack’s lack of self control). Well with Castiel hosting the Home Shopping Network you’re guaranteed not to be bored. Sure, he may not be a good sales man but hey, what could be more fun than watching an angel try to figure out how to use half the crap they sell on that channel?

2. Competitor on Survivor

Let’s face facts, this is pretty much what the second half of season five was; just one big season of survivor. Deals were made, every week a grueling task had to be carried out, most of the people were “voted off” (read as “killed”), and, because of the army man idol in the back of the Impala, Dean essentially got immunity. Honestly, all that was missing was Jeff Probst, some fake tiki stuff to decorate the set, and a bunch of torches. If Supernatural had that then maybe a bigger and better network would pick it up and it could go on where it truly belongs; along other popular shows like Community, NCIS, CSI: NY, Big Bang Theory, and How I Met Your Mother.

1. An Accountant

Okay, I will admit this one is a little personal. Actually, it’s 100% personal. You see, we make jokes about Castiel being a holy tax accountant and all that but accounting is hard work. Seriously, you guys, I would rather spend a day fighting off hell hounds than sitting at my desk wondering what the hell my inept coworker did to make the balance sheet not tie. Of course, whatever he did do isn’t going to have an impact on just one account in just one fiscal year. No, it’s going to spread across four years. That will require hours of rolling back the general ledger to the proper periods so that correcting entries can be booked and then even more time explaining to the auditors and/or the board of directors why the assets went down but the liabilities went way up. When that’s finally all said and done you’ve only got two minutes to eat lunch before you have to rush into a software conversion meeting. After you finally get out of that sucker then it’s a matter of having to pay your vendors, explain to the CFO why his creative accounting solution is a one way ticket to Sing Sing, and then issue all new quarterly reports to account for the balance sheet changes you made before lunch. Soon you go home, go to bed, wake up the next morning and do it all over again. Yeah, I’m sure if Jimmy’s job had a “Bring Your Angel to Work Day” he would’ve been the one getting the last laugh and Castiel, after getting a huge dose of perspective, would’ve realized that fighting off the apocalypse may not have been so bad. 

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