Let’s Speculate: Supernatural 12.15 “Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell”

Hellhounds!  Angels on the hunt!  Men of Letters drama! 

 

This is your friendly neighborhood WFB admin filling in this week for Bookdal, who was thankfully spared from having to recap this glacially paced, completely awkward, totally filler episode.  I’ve tried to keep tonights spec to the recap, but if you see small outbursts here and there, it’s just because I couldn’t take it anymore. That and my DVR cut out in a couple of parts.  

 

So here we go into that murky abyss of “Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell.”  

 

Sheridan County, Nebraska.  A generic camping couple watch videos on their phone, going totally against the rules of nature, and talk about how she’s going off to Washington for a while.  He goes off for firewood, rehearsing his proposal, when a hellhound comes a growling.  The beast mauls the dude and goes for the girl, who chops the hound with an axe and runs away.  

 

Dean and Sam enter the MOL library, Dean all bloody and carrying one messy baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire (ETA: credit to SamandDean10 for pointing out it was a total shoutout to JDM’s Negan bat from “The Walking Dead”). Sam mentions things about how Dean’s got ghoul all over him and a piece of siren in his hair.  Oh, and Dean smells since it’s been four days.  Yep, Dean is on cloud nine.  Dean starts flinging pieces of flesh around and an awkward conversation about dirty underwear ensues before Sam takes a call.  They have another case and Sam claims he’s been getting these cases from a computer algorithm he’s configured.  Liar, liar pants on fire!  Dean buys it and wisely agrees to a shower before they move on. 

 

While Sam and Dean take their case, we see Castiel!  It’s Cas!  We’ve missed you buddy.  He’s in Idaho because someone is killing angels…again.  Castiel tries the FBI thing and the manager takes him to the back.  He’s a conspiracy nut job who thinks his waitress was eaten by reptilians, but has a tape.  He should have blamed the potatoheads!  Kelli is on the tape.  Then my DVR cuts out and I really can’t tell you what happens, but Castiel leaves.  

 

Sam and Dean are at the camping scene and get the story about the “invisible wolf” from the local sheriff.  They visit the Gwen, the lady from the campground earlier, at her house and a hellhound is watching!  Agents Baker and Clapton (Cream, really?) enter the house followed by the hellhound.  They give her the bogus “bear” story and she doesn’t buy it.  She orders them out but the hound is in the house watching.  It’s not attacking though.  

 

Commercials for the two hour “Vampire Diaries” series finale tomorrow night.  Hopefully your DVRs are ready!  They’re promising closure for everyone.  I need closure dammit!  

 

Hellhound is still watching Gwen.  It scratches, she screams and runs, and Dean comes in guns blazing.  Sam tends to the girl while Dean watches the hound flee out the window.  Where is this going? 

 

Crowley and Lucifer are still engaged in evil small talk, aka Crowley taunts and Lucifer threatens Crowley with gruesome bodily harm.  Yada, yada, there’s a knock on the door.  It’s minions with bureaucratic needs and man am not interested.  I though we were beyond this. 

 

Sam and Dean explain to Gwen that a hellhound is after her and it’s obvious to her they aren’t cops.  They ask if she made a deal ten years ago.  Nope.  So they know who to call next. 

 

Crowley is back at bureaucracy central getting the spiel and takes the call from “Not Moose.”  Crowley is still mad about Gavin.  He asks the minions if there’s something they’re not telling him and they find out one of the hounds got out, Ramsey.  He instantly arrives at the apartment. 

 

Castiel meet another angel who proposes they work together. 

 

Back to Sam, Dean, Gwen, and Crowley.  Man, a bit jumpy much in between scenes?  Talk about short attention span theater.  Crowley explains that the hound that got out was saved by Lucifer and is only loyal to Lucifer.  So why is she killing young innocents?  Gwen hit her with an axe.  She is holding a grudge.  So does this mean her boyfriend made a deal?  Am I really caring about these details at this point?  

 

The stupid minions find Lucifer.  How can Crowley be this effing careless?? It makes no freaking sense!!!  Gah!!!  We are only at the half way point?  

 

Ahem, back to business.  The stupid minions pledge allegiance to Lucifer.  They claim they released the hound.  They brought the key but have some demands.  

 

Back to Sam, Dean, Crowley, and Gwen, who are out in the woods now.  They’ve got the horn rimmed hell hound glasses from season eight!  Sam and Gwen drive off while Crowley and Dean take woods duty on foot.  Okay. 

 

Back to Castiel.  He and other angel are sharing water at the bar?  They can’t pretend to have a beer or something?  Other angel is trying to recruit Castiel to come back to Heaven.  He promises his sins can be forgiven.  He’ll be welcome if he helps with Kelly Kline.  Who’s making these promises?  Joshua!  Remember Joshua?  The angel in the garden from “Dark Side of the Moon?”  They are really digging into the archives these last few episodes, aren’t they? 

 

Dumb ass minions make a deal with Lucifer who promptly obliterates them both, and suddenly we have the best part of the whole episode so far.  That’s not saying much.  

 

Dean and Crowley walk through the woods talking about who rubbed off of who.  Desperate for material much?  

 

Sam and Gwen are in the car she has him pull over.  

 

Back to Dean and Crowley.  I’m getting seasick with all this jumping around here!  Gwen talks about lying, making things easier, blah, blah, blah, DVR cuts out for a few seconds and the Sam can see the hellhound with his superglasses.  She smashes up Baby (you bitch!) and Sam grabs a knife.  Let’s just say a fight ensues and Sam eventually kills the beast.  For those keeping track in the hellhound killing pool for the series, that’s Sam Winchester 2, Hellhound 0.  

 

Dean berates Sam for the car and Gwen hugs Crowley.  Then Sam thanks Crowley.  Yeah, things get that weird.  Crowley goes back and finds Lucifer gone.  Lucifer is on the throne and hits Crowley.  Luci pulls the wing bit but Crowley somehow manages to disable Lucifer anyway.  Turns out, Crowley did something to Lucifer’s Nick vessel that renders him powerless.  Okay, that’s clever.  So not worth the wait, but clever.  

 

Castiel tells Sam and Dean about Dagon, who has Kelli and is known for her savagery.  Good times!  Then Castiel is see at the playground gate going to Heaven with the other angel.  Interesting.  

 

Back to Sam and Dean and Sam gets a call from Mick.  He confesses he doesn’t have a computer program, he’s been getting his cases from the BMOL.  He apologizes to Dean, who then agrees that it’s not a bad idea.  “We work with people we don’t trust all the time.  Heck, I just Liam Nessoned it with Crowley.”  The rule is, the second something seems off, they bail.  Oh, yeah, like it’s ever been that simple!  Sam agrees and takes the call.  

 

So, yeah, um, not impressed.  But that’s just me.  What do you all think?  Here’s some questions to ponder:

 

 

Bookdal will be back next episode with her usual, excellent, very neutral commentary.  I really, really admire her ability to do that!