Nate Winchester’s Remix of Supernatural 9.14 – “Captives”

Time again for another installment of Nate Winchester’s “Supernatural” episode remix. Enjoy the “abridged” version, so to speak, of “Captives.”

	Whoo! Alright new episode!
	Wait, didn’t we miss one?
	The not-quite-evil monster episode? We did that one.
	No that episode with the reformed… what was it called… had a relative that turned evil against her wishes.
	And one of you ended up unconscious. Like I said, we did that! Now comeon I want to be in an episode!
	Why weren’t you helping us in the last one?
	…Hey look a funeral! I’m going to go cruise for ~~chicks~~ reapers!
	They grow up so fast. So what do you want to do tonight, Dean?
	Same thing we do every night, Sammy – try and TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
	Mark of Cain getting to you?
	I don’t know what you’re – GHOST! boom
	What are you doing? We haven’t had a case for weeks.
	I know… I think my trigger finger’s itchy.
	Well let’s slow down. Ghosts aren’t supposed to be in here, we should gather clues and-
	BOOM
	DAMMIT DEAN! What did I just say?
	I dunno. Something about feelings and stuff. I generally tune you out.
	This is what I’m going on about.
	Guys wait it’s me!
	boom I know.
–MEANWHILE–
	Ah ha! Wait, you’re not reaper.
	Why are you looking for a reaper?
	For more of teh sexs!
	Look I’m not…. wait. What?
	The pizza man delivers sex and pizza. Reapers like pizza. One has sex with reapers. Therefore for sex you need a reaper and pizza.
	But… that’s…. didn’t one kill you?
	Because we didn’t have the pizza. I almost sexed with Meg but she wasn’t a reaper and we could never get the pizza…
	Can I go now? I feel very unsafe. … And dumber.
	Well ok. But let me know if you find any reapers. Or pizza!
	Hey, Cas! I got some pizza…
	Really?
	Just follow me to my windowless van…
–MEANWHILE–
	Look, things are screwed up and I need you to go find my mom.
	Can do. Any idea where she-
	BOOM Ha! That’s 2 for 2 now, Kevin.
	DAMMIT Dean! We’re not playing hide-and-seek!
	Of course you’re not. Because you suck at it. “Playing” would imply you guys stood a chance.
	Stop. Shooting. Kevin.
	Why? He’s stealing screen time and audience sympathy from us.
	I…. really? Despite my magnificent hair?
	Look – focus! Crowley’s got Mrs Tran holed up somewhere. Let’s go find her?
	I dunno….
	There might be demons…
	Well… ok. But no kill stealing! The XP is mine.
–MEANWHILE–
	There’s no pizza in here either.
	Oh there will be pizza later. How about some candy. You like candy?
	Is it skittles?
	Of course. hands Castiel a bag of skittles You taste that rainbow.
	Think you could you introduce me to a blonde reaper? I want to see what they’re like.
	I’m sure we can find something. Why look at all these pictures of Metatron.
	…Looks like you’re stalking him.
	Yes, yes we are. And when we find him, I’m going to toss HIM into my windowless van.
	What is up with you and your van?
	It’s awesome! I’ve got candy and blackjack and reapers and this guy…
	-_-
	Hey, it’s you from earlier!
	Cas, let me show you what humans mean when they talk about ‘bad touch’…
–MEANWHILE–
	Ok, so after thirty hours of hide-and-seek, this is where Kevin said we should check with ghosts.
	Shouldn’t there be like… demonic omens when the king of Hell is in town? Maybe we do a search on what place in the world has had a lot of those recently?
	Or we could set up this radio. What did you bring, Dean?
	Wigi board.
	…
	You know, like when I was a ghost that one time?
	…
	What’d you expect me to bring? A coffee maker?
	sets up board Oh spirits… please give us the zip code where you were held captive…
	Isn’t that a US zip code?
	Oh thank chuck, I was afraid it was going to be in like Iran or China.
	You’d think that would be where the king of Hell would keep prisoners, wouldn’t you?
	And you know there would be no way we could ever get legal passports with our records.
	Thank goodness we’ve never had to leave the country.
	Yeah. Never ever.
	Especially with my fear of flying.
	Who would even believe we set foot offshore?
	…
	…
	So, Mrs Tran?
	To the rescue!
–MEANWHILE–
	Oh chuck please make it stop!
	Ok, we’ve had our fun. You want to kill him, Cas?
	Why, with everything you know about me, would you think I would kill a prisoner?
	…Good point. Why did I give you my sword?
	Oh, here you go. returns sword
	Why did you give this back to me?
	Uh…. to…. spare him?
	Why, with everything you know about me, would you think I would spare a prisoner?
	Could… I have your sword again?
	Nope. stabbity stab
	blarg I’m dead
	Good thing you just didn’t take his grace. Then you might have been more powerful and he would still be of no threat to you.
	For that completely reasonable suggestion, I’m going to kick your ass! attacks
	Nope. kick’s Bart’s ass
	Not killing me?
	No I have a policy against killing this week.
	Sucks to be you. attacks
–MEANWHILE–
	enters building, rings bell
	Can I help you?
	boom
	blarg I’m dead.
	Dean! What are you doing?
	We’re walking into a storage facility rented by the king of hell.
	…
	Dude’s obviously a demon.
	You can’t just go around… oh hey, sulfur by the body. Guess he was.
	See? Told you I’d get one.
	(Eventually.)
	The other places weren’t staffed by demons, though!
	Like hipsters are any better.
	Where did you get the Colt anyway?
	Ebay. Figured searching for it would probably be better use of my time than waiting on Crowley.
	Shall we go save Mrs Tran?
	After you, bitch.
	Shut up, jerk.
–MEANWHILE–
	Bart, you’ve tried now like, 50 times.
	So? attacks
	kicks Bart’s ass If you don’t stop I’m going to have to…
	Subdue me some other way? Like take my grace or something? attacks
	stabbity stab
	blarg I’m dead!
	Drat, I messed up my no-kill streak. le sad
	We want to follow you!
	I don’t know…
	We’ve got pizza.
	DEAL! Wait, what kinds?
	Pepperoni and Supreme.
	Just the Pepperoni right now. I want to work my way up to the kinky stuff.