WARNING: This one will have a bit adult language to it.
|You know what’s best in life, Sammy?
|To crush women, drive your enemies around, and hear the lamentations of their pets?
|No dammit. How many times I gotta tell you?
|I don’t know. I am TOOOOOoooo baked to care right now.
|Lucky bastard. Thanks to the Mark I can’t get that stoned or drunk.
|I thought the Mark just meant you couldn’t die.
|Or need to eat. Or sleep. Maybe. I think. I’m TRYING to be too stoned to care.
|We should like… totally run experiments on you. What if! What if we hired you out to those drug testing places? The ones that pump you full of experimental stuff.
|Why would I do that?
|Because they pay lots of money. We need funds, Deeeeeean!
|YOU need funds mortal. I ain’t got time to eat or drink.
|But I want an xbox in the bunker!
|Haven’t I taught you nothing? Playstation is where it’s at.
|That’s it! I can’t stand you anymore, Dean. This time we’re THROUGH! *storms off*
|So you saw the same case I did, huh?
|Oh hi Dean. Wait… were we broke up or something?
|What can I say: you’re an emotional drunk.
|Sorry. What does the script say we’re fighting this week?
|WHAT THE HELL?
|What was that?
|I’ve read stories of this in the bunker… a rogue flashback.
|Flashback? I thought we had those safely contained at the start of the episode.
|One must have gotten out–
|That looked like Sam in there.
|Oh no, I must be infected!
|What could be causing these flashbacks?
|Well my sister and I are going through something similar to you guys. Maybe we crossed the narrative streams.
|Nah. Crossing those streams may be tacky, but it’s not a bad thing. It must be something else…
|While we work on this, can you guys help me with my sis?
|What about her?
|She keeps doing things I tell her not to. Chasing squirrels. Peeing on the rug. Killing people.
|Huh, I went through something like that. It was also the 4th episode of a season…
|Have you tried hitting her with a rolled up newspaper?
|Sam! That’s rude!
|*gasp* I never knew you guys as racist against werewolves!
|Have you tried rubbing her nose in it until she learns?
|What did I just say about racism?!
|How’s that racist? I used to do it to Sam.
|It’s how I stopped wetting the bed.
|What do you expect when a six year old is asked to raise a toddler?
|It’s how we turned out so healthy and well-adjusted.
|…Ok, let’s go back to investigating the flashbacks.
|I’ve got it!
|She’s a speaking female guest star. Who’s come back onto the show, making her recurring. But she hasn’t died yet! It must be upsetting the natural order.
|It is rather unprecedented. Even Charlie died once.
|What about Jody?
|I think she has died but no reaper is brave enough to tell her.
|So now you guys are going to kill me?
|Don’t be silly.
|Sam, you need to… uh… you know. With her.
|Make the beast with two backs. The horizontal tango. Sheet wrestling. Enthusiastic hugging. Biblical knowing. The Dean Winchester meet and greet.
|Every girl you’ve been with winds up dead thanks your deadly… hair. Then with you being a furry and all I figured…
|Whoa whoa whoa. I am NOT a furry.
|Well you’ve got no problem screwing werewolves.
|It was one time!
|You haven’t had a haircut in awhile.
|Can you blame me for being nervous around barbers?
|Then there was that time I was stuck in purgatory because you fell in love with a dog?
|I hit a dog and THEN found the love of my life.
|With the dog. Like I said – furry.
|AMELIA WASN’T THE NAME OF THE DOG!
|Well are you totally into this chick?
|What’s wrong with me?
|No, I didn’t mean-
|fine you want to… *cough* try the dean winchester meet and greet right now?
|Not if you’ve got a poison… hair!
|You said your sister was causing trouble. We could have Sam use his… hair on her.
|That’s it, you two are sick! I’m out of here. Solve the flashbacks on your own. *walks off*
|Should we go after her?
|Nah, let Garth handle it. That’s his thing or something.
|You know what I’m in the mood for? Nachos! You want some nachos, Sammy?
|–MEANWHILE AT THE BUNKER–
|Are you sure?
|Yes. They always have to come back here. So any minute now they’ll be here and we’ll get some precious, precious screentime…
Director’s notes: It’s a werewolf episode! So what else to do but run with dog/pet jokes! Hey don’t judge me. I passed on a lot when we had the werewolf episode last season (to highlight more important flaws in the episode IIRC) and I wasn’t doing these remixes when Dean had a dog day (wasn’t that ALSO the 4th episode last season…) so I had to get it out of my system now. Usually when I do these, I get a few jokes in mind from the episode and then start writing to set them up. Then in the process I’ll get new ideas (or come up with jokes that work better) and by the end of it I’ll realize I’ve left off several lines I had planned on. Example: In this episode I had some references to Dean being threatened (when he couldn’t die) and Sam actually making it through another episode awake. Maybe the next one will give me a chance to reuse them. (crossposted @ http://natewinchester.wordpress.com/2014/10/31/10-04-paper-moon-remix/)