My heart is currently residing in my stomach. In a good way. Thursday, I tweeted:

Good morning.
I’m not quite sure how to feel today. But what I do know is that no matter which way this cookie crumbles, this family will never end. The community that has been built around this miracle of a show will never end. Actors, crew, and fans will always remember this little miracle that entered our lives. No matter if it was 15 years ago or 15 minutes ago, Supernatural changes you. It changed me, and I will be forever grateful. Thank you, Supernatural, for being a light in the darkness. For being a little miracle in the middle of the mundane.

After watching the finale, that sentiment still holds true. No matter what you felt about the way the show ended, I think there is something to be said about the fans and what we've done for the show. Seeing actors past and present talking about their experiences working on the show proved to me that we really did allow a miracle to happen. There was something in the air when Kripke was creating the show, and it allowed for this brilliant, magical thing to come out of it. Whether you loved or hated how it ended, there's no denying that this show made an impact.

Now, onto the details.

SN1520C 0193r 04Before the first commercial break, I couldn't wipe the grin off my face. Seeing Sam and Dean living in their own version of freedom was so stunning. It just put a smile on my face and I couldn't wipe it off. The little details we got to see of their new lives, like waking up at 8 am, the pup, and the casual way they were going about their business was something I honestly didn't know I needed. It was a breath of fresh air, but it also set me up with an expectation that this was going to be a happy end. It eventually was, but not without a ton of pain in the middle there. The thing that really stunned me about this section of the episode was the fact that there was no hunting to be found in this section, but it still felt so Supernatural. The show's tone has always been so consistent, and even here, without an apocalypse or something hanging over them, it still felt right. Also, THANK YOU FOR SHIRTLESS SAM. I AM VERY HAPPY.

SN1520B 0457r 08Seeing Sam and Dean hunting together was a beautiful thing, and I'm really glad that we got to see it. Hearing them introduce themselves as Agents Singer and Kripke made my smile grow, and I was so happy to see that little Easter egg. Bob Singer and Eric Kripke are the people we have to thank for the show, and I think that little tribute to them was wonderful. I also really loved seeing Dean with John's journal. It's been a while since we've seen it, and I felt like I was being held in the hands of someone who knew what I wanted. This section of the episode felt super old-school Supernatural and I really liked it. Plus, knowing that they filmed that whole discussion under Kim Manners' tree was so special and I think Kim is looking down on us with a smile, knowing that Jared, Jensen, and the entire crew gave it everything they had and kicked it square in the ass.

SN1520B 0253r 09The barn section of the episode broke me. Seeing Sam and Dean fighting together was so special, and when I saw that piece of rebar sticking out of that post, my heart sank a little. I had a feeling that one of the Winchesters wasn't going to make it out alive, but seeing that shot confirmed it for me. The entire interaction between Sam and Dean was beautiful. Both Jared and Jensen brought everything to the screen, and their talent was visible for all to see. Speight had it right when he tweeted that these were Emmy-worthy performances. If Supernatural were the type of show to get nominated for an Emmy, I believe it would, and both Jared and Jensen would have won Emmy's by now, and if they hadn't, this episode would give them both their awards. Watching the two of them play that whole scene out was utterly heart-wrenching to watch. Seeing them both with tears in their eyes and Dean saying all of the things he felt he needed to, my heart shattered. Seeing, for the first time in the entire show, Dean say, "I love you," to his brother was something I will never forget. It was a beautiful moment, and I loved the references we got to season 1, with that vampire woman, and the reference to picking Sam up at school. These were such special little additions. I think they were perfect.

Post Dean's death, the episode stunned me. Watching Sam light that funeral pyre broke my heart even further, and seeing him alone in the bunker with Miracle was so sad. It was clear on Sam's face that the only thing he could feel about his brother's death was grief. The only thing he knows is that he misses his brother with everything he has. But then, he gets a call on Dean's phone and suddenly he has a direction. He has a hunt to go on and something to look toward. Now, I know a lot of people had a problem with Sam leaving hunting and going to have his apple pie life. I get it. Throughout the last fifteen years, we've seen Sam finally come to accept his life as a hunter and what that means for him. But, at the same time, over the last fifteen years, we've still seen Sam with a longing for normal. While I think Sam accepted what his life was, watching Dean die might have shifted something in him. Seeing Dean take his last breath might have changed something for Sam and made him want to go and find that apple pie life, for his own sake, but also for Dean. When Dean said he would always be with Sam, I think Sam realized that he wanted to live a long life for both of them. He wanted to go and find a place to settle down so that he could feel as though he and Dean both were able to get out.

The scene between Bobby and Dean was also so special. It was so sad that they couldn't bring people like Ellen, Jo, Ash, Rufus, Mary, Charlie, and Kevin back, but I think the conversation between the two of them was so spot on, that I wasn't as sad. Sure, it would have been nice to see all of the folks who should have been in Heaven, but honestly, I think the scene was much more poignant. It was quiet, honest, and still full of emotion. Watching Dean drink that beer and realize that he was able to finally have peace was so wonderfully perfect. It felt pitch-perfect for Dean, and watching him get into Baby and hear "Carry On" come out of the stereo was such a wonderful moment. The song has never been used in the world of the show, only as intro music, so seeing it exist in the world of the show was so special, and seeing Dean say he loved the song was a moment that I think I will hold with me forever.

The entire montage of Sam's life and Dean's drive was honestly wonderful (I know I'm using that word a lot, but it's the only one I can think of). I think being able to see Sam grow old was an interesting choice, but one that I think was right. They could have skipped all of that and shown more of Sam and Dean together in Heaven, but I think that might have been one of the things that had to change because of COVID. Because of the fact that they couldn't bring people around to show up, they had to put something there before Sam got up there. I'm not sure what the original intent of the episode was going to be, but I have a feeling that big changes had to be made in order to comply with restrictions. Whatever the original intent was, I think Dabb wrote something that he was proud of, and something that he thought would appeal to all. Whether he succeeded or not, well that's not up to him. But in my humble opinion, he nailed it.

I have a plan to watch the retrospective special sometime in the next week, and I should get something out after I watch it. But overall, I'm really, really happy with how the episode went. Of course, it wasn't perfect, but nothing ever is. Perfection is overrated anyway.

I'm still processing my emotions about the show ending, but here's what I know for certain: Family don't end with blood, and nothing ever really ends, does it? I love you, SPNFamily. Thank you for everything you've done for me. I will never be able to repay you.