In this pretty fantastic episode penned by Andrew Dabb, we open with a musical montage covering the first half of the season.
The episode begins with a Christmas scene where Crowley is opening gifts in a onesies. He opens up a bobblehead Sam and Rowena is exasperated, saying good for you, dearie. A knock on the door reveals Santa, who takes out a stake and kills Crowley, who claims he was a good boy. We find out it is a dream and she reveals she’s been having the dream for months. Santa reveals himself to be Lucifer.

We come back to the cage where Sam realizes that Lucifer is giving him the visions and Rowena was helping. Sam says he’ll still say no after the torture and soon Dean will rescue him and kick Lucifer’s ass. Lucifer mocks him for betting on Dean. He says he’ll offer Sam a deal he can’t refuse. Lucifer takes Sam to childhood memories. Crowley and Rowena are fighting. Crowley realizes she helped Lucifer. She explains Lucifer’s visitation. Crowley taunts Rowena for working with Lucifer and she thinks she’ll be his consort in Heaven because he will fight the Darkness and win.

Dean is driving. We see him trying to call Sam and we hear his funny message that he left as Sam’s message. He gets dizzy and then pulls over to throw up. Castiel shows up and explains that Dean is suffering from smiting sickness. Castiel will go and check alone. Dean says he’ll go check on Sam. Dean tells Cas to bring Amara’s body out if she is dead. If she’s not, then Cas should run.

Back in Sam’s memory, Lucifer and Sam are watching younger Sam with a young girl. Colin Ford guest stars as Sam’s younger self. Lucifer bemoans Sam’s lack of heroicness. Dean gets to the bunker to find Sam gone. He yells for Sam and Crowley calls to tell him that Sam is in hell with Lucifer.

Lucifer brings Sam to Stull Cemetery. Lucifer tells Sam he respects him, and that Sam had balls. They play Swan Song clips. We find Castiel in a dark wood and he runs into a female angel who works in birth/death statistics. She is there to make sure that the Darkness is dead. She offers to work together so Castiel won’t kill her. He notes that the middle of the afternoon is dark.

Dean calls Castiel to help him since he’s going to hell. He goes to a warehouse and Billie, the reaper, explains she’s helping Crowley to get him there.

Back in childhood memory land, Lucifer takes us to Sam and Amelia and then lists all the horrible things that the boys do for each other. We switch to Castiel and the stats angel for a brief scene before going back to Dean and Crowley. Before a commercial break we see that the little stats angel is in danger. Don’t die, Stats Angel.

Amara confronts Cas after drinking up Stats Angel. She taunts him as a chosen one of her brother then sends him to Nebraska, and Billie, the reaper. Back in hell, Crowley, Dean, and Rowena meet. Crowley has poisoned Rowena and Dean captures Rowena in a neck brace. It makes her Crowley’s slave. She makes a very inappropriate Fifty Shades reference before being ushered away to the cage.

Back in the cage, Sam and Lucifer are talking again. Lucifer is chronicling everyone who is gone and Lucifer presents himself as the only thing to beat the Darkness. Castiel shows up and has a message on his chest from Amara, “I am Coming.” Lucifer and Sam are arguing again about Sam saying yes. Sam says he’ll have faith in his friends and family. Lucifer starts beating Sam and Dean hears it so he runs out, as does Castiel. They both run toward the cage and Lucifer snaps them inside.

Lucifer and Cas fight and Lucifer says Castiel knows he can win against the Darkness. The boys fight Lucifer and Dean gets caught. Lucifer threatens to kill Dean but Castiel jumps up to fight. Dean and Sam are injured while Lucifer beats up Castiel. When he is about to kill him, Rowena’s spell seems to transport Lucifer out of the cage.

The five of them meet outside the cage. Crowley throws them out of hell, except Rowena. Sam wonders if Lucifer was right but Dean dismisses it, saying that the Darkness is bad but Lucifer and the Darkness? Worse. Back in hell, Rowena is massaging Crowley’s temples, as his slave. He asks why she hates him and the most poignant scene on this show in a very long time, Ruth Connell gives Rowena the  most beautiful emotional portrayal as she tells Crowley the story of his bastard birth and her abandonment by the man she loved and then says that she hates him because if not then she’d love him and love is weakness.

Castiel shows up and then we realize that Castiel is Lucifer. Castiel said yes as his last words because Lucifer claimed to be able to beat the Darkness. He releases Rowena from her chain and throws Crowley across the room. Lustiel (see what I did there) flirts with Rowena and asks if anyone else can get into the cage. She says no, just her. Lustiel then snaps her neck! Rowena diesssssss!!!! AND LINDA CRIESSSSSSSSS!!!!!

Questions, Specs, Feelings

1. Put your Rowena feelings below. I can’t even right now.

2. What do you think happened to Castiel? Is he in there or somewhere else?

3. Mourn Stats Angel, y’all.

4. Do you think Lucifer is gonna let Sam off the hook that easy?

5. What will Crowley do now?

6. SERIOUSLY, WHY ROWENA????? I'm having issues right now. 

Leave your stuff below. *sends you tissue*