We all know the last episode of the season is going to be extremely emotional. Luckily, I’ve got a handy guide of things you’ll need and things you’ll can do to help you get through them.
2. Keep all throwable objects out of arm’s reach.
4. If that doesn’t work, alcohol. Copious amounts. Find a liquor store and drink it, if you have to.
5. Warn all pets and other members of your household that promptly at 10:00, you will be yelling KRIPKEEEEE! GAMBLEEEEEE! very loudly. Board up windows, if necessary.
6. Second box of Kleenex. One isn’t going to be enough.
7. Curl up under a fuzzy blanket and repeat to yourself, “it’s only a TV show. It’s only a TV show.”
8. Laugh at Ardeospina for suggesting such a ludicrous thing. Even she doesn’t really believe that.
9. Hum Metallica to yourself. It’s supposed to calm you down.
10. Aspirin for the massive hangover you get from imbibing an entire liquor store.
11. Watch the Pilot again. Marvel at how young they are. Staunchly refuse to think about how bad things are going to get for them.
12. Third box of Kleenex. In fact, just buy a whole car full. Possibly buy stock in Kleenex as their stock is sure to rise the next few days.
13. Keep your computer handy so you can come to the WFB on a regular basis and commiserate with your fellow heartbroken fans.
14. Waterproof mascara. Unless you dig the raccoon look.
15. Draw a bath, light some candles, lock the bathroom door, and just let it all out.
16. Repeat any steps as necessary. Except the liquor store one. That should probably be a one-off.
17. This is the most important thing to do to get you through the end of the season, so if you do nothing else on this list, at least abide by this: under no circumstances should you listen to “Carry On Wayward Son” until you hear it in the finale. Just don’t do it. You’ll thank me later.
And remember, we’ll get through it together! You’re not alone! *gathers fellow fans in a big circle, starts singing Kumbaya*