Season Four Awards

Awards are meaningless. They’re shallow, insipid, desperate attempts at giving a shred of relevance to the most trivial of things just for boosting egos or justifying paychecks. So, that would prevent me from holding the second annual Supernatural season awards, right? After all, why reduce season four to such rubbish like I shamelessly did for season three? Easy, because I’m bored. 

So in following many of the same categories as last year as well as introducing some new ones, here are in no particular order the totally subjective and often just plain nuts best, worst, and whatever of Supernatural season four. 

Most Gruesome (And Most Welcome) Villain Death:  To quote the Kaiser Chiefs, “Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby!” Best. Death. Ever. 

Best MOTW (Monster of The Week): I have a soft spot for awesome veteran actors who can come in with some great material and show these younger guys how it’s done. There’s no villian more sympathetic than Charlie from “Criss Angel Is A Douchebag,” played by both real life father and son John and Michael Rubenstein. The aging magician who found the so called fountain of youth only wanted to help his best friends feel young again. Sure, he wanted to kill Sam and Dean in the process, but hey, his intentions overall were good. In the end though his best friend Jeb (a completely stunning performance from Barry Bostwick) is forced to kill him to save the Winchesters. Even though it was the morally correct outcome, it was still really sad.

Worst MOTW: That’s easily the brother and sister feral siblings in “Family Remains.” These kids live like savages their whole lives, eating things like live rats, yet they can spell out clear threatening messages? They know how to sabotage cars and break open trunks to steal weapons? Seems like to me they would have pulled things together with those smarts and gotten a job at Denny’s or something. It didn’t add up. 

Most Tragic Act Of Revenge: Is it Sam against Lilith? Dean against Ruby? Anna against Uriel? The ghouls against the kin of John Winchester? The rising of the witnesses against all hunters? While all of those certainly had their girth, one out does them all. The precious Impala suffers a senseless defacement via an egging on Halloween, all because Dean was too shallow to give a kid in an astronaut costume a piece of candy. Sure, he could have easily explained he ate it all in a stakeout, but Dean decided to look at the overweight kid instead tell him, “I think you’ve had enough.” I only wish the egging happened to Dean instead of the precious car. 

Best Appearance of Sam Winchester’s Hair: I really had trouble deciding this one. Sam’s hair was finally cut toward the end of the season and looked pretty decent. Since I have to pick something though, I choose “The Monster At The End of This Book.” Why that one? Nothing to do with the actual Sam. The fictional Sam however, with wild flowing hair like Fabio on the cover of “Supernatural” by Carver Edlund is just too precious. That’s what the prophet visualized before meeting these guys? Not bad. Jared should try that look for fun.

Worst Appearance of Sam Winchester’s Hair: Actually, his really bad hair only added to the overall shocking circumstances in “When the Levee Breaks.” The rumpled and matted locks worked brilliantly with his horrifying blotchy complexion. I didn’t mind the out of control look this time, for all I wanted to do was give puppy a hug. Man did he look bad. He even looked better dead on the mattress in “All Hell Breaks Loose Part II.”   

Best Badass Moment: Ah ha, you’re all thinking the same thing, I know it. Dean gutting Ruby like a fish while Sam holds her for him. The way he twisted the knife and kept plunging multiple times was one for the ages. Yeah, that’s number one on my list too. 

Honorable mention though goes to Anna Milton, renegade angel herself, who rescued Castiel from certain doom by plunging the angel killing weapon right through Uriel’s throat, proclaiming “there’s still me” in “On The Head Of A Pin.” The only thing missing after that is her and Castiel making out.  

Best Torture of a Winchester: No doubt on this one either. Sam gushing buckets of blood while strapped to the table in “Jump The Shark.” Sure, Dean’s near death beating in “On The Head Of A Pin” comes close, but Sam’s ordeal was a bit more graphic. Okay, a lot more.

Best Ending To An Episode: “Lazarus Rising,” hands down. When a badass angel with badass wings storms in and tells Dean he rescued him from Hell “because God commanded it, because we have work for you,” how can you top that? That’s exactly the type of ending you dream of in a season premiere. The type that gets you so pumped for what’s to come that you instantly question, “Is it next Thursday yet?” I haven’t felt so excited about an ending since “Nightshifter.” Plus we have another hot guy to ogle every week. Everybody wins! 

Worst Ending To An Episode: “Family Remains.” The “Impala confession” at the end of “Heaven and Hell” was poignant and tear evoking masterpiece. When they go for the same plot device again at the end of “Family Remains,” it becomes overkill and makes Dean look like a pussy. Luckily I got redemption for this overwrought mess in “Sex and Violence,” when a little too honest Sam utters the words, “boo hoo.” My sentiment exactly.   

Most Gruesome Injury: Both Winchesters took plenty of knocks this year. Heck, Dean was even in a coma because of awful beating. However, even though I’m not a man and can’t relate, Sam getting kicked viciously hard in the “tenders” by a possessed little girl in “After School Special” looked like it really hurt. It made my husband turn green. It wasn’t something he shook off so easily either, judging by Dean’s remedy of a cold 40 oz malt liquor in the next scene. Can’t you feel the brotherly love?

Best Use of Classic Rock: Not a lot to choose from, is there? However, there are two easy winners. The first is simple, “Eye of The Tiger.” An Youtube classic is born. A very close second is “A Well Respected Man” in “It’s a Terrible Life.” It’s perfect, for nothing will leave you blinking your eyes, thinking you’ve slipped into bizzaro world, more than watching Dean to the song about a conservative corporate man wear a hideous striped shirt, tie and suspenders, steam lattes and drive a Prius to the office.

Best Winchester Brother Death: Last year was impossible to choose, especially among the Dean ones, where this year there was only one! So, by default, the lightning strike that took out Sam in “Wishful Thinking.” That was quite a spectacular death BTW. Anything that’s so powerful that it knocks one out of his smoking shoes is pretty awesome. Plus, we knew the death wouldn’t stick. We’ve been fooled enough. 

Most Overused Words In A Season: This one had several, which made me wonder if the writers had a contest over who could create the best drinking game. It started simple with “gank”. Then “dick” got used quite a bit, first describing Dean, much to the ire of Dean fans everywhere, then moving to angels, which fans didn’t care. Finally, the grand champion for this season is “douchebag” and its variations like “douche” and “douchenozzle.” It even made an episode title slamming a well known douchebag himself. Which also wins the award for “Best Episode Title Ever.” 

Best Appearance By A Zombie Alligator: Ha, there isn’t one! Just checking to see if Suze is paying attention. Maybe next season. 

Best Quote: AHHHH!!! Who do I award this to? Sam, Dean, Bobby Castiel, or guest star of the week? After pouring through the countless dialogue, a winner did emerge. It could be technically considered a speechified rant, but it counts. Does this sound familiar?

“You know what screw this”¦What are we doing? (Sam: We’re hunting a ghost). A ghost? Exactly, who does that”¦Us right, and that’s exactly why our lives suck. I mean come on, we hunt monsters. What the Hell? I mean normal people they see a monster and run but not us no, no, no, we search out things that want to kill us, yeah huh, or eat us! You know who does that? Crazy people. We are insane. And then there’s the bad diner food and, and the skeevy motel rooms and the truck stop waitress with the bizarre rash, I mean who wants this life Sam, huh, seriously? Do you actually like being stuck in the car with me eight hours a day every single day? I don’t think so. I mean I drive too fast and I listen to the same five albums over and over and over again and I sing along and I’m annoying I know that and you, you’re gassy. You eat half a burrito and you get toxic and I mean you know what (tosses Sam the keys), you can forget it”¦Stay away from me Sam okay, because I am done with it. I am done with the monsters and and and the hellhounds and the ghosts sickness and the damn apocalypse. I’m out, I’m done, I quit.”   

 

Funniest Moment: Remember, this is moment. “Yellow Fever” wins hands down for funniest episode of the season, but for the one moment, that complete rip-roaring scene that has you laughing so hard your gut does come up through your gullet, nothing in the entire series will top Sam and Dean’s bizarre encounter with the manic depressive life sized teddy bear in “Wishful Thinking.” The bear even gets huge applause at cons now. Suicidal stuffed animals are made of all kinds of win. 

Angstiest Brotherly Moment:   Without a doubt, the steel cage death match between brothers in “When The Levee Breaks.” Okay, it’s Sam pounding the living hell out of Dean in a really nice hotel room, but after all, Dean did say the “m” word. Not a good idea when your brother is roided up on demon blood and channeling a lifetime of resentment. Dean offers the ultimatum not to leave, but Sam does anyway, and for once we honestly believe the relationship could be irreparable. We also know it won’t last. 

Most Touching Brotherly Moment: Oh, this is hard. Despite their growing rift, there were still plenty of good nuggets. The reuniting hug in “Lazarus Rising?” The grasping of one another in “Lucifer Rising?” 

No, the one that got me the most is the intense confrontation in “Metamorphosis.” Dean has just caught Sam using his powers in the act with Ruby present, and goes off for a while to blow off steam. It doesn’t work, for when he’s back with Sam at the motel room he punches Sam, twice! This long gut wrenching exchange, in which Sam tearfully tries to defend his actions while Dean fights his anger, hurt and worry over Sam’s actions is one for the archives. It eventually results in Sam coming clean about the demon blood and the evil inside him, something fans have been dying to see since the end of season two. Brotherly scenes are an A+ in this episode, even though other scenes are little too gory for my tastes.

Most Delightfully Tacky Motel Room: You know, there haven’t been as many to choose from. Heck, we even got one really nice one just for a change of pace. Only one stands out in my mind though, and that the bordello room in “Lazarus Rising,” complete with mirrors on the ceiling (plenty enough to break on Dean when Castiel appears), animal skin wallpaper and the return of Andy’s velvet tiger picture from “Simon Said.” Oh, and let’s not forget the red bathroom, the one that went so well with Dean’s memories of burning in Hell. One bed too, but luckily the couch had a pull out. A love nest indeed.

Best Shout-Out To A Domestic Goddess: You’ve got to admit it, how many times in mulling through an episode did the thought happen, “Do the boys ever wash their clothes?” or “How many outfits do they have anyway?” You had to wonder how they managed to survive living from motel to motel in a classic car with only two duffle bags and a few shirts a piece. We finally find out in “The Monster At The End of This Book,” for the sight of Sam throwing his “gigantic darks into the machine” just about triggered a squeal heard around the world. Even when the world is about to end and there are demons to decimate with your mind, laundry still has to happen. It’s a rough life.

Best Series Long Myth Finally Put To Rest: This year, we were given resounding proof. Sam Winchester eats. Yes he does. I think the writers got tired of that hearing that one. On top of that, Dean, even though he wasn’t himself, felt so fat he put himself through the ridiculous “cleanse” and turned down cheeseburgers not once, but twice! Will wonders ever cease? 

Most Tear-Jerking Moment: Again, there were plenty. Too many. I spent most of my Thursday evenings this season burning through Kleenexes at a rapid rate and using every fiber of my being to pull myself together emotionally to get to the next day (yes, I’m that pathetic a sap). However, if I had to single out the one that hurt the worst, it’s the one that’s most real. The sweet tribute at the end of “Death Takes A Holiday” announcing “We dedicate the entire season to Kim Manners” still gets me teary. It always will too. What a bittersweet season this was. We miss you Kim.

Best Obscure (aka blink and you miss it) Pop Culture Reference:  This season was a pop culture buffet! I think that was also a writer’s contest, who could work in the most. We spent most of this season deciphering all the references, and it’s hard to find one that stood out above all the rest. The king of references though is Kripke himself, and despite his rapid fire homages in “Lucifer Rising,” nothing got to me more than Dean being trapped in “Jupiter and The Infinite Beyond,” just like in 2001: A Space Odyssey. That’s one sick sense of humor. God I love it.   

Best Location for Episode: Bedford, Iowa, home of “Sex and Violence.”   Why? Easy, strippers. Strippers named after Disney princesses. Strippers that program people to kill. Small town rural America buried in the heartland is ruined again. Awesome. 

Plot Device Introduced That Should Be in All Episodes: It’s introduced in twelve of them actually and works every time. Castiel the stealth angel appears out of nowhere at just the right time. He knows how to make an entrance! My favorite is after zapping Alastair in “Death Takes A Holiday.” “Oh my God,” Dean says. “Not exactly,” replies a smug Castiel, who’s now suddenly right behind him. Awesome. 

Best Acting By The Impala: The girl was actually absent in three episodes this season. That’s more than the previous seasons combined. Despite that, she got some action, having Dean bang an angel in her back seat, or having Sam actually sleep back there (which can’t be comfortable). 

The best scenes though are the ones where the Impala is the solid rock in backdrop for tearful brotherly moments, and she was never more needed than when Dean poured his heart out to Sam about becoming a torturer in Hell in “Heaven and Hell.” The hubby and I loved the visual in this scene so much, it’s the logo for this website now.

Best Inside Joke: There have been many, and I spent much time debating whether my first choice, the slash conversation in “The Monster At The End of This Book” counted as an inside joke. It’s a pretty damned good slam at a fandom that sometimes takes brotherly love a bit too far. Still, just in case it doesn’t count, I’ll take the picture of Kim Manners, cheesy mustache and all, at the Kim Manor Sonny Buono lounge in “Jump The Shark.” I’m sure there’s a great story behind that.  

Best Gratuitous Scene: Sam had plenty, proving to us once and for all he has a pretty wicked sex life (not to mention fetishes for blood play).  Dean got it on with an angel, and accidently crossed paths with a male dom. Plus, they finally got a case involving strippers. My favorite gratuitous moment though comes from “Monster Movie.” Dean in lederhosen. That is all. Even Sam thought he looked deliciously funny. 

Best Behind The Scenes Story: This one comes from Mitch Pileggi, the fantastic guest star in “In The Beginning.” Since Jared was in the episode all of thirty seconds, he took the week off and went on a Hawaiian vacation. Mitch recalled that during the shoots all week with Jensen, the camera guys would tape postcards of Hawaii from Jared onto the cameras just to rile up Jensen. Apparently it worked. I’m laughing just thinking about it.

That’s all I’ve got! So, what award would you give your favorite parts of season four? Come on, share, we have a whole summer to kill.