HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?
Authorities in Vancouver and the Sheraton Wall Centre are warning all citizens to be on the lookout for this white male, early 30’s, 6′ 1″. He’s considered armed and dangerous.
At approx 2:30 PDT, Jensen Ackles, an actor for the TV show “Supernatural,” committed a brutal homicide on stage in front of a crowd of approx 1400 people. It was clear to all that witnessed this shocking event that Mr. Ackles wasn’t in his right mind and snapped. As the victim made its surprise appearance on stage, Mr. Ackles jumped up, pulled a knife out of his pocket and gave no mercy, stabbing this innocent being multiple times to death.
A picture of the victim is below, just spotted a day earlier on stage with show co-stars Sebastian Roche and Misha Collins.
(Photos courtesy of @postalpixxie)
The victim, who’s name has been withheld pending notification of the next of flock, was a bright yellow waterfowl, approx 18 inches tall, had a bright orange beak and a cheesy smile on its face. There was also a message scribbled on the side of this creature by Mr. Collins that we cannot disclose at this time due to the ongoing investigation. Plus it’s naughty.
Jared Padalecki, co-star of “Supernatural,” was on stage with Mr. Ackles and witnessed the attack first hand. He was obviously shaken by the entire gruesome incident. He stood at the back of the stage the entire time stunned and only had this to say shortly after answering a question about rioting in Vancouver. â€œIâ€™m not scared of Vancouver, Iâ€™m scared of him.â€
â€œIt smelled like Sebastian,” Mr. Ackles confessed, still shaken by the incident. â€œYou better wash your knife,â€ advised Mr. Padalecki.
After the panel the perpetrator was seen leaving the venue. Authorities are currently protecting an almost full duck pond nearby. No statement has been made yet by the other ducks, who are obviously concerned for their safety.
While the crime is currently not considered pre-meditated, if you see the suspect in your vicinity we suggest you run far, far away. He might go nuts on y’all.
We’ll have more on this tragic incident as news develops, including pictures, maybe some video and eyewitness accounts. Plus on site reporter Alice Jester will give a full rundown of the panel, which concluded without any more homicides.
Update: Here is an eyewitness video of the incident. Warning, it’s pretty disturbing! (Okay, laugh your ass off disturbing).