Survival of the Kindest: The Healing Power of Kindness in Supernatural
We love our show, don’t we? ‘Thank you, Captain Obvious!’ Yes, it is obvious, but why? We have spoken about our reasons on this site frequently. I have done so, too, in various articles and comments. But because the show is so multi-faceted, the reasons for my love of Supernatural and its extraordinary, human heroes are, too.
The healing power of kindness in Supernatural
We love our show, don’t we? ‘Thank you, Captain Obvious!’ Yes, it is obvious, but why? We have spoken about our reasons on this site frequently. I have done so, too, in various articles and comments. But because the show is so multi-faceted, the reasons for my love of Supernatural and its extraordinary, human heroes are, too.
Today I’d like to take a look at one of those reasons. I want to call it Survival of the Kindest. I think one of the reasons Supernatural is still on air and advancing into its seventh season is the compassion and capability of caring of its leading characters (and also of many of the supporting ones). Partly because they are highly emotional people. They often try to hide that behind a cool exterior or a loose tongue, but – bottom line – they care. Deeply. That is one of their most appealing qualities. I know it is for me.
Throughout the show’s seasons we’ve witnessed the Winchester brothers’ random acts of kindness toward strangers. If someone is in need of protection, of rescue – they are there and do whatever they can, even putting their lives at risk countless times. In doing that, they act on one of the foundations that make us human. The ingenious naturalist Charles Darwin did not only determine the Origin of the Species, but also postulated that kindness and caring was one of the most important factors that help us survive. He studied with incredible energy the emotional expressions of humans and animals, early discussing the evolution of human psychology, which inspired numerous researchers of the human soul and led to important results. One of them: we are a caretaking species. The vulnerability of our offspring reorganized our social system as well as our nervous system. Belonging to someone else (in terms of family) is hugely important to survive.
And it is appealing. When I look at the people that have inspired me throughout my life, the books I love to read or the films/TV shows I love to watch, I find many characters in real life or fiction that are capable of showing tremendous kindness and own the ability to forgive.
And that, I think, is a sign of true courage. It’s not a sign of weakness, though today’s world seems to thrive on narcissism. Being kind/forgiving/caring for someone else is diametrically opposed to the trend of the overblown view of the self which eventually makes people lonely.
The moment we are being kind, we lay ourselves open to another person. Sam and Dean have done so many times; in fact, I’d say they do it constantly. They do that with their care for the other (rendering themselves immensely vulnerable) and with their determination to do good. To save people.
When I look back at the show’s episodes, I can’t think of one where they would have abandoned a person in need of help. They don’t turn away. They fight, yes, hunt the evil riff raff down, but they are also around to comfort and guide.
In the very beginning, it was Sam who appeared more empathetic with his gentle way of questioning relatives of lost people, but only until we learned that Dean’s sarcastic behaviour was merely a mask behind which he hid a very compassionate soul. When it was called for, Dean could be just as comforting and sweet as his younger sibling.
Some of the most beautiful moments in this department were those with Dean and little Lucas in Dead in the Water or Dean’s reactions to Layla in Faith, as well as Sam’s tenderness with Jenny in Home or his carefully comforting reaction to Max in Nightmare. It doesn’t matter, really, that those are older episodes. The emotion in those scenes carries over to the episodes of today. We find it in Free to Be You and Me or Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid, and many others.
It is one constant that carries the show. Sam’s and Dean’s dealings with other people are not based on exploitation, but on generosity. I think it’s inspirational how selflessly these men offer their support. Doing that, they are not turned inward and focused on their own concerns only. No. Their biggest goal has always been ‘the greater good’, if you like. This was even more important than their own lives. When it came to make a decision like: don’t engage in a fight with angels/the devil and survive (and keep your brother by your side) or take a stand and try to save many you don’t even know… We know what choice they made.
It’s quite understandable if we take into account the ideals they grew up with and add psycho-biological details. Empathising with someone creates an exceptional human connection that can inspire us to take action on someone’s behalf. It’s also one of the most important facets that make us human – Ian McEwan calls it ‘Imagining what it is like to be someone other than yourself is at the core of our humanity. It is the essence of compassion, and it is the beginning or morality.’
It also comes with a variety of biological advantages: for instance, in recent studies, researchers found that the ability to forgive reduced stress and showed positive results in electrocardiography (diagnostic tool to record and interpret the electrical activity of the heart which allows diagnosis of a wide range of heart conditions). Furthermore, helping others often results in what some scientists call a ‘helper’s high’. The ‘happiness hormone’ serotonin is secreted when we help others which, in combination with relieved stress, are an immune system booster.
There might lie the reason why our heroes rarely suffer from the common cold. We have never actually seen them sick (not counting being wounded), so I’d assume their immune systems to be intact despite their rather poor diet. They rarely eat regularly, and the quality of their food differs, too.
Despite these medical advantage, in their lives hides a sad irony: when Sam and Dean are able to successfully help someone, they feel content with what they’ve done. But the moment they focus on anger or revenge, their mood is destabilised, there is less serotonin. When they focus on their own emotional distress, they become somewhat unbalanced, because their anger is about helplessness – which stands in contrast to their successful handling of the ‘saving people, hunting things’ turf. When they feel helpless and can’t do anything to really change a situation, their power of kindness is diminished. Desperation kicks in which can result in unpleasant handling of situations or other people (like, for instance, when Dean rejected Bobby with a harsh ‘You’re not my father’, being completely lost in worry and saying things he later regretted).
There are different shades, though. It’s not only about being kind to other people. It’s also about being kind to each another. And to find forgiveness for each other. When they hold on to bitterness, that emotion beings to corrode their souls like rust and not only renders them more or less helpless but also pushes them on the brink of depression (and sometimes even down the bottomless darkness depression can be).
It was positively palpable how Dean’s mood began to stabilise when he decided to trust Sam with his plan to overcome Lucifer. He was still in pain, desperate and afraid, but he had found a new objective. With that he felt less destitute. The toxic emotion of resentment was replaced by one far more constructive. And he again felt connected to Sam.
That connection was like an outstretched hand for the younger Winchester which enabled Sam to be stable enough to implement their plan in Swan Song and find his courage and strength to sacrifice himself to put Lucifer back into his cage.
It was the same kind of trust Sam offered to Dean in Point of No Return when he allowed his brother to leave he panic room. At the bottom of the trust both found for each other lies empathy and, well, kindness. Those are the really profound qualities in a prosperous relationship, be it lovers or siblings. They allow us to relate to other people as flawed human beings, even our perceived enemies or those we feel let us down.
Disappointment, resentment, anger, implacability… are venomous emotions. I doubt that there are any crueller or more destructive words than never or always. We’ve heard words of that category come out of the mouths of our favourite heroes. When Dean said to Sam ‘If you walk out that door, don’t ever come back’ at the end of When the Levee Breaks it was one of those never moments. Words like that close doors to our hearts. And we need to find it in us to open them again when we care about someone.
Sam and Dean have learned, through painful experience, that it is necessary to stop and think before we speak. Words cannot be taken back. We can say we’re sorry, we didn’t mean it, but the memory of them (and the painful stroke delivered by them) lives on. Both brothers have hurt each other with words. But have also evolved – they have learned to forgive, too.
It’s rarely linear. Not with them, not with us. The traumatic events they suffered transformed them, made them fragile, wide open. I think it also changed them mentally, irretrievably. They are in many ways still the same people, but – they are not. They have grown stronger. I believe that by their survival of atrocities, they became strong enough to actually find forgiveness and a tighter bond as brothers. And, I hope, they found it within themselves to leave past moments in the past and move on, together.
I believe they will be able to do so because they carry a strong, practically unconquerable streak of kindness within their souls. Which brings be back to Darwin who claimed that acts of altruism and sympathy are the ‘simple result of the greater strength of the social or maternal instincts than that of any other instinct or motive.’ And that evolved tendencies toward goodness are performed with the automatic, well-honed speed of other reflexes. It’s just there. We see it in our show, don’t we? The Winchesters jump to the help of others and each other. Another proof for me that good is always stronger than bad in the long run, because it fuels us with a positive drive and not with the parasitic energy born from anger and malevolence.
The power of their kindness, kind readers, will help them overcome whatever lies in store for them, I strongly believe that. The writers will do their best to make up cruelties for our heroes. No doubt. But because they are above all their other qualities simple, kind human beings, the goodness in them will be their strongest ally.
Beautifully put here, Jas!
Forgiveness isn’t considered a weapon very often, but I truly think it is one. It is a weapon we have against those that wish to do us arm, and it is a weapon because it can at times disarm them. The inability to forgive can also weaken us.
Dean’s speech at the end of “And Then There Were None,” made me cry. He opened his heart wide, took both Sam and Bobby inside, and wiped the slate clean. In his mind, there was no demon blood, no Ruby, no Apocalypse, no Soulless Sam. There was just here and now and what might come down the road.
It’s ironic that you bring this issue of forgiveness up, as I’m thinking about it an awful lot. My novel centers around this issue in many ways, and it will be the ability or the inability to forgive that makes or breaks the whole thing.
Thanks, Far Away Eyes! The power of forgiveness is, I believe, very central to us as human beings.
When I look at how one of my heroes, Nelson Mandela, handled his life after horrific years in prison, I am humbled beyond description.
He, who would have had many reasons to hate the people responsible for his misery and that of his country, spoke of companionship, forgiveness, a new beginning – and conquered the hearts of even the most sceptic opponents.
I believe it takes us a long time, sometimes, to find forgiveness, just as we’ve witnessed with Sam and Dean. But when we do, it’s remains a tool that eventually helps us survive. I strongly believe that.
Cheers, Jas
I absolutely agree. It can also be the destruction of ourselves to not forgive, to be unable to let go of a grudge. It most certainly scars one to retain that grudge and it can often consume that person wholly.
It’s one of those tools, we all admire it, but it’s hard to wield it.
Dear Jas,
This could be one of my favourite pieces you have written as it sums up one of the things I love most about our show and the characters portrayed therein.
For me being kind to others is one of the most important things anyone can aspire to be. Without this I see very little point to anything. This is one of the reasons that I am so drawn to these characters, the kindness they display in their dealings with others. It is often hidden, as you say behind a brash or gruff exterior, but this is what gives the show its warmth and heart.
In education today, where so much focus is put on academic results, usually financially driven, I was far happier when a child left my care to enter full time education being able to display empathy for others than being able to write their name! We tried desperately to foster a caring and overall `kind` attitude to others, far more important than any academic results and without these skills it is not possible to become functioning members of society.
I am reminded of a couple of lines from songs here, unlike me I know! 😉 From Jewel`s song `Hands`, `In the end only kindness matters` and a new find, but one that is becoming a favourite, Carrie Newcomer`s `Bare to the bone` `What we do in love and kindness, is all we ever leave behind`, very true don`t you think? I can`t think of a better legacy to leave, and I know personally that it is the way in which I would like to be remembered.
Thanks for this,
Love Ju
‘…in the end, only kindness matters’. How true, Julie. Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment here!
Just as you describe the moments in your life with children, I find such scenes in my line of work, too.
And I witness firsthand how healing kindness is. When I meet a patient, who has been neglected all his life or had to suffer from other people, with kindness and respect I notice how it reaches out to them in a way words can’t.
You don’t have to worry about being remembered in that way. You are a kind, decent and loving human being. You don’t need to be anything else. And I’m happy to know you.
Love, Jas
As someone we both know and love once said
`Right back at ya!` 😉
😆
That was such a beautiful essay. Thank you so much. It felt like a continuation of your essay on the Winchesters as modern day knights. I think the capacity to forgive is so much harder than the capacity to hate. There is too much of it in this world. And as you said, Nelson Mandela, a man that was kept in jail for so long, could forgive his captors. I would put Aung San Suu Kyi on that list also. These people have lived through so much pain, and yet they can find it in their hearts to forgive. That is just beautiful.
Little acts of altruism do make us feel good. Something as stupid as letting a car in front of us in trafic, and getting that little thank you wave, I melt everytime. I’m a sap like that.
Dean’s speech at the end of “And Then There Were None” was the best, especially after the sentiment of mistrust that he had towards Sam in season 4. It definitely gives us hope for season 7, even though they’ve lost the angel in their pocket. I’m hoping that they will be able to forgive Castiel for what he did and that he will be worthy of that redemption.
I love that last picture by the way. Sometimes I’ll watch the beginning of “Like a Virgin” just to see that hug.
You know, Sylvie, I actually wrote this article a couple of days after the one about the Modern-Day-Knights… 🙂 You got me there…
Thank you very much for your comment. There are some interesting and brave people on that list with Mandela and Aung San Suu Kyi. I believe, they are the ones we can look up to and learn from their example. And isn’t it simply moving that we live in the same age and witness their courage?
That hug is one of my fave scenes, too. It always moves me to the core and sometimes makes me grab a tissue…
thank you, Jas
Another lovely essay Jasminka. What more can I say? I love how you love the Winchesters. 🙂
Thank you so much, Bevie. You know… I love it, too!
😉 , Jas
Lovely article, Jas! The thing that I love about Sam and Dean, that drew me to them and keeps me coming back, is their hearts. They’re flawed characters and they make a lot of mistakes, but what makes them stand out is that they own up to their mistakes (even ones that really aren’t their fault, much to their detriment) and strive to make amends and be better. And they try to find this atonement through kindness and forgiveness. They wrong each other but work to rebuild trust and therefore earn trust and forgiveness.
The fact that they’ve both been through as much as they have and are still capable of such kindness and forgiveness is practically supernatural in and of itself. If anyone has reason to be angry at the world and hate everyone, it’s the Winchesters. But it’s just not in their DNA to think like that. They are two incredible men with giant hearts; we can relate to them because they fall (and often) but we can also strive to be like them because they pick themselves up and never stop loving or trying.
Hey, purplehairedwonder, thank you for your kind comment! I couldn’t agree more – flawed hearts that try to hold on and find forgiveness, go on despite the pain…it’s courageous and inspiring! And so very human.
Cheers, Jas
Jasminka,
I so totally agree that the Winchester boys are chivalrous and kind-hearted.Bobby as well. 🙂 To take on the mission of saving people and practicing kindness along the way; don’t we all wish we had a bunch of people like that in our lives.
Forgiveness is sooooo hard to give; especially when you are sure you were in the right and “they” were wrong. 😉 It literally gave me goosebumps when Dean said the slate was wiped clean at Rufus’s graveside.
I appreciate your articles; they always give me something new to think about.
Oh, Marilyn, I’m touched, thank you! And happy that you appreciate my articles. I feel honoured that they inspire you to think about some of the points I make.
It’s true – forgiveness is sometimes very hard to find in our soul to give. And sometimes it can be so very easy. I do believe that we can grow into being more and more able to forgive other and – perhaps even harder – ourselves.
Best, Jas
You got it in one here, Jasminka! If there is one word that epitomises the Winchesters, it’s kindness and their capacity for same. It’s the foundation stone of many of their other traits; courage, loyalty, determination. These would be moot without the driving force of kindness behind then.
I mean, it would be so easy (and so understandable) for these guys to walk away. There’s nothing physically keeping them in hunting any more (as there was with the Azazel, the deal and Lucifer). They have paid more than their due, they’ve given more than anyone has the right to ask for. Yet still they choose to continue to go ahead and fight the good fight. It’s challenging to try to think of why but I think you’ve got it covered here.
I love that you touched on the ability to forgive as being one of the ultimate shows of kindness. Dean has already proved himself capable of that in Season 6. Sam is no stranger to it himself. I feel forgiveness is going to be a huge theme in season 7, especially with Castiel.
I also feel that it’s time Dean started letting go and forgiving himself. He has been holding in the guilt since season 2 and has never dealt with it in fact it has escalated; guilt over John, turning torturer, breaking the seal, letting the situation with Sam get as far as it did, Lisa & Ben and finally Castiel. I think Dean blames himself for a hell of a lot more than we can think of. He’s going to blame himself for Sam being in hell as long as he did, for not getting him out sooner. He’s going to blame himself for (seemingly) accepting an apple pie life. He’s going to blame himself for not figuring out what was going on with Castiel sooner. Hell, he’s even going to blame himself for Castiel taking down Sam’s Wall. He might be furious at Castiel, but there is going to be underlying guilt there.
I think Dean has always been like this. As the older brother, the protector, he feels he needs to take on the responsibility for others. Dudes got to learn to step back though, to realise that he’s not responsible for the actions of others. He might have no problem forgiving others but forgiving himself is a different story.
This is one of the reasons I’m not overly worried about Castiel and his possible redemption in Season 7. I think he will gain forgiveness from the boys, Sam more readily than Dean, but I think he will get it. (Once he realises he was an arsehead, obviously!)
Totally agree that these boys are about as far from being concerned about themselves as anyone on the face of the earth. That’s sort of a double edged sword because while sacrificing oneself might be good for some people (or 6 billion people) it’s definitely bad for others (ie each other). Self sacrifice might be the name of the game in this show but I think I’d kinda like them to cut back on that. I’ve my hopes set on a season 8, 9, 10…
The bit about the helpers high is fascinating. I didn’t know that but it is so cool! I need to do some forgiving because I’ve a savage cold right now. Has anyone here wronged me lately so that I can forgive them??
Thanks Jasminka. Great read!
Thank you, EnchantingTim! I do hope you can treat your [i]savage cold [/i] with a bit of kindness! What a lovely thought, altogether!
Cheers, mate, get well, soon! Thanks, Jas
Thank you, Grammarella (what an interesting penname – reminds be a bit of Grizabella. You wouldn’t happen to be a cat by any chance? 😆 , no offence, dear)! I understand your personal response well, and I have to agree – we find this in Christianity and also other religions of our time, like in Buddhism or Islam, it’s only people who corrupt and pervert the core of religion – to be kind, care for others, be sincere, you know…
When I go to mass and they say ‘say but one word and my soul is healed’ i am moved beyond description…
Perhaps we should send a petition for hugs to the show 😉 . I could watch them hug all day, too. Hugz Rule! I hope you and I (and all the other fans) will get some more of those in the upcoming season.
Take care, Jas
Hello Californian Leslie! I have missed you, too, where have you been, girl?!
So nice to hear from you and thank you so much for your heartfelt comment!
Allow me to hug you back into the arms of our Winchester Family here! I hope you’ll have time to come back, soon! I trust you are well and happy!
Take good care, dear! Jas
Thank you. Indeed, thank you.
You know, I try to assume that everyone who reads my articles is, at their core, a kind person. I like to think that – in the end – kindness will be mightier than all the prejudice and narrowmindedness that keeps us apart. And I like to reach out to other people with as much kindness and respect I can muster. Sometime I fail, but I keep trying.
Thanks for explaining your penname – ha, I’m imagining you now with a superhero cape strapped on, off to defend the English language’s honour 😆
Though I’m not a native speaker, funnily enough I even dream English… and I just love the language…
Take care, Jas
You know, through this whole long hiatus since Cas went coo-coo in the head, I was dreading Season 7 because I was afraid just what the writers will do with the boys and Cas, how that relationship will go. But despite all the dread, there was a part of me that was calm, calm because Sam and Dean, however angry and pissed and hurt they may be, are not heartless, and they understand more than anyone else that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Throughout everything they have been through, they have still maintained that goodness and humanity inside them, this kindness and ability to forgive, and no matter how much sometimes I yell at them for being arrogant or hypocritical, in the moment that counts, Sam and Dean show their core of love. And it’s that same love and kindness and forgiveness that gives me great hope and makes me believe that things will turn out okay with Cas in Season 7, because the boys don’t just let anyone into their family, and once you’re in, it’s for life, it’s forever, and I know that the boys will find it in their heart to forgive Cas. It might take a while, it might take the whole season, but I think in the end, the boys will realize that holding grudges against the few families that matter to them in life will do them no good.
I’m hoping for that redemption for Cas, and I’m hoping for the love to return to Team Free Will!
Hello Belinda, I can’t say anything but – that I’m very much with you in hoping that these endearing brothers and their non-blood family will find a way to be close again.
We are not often given friendship and trust in the way we’ve seen portrayed in the show. It’s at the core of it all, despite the differences and quarrels. And just as you say, I’m sure there will be redemption. I hope there will be, with all my heart.
Take care, Jas
Ah, Jasminka, govoris mi iz srca 🙂
When I was a teenager, a long time ago ;), I saw a sticker of Garfield, saying “Be kind to each other”. It burned into my brain forever, and the older I get and the more life I live, the more I understand how important this “rule” is. And how simple. It’s not hard to be kind to each other. And the result is priceless. I believe, that kindness produces peace, and isn’t that what we all want?
I agree, that empathy and wanting to help others is crucial to survival. I’ve experienced it just recently: I went into the mountain with a group of friends, we climbed on Sveto Brdo in Velebit mountain on a full moon night, spent the rest of the night wrapped up in our sleeping bags on 1751 m above sea level. The climb was hard, but still amazing! We were happy and had a great time. Had our breakfast on top of the mountain watching the sun get up over the sea, just beautiful! Then we climbed back down, but soon realised that some in the group had trouble with the steep descent. It took us much more time than planned to get back to our cars at the foot of the mountain. The trail was steep, and there was no shadow, just grass and stone, the midday sun burning hot on us. Our water supply went low. Most of us are in good shape, but for some of us it was really hard. Now, rule no. 1 for every mountaineer is to help each other. No matter what. And when things get tough, don’t bring everybody down with grumbling. It’s essential for survival. For us it meant, help those with blisters, share your water, walk with the slowest. And, yet, there were some who did just the opposite. I admit, even I was more concerned about my own state than that of others, and that hit me like a hammer. I remember, giving the last bit of water to my friend, hoping she wouldn’t take everything, while telling her to take everything. To me this opened the question: would I really do EVERYTHING to help/safe someone? When we discussed this trip a couple of days later in the group, it showed, that everyone was feeling the same way. It was an extremely hard situation for us, some were handling it better, some worse. But, we agreed that it was a very valuable lesson. I agree, Jasminka, that the words “never” and “always” are cruel and destructive. One can never know in what kind of an situation one will be in, and how we will react. Keeping your heart open might be hard sometimes, but, I believe, it is crucial to survive… or, better, to LIVE.
Supernatural shows this all the time. Kindness, empathy, forgiveness,… yes, nowadays it’s not cool, but why would anyone want to be cool? I like warmth.
Loved your article, Jas. I think I’m gonna pass it on , may I?
Lara, zlato, kako Si mi 🙂 ?
Thank you so much, Freebird, for your elaborate comment and for telling me/us about your (in many ways) dreadful adventure on Sveto Brdo. I have never been there (though it’s on my list), but I remember a trip up to Slijeme, a mountain by far not that high, but exhausting nevertheless.
The need to survive is one of the strongest we possess as human beings. And, naturally, since it is a need, a drive, it will get in the way of moral thoughts, sometimes. You might feel compelled to sacrifice your last water for your friend, but inside hope that she will leave something for you.
And there is nothing wrong about it. It’s human. Of course we want to survive. I wish that I would be ready to die for someone dear to me, but, just as you say, we can’t know unless we are in a situation that will require such a decision of us. And, well, thankfully, most of us never will.
I had a brush with death a few times, and I know now how I react when I am in danger of dying. But I am unfamiliar with the experience of sacrificing my own life. I just can’t say. Neither can. you are so right there.
I’d be honoured if you passed this article on. I would like to ask you to keep my name to it, please.
Budi mi blagoslovljena i cuvaj se! Jas
Hvala, Jasminka! As I have said before, your articles speak to me, and in such a beautiful way, that I like to share them with my friends. Of course, I tell them you wrote them, though they don’t know anything about Supernatural and this site. Well, they do know about my obsession with some tv-show but they just let me be without further comment 🙂 Anyway, thanks for your permission.
So true, we can never know how we will react in a certain situation before we experience it ourself. And then we might be surprised. Good or bad. Well, as you said, it is human. My friend, who has been an experienced mountaineer for years ,said, regarding our trip, that it is normal to have the need to take care of yourself in the first place, to survive. It’s a normal human need. Maybe, that’s why we love our heroes, who are willing to sacrifice everything, so much.
All the best, Jas, tvoji clanci su ludilo! 🙂
Lara
Puno Ti hvala, Laro! I hope you won’t get into any dangers on future (mountain) trips.
Please give my love to our beautiful coast… I haven’t been there for too long, and I miss it.
Take care, Jas