Recap – “It’s A Terrible Life”

 

We get the view from inside the microwave, and someone’s microwaving popcorn? You know, that’s actually worse than microwaving fish. One whiff of that and everyone is in the break room popping their own corn. By the time that’s done, the entire floor smells like a freaking carnival. Slacker’s name is Ian, and we learn that because Sam is pointing out how to him how stealing pencils and other office supplies is wrong. You know, I believed that for the first ten years, until they broke me. 

 

Ian asks about Sam’s dreams. Okay, more like prodding like a jerk. Then Sam points out he’s going to be a dick about it, probably because he’s being a dick about it. Sam then confesses, he dreamed about saving a grim reaper named Tessa from demons. Ian thinks that’s fantastic and giggles, thus ending up being a dick. ”How much D&D did you play as a kid?” Oh Ian, if you only knew what his childhood was like. If only Sam knew! Ian pulls a Harry Potter reference. Sam says “Dick,” and Ian replies “Wizard.” Careful Ian, you know what they say about ghosts and karma. 

 
 

Copier, fax, pencil. We get an overhead view of exactly how jammed into that little cubicle Sam is. He drifts asleep because work is boring. Suddenly, there are flashes of him fighting in “Jus In Bello,” him shooting the Crossroads Demon in “Bedtime Stories,” him and Dean shooting the Shtriga in “Something Wicked,” him swiping the iron poker through the little girl in “All Hell Breaks Loose Part I”  and Dean and his bloody sawing off of the vampire’s head in “Bloodlust.” He jerks awake scared out of his wit. Sam, you’ve dealt with heavier crap than that. 

 
 

Sam goes into the elevator where Dean is with several other people. They share an awkward glance. The rest get off, leaving them alone, so Sam breaks the tension by acting”¦more awkward. ”What do you think about ghosts?” Dean squirms when Sam asks if he believes in them, doing his best to avoid the question. ”Vampires?” Now Dean thinks he’s plain nuts. I’ll admit, Sam is breaking some sort of social contract here. Sam mentions he’s been having these dreams lately and asks Dean if he’s had any -uh – weird dreams. Dean responds by pushing the buttons on the panel so he can bail ASAP. “Look man, I don’t know you, but I’m going to do a public service and let you know that you overshare.” He gets off in a hurry, leaving a bothered Sam behind. What did you expect Sam? 

 

Copier, fax, pencil sharpener. Sam is back in tech support doing the whole off/on routine while sketching vampires. He’s pretty good! He searches the web for vampire sites while waiting for the person to turn on the printer, signing off again with “Great, anytime.” Ian shows up behind him and it seems Ian must go to HR. Uh oh, not the dreaded HR! Sam speculates it’s because Ian steals office supplies. Actually, most companies don’t mind that. Strange how they will spend LOADS of money implementing and maintaining Websense so an employee like Sam can’t look up sites about Vampires while working but they’ll let pilfering of office supplies go unnoticed. 

 

Sam looks more at the vampire site and hears his co-worker Paul screaming at the monitor. He investigates. Really Sam? That’s actually not unusual behaviour in an office. Paul lost his work when the computer froze and he didn’t backup. He’s determined to find it. It’s dark, everyone’s gone home and he still can’t find it, but I know from experience he’s not exactly doing effective search methods. Disk scans from the DOS prompt don’t usually do the trick. Data logs help! 

 

Paul goes into the kitchen, breaks the prongs off of a plastic fork and jams it into the little slot that tricks the microwave into thinking the door is closed. He sets the timer for ten minutes and sticks his head in. Normally I’d have a nitpick about how he’s frying too quickly but assuming those are metal eyeglass frames, yeah, that would cause a faster spark. Now I dare Mythbusters to prove that one. 

 

In the nice touch of dark humor that trademarks this show, the camera pans up to the sign “Don’t heat up your fish here, It stinks,” while Paul screams in agony over being cooked. Black smoke waffles upward, and apparently burning flesh now must be added to the list of don’ts. Then there’s the sound of something squishing and the timer going off. Okay, it hasn’t been ten minutes, but still that’s brilliant.

 

Sam watches the paramedics cart off the body bag, and broods while looking over at a shocked Dean, who today picked the really ugly yellow striped tie. Since this is a comedy episode, I’ll let it slide, but this is me sending official notice that Dean should NEVER wear such an awful tie again. ”Does something about this not seem right to you?” Dean asks the person next to him. ”Yeah, the whole thing. I’ll tell you man, I’ll never eat popcorn again.” Okay, I’m giggling over that one. That sounds exactly like something a clueless co-worker would say. 

 

Dean looks up Paul’s personnel record, since managers can do that, and found Paul was supposed to retire in two weeks. Sam rolls back and asks Ian why a man with two weeks to retirement would do that, but we know something is wrong because Ian is wearing a yellow shirt and not making inappropriate comments. He’s working like a slave and doesn’t have time to talk. Uh oh, I knew they were evil in HR. 

 

Ian gets a call to see someone. He goes to Dean’s office, and I’m sorry, but Dean is WAY too nice a manager. He’s too polite about the 445T not being filled out properly, although he’s right about switching to Vista. That piece of crap throws a monkey wrench into everything! Ian crumbles, and I wonder what would have happened if Dean was a dick. Maybe nothing would have happened. 

 

Ian runs into the men’s room, yammering about failing the company, so Dean follows. Dean notices the fog coming from his breath, and then the sinks come on and all the hand soap starts oozing onto the floor. The janitor’s gonna be pissed! Dean suggests they leave, but Ian has a better idea. Why not plunge one of his stolen pencils into the jugular instead, just for grins? Dean’s freaked, goes to help Ian and sees the ghost’s reflection on the stall.