Women and Supernatural: Sex or Subtext?

Many women have crossed the landscape of Supernatural.  They cover a variety of types:  maternal – Mary, Ellen, Missouri; some are lovers, Jessica, Cassie; some had potential for love/lover status Layla, Sarah, Madison, Lindsey, Jo; some were manipulative, Meg, Ruby, Bela; some were ‘in the right place at the right time, Dr. Cara, Anna; andthere are the many damsels in distress.  For purposes of this article the ‘generic damsels in distress wont be a focus, however, they might get a mention…maybe.

Many fans get overwrought when a woman character shows any interest in ‘the boys, certain it seems that the CW and/or Eric Kripke are ruining the show by introducing ‘love interests or possible ‘love interests into the mix.  Ill call those fans purists, the ones who only want Sam and Dean, two brothers fighting evil, killing evil, saving people and hunting with only each other to rely on.  I believe those fans are of the opinion that Sam should only have eyes for Jessica and that Dean should forever be devoted to mom and that no one, no one should force the boys to be with women as it messes with the core of the show; two brothers, driving the back roads, fighting evil.

Theres absolutely nothing wrong with anyone who holds such an opinion, the purpose of this article is not to bash or berate or otherwise offend anyones sensibilities.  If you hold that opinion, thats awesome.  Its your opinion and by definition it is neither right nor wrong, its simply yours.  

The purpose of this article is to explore what I think women; especially women that the boys sleep with — although others will get some discussion — bring to the characters of Sam and Dean.  I believe the writers have been especially brilliant in using sex to show us another layer of the boys, you have to look for it, you have to analyze it and you have to ponder it at times but hey…its winter Hellatus, what else you got to do?

Now, on the other end of the fan spectrum from the purists (my word) are the confused (again, totally my word and sure to bring some ire down upon me…Ill take it.)  These are the fans who write Ausiello and Kirsten and anyone else out there with a possible inside scoop into the show and ask when Sam and Dean are each going to find a nice girl, settle down and start making babies.  I call them confused because I dont think they know what show theyre watching.  Now, if they do know what show theyre watching, I then wonder at their logic, I mean, why mess with the brilliance that is Supernatural by introducing something that has no place in the show…and frankly I wouldnt want to see Hollywood ever write it, no matter how good the writers are, ‘cause I just dont think Hollywood has a clue how to write it…and for goodness sakes, we know the CW wouldnt have a clue how to show it. 

There are a whole lot of people that fall along the lines between the purists and the confused and while I hope everyone reads and gets some enjoyment – or at least is able to get through 15 minutes or so of winter hellatus – out of this article, the ones I most focus this towards are the purists…it is for them and because of them I have written this.  It is because of their constant fear that the show is ruined because *gasp* Sam or Dean is having some physicality with someone, or perhaps someone is flirting with them (Lindsey is the latest to fall victim here) Any women, lovers or potential lovers especially, has only ever furthered the characters and I for one say, if Kripke and Co. treat any future women in the lover or potential lover category the way theyve treated those in the past, then Im all for it.  However many more layers and however much more growth you want to reveal in Sam and Dean works for me. 

“Its probably the most honest Ive ever been with a woman, ever.”

Season 1 Dean is fairly straightforward, clearly a womanizer, brazenly willing to suggest a carnal act at the conclusion of a harrowing experience (Wendigo) as well as leering at the lovely Layla (“Bet she can work in some mysterious ways.” Faith), yet there is a deeper layer that is offered when we meet Cassie (Route 666).  Dean fell in love with Cassie and told the truth about hunting. 

Cassie (like most logical thinking women) thought him nuts and that he wanted to break up with her, so she shrewdly broke up with him, crushing his vulnerable heart in the process.  Sex with Cassie was cathartic to both of them, it affirmed their feelings from before, allowed them a chance to be vulnerable (physically and emotionally) and showed us that tender, honest, no-lies-from-me, Dean that we all suspected existed beneath that womanizer façade.  All this in Season 1. 

Much of Deans interactions with women remained on the surface and along the lines of a womanizer throughout Season 1, theres the waitress in DITW, as well as Andrea; his first interaction with Layla (Faith), Shapeshifter/Dean ‘channels Dean and states that “Hed bang her if given the chance, (Skin), he tries to hit on Meg and is offended and amazed when she rebuffs him (sure sign of demonic possession) (Shadow).   

Dean knows what his life is and knows that deep relationships are impossible, and if he did for one fleeting moment think differently, Cassie disabused him of that notion, both in the past when she dumped him and in the more recent encounter when she said she was realistic and didnt see much hope for them.  Dean knows that superficial is all hes got or as his doppelganger in Skin said… “I know Im a freak”; Dean knows who he is and what the realities are of the hunting life.

“Wrong place, wrong time.”

Season 2 peels back another layer, albeit slightly; when a deeply grieving Dean meets Jo Harvelle.  Despite her obvious attraction and likely willingness he stops himself in the middle of hitting on her and pulls back.  This is where a depth to Dean is revealed if only but for a moment.  Some may say hes purely about a roll in the hay, love ‘em and leave ‘em, find a willing partner, have fun and go on your way; but hes not.  Jo was willing and they could have easily enjoyed each others company.  But Dean makes it clear that hes just not ready, theres too much else going on and he just cant bring himself to enjoy the physical pleasures of a willing lover.  This is a deeper side, a pure gigolo would not likely have such restraints (admittedly Im generalizing.)

Thats not to say that Dean didnt move on with his grief and reach a point of enjoying females but aside from ogling girlie magazines and the occasional stare here and there Dean didnt allow himself any pleasure with women (at least that were aware) until Hollywood Babylon where he found another willing and just as superficial individual that treated sex as something to have fun with and nothing more.  Perhaps it was fitting that this happened after Sams tragic time with Madison.  Perhaps Dean, in realizing how deeply affected Sam was after Madison, allowed himself the pleasures of a woman again as a way of affirming life (could be Im just really stretching here too).

Notice that very shortly thereafter hes transported to an alter-reality, dream-state if you will in WIAWSNB.  There he finds himself in a fairly committed relationship.  Carmen has clearly moved in with him, not only evidenced by the closet full of clothes but the mail delivery.  He also opens up to her about his pain over not being close to Sam and even tells her that he knows why shes ‘the one.  All this in a dream state where Dean wished mom didnt die.  There is a secret longing inside Dean for a normal life, even if he cant bring himself to admit it in the conscious state, not yet.

“The bendiest weekend of my life.”

Enter Lisa Braedon in Season 3, a past lover, someone who was most definitely a willing and transient partner in Deans life.  Now, eight years later he looks her up and imagine his shock, dismay, hope and then regret as he realizes shes changed, has a son … and it isnt his.  This is a long way from the Dean of DITW who cant find his way to a good pick up line (“Kids are great.”)  Now hes chatting with a mini-Dean, giving the little guy some advice on how to handle bullies, saving his life (and seeing a bit of himself in Ben) and in the end realizes that he would like whats in front of him but also recognizes the reality (again) of his life (“…this house and a kid…its not my life, never will be.”)

Clearly Lisa remains on Deans mind, and the reality of his life weighs heavy as we see in DALDOM.  Lisa makes a brief cameo appearance but we see that the longing for normalcy, a family and a permanence remains in Dean.  Its not in his conscious state but clearly it remains a part of him that, similar to WIAWSNB, is tapped when his subconscious (or dream state) is reached.

“The hero gets the girl” 

Season 4 opens and instantly returns us to the superficial, love ‘em and leave ‘em Dean of Season 1, briefly.  After a near-death experience (very near) a resurrected Dean is all too happy to grab a Busty Asian Beauties magazine along with water and candy bars in his first hours after digging his way out of a pine box and later, when he meets Pamela Barnes, is very willing and eager to enjoy Pamelas willing and forward offer (of course, Castiels act of burning out Pamelas eyes made sure that never happened.)

Monster Movie transitions us to the deeper side of Dean.  Jaime is part casual lover and part deeper relationship for Dean.  He not only flirts with her, she flirts back; something we know Dean likes very much.  However, when they have a few moments of quiet after their encounter with ‘Dracula Dean opens up (as best as he can) about what hes going through, and it isnt all… “Ive been rehymenated…and the dude will not abide.”  Something deeper is going on and Dean is trying to find some solid ground to stand on.  Jaime provides stability by playing equal parts, flirt, good listener and sympathizer.  In the end he finds comfort and some sense of happiness about his experiences post-hell.  He has the love ‘em and leave ‘em time with Jaime, but he also shares deeply and as close to the truth as he is able to as to what is going on inside of him.   

The lightness we see in Dean when hes with Jaime is the last of the lightness we see of him for a long time.  Clearly though, Dean is no longer simply happy to love them and leave them; he needs a deeper connection, even if its fleeting.  Think about it, could you imagine Dean sharing painful thoughts, memories and even fears about his ‘second chance and ‘near-death experience with any of his earlier conquests such as Tara Benchley (Hollywood Babylon) or whoever it was that Dean romped with at the opening of The Magnificent Seven?  Dean has developed a deeper need for women than mere physical pleasure.

“Youre not alone thats all Im trying to say.”

Anna gave Dean comfort, warmth, acceptance and physical pleasure, all wrapped up in a willing, casual partner.  This Dean was gentle, giving and taking and willing to be very vulnerable; not just physically.  Anna and Dean in Heaven and Hell made a lot of fans really upset.  I think it showed us some wonderful insights into Dean.  Have we ever seen a woman actually cause Dean to stutter?  Hes so uncomfortable that she knows what he did in hell that he stutters and cant make eye contact with her.  Her initial contact, when her hand touches his face, makes him flinch away from her.  It is Anna who initiates sex with Dean and while hes willing, clearly he was not going to initiate it with her, at least not at that moment.

During their ‘encounter he is unable to keep his eyes off her eyes, a sign that hes being very vulnerable, very open with her.  She is both in charge and willing to follow, allowing him to set the pace or set it for him.  Its a chance for Dean to be vulnerable not only physically (hey, naked is very vulnerable) but emotionally and this time Dean was both, virtually at the same time.  He was never so emotionally vulnerable with Jo, and while he was with Cassie he didnt have the incredible burdens and real trauma and self-loathing from hell to weigh him down.  Anna knows the worst of Dean and accepts him and offers her physical presence as well as emotional support.

I think its no accident that after Annas unconditional support and acceptance that Dean finally opens up to Sam about what happened in hell.  Dean had suppressed those memories as best he knew how, denial, alcohol, jokes, deflection (can I do my job, please) until finally he was shown and allowed to experience absolute acceptance by someone who knew all about what hed done; this allowed Dean to share the very worst of himself with the one who knows him best.

So what have we learned about Dean through the women of Supernatural?  Weve learned he doesnt lie when hes serious about someone (Cassie).  We learn that when hes grieving or enormously burdened he cant bring himself to find pleasure (Jo and in some respect Anna).  We learned that while he is willing to take fleeting pleasure from a woman that he always finds partners that are looking for the same thing (Tara and whoever from Magnificent Seven).  We also learn that while hes willing to find a partner who will be fleeting that, if given the chance, hell open up a bit about himself and seek more than physical comfort (Jaime). 

So what is said about Sam through his relationships with women?  Quite a lot.

“He was going to ask her to marry him; been shopping for rings and everything.”

When we first meet Sam (grown up Sam) hes obviously quite in love with Jessica.  They live together, she encourages him in his plans, he acknowledges and appreciates her support and recognizes shes good for him (“What would I do without you?…I dont know, crash and burn.”)  Yet, we immediately see that hes hiding something from her.  Initially he tells Dean to say whatever he has to say in front of Jessica but, when Dean cryptically alludes to the ‘secret Winchester life, Sam immediately seeks privacy and we see in Jessica and his next interaction that he is anything but truthful with her.  If that wasnt enough to convince us, skip ahead to Skin where Sam makes it clear that Jessica never knew about hunting the supernatural.  Sam keeps secrets, keeps deep, large, dangerous secrets from those closest to him.

Sam also has some good instincts when it comes to women, especially those possessed by demons (I know, what the hey happened regarding his senses with Ruby?  Well get to that.)  Meg Masters played her part very effectively trying to lead Sam along.  She too was smart and sassy, fearless and determined; she was a bit too cute however appearing in Shadow as she did (although that was her plan) and Sams instincts instantly went on alert. 

Most of Season 1 shows Sam grieving Jessica and rarely looking to another girl, sure he befriends Lori (Hook Man) but there isnt really much there other than the mutual understanding that both are rebelling in part against their family.  Hes the compassionate of the two Winchester brothers throughout Season 1, never showing any interest in another woman until Sarah (Provenance).  Sarah caught his attention, she was smart, funny, quick to catch on to the ruse of the brothers, fearless, determined, level-headed in a fight.  She also taught Sam something about hunting and relationships, lies were not a must, she accepted what he did and was more than willing to help and she remained interested in him despite the life of hunting.  Sam learned a little bit about honesty and hunting; they were not mutually exclusive.
 
 
“Dean, shes married.”

Season 2 Sam doesnt have much ‘action with the ladies…well, except for Heart.  Most of the season Sam is caught between trying to handle Deans grief over John and then dealing with his own issues of destiny (“Dad said I may have to kill you, Sammy.”)  The only real interaction we see between Sam and a female isnt until Hunted when Ava appears, however, as she is engaged Sam remains the man weve come to know; hes no poacher.  (Sam:  “Dean, shes engaged.”  Dean:  “So.”)

Sam, unlike Dean, is clearly able to have friendships or acquaintances with women.  We know that he is friends with Becky (Skin), does not have eyes for any of the women Dean ogles throughout Season 1.  We see that Sam sees Ava as someone who provides assistance to him but who he also needs to protect.  Sam never expresses any interest in Jo, BUABS doesnt count for thats nothing but demon possession. 

All things change when Madison enters the picture.  Again, as in Provenance, its big-brother Dean who nudges Sam in the right direction (mostly through teasing) but Sam clearly is willing as, after he wins Rock, Paper, Scissors he comments that Dean is so predictable.  If he really didnt want to stay and protect Madison, hed use Deans predictability to make sure he lost and Dean won; instead he won the game and in the end, got the girl.

Heart gave Sam a chance to reconcile hunting with loving and openness and it ended in tragedy.  No, Madison didnt break his heart as Cassie did Deans, Madison was tragically a victim of the supernatural world and Sam learned firsthand the hard lesson of having to kill someone you love.  It must have been doubly difficult for him to deal with Madisons request that Sam kill her since Sam ‘watched as Meg, using his body, tried to get Dean to do the same thing, in essence the emotional scenario is/was that ‘if you love me, youll do this.  Dean tried to take the responsibility for Madisons death, showing Sam love and support, but Sam shouldered the burden himself and killed someone he loved. 

“See ya, Bella.”

What does Season 3 teach us about Sam?  He gets horny.  Sorry to be so blunt but – yeah, he gets horny.  How else to explain the attraction to someone who shot you the first time she met you (sure it was just a shoulder wound, still…).  Season 3 keeps Sam so busy with trying to save Dean theres no time to reflect on Jessica or Sarah or Madison.  Sam is too busy with a demon named Ruby who he doesnt trust but cant figure out either, and trying to keep Dean from hell. 

“This is not right on so many levels.”

Yeah, Sam, you were right, sex with Ruby was wrong on many levels but it was also very understandable in the context.  So many fans got upset about Sam and Rubys sex scene but they missed the point completely.  Sam was never in love with Ruby any more than a dope addict is in love with heroin.  He needed Ruby; need is not love.  Need makes people do things they wouldnt normally do (survivors of the Andes Mountain crash for example – cannibalism anyone?)  Sam was drunk, depressed, despondent, alone and a failure (at least in his own eyes).  Sam had promised Dean he wouldnt go to hell; Dean went to hell.  Ruby, the manipulative little so and so, knew exactly what she was doing.  I never bought her “I still know what it feels like to lose someone” line as anything other than clever words to bring about what she wanted.  She wanted Sam to let his guard down, to trust her, to lean on her; she got it.

Note that right after Sam and Rubys romp Sam cleaned himself up, started putting together signs of Lilith.  Sure he was still suicidal, seeking a one-way hunting trip where he either ended Lilith or ended himself (perhaps both would have been fine with him) but he got his head back into the game.  Whereas Anna used sex to comfort Dean; Ruby used sex to trap Sam.  Sam needed the sex as much as Dean did for both brothers found the strength to forge ahead in life, for Dean it was sharing with Sam what hed done in hell; for Sam it was to try to go on without Dean.

Sex with Ruby changed Sam in other ways besides jumpstarting his will to live; he became more casual about it.  I think that once Sam had broken through barriers of casual sex once, it was easier to do it again.  Of course, the self-loathing that he was experiencing regarding what he was doing continuously with Ruby didnt hurt.  It was in Criss Angel that Sam started drinking blood again to amp up his powers.  Two short episodes later hes having very casual sex with Dr. Cara in Sex and Violence; clearly the act of drinking the demon blood (that he states in OTHOAP he hates to do) has deflated his positive opinion of himself and driven him to do things hed never have done in Season 1, 2 and 3. 

Sex for Sam with Dr. Cara was another sign of how far changed he was, how far hed let go of his moral standards.  At the end of Sex and Violence he didnt even want to go to Dr. Cara and say goodbye, quite a difference from Sam in Provenance when he went back to Sarah and gave her a passionate kiss – and theyd never even had sex.

Where does Sam go from here?  I have no idea.   Hes traveled a long way from where he once was and yet there is a sign that hes not so far from where he began.  Lindsey in FTBYAM shows us a side of Sam we saw back in Season 1.  Slowly coming out of his grief over Jessica Sam allows himself the possibility of romance with Sarah in Provenance.  Now, coming to grips with what he did throughout Season 4 and the effects of his actions, he finds acceptance and support in Lindsey.   I dont know if Sam ever thought about or intended romance with Lindsey but she did show him a side of himself and his experiences he needed to see.

Lindsey is someone who is cynical of life, something Sam never was; he was always of the belief there was a way out (remember Im contrasting back to Season 1.)  Yet, her cynicism is the one thing that allows her to pierce through Sams fortress.  She forces him to open up. And for once he does.  Similar to Dean with Jaime, Sam allows as much of the truth to come out as he realistically can – can you imagine him telling Lindsey that he drank demons blood?  Of course not, nor does that return him to the keeper of deep, dark, dangerous secrets that he was when he was with Jessica.  He gives just enough of a glimpse to Lindsey that she can see that he is repulsed by what he did and is determined to not go down that road again.  Lindsey is wise enough to know that Sam will accept her prodding if she has a frame of reference so she shows her past, alcoholism.  The two find common ground in their weakness and its little wonder that after that – and the whole Lucifer pretended to be my girlfriend and slipped into my mind during sleep and told me Im his true meatsuit – Sam called Dean and let it be known he wanted back in on the hunt.

Meeting someone who also had done terrible things, fallen in their journey through life into addiction, lost control and found a way to face it head on gave Sam something he needed; the realization that while his ‘poison may have been demon blood versus alcohol or drugs, he wasnt alone.  Many have fallen, many have found a way to rise and continue on.  Sam needed to get back into the hunt not just because Lucifer was coming for him but because thats who Sam is, hes not a quitter.

A couple points to consider about both brothers and how theyve responded to whats transpired thus far:  Both brothers grew up without a mother.  Dean has vague memories of her but nothing that would form a foundation for how he deals with women.  Dean chose superficial relations (except for Cassie) most likely because hes already experienced such grief as a four, soon to be five year old, and thus wanted to protect himself emotionally; cant get hurt if you only have sex and nothing more from women.  Remember, the one time he let himself be vulnerable (Cassie) he got his heart broke.

For Sam, somewhere along the line he became the one who longed for security, for permanence.  Perhaps because Sam had never had it, not even a vague memory of it, he longed for what he never had; perhaps this is part of the reason he committed to Jessica and planned their future.  However, as we know Sam never fully committed to that action for he kept back a large part of who he was and who his family was.  Imagine dating someone who never talks about their family, growing up, where he lived, where he went to school, would you really know that person?

Even with that as our baseline as we meet the brothers we can see that while Dean has kept much of his Season 1 ways, he has deepened and matured to where he realizes that he needs more than simple physical pleasure.  He needs to talk, to share, to talk about who he is and what he does.  Dean is a hunter, it is his life and hes not ashamed of that.  He knows and, if hes going to share with someone on anything more than a superficial level, he needs them to know too.  Deans relations over the seasons have shown that given the chance to meet and learn deeper things about someone he always shares deeper things of himself.

Sam has changed as well.  What appeared to be deep, meaningful commitment was sadly just an illusion – tragically symbolic of what Sam had hoped to achieve by going to California, leaving hunting was only an illusion for it never left him.  Over time he allowed himself some pleasures with women, at first it was to share emotional vulnerability and the chance of something more with Sarah, someone who stumbled into the world of hunting and thus knew who Sam was.  Next and more tragic perhaps than Jessica was finding Madison and entwining hunting and passion, perhaps love.  It ended as tragically (perhaps more so) than Jessica for Sam himself had to end her, and Madison knew all about what was going on and thus died fully aware of the horrors in the world.  Jessica, if there is some consolation, died unaware of the evil but for that last, likely brief moment prior to death.  If thats any consolation, Ill take it; not that it helps Sams pain any.

Ruby was Sams total departure from reality, consumed by grief he needed to feel and thus he allowed himself to feel, something, anything.  Its Dr. Cara thats the most revealing of how far Sam had ‘fallen from who he was for that was sex purely for sex.  No hint of emotional connection, no hint of love, it was lust for the sake of lust and Sam had no problem no hesitation in succumbing.  He didnt even find a room, just the office.  Then, when it was over, he left; no backward glance, no good bye.  Who is this Sam?

Perhaps the Dean we know will continue to find a deeper meaning in his attraction to women, he likely will continue to mix lust and emotional vulnerability for it seems to be more and more what hes looking for.  The joy for Dean is that since he knows who and what he is, and accepts who and what he is and does, hell likely continue to find willing, casual partners and occasional partners who meet a deeper need.  Theres no doubt that he will be troubled by Jos death and that in that last moment he realized that she could have meant more to him than simply a ‘last night on earth roll in the sheets.

For Sam, Im hoping we see a return of meaning to relationships with women for Sam.  Id hope hed find some acceptance of his hunting destiny and that like Dean he also finds a way to enjoy life a little.  Enjoying life does not mean going back to demon blood, Lindsey showed that it is possible to fall, pick yourself up and move forward, all the while staying close by to the very thing that knocked you down in the first place.

Women and Supernatural; theres sex (occasionally) theres lust (frequently) theres ogling (often) but theres so much more beneath the lines, you have but to look, a little.  With that said, and the possibility of a sixth season in our future, I still dont believe for a moment there will ever be any little Winchesters coming, or diaper bags in the Impala trunk and baby wipes in the glove compartment.  The ‘confused everywhere are sure to be crying…

Thanks for reading, Elle2.