Jared! Hello!
My name is Hannah, and this letter is me sending loads and loads of love your way. I have never met you, but you have become such a solid presence in my life. You are a wonderful human being, and I hope you know that. Life isn't easy, but I promise you it will get better. You are so loved by your entire family, both blood related and not. I am so thankful that you were able to share your own story of battling depression, because it has given so many people, including myself, hope, and the knowledge that we are not alone. You are not alone either, Jared! Remember that!
I know this letter is getting to you quite awhile after the moment where you reached out to us on Facebook and Twitter asking for help, and so I want you to know that we are still here for you months later, and will in fact always be here for you. It can be really hard to share your story and receive a lot of support and positive feedback at first, and then feel that over time, people forget, and you’re left alone again. Well that’s now going to happen to you, because the SPN family loves you too much and needs you too much to let you think that way.
I have been fighting depression and anxiety for about 6 years, and I know that asking for help is one of the hardest things to do. You are a strong, strong person to have recognized that you needed to take care of yourself. I've come to firmly believe that writing is an act of bravery, and writing is the same thing as sharing, which you have done and given hope to so many people. But you know what else is an act of bravery? Simply living. Day by day. Finding hope, which I know you can do. Supernatural has done SO much for me, particularly the wonderful character of Sam. When I'm having a particularly rough time where my mind keeps saying "You're crazy, Hannah, you're bat shit crazy," I always remember Sam telling Lanie in “Long Distance Call” (season 3), "You are not crazy," and it helps me to get through it.
I could go on and on and on about Sam's fight with Lucifer, but the important thing about that is that Sam chooses to not give in to the evil inside of him. Before I had the strength to ask for help in regards to my own depression and anxiety, I fought many inner demons and often felt at war with myself. Obviously, I didn’t have Lucifer inside my head like Sam did, but watching Sam go through that battle for the first five seasons was difficult, because I felt like I had done the same thing before I finally reached out and asked for help. I didn’t want to ask for help because I was terrified of letting people know that I was any less strong than they had believed me to be, and I was terrified of being pronounced crazy, and I was terrified of being told that nothing could be done to help me.
But the amazing thing about Supernatural, and I’m sure you’ve heard this many, many times, is that it portrays the idea, over and over, that everyone has evil inside of them, but that what really matters are the choices we make. Whatever situation we have been born into, how we choose to handle it is what makes us who we truly are. I cannot think of a more life-affirming message than this, despite how much the show seems to be about death and destruction. I hope you are able to see this, Jared, because I promise you that no matter how much you feel you are battling with yourself and your own emotions, you are a great person and so incredibly loved.
I want to leave you with two of my favorite quotes, words that I like to remind myself of when I am feeling like the world is utterly devoid of happiness. First, from Harry Potter (because really): "It is our choices, far more than our abilities, that show who we truly are."
And second, from Winnie the Pooh (because, also really): "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you will ever know."
I know how important and life affirming hugs can be, so here is a long, virtual bear hug. You are loved, and you are needed. Sending love, strength, and courage your way.
Xoxoxo.
Hannah
PS- to all the SPN family members who may be reading this and fighting their own war - you are not alone either. You are all loved!