Recap – “It’s A Terrible Life” – The Winchester Family Business

Cause he gets up in the morning,
And he goes to work at nine,
And he comes back home at five-thirty,
Gets the same train every time.
Cause his world is built round punctuality,
It never fails.

And he’s oh, so good,
And he’s oh, so fine,
And he’s oh, so healthy,
In his body and his mind.
He’s a well respected man about town,
Doing the best things so conservatively.

I actually hate “A Well Respected Man” by the Kinks. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Kinks, but that song never did much for me, until now. How could it not? Dean Winchester, our very own Dean, getting up at 6:00 am, steaming lattes with rice milk (???) and wearing the most hideous blue striped shirt (with white collar), red tie and red and black suspenders?

There’s a spectacular view from Dean’s luxury high rise condo as it overlooks a beautiful bay surrounded by snowcapped mountains. Hmm, looks like Vancouver. But wait, next we see Dean’s Prius (yeah, you heard me right) and it’s got an Ohio license plate. Please tell me he moved from Ohio to Vancouver, because as a resident of The Buckeye State, and I say with confidence mountains are foothills and they are not snow covered. The only bays in this state are off Lake Erie, and that scenery is flat and hardly picturesque. Kripke is a native of this state. He knows this.

Dean turns off the rock music in his Prius, and puts on NPR. Oh, the poor Impala. I hope her alternate reality has her thundering down the road with a cool monster truck. She needs a break too! I’ve read lots of comments where people like the light opening, but this isn’t light. This is just as frightening as any MOTW gore fest.

Doesn’t it creep you out that Dean arrives at a giant office building? Walks the halls with his bag slung over his shoulder? Goes to his own private office, and his name is Dean Smith? I’m shuddering! Oh, but Sera Gamble isn’t done yet. No, she’s not holding back this week’s horror story. Dean is typing something on the computer, and then talking on the phone using one of those headsets that piss me off anytime anyone near me uses one. Then he talks about Project Runway and eats a salad. What, the outfit didn’t make him a wuss already? What have you done to my Dean?

The boss man arrives and gives Dean a word of encouragement. ”Good stuff, big things.” Oh, he’s evil. I can tell right now. Another evil is the “sedentary” lifestyle that’s possessing Dean to try the disgusting “cleanse” of lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup. Oh, come on, that cleanse had to be an Internet joke that got out of control. 5:30 comes and Dean leaves, ready to start the day all over again tomorrow. This is a very chilling horror story for sure.

Someone won’t let him read his blackberry in peace. It’s Sam! In a puke inducing yellow shirt. ”Do I know you?” Sam asks. ”I don’t think so,” Dean responds, very uncomfortable. ”Sorry man, you just look really familiar.” Time for Dean’s punchline, for he keeps his sense of humor even in bizzaro world. “Save it for the health club pal.”

Birds and yes, I really do think the world is coming to an end this time.

A copier, a fax machine, and a pencil getting sharpened. This is the repeating theme of the episode, just to remind us that it’s in an office. Sam’s hideous cubicle the size of a cardboard box is all that’s needed to remind me of that. Speaking of which, there’s Sam, answering a phone. “Tech support, this is Sam Wesson.” Oh God, can this boy ever get a break?

Ah the reliable “turn it off and then turn it back on” bit. They try that on me whenever I call Tech Support, hoping I’m some clueless woman that’s never seen a piece of technology in my life. When I start throwing all my technical jargon at them and all the elaborate steps I’ve already taken to troubleshoot the problem, they all end up flustered and never really help me. I do love showing these guys I could do the work of ten of them. Not that I’d ever want to, because see the size of Sam’s cubicle.

Sam’s playing with a vampire bobblehead. He gives the caller a “Great, anytime,” closing and throws the headphone off while raising his eyebrows. I’d say he’s having issues with his job. Co-worker behind him, wearing flannel and a t-shirt as opposed to the yellow shirt, looks like every single IT guy I’ve ever worked with. On casual Friday at least. Slacker wants to “hit that” and the hint is it’s an older woman thanks to the banter of “experience” vs. “tri-focals.” Apparently there’s a MILF there. Uh, if you don’t know, do a Google search. I really hope that my previous co-workers never thought the same of me. If they did, I’d have to barf now.

Time for a coffee break. I’ll admit, I was guilty of taking about two of those an hour. Corporate America turned me into a jittery mess, and now I can’t live without the stuff. I should sue. Anyway, they approach a co-worker who’s a little edgy. Maybe he’s already had too many coffee breaks. Slacker speculates uptight co-worker got busted for downloading porn from the Internet because he got sent up to HR yesterday. Sorry, but most corporations have filters that prevent downloading porn from happening. It’s a legal liability thing.