Supernatural Retro Recap: “The French Mistake” Part One

Oh boy, I’ve been dying to do a full, detailed recap of this episode for a long time.  Actually, I started this last year and found it half finished in my WIP folder.  This episode is too memorable to let it linger in WIP.  

This isn’t just another memorable Ben Edlund episode, no siree.  This is not only his boldest and grandest achievement, but one of the most talked about episodes for the show period.  It’s television triumph that pushes limits of what can be done in one story to entire new levels and in retrospect, still ahead of it’s time!  Now that Mr. Edlund is gone from the show, it’ll also never likely happen again.  

This is an extremely complex, extremely detail oriented script, and breaking it down has been no easy chore.  It’s so hard as a matter of fact, I’m posting it in two parts.  Absorbing it all at once just won’t be easy.  

Things get exciting from the word go, so let’s jump into it.  Hold on, because this is a wild, unpredictable, fast paced, really really strange trip.  

It was a dark and stormy night.  No literally.  It’s a monsoon outside, Dean is at the computer at Bobby’s desk and the whiskey is gone.  Bummer.  Sam asks where Bobby is.  Dean tells him he’s on a run.  “In this?”  “The man’s a hero.  We are officially out of hunter’s helper,” Dean explains.  Oh, that’s a new name for it.  Good one.  I immediately notice that even though they’re indoors, both have jackets on.  Has that ever been explained?  Why so many layers?  I think I heard in an interview it’s so they can have some padding during stunts, but geez, take your coat off and stay a while!  It should be noted Sam has that ugly ass light brown one on that I know costuming uses for various stunts, but it’s never really done Jared any justice in the looks department.  

Lights start flashing and suddenly Balthazar appears.  Cool!  I like him.  He rushes in while Sam and Dean both stare at him with confusion.  “You’ve seen The Godfather, right?”  “Which one?” I ask.  Doesn’t matter, I’ve seen them all.  Even number #3.  You know, the execution was poor in that one, but the intent was proper.  Still a waste of 3 hours but it had intent.  “You know the end, where Michael Corleone sends his men to kill his enemies in one bloody swoop.”  Was that one or two?  Oh right, both.  No, I think it was one.  He killed his brother at the end of two (Spoiler Alert!).  Bastard.  

Anyway, Balthazar is delighted to find a box of dead sea brine in a box of common table salt.  He sprinkles some into a bowl.  He goes on with the bloody details about The Godfather massacre and Dean interrupts him.  “I said “Hey!'”  Balthazar gives him a “that’s a boy” grin.  “You did.  Twice, good for you.”  Hee, snarky angel.  Then he pats him on the shoulder.  Now he needs blood of lamb.  Within a flash he’s in the kitchen getting some.  I love how angels can do that.  I want that power at work.  It’ll flip the bosses out for sure!  

Sam decides to ask what we’re all thinking.  “Why are you talking about The Godfather?”  Balthazar is suddenly again behind the desk.  “Because we’re in it, right now, tonight.  And in the role of Michael Corleone, the Archangel Raphael.”  Dean wants to know what he means, but Balthazar isn’t done searching for his ingredients after pouring in the blood of lamb.  He empties out Bobby’s desk drawer and finds bone of a latter saint?  What in the world is that?  Bobby keeps that in his desk drawer for emergencies like this?  Balthazar is impressed.  “Your Mr. Singer does keep a beautiful pantry.”  Yeah, because Bobby was thinking about the needs of a wayward angel showing up in the middle of the night to go through his drawers when he wasn’t there.  

Dean asks if Raphael is after him.  Nope, he’s after all of them.  He’s consolidated his strength and he’s on the move.  So where’s Cas, or as Balthazar calls him, Cassie.  Hee, how cute!  He’s deep, deep underground.  So “Raphie” (he’s a pet name person too!) has put out a hit list on everyone who’s helped Cas.  That’s all of them.  Balthazar starts coughing while explaining all this and draws a sigil with his concoction on the window.  Sam and Dean draw closer.  “And you expect us to just believe you?”  Balthazar doesn’t care, “he’ll” go through you either way.  

Before they can get an explanation, the lights short out again.  Uh oh.  Balthazar searches his jacket for something and that’s when the bleeding wound in his side is revealed.  Balthazar tries to brush it off as “Uncle Raphie” sending one of his nastiest after him.  “I’m flattered, actually, and down on my luck at the moment but that’s alright.”   That’s the fighting spirit!  He hands Sam a key, and Sam isn’t sure what to do with it.  “Run with it.”  I chuckle when I realize why Sam ends up with the key.  Best scene ever.  Suddenly Balthazar goes flying across the room and in walks angelic hit man.  He looks like someone out of The Godfather.  Balthazar gets up, calling the guy Virgil.  “I said RUN!”  He flings Sam and Dean through the window.  

This is where shit gets weird.  Yeah, that’s putting it mildly.  Sam and Dean crash through glass, landing on blue mats.  They jump up in horror and see there…on a set?  There’s a whole crew watching them.  The director yells cut and it’s Brian Doyle Murray!  I like him.  My favorite movie with him is Groundhog Day.  He’s perfect for the role of Robert Singer.  Lou Bollo, the real stunt coordinator for “Supernatural,” comes over and tells them it was a real good fall before smacking Dean on the ass.  Oh yeah, he’s disturbed, but that could also be that the reality of what’s happening hasn’t hit him yet.  Or Sam.  The stunned “deer in the headlights” expression tells us that.  The director tells “Jared and Jensen” that was great.  A PA marks the end of the scene of “Supernatural” and credits roll. 

I’ll tell ya, when I first heard that they were doing an episode in which Sam and Dean go to an alternate reality where they are Jared and Jensen, I thought that was breaching the fourth wall a bit too much.  Then I heard Edlund was writing it.  Suddenly I eased up a bit, but I still had doubts.  What makes this work is that this reality is a parody of the real one too.  That is why this episode is brilliant.  Self parody worked with “Hollywood Babylon” and “The Real Ghostbusters” and they extended it here just right.  Of course I also love how Jared explained the conundrum.  They were Sam and Dean pretending to be Jensen and Jared pretending to be Sam and Dean who were pretending to be Jensen and Jared.  My head hurts.  It’s an Edlund script alright.  

Strangely, I’m not laughing yet.  I’m at the “WTF?” stage, but still dying to know what’s coming next.  That’s about to change soon.  Sam and Dean stand up and notice how Bobby’s house is a fake set.  They look behind them more, both still too stunned to speak, and notice how everyone else are going on with their routine like nothing is wrong.  Sam points out there are no angels.  The director Bob Singer and cinematographer, who has a French Canadian accent so he must be the equivalent of Serge Ladoucer, notice the footage is all distorted.  They must have a bad signal.  Back to Sam and Dean, who still haven’t figured out what’s going on.  “Should we be killing anybody?”  Sam asks, still on guard.  “I don’t think so,” Dean answers.  Yeah, that would be considered irrational.   

The next shot is priceless, and one of the many jabs of life on the “Supernatural” set.  Five crew members are sitting down.  One is talking on the phone, one is checking messages, one is on his laptop, one is reading, and the guy in the middle is doing his knitting!  So that’s how they pass the time in between takes.  Good to know.  Sam and Dean are still standing there trying to figure out the next move.  “Running?”  Sam asks.  “Where?”  Dean answers.  

TPTB are discussing what to do about the scene.  Introduce a new guy who is a Kevin Parks equivalent.  He suggests they stop the scene just before they crash through the window.  “But that was the best part,” complains Mr. Singer.  The alternative is to reset the window, which will take about 95 minutes, so they would have to blow off the scene where they sit on the Impala and talk about their feelings.  “Right!  You answer the hate mail,” Singer answers.  Oh, I love that!  Fans are temperamental and demanding even in the alternate universe!  We translate across multiple dimensions!

There’s a lot happening in the middle of all this BTW.  The first I notice is the credits, in which a special guest star is none other than Genevieve Padalecki.  She changed her name!  How sweet.  I’m really thrilled she agreed to do this.  Second, Sam and Dean are still trying to figure out what’s going on, and Sam picks up a piece of glass.  It’s rubber.  Finally, the creative decision is made.  They could freeze frame as they go through the window, cut to frame, and act out.  Both fake Bob and fake Serge aren’t impressed with the idea, but it’s serviceable.  “Fine, whatever.  Season six,” answers fake Bob.  Ooh, that’s a little too close to home.  You want to know how many fans think that’s an accurate statement about this season?  Corner cutting galore!  I wonder if alternate dimension fans think that too.  

They move on, that’s a wrap on Jared and Jensen.  Sam is about to ask who they are when a blonde chick grabs his hand, calls him Jared and asks for three minutes.  A makeup person grabs “Jensen” and gets him in the chair.  It should be noted there’s all sorts of goofy pictures of Jared and Jensen on the edges of the mirrors.  Is that the case  in real life?  Or is this part of the whole adoring pictures of themselves gag, right?  Dean is too stunned to care, for he just realizes he has make up on that she’s taking off.  “Oh crap, I’m a painted whore,” he says stunned.  Now I’m laughing! 

Now this part I absolutely love!  The smothering, overbearing, fast talking entertainment reporter.  The one that thinks that by just being there she’s hot stuff.  You do realize us humble little bloggers aren’t like this, right?  RIGHT?  Trish Evian huh?  Ah well, she’s got the smug attitude down perfect and I could name the real reporter she’s mirroring, but I won’t.  Sam just looks at her like “What the fuck are you doing?”  He hears his supposed name and the show he’s on and takes a seat with his name on it, because he’s obviously feeling ill.

 

“So, Jared, season six.”  Sam is too busy noticing half of the panic room behind him, all fake.  “What?” he says disoriented.  “You beat the devil, lost your soul and got it back again.  So tell us, what’s next for Sam Winchester?”  What’s hilarious is Sam’s expression when she starts saying all this.  He can’t believe she knows all this!  Of course, before he’s able to give her an answer, she abruptly instructs, “Oh, and could you include the question in your answer.”  Now Sam thinks she’s the crazy one and gives her an uncomfortable smile.  It’s really sad, but that’s the way things are for real!  Some reporters really push their luck.  We’re very, very lucky that Jared and Jensen are so media friendly.  For not media friendly, look up Welling, Tom.

 

Dean is walking by the candy tray (Inside joke! Jared loves candy) and meets up with Sam.  Dean is still really put off about the make up thing.  Sam explains what this is, a TV show.  Here, whatever “twilight zone Balthazar zapped us into.”  You gotta love Balthie’s sense of humor.  He’s such a card.  Now this part triggers my full on heave of agony because I’m having fits of hysteria.  Yes, I’m that way when given perfect dialogue: 

Sam:  For whatever reason, our life is a TV show.
Dean:  Why?
Sam:  I don’t know.
Dean:  No seriously, why?  Why would anyone want to watch our lives?
Sam:  Well according to the interviewer, not very many people do. 

BWAH!!!!!!!!!!!!  That’s just too perfect.  I’ve spent three and a half years of my life promoting this show through blogging, and it’s all addressed in one quick outrageous sentence.  Why do I do this?  Somedays, it doesn’t make any sense.  It’s the same with the books, they didn’t sell too many.  They just can’t get a break in any universe.  

By the way, this little trick in fiction writing is known as Lampshade Hanging.  It helps suspend disbelief that we might be experiencing right now by calling attention to it and moving on.  A big thanks to Superntural Wiki on their “The French Mistake” page in pointing out when in the episode this trick happened.  You will notice, Edlund in this script is throwing in everything but the kitchen sink, and that’s probably hidden somewhere there too.  For any potential fiction/script writers out there, a careful and detailed study/analysis of this script will be one of the best education lessons you’ll ever get for this craft.    

Sam acknowledges none of this makes sense, but in this universe Dean is “Jensen Ackles” and he’s something called a “Jared Padalecki.”  “Oh what, so now you’re polish?”  Dean answers incredulously.  Actually his grandfather is, but yeah, that’s a long stretch from “Winchester.”  “Is any of this making sense to you?”  That’s another funny sentence.  Can you imagine walking into the fictional side of your real life?  It wouldn’t make any sense, would it?  Dean’s irritation makes me happy.  

They step outside and see the Impala.  It’s the real Clif Kosterman!  That’s Jared and Jensen’s bodyguard for those fraction of you that don’t know.  He tweets at @bodyguard4jandj.  He’s splashing mud on the Impala!  Before Dean can object, he sees the four other Impalas over to his right, including the two junkers used for parts.  He suddenly gets queasy.  

Dean wants to go home.  I wait for a ruby slippers reference, but get none, which is strange because there’s a few The Wizard of Oz references in here.  “I feel like this place is bad touching me.”  Oh, that’s good too.  Sam suggests Cas.  Dean does his prayer while Sam looks all around, still very ambivalent over where he is.  “Dear Castiel, who art maybe running his ass away from Heaven, we pray that you have your ears on.  Breaker, breaker…”  Suddenly “Cas” is standing a small distance from them on the other side of the doorway.  Dean is so happy to see him. 

“What is all this?  What did Balthazar do to us?”  “Cas” goes into character.  “To keep you out of Virgil’s reach, he’s cast you into an alternate reality.  A universe similar to ours in most respects yet dramatically different in others.”  So, that’s Ben Edlund’s sly way of saying that even this universe isn’t the real “Supernatural” TV show.  He’s warning y’all now.  Let the farce begin!  

Dean’s a little confused, but buying it.  “Like bizarro earth, right?  Except instead of getting bizarro Superman we get this clown factory.”   Suddenly “Cas” is confused, like that wasn’t the line he was expecting, and then asks Sam for the key.  Sam gives it to him.  Hey, do you notice that’s the same jacket from “Bad Day at Black Rock?”  The same pocket where he lost the rabbit’s foot?  I can’t believe he’d trust that same pocket for the precious “key.”  Just an observation.  

Sam wants to know what the key does anyway.  It opens a room.  Every weapon Balthazar stole from Heaven.  Dean’s surprised he gave it to them.  Yep, with those weapons he has a chance to rally his forces.  You’ve got to admit, Misha’s really got them hooked here by acting so much in character.  I wonder if he does that for real on the set.  Actually, he said in a recent interview they don’t.  If he did, he would get laughed at pretty hard.  

Sam goes and ruins it.  “What’s the deal with all this TV crap?”  “Amen Padaleski,” Dean says.  Sam corrects him on the name.  Now Misha’s completely confused, pulling out his line.  “Man, they put out new pages?”  The gig is up now!  They ask him if this is a cosmic joke and Misha loosens his tie, wondering if they’re okay.  Dean grabs the lines out of Misha’s hand and realizes everything he said is a script.  This isn’t Cas.  “His name is Misha.  Misha?”  Sam just grabs the key back and they walk off disgusted.  

“Misha, Jensen, what’s up with the names around here?”  Bwah!  I’ve often wondered the same thing.  Misha apparently has seen this sort of thing before and is in the background smiling.  “You guys, you really punk’d me!”  He throws the pages at them.  “I’m totally going to tweet this one.”  He pulls out his cellphone from the trenchcoat pocket.  “Ola, Mishamigos.  J squared got me good.”  As Misha is hanging his lampshade, it’s time to pause again for another pain inducing fall to the floor.  Please, join me.  

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! 

BWAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (regains composure)

Ben Edlund seems to know Twitter way better than we thought.  Mishamigos?  Oh, that’s too good.  That’s better than Minions!  Dean’s still ranting, and the laughs every ten seconds aren’t ending.  “I just want dig my finger into to brain and scratch into we’re in Kansas.”  There’s one of those Wizard of Oz references!  Back to tweeting Misha.  “I’m really starting to feel like one of the guys.”  That must be one of the deviations, since Misha’s fit in since day one!  Okay, maybe day ten, but you get my point.  

Edlund is merciless!  This keeps getting funnier!  They come across a trailer that says “J Ackles.”  Dean puts two and two together.  “That’s fake me.  This must be fake mine!”  What a way of putting it.  I swear I to this day use that phrase in regular conversation.  About one person so far has got it.  They go inside and there’s a giant fish tank behind them.  They see the giant toy helicopter, which brings a HUGE smile to Dean’s face.  “Dude, I have a helicopter.”  Now they’re having some fun.  Sam sees the fish tank, wondering who would put a 300 gallon aquarium in their trailer.  They must have built that in the trailer, because there’s no way you can get that through the door in one piece.  

Sam spots the laptop.  Now they’re talking!  Good thing the alternate universe still has technology, huh?  Dean looks around some more.  Guess who’s playing on the giant big screen TV that takes up practically the whole wall.  Jensen’s dailies!  They look like they’re from “Like A Virgin” BTW.  Oh yeah, this is where reality gets a bit skewed.  Sam wants to see who this guy is.  “Well he’s not a hunter, but he plays one on TV,” Dean jokes.  Perfect line!  This is the funniest Edlund script ever, and that’s coming off a long line of funny.  

Then Dean finds a copy of “Supernatural” magazine with Jared and Jensen on the cover.  “Oh, look at these male modeling sons of bitches.”  He holds up the magazine.  “Nice blue steel Sam.” Quick…must…find… remote…laughing…too…loud…too…hard…Ow, ow, ow…my spleen!  My God, we’re only eleven minutes in.  Ben Edlund is trying to kill me!!!!

Seriously though, I often think the same thing when I see them on the cover of that magazine.  They’re always so serious, so dangerous.  Can’t they smile for once?  Making fun of that is like a dream come true!  Want to know what’s even more priceless?  Sam finds that Jensen used to be on a soap opera.  He winces.  Someone found Jensen’s old footage from “Days of Our Lives!”  The woman on the clip is saying, “If I didn’t have cancer and I wasn’t married and I had plenty money would you want to run away from me?”  What, Eric Brady?  Wasn’t he like a teenager or something?  The scene is so bad, and so wrong, and a young Jensen has his frosted hair swooping to the side and it all doesn’t matter because Sam and Dean are disturbed as hell!  Really, really disturbed.  This is likely the creepiest thing they’ve ever seen.  All I know is I’m dying.

   

Excuse me.  BWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Dean slams the laptop shut.  “I don’t like this universe Sammy.  We need to get out of this universe.”  “Yeah, no argument here,” Sam answers.  Sam makes a good point though, their prayers aren’t getting to Cas.  Dean decides it’s best to reverse Balthazar’s spell.  That’s when I notice there’s a giant closeup of Jared on the big screen behind him acting goofy.  It’s genuine Jared!  Dean’s focused though.  He remembers the ingredients they needed and draws the sigil for Sam.  

They both decide to search “Bobby’s” house on the set.  Sam finds what they need and it’s rubber.  Then Dean finds a knife.  Rubber!  He finds another.  It automatically retracts when you use it.  It’s like two little boys in a novelty shop!  Except they aren’t having any fun.  Also not having any fun, fake Bob Singer.  He and fake Kevin Parks are watching Jared and Jensen from afar with total skepticism.  “Well at least they’re talking to each other,” fake Bob quips.  Ha!  That’s great.  In this universe, they hate one another.  That’s so true on a portion of TV shows out there.  Again, we’re very lucky that isn’t true in real life.  

They leave and get into the dirty Impala.  The plan is to make a run for it.  Dean pulls the car out and the engine squeals.  It doesn’t go more than 5 mph.  A PA taps on the window to him, obviously having no trouble keeping up with him.  He tells “Mr. Ackles” to please stop.  Dean has had it.  Even his baby is fake!  “It’s a freaking prop!  Like everything else.”  He asks the PA, “How the hell are we supposed to get out of here?” 

Next is the gate to KM Motion pictures studios.  Aww, I feel a lump in my throat!  KM is Kim Manners.  They actually did name the studios after Kim Manners recently.  I’m so glad they showed that here.  I still miss him horribly.  There’s also a maple leaf on it.  I love how that becomes a running gag in this episode (I do believe it’s in threes).  I swear during my recent trip to Toronto I saw that flipping maple leaf on everything.  They’re in Canada, eh?  Oh right, Vancouver/BC Canadians don’t say “eh?”  That’s purely an Ontario thing.  

The laughs just keep on coming!  “Clif” is taking them home in an SUV.  Sam and Dean are both in the back seat.  “Clif” wants to know where to drop Jensen off.  He doesn’t know what to say.  He’ll just tag along with (turns to Sam to get the name), Jared.  “Since when are you guys talking?”  Clif asks.  That’s the key to great comedy, the running gag.  It should happen in threes.  This is number two.  Sam calls “Clif” Clint, and is corrected.  “Yeah, of course, Clif, obviously.”  Did we ever get a reaction as to what Clif thought of this?  So funny he gets a mention here too.  Sam explains they’re going back to his place to, and can’t think of an excuse.  So Dean jumps in.  “Work on our acting.  For our characters.  For the show.”  “Clif” finds the idea amusing.  So do I.  

Time for another ROFL freeze frame!  Dean decides to ask where they are.  Just as he asks, we see the sign, “Welcome to Vancouver.”   The reverse neon glow of a maple leaf rolls by.  Hahahaha!  Canada in his face.  Dean can’t believe it.  “Dude, we’re not even in America.”  Can you imagine that’s what they both said when they found out the show’s production had been moved to Vancouver?  Dean closes his eyes, completely appalled now.  

Excuse me.  BWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  (deep breaths, deep breaths)

Okay, moving on (I let out a few more snickers).  Let’s give the location guys some huge props here.  What a gorgeous mansion!  It’s perched on top of a small hill and what curb appeal.  It screams “I’m a stinking rich TV guy so nah!”  Sam and Dean open the regal double doors, arched with some wicked decorative glass.  The entire interior is done in a dark wainscoting.  Needless to say, the brothers can’t believe their eyes.  “Nice modest digs, Jay Z,” Dean tells Sam.  They go into the two story great room that is a work of art itself.  Wow, Jared’s struck it rich!

Seriously, a couple people asked me after his aired if Jared and Genevieve really had a big house like that.  The answer is no.  When you think about how much agents, publicists, managers, booking agents, etc. take an actor’s cut of things, they’re lucky to be living in a nice apartment.  Only the A list movie stars get a place like this, and I can name a few A list stars that have found themselves in foreclosure recently.    

“Wow, I must be the star of this thing,” Sam surmises.  “Yeah right,” quips Dean.  Oh that’s perfect!  That’s for all those fans that for years have complained/wondered why Jared’s name is first in the credits.  (Psst, it’s alphabetical by first name.)  

Dean catches the giant tanning bed in the great room.  “What am I, Dracula?”  Sam asks.  Dean opens the bed up.  “George Hamilton Dracula.”  At this point, I’m DYING over the two Warhols that have been spotted in the background.  One of Jared, one of Genevieve.  Brilliant!  Whoever in the props/set design area that thought of that is the greatest person alive.  

Dean spots the bar, so all is good.  Suddenly, there’s a very strange squeaking noise coming from the backyard.  Dean takes a look and oh yeah, it’s something he’s never seen before.  “Dude, you have a camel in your backyard.”  Suddenly Genevieve appears in the balcony upstairs.  “It’s an alpaca dumbass.”  Both Sam and Dean whip around and they’re all casual, since it’s Ruby.  Yeah, right, they are freaked the hell out!    I’m in another laughing fit.  As I said before, Edlund is trying to kill us!  “Ruby?”  Dean says.  She just rolls her eyes.  That’s when Sam catches the vanity Warhols of both of them on the wall.  Hee, I bet hell is looking pretty good right now, huh Sam?  

“Ruby, right, that one never gets old,” Gen says as she makes her way over from upstairs and goes to kiss her husband.  Sam and Dean are both at a loss over what to say.  Think about how brilliant this is!  If you were Sam and Dean, wouldn’t you find it absurd that the actor who plays Sam would marry the actress who played Ruby?  Talk about a warped reality!  The truth sometimes is stranger than fiction.  I’m so thrilled Gen agreed to do this.  I’m also thrilled they faded to black with a hilarious sound of an animal squawk.  So that’s what an alpaca sounds like.  

 

I should note that there is no amount of recapping or detailed recounting I could possibly do that would accurately represent the multitude of perplexed and totally freaked out facial expressions on Sam and Dean.  Priceless, priceless, priceless!  It’s like watching them from scene to scene progress from to one uncomfortable squirm after another, and no matter what they see it just gets weirder and weirder.  Jared and Jensen have this knack for selling episodes merely on facial expressions, but this screwball situation is the crown jewel.  I will never stop marveling what they put into this episode to make it work like this.  Sure the script is a masterpiece, but the direction by Charles Beeson and the amount of attention to detail he put into this is epic too.  Here’s a couple other priceless reactions in this scene alone:

Back to the mayhem, and Dean is still trying to reconcile all of this.  “Wait, you and Ruby?”  Sam shrugs and Gen has had enough with the crappy jokes.  It’s clear she and Jensen in this reality don’t get along.  Dean covers, figuring out that she is the lovely actress who plays Ruby.  While he’s struggling for words to an unimpressed Gen, they do a wide shot of the room.  Among all the detail, you can see the pictures on the mantle.  There’s a picture of the alpaca there, like it’s their child!  Also there, Jared and Gen’s real life wedding picture.  That’s so freaking adorable.  

Dean is still fighting to guess the scenario here, figuring Gen’s in Jared’s house because…then he sees the picture on the mantle.  He can’t believe what he’s seeing.  “You married fake Ruby?”  And that’s when drinking any type of liquid becomes a very messy mistake.  My laptop, my sofa, my coffee table, sprayed pretty damned good.  We even get a close up of the alpaca shot when Sam turns around to look.  More mess.  

Sam is stunned, Gen wants to know what they are doing.  Sam covers, telling her work.    Dean tells her he popped in to say “hey” (which is what he does) and was planning on running some lines.  “You’ve never even been to our house,” Gen says with extreme skepticism.  “Well now that I know there’s an alpaca out back, I’m definitely coming back.”  What a perfect way to cover, for Gen buys this!  “Well, alpacas are the greenest animal.”  Okay, so now I wonder if Ben Edlund had a nasty run in with an alpaca once, or maybe he actually had one growing up as a pet.  “Right, that is so important,” Dean answers.  This is absurdity at its finest folks. 

Gen has to go, she has the “thing.”  Sam has no idea what the “thing” is.  “The international otter charity adoption dinner?”  So can an otter and an alpaca…never mind.    Gen gives up and plants a big wet one on Sam, while Dean looks away in total diva style.  “Well, I’m glad you two are talking anyway.”  Ding, ding, ding!  As I said before, true comedy script repeats the same gag in threes.  There it is!  She leaves and it’s the Winchester brothers of old.  They both leer at her…assets as she walks away, with Sam’s gaze a bit more lingering.  He does have a thing for tiny brunettes.  “Well, it looks like you did alright,” Dean tells Sam.  WHAT IS THIS?  A goofy smile on Sam Winchester’s face?  Oh man, oh man, welcome back!!!  You were so sorely missed.  It’s actually more of a goofy grin, but I love it!  “Yeah,” he agrees.  “I should figure out her name.”

Now, when I first saw this episode, I got a special critics preview.  My sides were already smarting from what I saw up to this point, but here, this next bit, this is where I actually fell to the floor like wet cement and completely lost it.  I mean, if I had a weak heart, this would have killed me!  Actually, it may have.  There’s a computer showing online auctions for expensive items.  Time for the wide shot of Sam at the computer.  Behind him, in the most absurd visual I have EVER seen, are two knights of armor on each side of a giant wall sized picture of Jared on a horse wearing a cowboy hat.  At the bottom of the frame, the little “Jared”, aka Sam at the computer. 

When that pops out at you out of nowhere, there’s no preparing.  Excuse me.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  (deep breaths, deep breaths) HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  (more deep breaths)  Okay, I’m, no, HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I honestly paid no attention to the dialogue the first few times, because I couldn’t keep a straight face every time I saw that shot.  As a matter of fact, I still have a hard time!  It’s easier to play the sound and then not watch.  Nah, my mind still remembers it.  It seems that Sam has found the Wristbone of Saint and Holy Reliquary from a Diocese in Mexico City.  The current bid is 109,560?  Dean has figured out how they can get to Mexico City in a day and steal it.  “Or we could just buy it,” says Sam, still ignoring that giant picture of his likeness on a horse.  I’m shocked Dean is managing to keep a straight face.    

Dean can’t fathom how, but Sam shows him the high limit credit card.  “Hello Jared Padalecki,” Dean says with a smile.  Next thing Sam is on the phone talking Spanish with someone.  He paid the “Buy It Now” price of $120,000.  Dean is buying his own expensive artifact, but unfortunately his credit card was maxed.  He has others, no problem.  Sam is in awe.  “They said it should be at the airport first thing in the morning.”  There’s that smile again!  Oh, man, to see these two have so much fun!  It’s been so long.  It feel like it’s Christmas.

 

Dean finishes his purchase, marveling in wonder over the idea of actually having money to spend.  He stretches out on the leather couch.  “Couch, TV star, beauty rest.”  Hey, this fan isn’t going to argue with the idea of beauty rest, especially when Dean gets a chance to live the high life for once.  It’s really exciting to see how much he’s enjoying this.  Sam takes a walk around his cavernous mansion, and Gen comes home.  He isn’t sure how to address her.  “Genevieve?”  “Gen,” she corrects him.  She takes off her jacket and Sam has to quickly hide how impressed he is with her rack.  I do wonder how many times it took Jared to get through that take.  I’m willing to bet several, and he did goofed up on purpose.  Anyway, he asks how the otter thing was.  Good, everyone missed him there.  Hee, so Jared and Gen both go to all these half baked charity things together.  I’m assuming that’s an inside joke of some sort.  Or maybe not.  

Sam has a question.  Does she remember the year before last, all those disasters.  She isn’t sure what he’s talking about.  The earthquake spike.  The 9.2 in Rome, the 8.5 outside Boston, the whole east/west tsunami chain.  “Yes, I remember all those from last season on your show.”  He tries to cover, but Gen just takes pity on him.  “You have been Sam Winchester way too long.”  Ouch, that’s a little too close to reality.  I wonder if that’s something Jared and/or Jensen say a lot about their characters.  She kisses him, takes his hand and takes him upstairs to bed.  He goes!  This is where I’m sure fan fiction filled in the missing blanks.  If not, I better get busy (Please share the link if you know of one).  

The next day Sam is at the airport picking up his package.  Dean is in the car waiting with Clif.  “Sorry to pry, but why are we picking up packages at 8 am that haven’t cleared customs yet?”  Dean tells Clif they’re saving time.  “Not doing anything illegal, are we?”  Clif asks after Sam gets in the car.  Sam answers, “Would it make you feel better if we said no?”  Nope.  Clif drives on.  Good man.    

They’re back at “Bobby’s” and Dean is opening the box with glee while Sam pulls out the copper cauldron.  The lights flash on though, telling them that everyone else there has a TV show to run.  Fake Bob Singer is actually impressed they’re there for the first run through before everyone else.  “Dedication.”  Hee, I’m sure that once again that phoning it in mentality happens on other shows.  Sam bolts with the expensive item and Dean talks to fake Bob Singer.  He wants the set cleared for an hour or so.  They want to do some “actor stuff.”  While fake Bob Singer is pleased about their new attitude of collaboration.  “You know Dean Cain was that way on Lois, and that man’s a real actor.”  Actually, he is!  A very nice guy and very committed on any set.  I guess Mr. Edlund knows Bob Singer’s history!  And Phil Sgriccia’s, and Jim Michaels.  I wonder if he’s overheard that said on occasion.  Anyway, fake Bob delivers the blow in a belittling way that they have a schedule.  Dean gets it, but isn’t happy, because he knows they’re going to have to play along.  He doesn’t realize what they’re getting into.

 

Coming up in part two the rest of the episode, starting with the most insanely ridiculous and funniest scene ever shot on television.