Warning, this is a really long one. In the past when recaps have gotten this long I’ve broken it up into two parts. This time I didn’t do that. So, I’m hoping this will be killing some uber time at work for you. Enjoy!
Okay, I’ve taken enough recovery time after several days of staring at a blank document unable to comprehend how to tackle the recap for “My Bloody Valentine.” So, with a glass of wine (and a few beers) and myself in a locked room, time to try this. It’ll only take a few days.
The episode opens in a quaint older neighborhood complete with tree lights, and a smiling couple returning from what is likely a dreamy date. The woman has stars in her eyes and a fuzzy pink winter hat to go with her red hair. Oh that’s so wrong. As a red head, trust me, that hat color does not do a redhead justice. Dark grey or a chocolate brown works better. The guy, whose not half bad looking, has that same doughy-eyed look. Judging by this serenity the message is clear, these aren’t the types that hop into the sack. They’re all smiles as he says the obvious, “first date.” I smell a cupid! Most first dates are a wee bit more disastrous than this. Oh wait, Edlund’s writing this, isn’t he? Never mind.
She says she had a really good time. Then he calls her Alice. Alice?? A redhead named Alice?? Hmm, that has to be a coincidence. Edlund doesn’t read boards, does he? DOES HE? Oh, that’s right. I met him at Comic Con. The red hair does stand out. Still, it could be a coincidence. Like Damian and Barnes. Anyway, the dude wants to see her again. Sunday maybe. He doesn’t want to be alone on Valentine’s Day, again. So that must be Sunday. She smiles, he kisses her, and anyone who watches this show knows that this adorable little love story is so going south. They both give each other big smiles and kiss bigger this time. She pulls away, not wanting him to think she’s that kind of girl. He tries to apologize, but she jumps him. I would call that some pent up lust.
They’re inside in the kitchen all over each other, ripping clothes off. These guys are REALLY repressed. Then they start talking really dirty to each other. It’s always the supposed innocents that shock us the most. I love it. Then she takes a big bite out of him. Huh? He cries out in pain, looks at her bloody mouth, and is more turned on than ever. So how graphic do you want this scene to be recapped? Those of you with weak stomach just skip ahead a paragraph, for this gets really gross.
Ugh, here we go. She goes for another bite, and now blood is dripping off her chin, and he starts knawing on her arm. She desperately wants more. “I want you, all of you, inside me.” She must be a virgin, for she’s taking that clichÃ© a little too literally. Oh, his chin is dripping with a disturbing amount of blood too. Her wide open mouth goes for another chunk. He again cries out and is more turned on than ever. She pulls on a rubbery chunk of his flesh in her mouth and eats it! Can I stop here to tell Ben Edlund he’s a sick bastard? Oh yeah, he knows that. I also need to stop because I’m fighting back some barf right nowâ€¦. Okay, better. He goes for his bite, blood is now everywhere and they start pulling off chunks of skin. Can I mention the squishing and crunching sound effects going on in this scene? They’re going all out. He bites her stomach next and the camera pans to a Valentine’s Day card on the refrigerator spattered with blood. Yeah, I do believe a new low was achieved. Or a high, depending on your point of view. I’m just trying to figure out how that passed the network censor. Oh yeah, The CW.
Title card. The blood seems kind of appropriate, doesn’t it?
Sam is looking at the bloody postcard and he’s in his G-man suit. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again, he’s too pretty for a G-man. He’s talking to the girl that found the bodies. She says there was blood everywhere and other stuff. I’m so glad we didn’t get that far. I had trouble recapping what I did! Sam’s funny faces back me up on that one. While packing things away she says that Alice was already dead. It’s the curse of the pink hat I’ll tell you! Sam asks if Russell wasn’t. She thinks he was, but he was still…chewing. Yuck, enough already! She doesn’t understand how two people could do that, eat each other. Sam thinks that’s a good question. Oh, you’re about to find out the hard way Sammy! Sam wants to know if Alice was acting erratic the last few days. Was she aggressive or hostile? No, she never drank, never swore, and was a “nice girl.” She still had her promise ring. See, she was sick! No healthy grown woman is like that. For those that missed the sly reference, Sam asks if she was a virgin. Oh yes. More funny faces from Sam. The woman doesn’t know how she did it, or not do it. She wasn’t right, that’s how. It was her first date in months. It’s my guess her other dates went howling for the hills later after realizing they weren’t passing first base. She was so excited. “Apparently they both were pretty excited,” Sam says. Once again, Sam doesn’t sugarcoat.
Just in case we didn’t know it was around Valentine’s Day, we get to see this week’s motel room card which reminds us. I read an interview from Jerry Wanek, Head Set Designer, who said they put one of those cards in every single motel room but it’s not often shown. So we’re lucky this time. “Valentine’s special. Free champagne, this week only. Dial 9 for room service. I’m presuming Dean already had it. Who would turn that down? Sam comes in with a bag of fast food and drinking a drink? That’s right, this episode is all about the strange behavior.
Dean wants to know how it went. No EMF, no sulfur, ghost possession and demonic possession out. Dean wonders what then, for things were pretty horrifying at the coroner’s. They started eating and just kept going. Just in case we don’t get the point, Dean gets even more graphic. “Their stomachs were full, like Thanksgiving dinner full.” They just won’t quit, will they? Sam accepts they can’t do more tonight, takes the laptop and says he’ll go through some files. Dean better get going.
“Sorry?” Dean asks all confused. “Go ahead, unleash the kraken,” Sam says. Hee, a Sam funny. I like those. He’ll see him tomorrow morning. Dean still doesn’t get it. “It’s Valentine’s Day. Your favorite holiday, remember? What do you always call it, unattached drifter Christmas?” Dean isn’t smiling which is too bad because I am. Instead, he goes for another beer. “I’m just not feeling it this year.” Sam is confused. So he doesn’t want to go to bars full of lonely women? “I guess not,” Dean says with complacency. Sam is really worried and Dean doesn’t know why. “It’s when a dog doesn’t eat. That’s when you know something is really wrong.” Dean doesn’t appreciate Sam’s concern. “Remarkable patronizing comment. Dually noted.” Yeah Sam, your recent blue funks have been no picnic either. Dean wishes to get back to work. Sam gives him another look to be sure, then goes back to his laptop. So, is this the sign of a spell, or is Dean actually feeling this way? At first I thought it was the craziness going on in the town, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe the events of the last several weeks are catching up with him.