Lux Aeterna – An Epitaph For Kim Manners
“Is is such a secret place, the land of tears.’
The Little Prince
Antoine de Saint Exupéry
In the realm of grief, in the land of tears, one year is nothing.
One person passed away, and even after a year the whole world might still appear empty to the ones closest to him. Slowly, perhaps, the realization that the one you lost is, indeed, gone might have found its way into your heart, but it still cuts like a knife. You have barely understood the fact that your lost one will not sit by the table anymore or that you won’t hear him whistle his favourite tune ever again.
Every person, every family need their own time to cope with that new reality. Albeit you go on with your life, something can be frozen – a smile, the sound of a voice, some words lodged in your brain that the one you lost once said to you.
We all have to find a way to go on, and mostly we do, but the rendezvous with death changed us. It is a crossroads we need to find a new direction at. And the pain that crept into the soul is nothing else but the love we have felt for the one who had to go.
Only the colour of love has changed.
The wounds struck by death begin to heal slowly. But the pain needs time to cease. And as long as we feel love for the one lost to us, there will be sorrow. For me that has always been a comforting thought – that the love we feel for someone dear will never leave us completely. And by that the one not here anymore will always remain a part of us.
“What makes the desert so beautiful is that somewhere it is hiding a well’
The Little Prince
Those memories might become bright candles in our mind, and when the dark clouds of grief dissolve a bit more, we will be able to see them, clearly and gratefully – what the one we lost inspired in us, the love he gave to us, the words we heard him speak… everything that made that person unique to us… all of it is there.
Those memories become an eternal light in our souls… and it is a treasure no one can take away.
Everyone who ever had to let someone go into that other world, will know of what I speak. But can you actually mourn for someone you haven’t even met?
Is it not preposterous to be saddened over the passing of a brilliant director and producer? Is it my place to offer condolences? Is it not inappropriate to say a word or two about a person I haven’t even known?
Feeling grief over the loss of a stranger is a phenomenon I have not yet entirely understood, but experienced a few times so far.
When I heard the news of Kim Manners’ passing it struck me like a whip. The man whose name I had become familiar with watching the X-Files and whose incredible work I had begun to cherish even more as I studied, more closely than ever, his art on Supernatural had lost the battle for life to cancer.
With distinctive intensity, grace, wit and a huge amount of creativity he made the episodes in his care work and captured me every time in a way I have rarely experienced when watching a tv-show. The episodes he directed always moved me in ways I had not believed possible. To know that his name would never appear again with “directed by’ was strangely painful.
“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;
What is essential is invisible to the eye.’
The Little Prince
Whenever you heard someone speak about Mr Manners’ qualities as director or human being, you found only respect and admiration. You heard that he would not shy away from getting stung by bees out of solidarity with his actors who had to play a scene amidst those insects. You learned that he cared about the atmosphere on set and tried to help the whole crew to enjoy the hard work. You were touched by his sense of humour. He was described as a warm human being and greatly loved by practically everyone who ever had the good fortune to work with him.
I believe you don’t necessarily need to know a person. Take a look at someone’s friends and what they say about him – that is all you require. Taken from what Mr Manners’ friends had so say about him, a true, compassionate, brave human being left them.
For those who were innocents to grief, this year might have been particularly harsh. Others, acquainted with loss, perhaps knew that death tends to force the soul sometimes into a strange nocturnal silence that likes to hide all the stars that might give us hope…
But even if we can’t see the stars, we know they are always there… hidden behind clouds, but they are there. When we lose someone it is different and yet the same – the one we’ve loved dearly is not here anymore for us to see. But what he meant to us, the light he evoked in our hearts is, just as the stars are, always there. And that, after we’ve grown accustomed to the pain and found a way to go on with our lives, is, indeed, a very soothing thought.
I have only admired Kim Manners’ brilliance from afar, but his passing saddened me. I can only assume how devastating is must have been for his family and friends.
But I know what it means to accompany someone on the road of cancer when facing the sickness with courage and humour just isn’t enough. The most we can do on that particular path is to show the one we are about to lose that we love him. There is nothing more important. When a person is allowed to go into that great mystery of death with the knowledge of having been deeply loved – there is no greater gift.
From what we’ve heard of Mr Manners’ friends, he must have known how much love others had for him. And that – I’m certain – will have been comforting to him and, eventually, to those who loved him. That thought alone moves me to tears. But there is also a smile, those who were close to him will never lose him completely. His spirit will enrich their lives even now, and, finally, they will learn to be happy again… This is my humble hope for his family and for his friends.
“At night, when you look up at the sky, since I shall be living on a star, and
Since I shall be laughing on a star, for you it will be as if all the stars are laughing.
You alone will have stars that can laugh!
And when you have got over your loss (for we always do),
You’ll be happy to have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me.”
The Little Prince
Jas, this was wonderfull *sniff*
Thank you.
The spirit of Shelley’s Adonais runs through this.
Randal, you really want to make me cry, right? Thank you! Jas
Supernarttu, thanks, dear. Blessings! Jas
Hi Jasminka
This was beautifully done, Jas. I don’t know what else to say. :cry::
Beautifully put.
I do believe that it is possible to mourn someone you’ve never met, that which touches our heart is always important to us and the loss of it is keenly felt.
This was beautiful, Jas.
Nicely put Jas.
Just lovely, Jas. I know you love quotes, and those Little Prince ones are just so fitting.
Karen, Bethany, Lara, Sablegreen and Ardeospina, dear ladies, thank you!
You’re right, Bethany, it’s what touches our heart that’s important, and that can be a stranger even.
Ardeospina, what can I do? I guess I’m just trying to make the best of what my head is able to give, and I remember so many books. Perhaps someday my skull will explode, but until then, I love playing with words. You know what I mean.
:-), Jas