Once upon a time I fell for this show. It was kinda creepy and then there were these two brothers…
As time went on I fell head over heels in love with both of them. I loved how they loved each other. I could see it was co-dependent and not very healthy, but I didn’t seem to be able to muster up the ability to care! I loved them too much and I loved how they loved, pure and simple.
As time went on their lives became somehow intermeshed with mine. I celebrated their wins, I wept at their tragedies, I yelled at them when they lied, I laughed when they lost a shoe.
Their story got more and more complex, people came into their world, some stayed, some died and I cried alongside the brothers for those losses.
The brother’s story got big, like Heaven and Hell big and I hung on with everything I had as the ride went from crazy to wild! I loved every journey, every epic mythic arc, every moment of world changing destiny revealed, but I never lost sight of one thing…why I fell in love with this show. I never lost sight of that, ever. It was kinda creepy and then there were these two brothers…
I watch this show with my heart; I don’t know how to watch it any other way. I don’t see the minutia other fans see. I’m not interested in unravelling the nitty gritty to find the cracks in the canon or the characterisations. My heart just doesn’t see that stuff. Maybe it’s rose-coloured blindness, or my blind optimism, but to me it’s not worth sacrificing what has become an intrinsic part of the fabric of my being, to look for those things, even when I know others see them. Love is blind I guess and yeah, I love Supernatural.
So you won’t be surprised to read that “Bad Boys” had me at hello…or rather at, take your brother outside as fast as you can… You knew that already though right? You guys know me by now. How did you think I would feel about this episode! It was all about the man I love with great big capital letters that reach to the sky and block out everything else from view. Dean Winchester is my heart and his brother Sam resides there with him.
As we head towards what we know is going to be a painful revelation, it was important for us to be reminded who these brothers once were and still are and what they mean to each other and it was important for the brothers to be reminded of this too. “Bad Boys” was an exercise in reconnecting us with what is the spirit of Supernatural, what the brothers represent in each other’s lives and what may be compromised or lost because on a tragic November night, one brother took the other into his arms and has never been able to let go.
It’s been a long time since an episode has made me cover my eyes and look away because of squick and it’s been a long time since an episode has left me sobbing uncontrollably! “Bad Boys” made me do both.
I loved the good ole’ fashioned ghost hunt. The salt and burn. The story about a kid who lost his mum to fire and who was both literally and figuratively haunted by that tragedy. I loved the horrific bathtub suffocation and the errant lawn mower causing a kid to need about 8,000 stiches. Squick! Yes that’s when I covered my eyes and had to look away and I loved the walk through Dean’s memories, to a time not even Sam knew about.
I was glad to see, that like most teenagers, Dean had a rebellious streak. He wasn’t always the good little soldier. I never thought he would’ve been. There’s more to Dean that than. He’s deeper than that. We’ve seen him slip out on Sam to go play video games and though that taught him a valuable lesson, being don’t do that, he was still a cocky S.O.B. when we later met him in high school, making out in the janitor’s closet with a couple of chicks on the hop. I’m sure, regardless of his eventual dedication to the family business and devotion to his father, like all teenagers, he had his moments and apparently one of those moments ended up with him in enough trouble that he wound up in a boy’s home.
Why John decided to leave Dean there we don’t know. Maybe he was angry, teaching his kid a lesson, trying to make him understand there are consequences to all actions, especially if you’re a Winchester, or maybe he knew that for a couple of months Dean would be safe and saw that as a good thing for his son. Whatever his reason all those years ago, I’m glad he did it, because it gave Dean a moment of normality in his otherwise chaotic life.
Dean went to school, became a wrestling champ and learnt how to kiss a girl! Normal teenage stuff. I’m so glad Dean has those memories. I’m also glad that for a fleeting moment that life was something Dean considered as a possible future. I’d be truly worried if he didn’t. Because given his everyday circumstance, that life, with young love blossoming, should have seemed attractive to him. Later on down the years, every so often he still pined for that kind of life, though he grew to understand that it could never be his and just as has happened in more recent times it only took one thing to make Dean know where his place truly was and always will be. It only took Sam.
Seeing his little brother waiting outside in the car caused all thoughts of another life to evaporate and a smile as wide as the great outdoors to spread across Dean’s face. He walked away, never looked back and never regretted it. Because of Sam. Sam was and still is Dean’s world and I can’t do anything but love him for that. In fact…this is where I sobbed…uncontrollably! Sam is Dean’s happiness and by Sam’s side is where he will always want to be, for better or worse.
Though I adored the flashbacks to Dean’s past and discovering a side of Dean that we had yet to see, it was the brothers in the present day that made my heart sing.
It was the moments when Dean was helping the kids at the home, whether putting bullies in their place or teaching little Timmy how to shake hands Kung-Fu grip style. It was the moments where Sam figured out Dean had liked that girl and teased him for it, or marvelled that Dean was an athlete back in the day, or saw the pentagram carved into the bedpost and smiled. It was Dean’s softness that was amplified as he tried to comfort a kid who’d lost everything and it was Sam’s wistful looks as he saw his big brother through fresh eyes.
It was the Winchesters, once again, calling out each other’s names, having each other’s backs, fighting side by side, working as one.
It was a big brother who loved his little brother so much that nothing else mattered and a little brother who saw that love and loved his big brother even more because of it.
“Dean, thank you”
“For always being there… for having my back… Look I know it always hasn’t been easy…”
“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about”
“Bad Boys” was the boiled down essence of everything I fell in love with when it came to Supernatural. Everything I fell in love with when it came to the brothers Winchester. Everything I fell in love with in Dean. It was an hour of pure, joyous nostalgia.
I sobbed uncontrollably at the end of this episode. I really did! Big blubbery sobs. I sobbed for many reasons…in sadness for the life that these brothers have to endure, for all the things they’ve had to give up, for Sam reaching out to Dean to say thanks and for Dean, who only had to see his little brother to know, that he could be nowhere else but by Sam’s side. I sobbed uncontrollably at the happiness they fill me with and the beauty that lay at the heart of these two men. *sigh* They’re so awesome!
Yup, I fell head over heels for Supernatural all over again this week and even though I wouldn’t have thought it at all possible, I fell more and more in love with Dean.
We all see Supernatural differently and see in it, different things. It’s part of the beauty of this show, that we can all look at it from our own perspective.
I loved “Bad Boys” with great big capital letters that reach to the sky and block out everything else from view…
Geeze…I’m so sorry! I know this isn’t much of a review, or really even a review! Just a cascade of feels!
But I watch this show with my heart; I don’t know how to watch it any other way…
Because it’s kinda creepy and then there are these two brothers…