From Russia with Love. Nah, I’m kidding. It was Canada all dressed up.
“Glorious Five Year Plan” is certainly not as bleak as the previous episode, but it’s not a bed of roses either. If anything, it’s quintessential The Boys. Homelander is lucid enough in his madness to use fear and intimidation to take over Vought International, thus making Butcher and team’s quest for BCL red even more essential. Naturally, that goes sideways.
So, before I start this, WHO IS THE FREAKING GENIUS THAT CAME UP WITH THE SOLID GOLD opener? Ah Kripke, you and I had the same Midwestern upbringing. Watching Solid Gold on channel 50 syndicated television every Saturday at 7:00. After all, I was too young to be out on a Saturday night at that time. It was family cringing entertainment. This was obviously the Marilyn McCoo solo host year, which happened in 1983. That was because Andy Gibb had a nasty coke habit and got himself fired as co-host in 1982. I forgot that they always opened the show with a guest singer that wasn’t always a great singer. Warm up act I guess. But the Solid Gold dancers??? INSPIRED! That had to be a blast to shoot.
Anyway, what we have learned with anyone that hires Butcher, s*** goes wrong when he’s around. We’ll put this escapade in that column. The team visits Little Nina, the Russian gangster that scares the total crap out of Frenchie since she’s physically knocked him around last week and too many times through the years, so yes, it’s like making a deal with the devil.
If for some reason you’ve forgotten that this is an adult show, this episode will provide a nice stark reminder. Sex in this series seems to mean certain death, and that has never been made more clear than Kimiko’s mission to take out a Russian oligarch Little Nina wants dead. Naturally, the hit will happen during an orgy because this is The Boys. Kimiko looked so awesome in her shiny dress though! It’s nice to see her like that. Even better, the genius that decided to use the song “Poison” during her entrance. Is that you Chris Lennertz? She trips and the music stops, then it resumes. It’s those little comic cues that remind us this is entertainment.
The mission is a success in terms of getting the job done (it makes sense the Black Noir dildo works as a lethal weapon too) but the nature of her assassination, taking out an entire entourage of Russian gangsters herself by throwing dildos like knifes was a bit demoralizing and spirit destroying at the end, even if the scene itself was wickedly awesome. The spared prostitutes were very scared of her, and she was scared of herself as well. She’s tired of being pushed around by ruthless thugs like Butcher who think they own her. She was no better than those prostitutes.
I’m disappointed to see Butcher go back to his asshole, “I’m the boss you do what I say” ways, but in this case, it was a no win situation. Sure, he could have handled it way better, but this is Butcher after all, let alone Butcher hopped up on V24. It was important to get access to that lab and honestly, what’s one more dead oligarch? It’s not like he was treating those women with kindness. But still, would it have hurt to break it to Kimiko a bit more gently? She’s right to be pissed.
Of course the search of the lab would come up empty for a weapon (did they really think a gun would be lying around?). Naturally they would trip the alarm as well, bringing on a bunch of Russian troops to intercept them, but did anyone call the alarm being triggered a suped up hamster? Nah, that’s par for the course. That does sound like this show! Jamie the hamster obviously liked the adoration from MM, Kimiko and Frenchie before his jailbreak considering he ended up eating a Russian solider’s face rather than attack them. Animals are a lot smarter than they look! Yes, I was quoting Monty Python and The Holy Grail when Jamie was flying around drilling through skulls. Best killer furry animal since the killer rabbit.
In the middle of all that pandemonium, Butcher reveals his powers to the team by slicing through Russians with his eyes, much to their horror, then Hughie reveals that he has powers too and teleports, much to everyone’s horror. Et tu Hughie? There’s a twist to his teleportation power though, clothes don’t go with you! They go flying in the air as you move. So Hughie impales a bad guy completely buck naked. Again, that’s so this show. Things are just freaking nuts right now, and they haven’t even gotten to the big reveal yet!
Alright, since we are Supernatural fans on this forum, not mentioning this is ignoring the elephant in the room. Let’s just say, Hughie wasn’t the only one buck naked. That collective gasp, the earth titling off of its axis the night this aired, was millions of fan girls losing their s*** over finally getting to see Jensen’s bare ass. It’s immaculate, just like we all though it would be. Eric Kripke called it, Jensen’s ass broke the internet.
Butcher with his unnatural super strength opens the big tank holding BCL red just to find out it’s a still alive Solider Boy. He unhooks himself from lots of tubes and wires, comes out of the tank all dazed and confused with long hair and long beard, no clothes, and blasts a massive explosion out of his chest. Kimiko, being the true hero in the room, jumps in front and takes the brunt of the blast, getting critically injured in the process. Soldier Boy runs off naked, and there’s no camera following him? Rats.
So…did anything else happen this episode? Oh right, Homelander. He’s off the rails, worse than before. He shows up at Hughie and Starlight’s apartment, and his God complex this week gives him the right to ask Hughie if his girlfriend is a good f***. Yep, that’s about the worst thing a bully tries to do to get you mad. He signs Hughie’s cast, and that hopelessness again consumes Hughie as Annie flashes the eyes in retaliation. Homelander backs down, but this becomes important for later, when Hughie sees Butcher doping up on the V24. He needs something to make him feel powerful and takes it too without Butcher knowing. Hughie’s getting desperate!
Homelander scores the big coup, the removal of Stan Edgar from Vought, turning evidence against him to of all people Victoria Neuman. Edgar is surprised, but holds an icy, steely front with Homelander later that’s just freaking awesome. Sure it was a betrayal by Victoria, but he conceded he taught her to play all options. He left the tower refusing to quiver or bow to Homelander and even went as bold to predict his failure right to his face. There would be no one there to clean up his messes anymore. He even got to deliver the most precious final burn, Homelander isn’t worthy of his respect. “You are not a God, you are simply bad product.” With that Stan leaves, but I hope that isn’t the last we see of him. Despite his evil ways, he’s still the only person not afraid of Homelander.
As for Victoria Neuman, she played into Homelander’s hands, betraying Edgar instead of going with his plan to reprimand Homelander, just to get some Compound V. It’s hard to watch her daughter scream in agony when she injected her with the V, and it brings up another moral dilemma. All those parents let their children take that so they could become supes? What shitty parents. As we saw with Starlight, her mother did it to project her idea of success on her daughter. It’s sad that Vicky, like Hughie, thinks that only Compound V will make someone powerful and confident. She isn’t giving her daughter that choice! As we are starting to find out, the drug brings out the real person. Looks like she and Hughie are very insecure.
Elsewhere in plans destined to fail, Starlight forms an alliance against Homelander, starting with new guy Supersonic. He’s on board, but Starlight forgot to give him the fresh gossip that none of the others outside of Maeve can be trusted. She really, really should have told him that A-Train is a rotten backstabber. That would have saved his life. It’s horrific to watch Homelander resort to graphic violence to make his point to Starlight, but it’s not like she didn’t see the risk. I really thought they would have kept Supersonic around longer for his dance moves, but no, he was chosen just for Homelander to get back at Starlight. He threatens Hughie will be next if she steps out of line, but we know that won’t keep her down, despite her heart crushing tears.
F*** you A-Train. That’s all I’ve got to say. Your ad sucked BTW.
This is the best Black Noir shot ever. It’s Taco Tuesday at Vought tower (yes, I know it really wasn’t Taco Tuesday).
WTF is up with Ashley these days? She has certainly allowed her more vulgar side to come through. She’s taking cues from Homelander, even using his line, “Is your idiot brain being f***ed by stupid?” Oh, but this time it’s a way to “punish” Cameron Coleman for bad copy. He sees the ginormous size of the Homelander strap-on and says yes? Oh wow, that is a man who loves punishment. He’s working for the right company.
It was really sweet to see The Boys get a trip to Russia on a private plane. It felt like the last luxurious reprieve before being sent out to slaughter, but at least they had that moment to cherish.
Did I mention Jensen Ackles’ ass broke the internet? I just thought it was worthy of a revisit.
Overall grade, a B+. Up next, Soldier Boy in action!
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Catch up on all of Alice’s Reviews on The Boys and Supernatural, listed on her Writer’s Page.