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‘In for a penny, in for a pound.’
 
Balthazar, after summoning Cas to a place which looks a bit like a tropical forest in the middle of monsoon (which it is not, of course), formulates his question quite straightforwardly and leaves no room for guessing: he’s not amused of Castiel being in flagrante delicto with ‘the king of Hades’ and seeing through Cas’ dilettante lies. Balthazar, however, is a much better liar. He pretends to be on Castiel’s side. But, well, we will learn later, he is not.

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With Sam trying to help Dean, Bobby investigates on the maid’s son and visits him in the mental hospital. This is a closed, secure ward, it seems. It’s a sad fate for a man who spent one night at H.P. Lovecraft’s house – to be haunted by that night for all his life, condemned to spend his days in a place for the mentally disturbed because – obviously – doctors believed him to be psychotic. I wonder at how lucid the man is, since he surely had to take neuroleptic drugs throughout his stay there. They locked him in there. For the rest of his life, because he told them that he saw monsters. 
 
‘The spell worked. A door opened. And something came through. But it was invisible, so no one knew, except me. (…) Because it took my mother. It went into her, she wasn’t the same, she even smelled different. And then, she disappeared. And, surprise, surprise, one by one, they all start dying.’
 
‘I’m sorry about your mom.’
 
‘You’re the first person who ever said that. … Hey, you wanna see a picture?’ 
 
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Bobby freezes for a moment at the sight of his ex-girlfriend, Dr. Visjak, Eleanor. It will take him back in his own memory storage and open wounds he probably hoped to be healed. The two meant a lot to each other, we can assume that. 
 
But at this instant, my eyes become quite watery and I need to take a short break to gather some tissues. I barely shed a tear upon my first watching of this episode (except at the end), but now the floodgates open with more force.

This old man moves me so much. I am reminded of many patients I’ve spoken to in my professional life, telling me about terrible moments of their lives – stories of rape or beatings or abuse that were not believed by the ones close to them. It’s a horrible fact that many experiences of terror (even when they are not connected to the paranormal) are not believed by others. 

When they tell me – sometimes after a long time of silence – that they had experienced this or that and that no one would believe them, I feel the same desperate loneliness this old man shows in this scene. Then, when I reply that I do believe it, they often burst into tears, and I’ve often heard their broken voices whisper ‘I always wished my mom would have said that to me, at least once’. They are overwhelmed to find a caring person, to not be conceived of as a fraud or liar or, worst case, nutcase, but as a lonely person who has been through some terrible ordeal and deserves respect. 
 
There’s no such thing as respect in the place Dean is trapped at the moment, though. There even hardly is hope. Only desperate means. A tense, strangely lifeless way in which Dean walks around the room, not noticing that the devil’s trap is damaged. But – that fact doesn’t escape the bound demon that turns on an astounded Dean. Without Castiel’s intervention, Sam would have had to bury his brother. 
 
‘I don’t believe a word that is coming out of your mouth.’
 
And Cas, obviously missing the bond that used to exist between them, tries to rekindle that spark both needed. And still need. I know, some might think that this was just another scheme of Cas, but I can’t believe it. Through my eyes I saw an angel reach out one last time to his human brother. To the only family he has ever known and cared about, more than about his heavenly brothers in arms. 
 
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‘I thought that you said that we were like family. Oh, I think that, too. Shouldn’t trust run both ways?’
 
‘Cas, I just can’t.’
 
‘Dean, I do everything you ask. I always come when you call. (I think Cas truly believes this, and in his own experience of the last weeks and months, this has to be true to him.) And I am your friend. Still. Despite your lack of faith in me and now your threats. I just saved you. Yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin done any more for you? All I ask is this one thing…’
 
‘…trust your plan to pop purgatory?’
 
‘I’ve earned that, Dean. I came to tell you that I will find Lisa and Ben, and I will bring them back. … Stand behind me, the one time I ask.’
 
‘You’re asking me to stand down? … that’s the same damn ransom note Crowley handed me, you know that, right? Well, no, thanks. I’ll find them myself. Why don’t you go back to Crowley and tell him that I said you can both kiss my ass?!’

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Unfortunately, Cas doesn’t know about Crowley’s note. He truly wishes to save Lisa and Ben and the fact that he saves them later is proof for me that Castiel didn’t mean to involve these innocents in the fight. There must be enough of his angel conscience still awake that he would not resort to means like that. I don’t believe Castiel meant this in the sense of: I’ll save them if you stand down. I believe he meant: I’ll save them and I wish you to stand down.

Maybe Castiel tried to manipulate Dean into standing down, but not for the cost of the lives of these two innocents. He needs to believe to be sincere about this. 
 
It is tragic, really. Both men standing on yet another watershed mark, behind them the only life they have ever known and ahead of them stretches a fate they can’t and won’t imagine, as their imagination draws up terrors and pains. For Dean of losing Lisa and therefore be branded with their deaths on his conscience, for Castiel realizing his mistakes and perhaps being torn apart by Rafael. 
 
In this episode, Cas has not yet arrived at the point of truly becoming reckless and cruel, in the almost fascist way we will meet him in the following episode. To me it seems that Castiel is struggling to maintain a balance between what he needs (those souls to defeat Rafael) and what he found to be good for him (the ‘somewhat’ family he found in the Winchester clan). He is trying to answer Sam’s prayer – to bring Lisa and Ben back to them, because I believe he hopes to have some heart left. Cas surely notices what he is turning into and still hasn’t accepted that. His heart is not yet empty, therefore he is not yet as brutal as he will become. He wants purgatory. And eventually he will become a creature that won’t stop at anything to get it. Even hurt those Dean loves most. In this case Sam. But that is another story, for another couch, coming soon.
 
Bobby, in his own time, is about to lose a part of himself, too, as he calls on Ellie. His memory of their time together made it easy for him to find her cabin, one of her safe houses. For a man who just found out that a woman he was in love with once is a monster, Bobby is remarkably calm. But only on the outside, I reckon.

It does tickle him, though, hearing that she was about 900 years old and that she didn’t think to mention her true nature to him ‘the whole time you slept with me?’ Well, on a naughty note, we can only hope that the sex at least was hellishly good. What would he have done, then? Probably killed her, eh? Monsters do own a self-preservative drive. And, they are not all alike, are they? 
 
Ellie happens to like it here on Earth, and I happen to like this woman/monster/whatever… There are monsters and monsters, just as there are humans and humans. I do believe there can be peaceful, nice paranormal creatures, and Ellie probably is one of them. She did what she could to keep the door to purgatory closed. Eventually, she failed. 
 
And Bobby fears she will be the next victim on Castiel’s search for purgatory. He still has feelings for that woman. He wants to protect her. There is no instinct in him telling him to kill her, only to save her. This instinct tells us that he isn’t looking at her as a monster, he is being the man trying to protect his woman. 

It does move me so much when Ellie refuses his offer, making it clear to him, that she can take care of her own and would be safer that way, since, still, when push comes to shove, as a supernatural being, she would have the odd advantage in a fight.
 
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I could imagine that Bobby, after leaving her there, needs a drink, just as Sam needs one, resorting to his ‘brother’s bang’ when Balthazar finds him. Forgive me this shallow note, kind readers – Jared looks amazing in this scene, again, well… he knows exactly how to hold his head, what expression to put to his face…. Looking utterly seductive and attractive… ay, me… okay, back to the shocking revelation that the angel is now officially on their team.
 
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Comments  

Far Away Eyes
# Far Away Eyes 2011-05-22 22:43
Amazing. A huge round of applause from me on your review.Truly you cut into the heart of the matter in ways I hadn't thought of and that means a lot. Thank you.

I thought of not just the album, but the actual song. It seems to fit Dean and Lisa's relationship if you look at some of the lyrics. "We all need someone to lean on and i you want to, you can lean on me." (Yes, I'm a huge stones fan. See name). Dean went and did just that at the start of the season and now we see the unfortunate consequences "We all need someone to bleed on and if you want you can bleed on me." Lisa does this in Dean's arms as she's dying from the demon attack.

It was a heartbreaking finish to this storyline for me. We have a bit of a small chance for it to be revived, but I'm thinking that Dean's goodbye is for good. We will no longer see them nor hear about them.

I absolutely adored the acting both Jared and Jensen did in this episode. You could really feel their emotions, feel the story come to life through them. Sam and Dean were on the same page, on the same team, standing by one another, Sam not willing to stray too far from his frantic and despairing brother, while giving him space he needed. it was beautiful to see the brothers so in tune again.

The old man in the hospital. Oh my God that scene was such a strong one. I felt so bad for him and it was so amazing to see Bobby be the one to listen and give the man at least something. Brilliant.

I thought Cas was desperately trying to apologize for what he knows Dean feels are slights and betrayals. In his own way he was reaching out and trying to break through Dean's cold shoulder. It might have changed Cas's actions, but then again it might have changed nothing. We won't know.

I look forward to taking a seat on your next couch. This one was such a treat.
Jasminka
# Jasminka 2011-05-23 11:40
Hi Far Away Eyes, thank you so much for your kind and elaborate comment!

I also believe that the Lisa/Ben/Dean storyline won’t probably be rekindled, though I think that that relationship was good for Dean in ways his hunting life could never be. But I agree that Dean means that his good-bye was for good. I’m quite curious, how the writers will treat that in future episodes. You know – they don’t remember, but does that mean the monsters after Dean don’t remember either? This is me hoping it may be so…

Don’t get me wrong, I also think that both, Jared and Jensen, delivered an amazing job as actors. Jensen is incredible in the scenes he moved me most. He is, undoubtedly, one of the most talented actors of his generation. And though I am a devoted Sam/Jared-girl, I think Jared is not there, yet. He’s getting better every year, and his horizon as an actor has earned so much, but I think here the age difference between the two, and therefore their varied experience levels, comes into play, too. Still, both are incredible. Just… oh dear, just incredible… :-)

You are very welcome to take a seat on my couch for the next and future (as well as past ;-) ) episodes… it's a huge one... and very comfy...

Thanks, take good care, Jas
Far Away Eyes
# Far Away Eyes 2011-05-23 16:20
Some of the most powerfully acted scenes for me are from Jared. I don't know. I find both to be so wonderfully gifted. They both know how to pull powerful performances out of seemingly no where.

I want a big TV (I currently have an Analog 19") just so I can see some scenes almost movie theater style. In particular I want to see the scene with Lucifer in the Garden that way. I want to see (even if it is a hard one to stomach at times) On the Head of a Pin that way. So many scenes, so many good moments.

It's a shame that this show and its actors/writers haven't gotten any notice really in the awards circuit. There's so many things that make me think they're worthy.

Oh, I'd love to explore your couch, considering it's now the summer Hellatus, I'd love to go back through the season and see what you said and do some responses. I've got an essay on this season brewing actually and I don't think it'll leave me alone.

I'd like to say that thanks again for having this here. It's nice to connect to other fans.
rmoats8621
# rmoats8621 2011-05-23 01:07
I would like to say this was one of the most amazing articles that I have read recently. I am in total agreement. If you have room on your couch, I would love to take a seat next to Far Away Eyes.

As for the acting, etc., all was terrific. I hope that they get an Emmy nod this year because I truly believe our favorite show deserves it.
Jasminka
# Jasminka 2011-05-23 11:51
Thank you ever so much, rmoats8621! Don't worry, there is plenty of room on my couch. It's cosy, huge, comfy beyond belief ;-)

I'm with you on hoping for an Emmy nod - this show and its actors have been painfully overlooked for all these years...

Cheers, Jas
Yirabah
# Yirabah 2011-05-23 04:27
I was at the German con this weekened and trust me it was hard on us fans. Only a handful was able to watch it live in the middle of the night in the hotel. Most tried to watch on Saturday. But something happened which we all should have expected. Since there was only limited time to watch for us in between panels and photo ops and autographs we sure all tried to watch at the same time. Therefore the internet connection at the hotel wasn't able to provide a good connection. I tried to watch with Junkerin on her laptop and guess what happened. We were only able to see a few minutes at a time and then we had to wait a few minutes until we could watch the next few minutes. Something like that is bad enough during a normal episode. But to have that happen during the final. Believe me it was nerve wracking. A lot of fans couldn't handle that so only about half of us were able to watch it. Therefore we were asked at the con not to ask any questions about the final so we wouldn't spoil the others.

Jas I completly agree with you that this was the best episode. I am so in awe of Jensens acting abilities. The scenes with Lisa having the knive at Ben's throat and what it does to Dean's emotion as well as the scenes at the hospital especially the one were he looks into Lisa's room. And then again in the car with Sam. Dean's eyes are blood shot just like they are before someone starts to cry. These scenes tore me apart completly.

And then the old man at the hospital. The look on his face when he showed Bobby the picture of his mom. He looked just like a little kid that was very proud of something and looking for some applause.

If I remember it correctly. Lisa and Ben are now the only recurring characters that haven't died yet. I am so hoping for their reappearance next season and if it is only a scene where Dean checks in on them to see if they are doing ok.

Gosh there is so much more but right now my brain is like jello. The con and the final together at one weekend sure enough is the best way to scramble it into pieces. But unfortunatly we have a long time to think about it.

Could do with a personal talk
Jasminka
# Jasminka 2011-05-23 11:54
Oh, Yirabah, I am so sorry that you had so much trouble with watching the episodes while being at the Con. I hope, the experience of the Con was great for you, though - that helped a bit, I hope!

I do hope, too, that Lisa and Ben might come back, but if that meant that they would get killed, ahem, then I'd prefer them to live their happy life of sweet oblivion... But, well, this is Kripke's baby, and therefore you can never know...

Take time to gather your thoughts, dear. We will be here to offer calmness and peace and joy!

Cheers, Jas
Pragmatic Dreamer
# Pragmatic Dreamer 2011-05-23 10:35
Hi Jas,

A beautiful tribute to an amazing episode. If it's okay, I think I'll just sit here on the couch, and sniffle into my Kleenex for awhile.

I can't get the final 5 minutes of this episode out of my mind. All I can think is "Oh, Dean. Poor, poor Dean." He is like Job of the Bible. Perhaps some mercy will come his way soon.

Take care.
Jasminka
# Jasminka 2011-05-23 11:56
Hi PDreamy, thank you! Please enjoy your stay on my couch and cuddle up with as many tissues as you need (there's always a weep box in striking distance ;-) )

I think the last minutes were some of the most intense ones of the whole season... The man is clearly deserving of some mercy! Oh, yes, he is!

Cheers, Jas
Julie
# Julie 2011-05-23 12:06
Jas,
You already know what this episode and article meant to me.
I think both are amazing examples of the reasons why we love this show so much, because they demonstrated yet again what it is all about, love and the lengths we will go to for those we love.
Your articles are always good but this one shone with the passion we have for the story of these fictional characters who manage time and again to move us so.
Thank You Love Ju
Jasminka
# Jasminka 2011-05-23 13:17
Thank you, sweet Julie. I do know how you feel about it all, oh, yes, I do... and it's wonderful to be able to share this...

I am honoured and overjoyed about how you liked this article. When I wrote it, I felt so much of it shine through my soul, and I am happy to have been able to convey a part of it...

Love, Jas
Bevie
# Bevie 2011-05-23 15:08
Oh Jas! That was so beautiful. You had the tears running down my face again. My poor poor beloved Dean! How much more pain can he take?

I loved Lisa and Ben dearly and am so sad that they will have forgotten their wonderful times with Dean. He was "the best night of my life" and "the best year of my life" and now.....nothing at all!

But then I'm so grateful they are still alive and however long the series lasts for, there is still a small chance they could be there for him at the end of his hunting days. It's what I wish for, anyways. Also, I truly believe Ben is his son and perhaps that will come up too in the future.

And bless Sam for how he is empathizing with his brother again and watching his back like he used to do 3 years ago.

I suppose Dr. Matt died in the car crash or some other way. A body in the living room would cause some concern, as well as a salt loaded shotgun in the closet.
Also, "who is this Dean guy on our phone list?" I suppose Cas fixed all of those things with a wave of his finger. Also he would have to wipe the memories of all of the Braeden's neighbours. Well, if an angel can unsink the Titanic, I guess sll of that would be child's play. :o

Thank you for your much needed couch Jas.
Jasminka
# Jasminka 2011-05-24 00:43
Hi Bevie and thank you so much. I am happy to hear that I moved you - and hope it wasn't too tragic a moment for you :-) .

I do hope that Cas indeed took care of all those facets you mention. I also loved Lisa and Ben, the whole thing was terribly sad.

You are always welcome on my couch. Don't forget to help yourself to the cookies to your right ;-) .

Love, Jas
Pragmatic Dreamer
# Pragmatic Dreamer 2011-05-24 22:03
Cookies? Did someone mention cookies?

Sniffles are gone, and now I have a few coherent thoughts.

I don't think Dean wiped Lisa & Ben's memories to protect them from all monsters, demons and other supernaturally evil creatures. He did it to protect them from one monster in particular - Dean Winchester. He didn't want them to have to deal with the horror he'd brought into their life.

Lisa would remember being possessed, and saying incredibly hurtful things to her son, and to Dean. How would she ever be able to convince Ben that she never had any regrets about keeping him? Plus, Ben was always going to her his mother saying that to him. regardless of the colour of her eyes at the time.

And Ben would always have to deal with the knowledge that he had killed a thing that sure looked and bled like a man. He was always aware of the supernatural because of the whole changeling thing from The Kids Are All Right. But, his innocence was truly destroyed by seeing what demons, and Dean, and even himself were capable of.

I think what really sealed Dean's decision was the way Ben reacted when Dean tried to apologize at Lisa's bedside. Ben just stared at him, made no comment and left. I think that's how any kid would react to seeing their sole parent at death's door. And they'd lash out at anyone within reach, and want to blame them. In this case he could, perhaps justifiably blame Dean. But I think that would have been temporary. I think he would have forgiven Dean.

Dean loved Ben, and it was another knife in his heart to think Ben might hate him, justifiably in Dean's world view. And I don't think Dean realized that Ben's harsh reaction was out of fear and bewilderment and the terror that his Mom might die and he'd be alone.

For all his talk of forgiveness, Dean couldn't forgive himself for hurting Lisa and Ben, so he thought it would be best to just remove himself completely.

I don't think I'll ever forget that picture of Dean, using the hospital wall to prop himself up, and to help him push down the pain again. (Tears begin to fall!)

I believe in happy endings, and I just wanted Lisa & Ben there for the future, after the show ends. Maybe memory wipes can be undone?
Far Away Eyes
# Far Away Eyes 2011-05-24 22:19
Beautiful! It hadn't occurred to me (and it should have) that Dean would see himself as the worst monster in their lives. More than anything that could come after them, what they had been put through here was too much and he couldn't rob yet another child of their childhood. He had lost his himself and he had tried to keep Sam a childhood for so long but even Sam's was stolen. He couldn't imagine doing it again to Ben.

It makes so much more sense when you place it into this perspective, so thank you for that.
Jasminka
# Jasminka 2011-05-25 09:53
Hi PDreamy, nothing you say is in conflict with what I wrote here - it's so sad, indeed...

No one should have to carry this kind of burden, but, well, it comes with the territory of being a Winchester...

Sniff. I need to get some more cookies ;-)

Thank you! Cheers, Jas
Brynhild
# Brynhild 2011-05-25 18:24
Well, PD, you stole the words from my mouth! When I saw Ben react (understandably )that way to Dean trying to apologize, I FELT, really felt Dean thinking "It's my fault. I never should go to them from the start. I should have let them alone. Maybe it would be better if they never knew me. If I never met Lisa and had that night with her".

It's not a logic thought, because without Lisa knowing him, Ben would still have been kidnapped by the changeling, and he wouldn't have been there to save him. But at the moment he can't think logically. All he knows,all he sees is Lisa dying before him and Ben hating him as the cause of her death. And the thing is: he thinks exactly the same. He chose to going on with the exorcism, because he knew it was the right thing to do, but he knew that would mean dooming Lisa to death.

He feels he failed the only people, besides Sam and Bobby, who loved him unconditionally . Innocent people who trusted him, who confided in him, who leaned on him. The guilt, a feeling way too familiar to Dean Winchester, must have been crushing. So, as he did when Sam died in his arms, he resolved to fix the things paying with his own life: not by selling it to a crossroad demon, but by asking an angel to wipe its existence from the memories of those loved people (so, in a way, he is "dead" for them).

Maybe it's also a way to cut his own road back, so he can't ever be tempted to come back to them, even for a little rest or for refuge, and relive in them the memory of these terrible moments, and maybe Ben's hate, too. I think he can't stand to face that look on his "son's" face again.

It's heartbreaking,r eally... :cry:
BagginsDVM
# BagginsDVM 2011-05-24 23:43
I'm claiming a spot on your couch, Jas! Excuse me while I grab the tissue box too!

I actually didn't cry until the end of the episode either on my 1st watch. Mainly, I think because I was simply stunned & angry with the writers for putting our boys through so much over the years, & these 2 episodes were the breaking point. Sure, it's a great story & riveting drama & gives us the chance to see just how amazing these actors are, but I need to believe that there is some hope & happiness & peace for the Winchesters when their story is done! (And for Castiel! I don't even want to get started yet on how his storyline has left me feeling!)

In this episode it was Dean who suffered the most. I cringed to see him resort to torture, forgetting or at least ignoring the fact that he was killing innocent humans along with the demons, so consumed by his anger that he got sloppy enough to break the devil's trap & nearly get himself killed. The look he gave Ben as he finished the exorcism, knowing that he was probably killing Lisa in the process... oh, that broke my heart. And again, as he left Lisa's hospital room & could barely hold himself up, then snapped at Sam for questioning his decision. Pragmatic Dreamer, I think you are right in that Dean considered himself to be the monster to be removed from Lisa & Ben's memories, but that makes this even more heartbreaking!

As much as this episode upset me, I still loved it. Bobby was awesome & quite dapper in his investigative reporter guise, & I loved his chemistry with Ellie & rapport with the old man. Sam was our beloved Sammy again. I too felt that Cas saved Dean out of friendship & not because of an ulterior motive. And BadAss Dean taking out the demons guarding Lisa & Ben, then going into soldier/medic "get Lisa to safety" mode.

I'm going to stay curled up on the couch for awhile, ok?

Dawn
Jasminka
# Jasminka 2011-05-25 09:56
Oh, Dawn, you are very welcome to stay as long as you like. Help youself to the weep box, please. I just stocked up... ;-)

Thank you so much for your comment. I well understand your points and am not surprised that you need a breather. The whole story was/is heartbreaking, and I am expecting more of that in the season to come.

So, for as long as you need comfort or a comfy cushion (not the Monty Python kind!)... there's always room. And hot chocolate to flush down the cookies...

Love, Jas
Yirabah
# Yirabah 2011-05-26 04:02
Can't let go of the Lisa/Ben storyline. It is to sad. I loved them both. Here is a speculative thought I had.

When Castiel wiped Lisa's and Ben's memory isn't it like putting up a wall in their mind? I think so. And since we had the big wall of Sam cramble why not let the Lisa/Ben wall cramble sooner or later?

I am hoping for that. Still using up kleenexes over the sad end of ep 21
Jasminka
# Jasminka 2011-05-26 17:30
I understand so well, dear. I am already missing Lisa and Ben...

I love your idea - that there had to be a wall brought up in their minds... On a second thought - I would hate them to be exposed to the pain a crumbling of it would mean.
Ah, I don't know... Allow me to give you some more tissues. One can never have enough of them!!

Love, Jas
magichappening
# magichappening 2011-05-30 12:26
I do think your ‘Open Couch’ is most aptly named, Jas. As always, I appreciate how open you are in your feelings about this brilliant story - as well as your thoughts :)

I felt the episode was phenomenal – evidenced by the length of this comment! It seems to me that a lot of the reactions to the episodes are about the feelings they have left each viewer with – and for me, that is what great art, and great performance art in particular, should do. If it leaves us indifferent or complacent then perhaps it is not for us. But this particular episode does not seem to have left many people either. Upset, depressed, or angry perhaps, but not indifferent or complacent.

I am annoyed that although I avoided other spoilers, I did watch the preview, so knew Lisa was going to turn bad. But even knowing that, I was there all the way - the break-in to Lisa’s house, the desperation of the phone call between Ben and Dean, the heartbreak of the rupture of Dean and Cas’ relationship and the cynical manoeuvrings of the king of Hell and the presumptive ‘king’ of Heaven, leading to the sacrifice of the Braedens as pawns in their celestial power-plays.

The reviews I have read thus far (we Supernatural fans are a vocal lot!) have questioned the logic of Dean asking Castiel (I can’t bring myself to call him Cas any more) to erase Lisa and Ben’s memories. These reviews have concluded, and very logically, that this would not actually protect them from danger in the future and could even leave them more vulnerable. What was Dean thinking?

But (echoing Pragmatic Dreamer and others above’s comments) I think that is just it. Dean was not, in that moment, acting on logic. He was feeling. While he has become a formidable hunter and leader, to me, Dean is, at heart, a person with incredibly deep emotions. He loves Sam, Bobby, and now Lisa and Ben - whatever the Braedens are ‘officially†™ to him. They took him in, gave him a ‘family’ and he healed with them; at least as much as he could without Sam.

I think in that moment when Castiel had just healed Lisa, Dean had a choice. I think he feels he owes Lisa and Ben for what they have given him (of course that has been a two-way street, as he has given Lisa the man she loves and Ben, a father). He feels protective of them, he feels guilty (justifiably or not) that they have been dragged into this world of his through no other reason than that they know him and he feels horrified about what they went through, physically and emotionally, in the kidnap. The memories Lisa will have of what she said to her son. The memories Ben will have of what his mom said to him, of what Dean said to Ben, of Ben having to shoot ‘someone’ (how much of himself as a child did he see in Ben?). Of Lisa nearly dying…they would never have been the same again.

So in that moment, I don’t think he was thinking about whether it would be fair to Lisa and Ben down the line. I think all he felt was that he wanted to spare these two people he loves, some small part of the horrors he has been through. He knows ‘at what cost survival sometimes comes’. Of having your world and your innocence ripped away. He saw an opportunity to give back to this family and give them some peace. God knows, he can understand how memories can destroy you.

In making his choice to call out to Castiel, Dean will lose two more people he loves - but he will have given them a measure of peace. And even if that is shattered at some unknowable point in the future, they will have had some period of happy normality. I think, having had four short years as a child and then one year with the Braedens, he knows how precious and fragile ‘normal’ can be.

So with his choice, Dean condemns himself to losing his surrogate ‘family’. I also think he knew he himself could not bear to live with the knowledge of what had happened to Lisa and Ben (including them seeing him as a hunter) - but he paid a high price, with the amputation of the Braedens from his life.

Should he have done it? Perhaps not. Sam questions the justice of it. But what was the alternative? Leave Lisa and Ben with the appalling memories of the kidnapping. Lisa had said she was trying to get over him (and the demon taunted him that Lisa regretted ever meeting him – and he is only human) and now because of him she and her child have been through this terrible trauma. He saw an opportunity to protect their minds, their souls. So. He is a hunter (not a killer, never a killer). He is used to making split-second decisions when an opportunity arises. He took it.

I do not think I have been as devastated as I felt during the goodbye scene in the hospital in a while. And when Dean said that he was the one who had hit them? I was a complete mess. And then saying he had lost control for a minute and apologising and saying he would leave them alone…and their impersonal politeness to him...and Sam questioning him and Dean turning and Sam seeing how devastated Dean was and nodding…That was it. I was done. I had thought I would just immediately go on to watch 6.22, but I had to take a half-hour break for the tears to stop!

Jensen Ackles. Holy crap. Talk about finding the freakin’ nuances! Every time I think I know how good he is, he takes it to a higher level. I am in awe of his ability (and potential) as an actor, but also of his honesty, and the courage it takes to go to the places he goes, emotionally. And to top it all off, having just met him again at a convention, he continues to be one of the nicest, most charming, intelligent people you could ever meet. I feel very lucky to be a fan of this show and this actor :)

I do have issues with Dean’s reversion to torture and the killing of possessed humans - more from the stand-point of the writers seeming to blow hot and cold somewhat on how Dean views it, than whether or not he would have resorted to it as an unpalatable option in this scenario. I agree that it rang true that he did not want Sam to see him. And having just (involuntarily! ) watched the latest Pirates movie, I have to say that I have more issues with how people are ‘killed’ in that movie – no blood, never any blood, or consequences of death …but that is a topic for another debate :)

Overall though, the conclusion of the Lisa/Ben storyline worked for me, as did the episode - due mostly to the stellar performances all round. Misha Collins, fluctuating between the gradually fading ‘brother’, asking for understanding and the increasingly dominant arrogant, ambitious, soulless non-human. Jared’s portrayal of Sam’s unwavering support of his brother and the grief he feels being unable to help Dean. Jim Beaver’s Bobby, full of gruff compassion and sardonic humour, ‘Ellie’’s brittle composure, Sebastian Roche’s Balthazar’s unwilling caring/pragmati sm and the guest actors as the old man in the hospital and the horror writer. Mark Sheppard’s depiction of Crowley showing his true ruthless colours, beneath the snark.

But stepping back from the pieces of the whole, in the end, I have to agree with you, Jas: ‘This show did this one small thing, again: it touched my soul’. And after all: ‘It’s about the souls’. Thank you for my time on the couch :) Now, where’s that wine…
Jasminka
# Jasminka 2011-05-30 13:09
Hi magichappening, so nice to hear from you again! And thank you ever so much for your kind words and elaborate thoughts.
I'd lie if I said that I'm not happy when I get acknowledgement like this :lol: .

You see, like you, I believe that a good performer should evoke emotion in those who watch him. Be it one actor, a scene, an episode.
It’s all about that, I’d say. People watching it should feel touched, in whatever way. Without that personal touch, there is no good performance, since then no one gives a damn…

And I agree wholeheartedly that Dean wasn’t acting logically. He was desperate, and he saw a way to ‘save’ them. In such a moment – she was dying before Cas showed up and Dean was facing that horrific truth – a person can’t think in a rational way, well, most don’t.
Perhaps the only ‘logical’ thought that went through his brain might have been ‘it’s better that I should lose them than they remember what I brought upon them’.

How could that scene leave anyone untouched? Jensen is indeed a marvelous actor, I think one of the best of his generation.
Everyone who had to say good-bye to a loved one, in hospital even, was able to relate and those lucky enough who haven’t had to face that got a good glimpse at what it is like. I don’t know, if you ever had to go through that, magichappening, but I have, and when I watch a scene like that, being brought to life in such an amazing manner, it brings back memories like only a good actor can.

You’re always welcome to my couch, you know that. Now, if you look to your left, I believe there is still some wine left…

;-) , take good care, will you? Jas
Freebird
# Freebird 2011-06-07 20:10
Wow, what an episode! I watched it only now, was on a voluntarily hellatus (actually paradisetus :)). Loved your review, Jas (as always :))! Cried like a baby on the Lisa & Ben mind whitewash. So cruel!!! So sad!!! I can't help but wonder when will Dean break. I mean, really. No one can suffer so much and stay sane.
Loved the Bobby - Old man scene. Touched my heart. I love Bobby.