Remembering Amanda: A Mother’s Special Message of Thanks to Supernatural
I’ve been very fortunate throughout the years to hear from numerous fans how Supernatural has inspired them and changed their lives in some amazing way. All these stories have touched me for years and I never tire of hearing them. However, ones come along once in a while that leave me especially teary and remind me how "Supernatural" inspires us all in different ways.
I was contacted by a fellow Buckeye state resident, Mindi Wynne, who after five years was looking for a bit of closure. Her daughter Amanda died on Christmas Day 2007 from a rare form of cancer. Amanda was a huge "Supernatural" fan and used the show as a source of inspiration and strength to get through her illness. Mindi told me she was confused when Amanda told her she hoped her reaper was hot. Mindi knew nothing about the show, but as a "Supernatural" fan that comment made me smile.
Mindi has written a heartfelt letter to Jensen, Jared, and the Crew of "Supernatural" as a thanks for making a difference in Amanda’s life. She has given me permission to share it here. After all, Memorial Day doesn’t have to be just for soldiers. Everyday heroes count as well.
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Dear Jensen, Jared, Cast and Crew,
Please bear with me as I ramble through the reason for my long letter. I don’t think I’m exactly a “fan” of Supernatural, but I am a mom who has a great deal of admiration for all of you and I would like to share my reason why.
I’m a mom who has never really watched anything on the WB, and when I see Jensen Ackles my mind automatically goes to Eric Brady. My husband and I don’t watch much television, we don’t even have cable, and I’m not impressed by celebrities or “Hollywood” (no offense, it’s just another form of employment). I’m a former firefighter, I’m a volunteer Emergency Medical Technician and a full time Crisis Intervention Specialist. I’m the second generation of disaster responders and have seen and faced all kinds of tragedies and traumas in the past years of business and personal life. Since the age of ten I’ve been to tornadoes, hurricanes, floods, fires, accidents, and I’ve seen numerous fatalities. As recently mentioned in your show, I “do my job with a smile” and I do what I do and am who I am because of the hard experiences I have been blessed with. However, nothing in my experiences could have ever prepared me for the hardest, most difficult personal crisis that my family and I could have ever faced.
In September, 2005 my 21-year-old daughter Amanda was diagnosed with an extremely rare and terminal form of cancer called Gardner’s Syndrome. At the time, the statistics showed that only 1:800,000 people were diagnosed with this disease and we had no idea how long she had to live. Only two hospitals in the USA treated this disease – John’s Hopkins and The Cleveland Clinic. Because we live in Ohio we opted for Cleveland Clinic, which is still 5 hours from our little suburb west of Dayton. She spent most of the next two years there. Needless to say, from the time she was diagnosed things were quite difficult. We traveled to Cleveland a lot and we did the best we could to keep Amanda happy, which meant allowing things we normally would not allow. One day, while sitting in her room, I noticed that Amanda was wearing one of those “WWJD” wristbands, which struck me as really odd because we are a moderately religious Jewish family. I hesitated, but I eventually had to ask, “Are you scoping out various religions to help you understand what’s going on?” and after a minute of being puzzled, Amanda realized I was asking about the wristband and laughed “No, mom, that’s not ‘What would Jesus do, it stands for ‘What would Jared or Jensen do’.” And that wristband stayed on her until the day she died.
So of course, I had to wonder “Who the hell are Jared and Jensen?” She told me about this show she started watching each week while she was in the hospital. It was something new about two brothers and a lot of occult stuff. I guess she thought it would spark my interest because I had studied Parapsychology and Metaphysics in the past and I worked with the local police department for a while to learn quite a bit about Occultism. But, this being a tv show, I just wasn’t terribly interested. As time went on, it was clear to see that Supernatural was Amanda’s favorite show so I would ask her about it periodically just to have something to chat about. Posters started showing up on her bedroom walls and bizarre “protection” symbols were doodled on napkins and scrap paper. When the time came in 2007 to move her to a hospice back home in Dayton, we had planned for an ambulance to pick her up on December 13th but Amanda was not about to take that trip because she was afraid she would miss “A Very Supernatural Christmas.” Postponing that trip so that she could watch the show was one of Amanda’s happiest last moments. Amanda died on Christmas day of 2007.
Before she died, while at the hospice, we talked a lot about death. At one point I had to ask her if she was scared and she had a very matter-of-fact response, “Of course I’m scared, but Dean Winchester is dying, too, and he’s also scared but won’t admit it. At least I’m not going to hell.” I guess, like most 20-somethings, she had totally embraced the show and somehow it helped her get by. As long as the characters were safe, so was she and death was ok.
So a couple years later, I decided that I finally had to get rid of some of the old doodles, the posters of Jared and Jensen, and the pile of magazines that she had accumulated and stored with pictures and interviews (there was also a lot of stuff, including a notebook of poems she had written, about a guy named Dean from Gilmore Girls – Wasn’t that one of you guys?). Out of curiosity, I started watching to see what I had missed and came in during season 6. Then about a month ago, while skimming thru Netflix, I found all your episodes starting from Season 1, and so it begins…
I have to be honest, I can’t really sit through all the episodes. I’m not terribly interested in what the demons are doing to civilians, and I don’t really understand the purpose of the Ghostfacers or the black-and-white movie style episodes. I can’t maneuver around “SuperWiki” and have no desire to attend gatherings or “cons” (although I will admit I have frequented many Star Trek Conventions). But I can not help being drawn to the charisma and connection between the two brothers. Clearly, you two actors must be close off the set as well as on, or your chemistry would not be so good on the show. As far as siblings go, you don’t look anything alike, but periodically one can see the mirrored quirks between the two – the same stance, the same movement, the same body language. You have a genuine warmth and sincerity, and it’s easy to see how young girls would be drawn to you. And Kudos to the writers for the art of levity in a dark genre show. I find a lot of humor in the show and think it’s absolutely hilarious when some character pops out a “Mazel Tov” or when Dean said “L’ Chaim” before chugging vampire antidote. And I tried to listen carefully, but couldn’t make it out – Did Sam really suggest that he forgot to say “Happy Purim” When Dean was drilling him about killing the Crossroads Demon?? I’m dying to know how much is ad-lib and improv. I’m sure that kind of fun had a great deal to do with the recent win of the People’s Choice Award.
All that being said, I guess I just wanted to find a way to connect and let you all know just how much your show has meant to me and to my daughter. I have tried to send little comments over twitter, but I don’t understand it at all and with thousands of people following your show I can’t imagine that you would ever see anything I send. I am just a drop of water in a sea of viewers, but I truly think that the adventures of Sam and Dean not only kept my daughter alive from week to week but gave us something to share and talk about in her last few months. And now, as I watch the show, I have great memories of my daughter and the things that made her happy.
Thank you again for this great production
Mindi Wynne
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PS: Because her cancer was a congenital disease, my husband has made a large contribution to St. Jude’s in memory of Amanda, inspired by the fundraiser in honor of the Padalecki baby. Amanda’s former fiancé is now a firefighter in Memphis and I hope one day to visit the hospital with my Therapy dog to deliver additional donations. Thank you for helping other children live.
Wow, that’s both heartbreaking and heartwarming.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
This show touches on so many people’s lives and does things for us that we never expected, and I am so glad that she found solace in it—as has her mother.
It makes me think of how it has done the same for me and so many others and how lucky we are when we see stories like these.
Thanks again for sharing such a touching story.
Thank you Alice for sharing this with us.
Like your friend, I have a story that revolves around Supernatural, cancer, loss of a dear loved one (my husband at 46) and a show that helped me through the process and has given me hope for the future. I want to wish her all the best in the future.
BTW – I highly recommend Jim Beaver’s book to her. It can help her a great deal!
Isn’t it funny how things like this pop up just when you’re thinking about them? I too am going through a struggle with cancer right now and was just thinking about how much Supernatural and the fandom has meant to me through it all. Thankfully, I’m told my cancer is completely curable, so I won’t have to go through what Amanda or her mother did, but the show has been such an integral part of keeping my spirits up.
After I had surgery and was recuperating, it was so great to have something to look forward to every week. My friend and I would watch it together through IM, and we’d have so much fun throwing comments back and forth.
But what also was great for me was following along and commenting on Twitter, and coming here to speculate on what was going to happen and read what other fans had to say. It kept my mind off all of the other crap that was going on in my life at the time (and still is).
This really is the most amazing fandom I’ve had the pleasure of being a part of. So, thanks to Jared, Jensen and everyone behind the show and most of all, all of you out there in the Supernatural family for being amazingly supportive, even though you may not even know it! 🙂
What a beautiful, honest & courageous letter! As a fellow Ohioan & Daytonian, I am thankful to Mindi & her family for what they do to help others, especially on this Memorial Day. This makes me proud to be a fan, & I’m sure the cast & crew will be touched by Mindi’s letter.
And agreed, I recommend Jim’s book too.
Thanks, Alice, for being such a wonderful support in my quest for closure. My husband corrected me and said that her illness was not 1:8,000 it was 1:800,000. Regardless, anyone whose life is touched by someone who has fought or lost their life to a cancer is truly a hero in my eyes. Thank you, everyone, for your kind words and may you all be safe and protected from the heartache that cancer, or any fatal disease, causes.
*pats cheek of Ms. Mindi, glad she is quite ok now*
That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Thank you Alice for sharing this beautiful and touching letter with us.
My heartfelt thoughts are with Mindi and her family and with all those who have been affected by this horrible disease.
Thank you so much for sharing this sincere and heartfelt letter with us. I hope the cast and crew does read it and that they can gain even a small appreciation of what the show does for many of us; how it inspires us, gives us hope, something to look forward to in a long week, and just a little escapism. For someone fighting a devastating disease, that has to be really important. Thank you again for publishing it.
Hearing everyone’s stories really lifts me up. I’m a dialysis patient. it is easy to start feeling down sometimes. My family doesn’t understand how , or why the show means so much to me. It helps me through my treatments ( thanks to dvd’s!) Glad to know there are others out there like me
*hugs*
People talk about the personal aspect of the show in relation to the brothers’ bond and how evil came for the Winchesters, but this letter so poignantly points out the very real personal connection so many viewers have to the show. Supernatural touches us and gives us strength to carry on as the Winchesters do. I think considering what Jensen or Jared would do, or what Sam and Dean would do, allows us to move beyond ourselves and our troubles and hope for better.
Most never have to face a loss like this mother’s. I’m touched by her story and thankful her daughter found comfort in the Winchesters’ story. Supernatural is so much more than a TV show, it is a celebration of life and perseverance. Heroes exist in our world, from firefighters to soldiers to young girls facing death much, much too soon.
God bless Amanda and her loving family.
B.J.
Thank you Alice for posting this, and thank you Mindi for sharing this beautiful memory you have of your daughter. It always amazes me that a little television show can bring so much joy and happiness to so many people even through the hardest of times.
Will it be a problem if i paste this on the supernatural facebook page.
I have no problem with that. Its nice to know that Amanda has so many kind and caring people talking about her. She loved attention! LOL
God bless you and your family. I lost my brother April 25, 2009. He was a fan of the show along with his daughters, who turned me onto it. Watching the show reminds me of that one thing we had in common and it makes me smile. I will always be grateful for the show because it gave us something to share. I know he’s looking down on me and I can truly say I have an angel looking out for me, just as you have one looking out for you.
Thank you so much for sharing your letter with us. I am so very sorry for your loss. I completely understand your daughter embraced the show to help her get by. Supernatural , My family and god were solace when I couldn’t face the light.
I suffered from Agoraphobia and couldn’t leave my house for years. I made a promise to myself after the pilot that if I ever had a chance to meet them that I would have to go. Then last April I read in the Supernatural magazine that they were having their very first convention in Toronto. I dropped the magazine on the floor, rushed to my computer and bought tickets right away! I left my house that day to the end of my driveway, to the mailbox the next, the block the next….until a week before the event when my family and I made a test run to the event’s location. I don’t know why Supernatural became such a huge part of my motivation to overcome my fears but it did. I will be forever grateful and can honestly say that it changed my life. I am just sad that this year will be the last I will get to see them. Last year I was only able to attend one day of the convention due to my anxieties and was hoping over time to build more and more confidence to be able to enjoy the convention in full. I just have to be thankful that I happened to read that blurb in that magazine or none of this would’ve ever happened.
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We are in season 8 right now, and this really saddened me. I wish she was still with us so she can watch her favourite show amongst family. RIP
Thanks, Luciano. Amanda died on Christmas day, so every year as we enter this season it gets tough. Its nice to know that so long after I have written this letter (and Alice subsequently shared it) Amanda is still being thought of by someone.
Have a happy holiday season.
Mindi,
I don’t know if you remember me but you were the one to call me with the help of Carol to tell me what had happened to Amanda. My name is Sarah Medley-Smith. I had been to your house several time during high school whe Amanda was dating Brian Thigpen. I’d also kept in touch with Amanda when my parents forced me to move to Ohiomid Sophmore year. Amanda took me to my last homecoming at Northmont whe. I didn’t have a date she was more than happy to let me in on her date with a Brian. I’d been there with here through a few of her surgeries to remove the rumors oh and when she twisted her ankle after getting trampled at a Hanson concert. I never for the chance to thank you for your courage in calling me after you noticed I keep texting her and was getting really concerned. So thank you. I have some photos if you would like me to share them. Please email me at PirateStitch626@com. We were also on swimming together. She saves my grade in Chemisrty! I miss and think about my Sketer( she nicked banned me frog) everyday still. I can’t bare to take her cell phone number out of my phone. But from the bottom of my heart thank you. I’ve found myself sick and have been faces with a path that I don’t know how long ill be on this earth. But I believe I have a angel looking our for me. I wasn’t able to say to much when you called me back right after New Years all I did was cry on the phone and I’m so so sorry for doing that to you. I wish in all my heart I would have been more supported to you.
Sincerely,
Sarah medley-smith
Sarah – OF COURSE I remember you! And I LOVE the fact that this tv show has reconnected us!
We just passed the 5th anniversary of Amanda’s death this past Christmas Day. It has been a hard road, but we have also learned the gifts of endurance and resilliance over time.
In April Ron will begin a competition to raise as much money as possible for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Their research includes the genetic predispositions of cancers and the development of cures for all kinds of cancer. If he raises the most money and wins the competition, a research study will be funded and named after Amanda. So hopefully, one day, her legacy will carry on to help others. Thats all she would have ever wanted.
I’m really sorry to hear that you are ill. If there is anything we can do for you, please find me on facebook.
Correction: forced to more to Florida from Ohio.