Or

The Monster From the Black Alley


‘The line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.
And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?’
(Alexander Solzhenitsyn)

 
My fingernails buried in the arm of my couch, a strange heat expanding in my body, coming from my chest and flaming down to my toes – making it hard to breathe, my heart beating with such a fury that I imagine I can actually hear it. Okay – note to self: this is a tv show. Nothing else. Calm down.

First impulse, as so often when I feel overwhelmed by a situation, is to ring a friend close to my heart, and luckily she’s home. Talking brings me down. The turmoil in my soul ceases a bit, becoming bearable. This-is-only-a-tv-show…. This-is-only-a-tv-show…. Doesn’t matter really. What this tv show does to my emotions is very real. And not for the first time I wonder: do I invest too much passion in this damn show? I probably do. And despite episodes like this one (and many before) I wouldn’t change it for the world. 

I leave it be, take out a book that has nothing in common with Supernatural, to remind me of the life I have apart from this show and that I shouldn’t let it get to me the way it does. Not easy. How many of you, kind readers, have felt something like this after watching an episode that left you breathless? But – I have fallen in love with these characters and therefore it hurts even more to see them like this. I reckon some of you feel like this. I have no cure. Then again, I don’t have access to Grandpa Campbell’s journal.

From the promos I expected a mix of comedy and tragedy, but wasn’t prepared for the extent of tragedy I was thrown into. Not yet, of course. First we’re led into a bar where Goths and others mingle and Emily Fang (yeah, right), who looks like a blend of Stephanie Meyer and Kristen Stewart, shows the bartender her ID… But she’s not here for a drink. Well, not the kind you get at the bar. She meets a vampire, doesn’t know (as well as we don’t) that he is a real one and not the kind of pathetic wannabe modelling himself after the most popular vampire in recent film history, Edward Cullen.

It’s already a side blow to the Twilight series (a tad too long for those viewers unfamiliar with that franchise, I’d say, as they are missing out on the pastiche), and they use lines from the movies throughout the opening scenes (anyone who’s seen the films will notice how Roberts catches her red mobile (instead of the red apple in the first movie), the ‘paper cut’ and ‘are you scared… you should be’ and the wooden dialogue lines). Though I’ve read the Twilight novels and watched the films, actually enjoying them to some extent when dwelling in some kind of teenage romantic mood (and I do like the Vampire Diaries, though True Blood is my favourite at the moment, because those vampires embody more of their nature than Twilight does, but that’s just me), I always thought that the books were not exactly well written, I’d like to find an author with the ability to describe the inner states of her characters with more than just a few adjectives, and I don’t like the female lead of the films who has only about three expressions at her disposal to communicate her emotions… I’m mean, I know. But I have standards when it comes to acting I like to see lived up. And it may well be that my witchy side is triggered by the emotional turmoil of this episode. 

Plus: the vampires of that series practically don’t suffer any predicament. The classic difficulties to their lives, like sunlight, garlic, holy water, crucifixes, mirrors, etc. don’t exist. They are a more perfect version of a human being. Of course, hoards of teenage girls want to be like that. And, in this scenario of our favourite tv show they are the easiest prey. Where hormones rage there is no room for common sense, eh? Robert (nice one!) leads Kristen aka Emily to a place smelling like pee where she is to disappear…  Velvet? Of course. 
 

‘This is a national best seller! How’s that possible?!’ I just love this scene. The décor of Kristen’s room, the references to Twilight and Vampire Diaries, candelabra in the form of skulls, …a screaming computer when you type in the wrong password. Fantastic! And – Sam and Dean, you are so exposed! Dean knows Lautner, and Sam even knows what character he’s playing. Come on, admit it – you have watched the films, also. For research reasons only, of course. Sam, The Black Rose is not that strange… you obviously stayed in The Night Owl Hotel yourself, eh?

Actually, the vampires of this town are not exactly the brainy ones, are they? Their Alpha doesn’t protect them as he should. Robbing a blood bank delivery? Leaving the driver dead in the street? Come on. If I was a vampire, I’d own a blood bank (and an undertaker’s for practical reasons) to keep a low profile. 

Following Samuel’s advice our Winchesters find themselves in the bar, looking for the potential vampires responsible. Dean, though, is hit by a melancholy thought of memory ‘When was the last time we had a beer together, anyway?’ but Sam doesn’t pay attention to what he says. His eyes and mind are fixed on his mission – finding vampires. And since the vampires here are looking for pretty faces to attract horny teenage girls Sam and Dean are just the right choices – one brooding and at present somewhat menacing, the other forlornly beautiful. Perfect vamp material. 

One (the real one) of them leads Sam down to a storage room. Alas, Sam is too well trained. He decapitates the attacker in a heartbeat, not even flinching. Dean follows a wannabe to an alley – to a wonderfully funny and sweet scene: ‘You wearing glitter?’ – ‘I’m only doing it to get laid, man!’ – ‘Does it work?’ – boy nods – ‘I’ll be damned.’ Hilarious! And sad – is that boy so lonely and desperate that he has to play this role to get a chance to meet a girl? Has no girl ever loved him the way he is, with his own teeth, no make-up and no dog collar, just his plain self? 

No wonder, the vampire stories of today have so many followers. People today, especially teenagers, are very much lost in a world that demands a lot of them. There are new commandments today that rule Western societies: Be happy!, Use your time to an optimum!, Think positive!, Be successful!, Manage your body!, Be the best!, Market yourself!, Never wilt!, Stay young! 

Being yourself is not exactly an option if you are young and believing all kinds of magazines and books wanting to teach you how to be ‘perfect’. Diving into a fantasy world of the glorious undead, all the blemishes you might have, disappear. You become a stunning, desirable, flawless beauty or a strong, handsome, impeccable guy. It’s the classic avoidance schema. You don’t have to face your ‘faults’ (if you like to call them that), but imagine to be someone, something else. However, it’s a fragile position. The moment that ivory tower of evasion crumbles, you are left with your ‘pitiable, lacking’ self. And the character you modelled your ideal on doesn’t hold a strategy how to overcome the inevitable despair and fear. It’s not the most recommendable role model.  

‘You’re pretty’ – ‘Sorry, again, pal. I don’t play for your team.’ 

Dean, my dear, you don’t know it yet, but in a moment you will play for his team. The elder Winchester is caught off guard, still a bit rusty, and getting beaten up by the curly vamp. Ah – all is well: Sam is already rushing to his brother’s rescue… Is he? 

There is so much happening in his face within a few seconds – worry, decisiveness, fascination, scheming… and pretending to save Dean. It’s the same interest Sam displayed when Castiel tortured that boy in an earlier episode. And that smug, self-righteous smile. Sammy, I love you. But at this point you deserve a damn good thrashing.

I can’t believe my eyes. I just can’t. What is happening to my favourite character here? The creators of Supernatural do their very best to twist that knife in my flesh. This Sam makes it hard to love him. And I bet Jared is having the time of his life portraying the character, playing against type which he does wonderfully.

I still believe that Sam is suffering from an extreme form of PTSD with a coping strategy you might call emotional detachment. When a person experiences terrible horrors over a long period of time, their personality can change, as I have written about in earlier articles. So – what happened to Sam in hell? In Lucifer’s cage? 

Plus: we have been told that to ingest the amount of blood Sam needed to keep Lucifer contained would change him forever. I am inclined to believe that the significant changes in Sam’s nature and demeanour stem from those gallons of blood he had to consume. All that demon blood must have left some imprint of sorts, perhaps some boost of power or increase of strength? He appears, after all, much like an Alpha hunter himself right now.

I know, from my professional point of view, that a character change so significant is possible after a horrific ordeal. The psyche takes over, in order to protect the soul from noticing the damage there.  I assume that many of you probably are not familiar with the phenomenon of posttraumatic stress disorder. Slowly, there is a rising awareness of it among people not working in the mental health field, but still many probably can’t imagine that such a shift of character might be possible. 

I don’t want this article to become another lecture on PTSD, as I have described it thoroughly in other articles (feel free to check them out on my writer’s page), but let me assure you that such a substantial change is possible. I’ve seen it countless times in my field of work. I’ve seen people react in ways no one would have believed logical. 

My thought is still that Sam must have endured indescribable horrors in hell. Different from those Dean encountered. Enough to change his nature so significantly.  It’s the biggest hope I have (since then there actually might be help… get thee hither, Sam. I think I could make some time for you) because I need a good explanation for why Sam is behaving in this insufferable manner. I need an answer that is psychologically believable and true to the character. And, yes, I need it soon. 

Trauma, at its core, is the ultimate loss of control over a situation, be it an accident, abuse, torture, etc.. One important part of coping is creating a neighbourhood of security and control. People then very often cling to aspects of their lives where they will find the impression (at least) of being in control. Sam, I believe, does that, too: in keeping himself in shape, in staying focused to an almost scientific approach that is willing to sacrifice others for experimental reasons, and simply in hunting he creates a life he presumes he’ll be capable of controlling. 

So, infiltrating a vampire nest with a hunter-become-vampire might just appear as the best and most cunning plan of all… 

But I also believe there is more to the story than traumatic experiences in hell – did Sam strike a deal in hell? Is someone blackmailing Sam to get to the Alphas (hello bad ass angels?) or else…? Is Sam imprisoned somewhere and there is an impostor in this handsome skin? Is he paying the price of having been ridden by an angel? We know that people who have been hosts for angels don’t end up in the best state imaginable. Having the devil in you … what does that make of you? Something like this? I shy away from speculation in regard to this show and need to halt my trains of thought. I have been wrong so many times before, since the writers seem to always manage to prove me wrong. Yet, I hope for a solution that will bring back some of the Sam I have loved from the very beginning.

He crushes me. He scares me. He makes it hard for me to love him. And most of all he leaves me worried out of my wits…

‘Samuel is gonna kill me when he gets here. … Yes he is, ‘cause I’m gonna ask him to because you won’t do it!’ 

‘Sammy?’ The look on Dean’s face is just as painful – he realises, slowly, what happened, I believe. His eyes speak of resignation. Of defeat. Because he knows what it means for him to have swallowed vampire blood – he needs to die. Plain and simple. There is no fear in his face, not at this moment, but something utterly deserted.



His transformation to a vampire is remarkably done here, in a dense, compact atmosphere to thick you could easily slice it up – even the slightest noise annoys him, he can hardly stand the light. The security of carrying a death sentence is growing on him. But Sam keeps assuring him, keeping calm – because he knows (and I’m quite sure of this) that there is a cure and that Dean won’t die or have to be killed. I also believe that Sam is certain that Dean will be capable of restraining himself from taking a sip of human blood that would complete the transformation. However, experiencing the moment a human being is transformed to a vampire through Dean’s eyes is utterly terrifying. It’s not glorious like in those novels today’s kids love to devour. It’s painful, disturbing, like a paranormal migraine no meds can cure. 

But Sam is curious. His inquisitive mind wants to know how it feels to become. This is another strange nuance of Sam’s demeanour. He appears to not be interested in Dean’s emotional state but his physical. He seems to know more than we do. But Dean’s attention is set on saying good-bye to Lisa before it’s too late, that is: before he gets into such a condition of undead mind that he actually might hurt her. 

And a few moments later he stands in her bedroom not unlike the book cover he mocked earlier. He’s trying to explain but fails miserably, sounding too much like Pattinson which might freak him out in addition to the whole matter. He only manages to puzzle and scare Lisa. And I don’t blame the woman. The man you love turns out in your bedroom, confused, menacing and, well, sexy as hell (forgive this shallow remark), behaving in a way that actually makes you feel in danger. He is dangerous. His announcement of his looming death is devastating to her.



At this point I believe that Lisa will leave Dean eventually. Or Dean will break up with Lisa. I can’t imagine them having a future in this world. And this leaves me sad. I like Lisa. She’s the kind of woman that could actually make this relationship work. But show me the (mentally sane) mother who will allow her child to be threatened and not do anything about it?
 
We will have to leave that to the writers, of course, but I fear Lisa will have to go. I would like the storyline of her leaving him or vice versa better than having her killed off and become a part of the Supernatural tradition of female characters not surviving the Winchesters. 
 

Given that Samuel spent a huge part of the past year with Sam and being a good and experienced hunter, grandpa trust his instincts. He feels that something is way off with his grandson. Plus: he remembers talking to Sam about the cure. And Samuel believes Sam to be capable of risking his own brother’s life to get ‘a man on the inside’ and to the Alpha, since Samuel has had the chance to observe the young one closely during their time together. What is it he has seen so far? I don’t think the Campbells are the kind of people that would trust others without having a good look behind the façade first.

Oh, Dean… he’s the perfect vampire. Why? Because he is completely at the outside now. He might find a home with the nest, were he to change his mind, but else he doesn’t belong anywhere anymore. He can’t go back to Lisa who has provided warmth and safety of soul for him. He can’t really return to the Campbells or Sam since he isn’t human anymore and in constant danger of attacking one of them sooner or later or be killed himself. He has no home anymore. 

The vampire as an archetype is probably one of the strongest ones from the imagination of the nineteenth century, standing for various themes such as isolation, repressed or open sexuality, the lure of the antichrist, perhaps irredeemable, but compassionate, and, of course, alienation, racial prejudice, consumers and consumed, the loss of faith and – as a result the loss of humanity. 

Dean desperately tries to hold on to his humanity, withstanding the urge for blood to the best of his abilities, while Sam has already given in for a greater cause: consuming gallons of blood to gain victory over Lucifer in Swan Song. At the time Sam didn’t do it because he was hungry for blood. He did it out of hunger for doing the right thing and saving the world. It was a power issue, eventually. Being the one to prevail, to prove to his brother, his family that he was worth their trust. Need for acknowledgement and redemption. (I can’t help but wonder: is there a part of Sam experiencing some kind of satisfaction over Dean’s taste of blood?)

Just as a demon blood consuming Sam vampires penetrate frontiers between life and death, good and evil, heaven and hell. The natural boundaries there dissolved and renewed with Sam’s sacrifice. It’s probably a very fitting manner to expose his current, morally debatable attitude in a confrontation with vampires. 

'These are the best days in the last 600 years to be a vampire.’

These vampires here embrace ferocity and bloodlust channelling those into their gang-like essence. Their nest in fact is a pack, led by an alpha wolf who is only an adjutant to the real Alpha who is in need of pretty recruits like Dean to fit the current vampire ideal – the brooding, beautiful, seductive teenage wet dream.

Here, Dean is offered a place to stay, the kind of home he would need were he to remain a vampire. Well, beasts of all kinds care for their own. The company line might be to not kill people anymore, but Dean instantly becomes Roberts hero with his intuitive lie of having drunk ‘so many people’ on his way to the nest. ‘You gotta tell me what that’s like’

Have I mentioned how much I am in awe watching  Jensen perform here? Well, I am. He’s tragic. He’s lonely. He’s greedy. He’s terrified. All there in one controlled face.  He’s giving Dean the kind of determined desperation you would expect him to ooze at a point like this, doing his best to manipulate the six hundred years old vamp Boris. Who, by the way, is just another arrogant, misogynistic dandy. The girls are kept in cages ‘till they’re compliant’? I’m gonna do a happy dance when Dean plays ball with your slimy head. ..

I wish Dean was more careful. But he’s doing what he can. That one drop escaping his attention almost seals his fate. But some strange whispering voice (reminding me of the secret voice of Sauron) we don’t understand stops Boris from crushing Dean. All the vamps drop to the ground, eventually Dean, having one of the creepiest dreams I’ve seen in a long time. First night after watching that episode, those twin vampire girls haunted me in my sleep. 

We are given pictures but no answers. Who is the dark, long-fingernailed man? An angel? A friend of Lucifer’s? Are Alpha vampires born and not sired? Did all the unconscious vampires have the same dream – that was in fact an instruction where to go: cover the region surrounding Chicago? Create new vampires as they go? Create an army of the undead?

Ah, bless you, Dean. However – how did you best a vampire who had six centuries in his bag? Has Boris done nothing but chew gum during all this time? I doubt it. A vampire to survive that long must have acquired various skills and was most probably an excellent fighter. Well, this whole thing ‘is bigger than you and me’. The only reason why Dean survived, to my mind, because the Alpha (or whoever spoke to the vampires in that angelic, Sauronesque manner) wanted him to survive. 
 

 
As Samuel is preparing the cure Sam is there, eager, methodical, and all he is interested in is what Dean did see. He doesn’t ask how he, Dean, feels, he is focused on another task – finding the Alpha. I’m grateful that Dean shuts him up, because I don’t know how I would bear any more of that bleakness, devoid of the emotional support he used to offer to Dean whenever necessary. 

‘L’chaim’, to life, he says, cringingly, and swallows the potion Samuel mixed for him. Oh, yes, he will live. But after turning back with vomiting black goo and the vampire in him dying a agonizing death he might have wished, for just a moment, to have died earlier. This looks horrific. And the vision of his last minutes before being turned burns in his memory (and ends in about the closest close up ever, much like that one on Janet Leigh in Hitchcock’s Psycho). He knows that Sam stood there and did nothing while Boris was feeding him his vampire blood. After watching that scene over and over I finally saw an instant where it actually might have been possible for Dean to actually catch a glimpse at Sam, through lidded eyes and half conscious. And those images were stored in his unconscious, to be triggered in a moment of sheer agony. 

As Dean returns from the bath room, cleaned up and somewhat his former self, Sam greets him with a tight hug and ‘Hey, Dean, how do you feel?!’ … oh, yes, I forgot. This is the new Supernatural. All Sam wants to know is what Dean saw in the nest, his air all strategic excitement for good vampire intelligence… the Sam I encountered over the last seasons would have rushed to his brother, expressing relief and concern. 
 
Instead, what we get is someone closely resembling a lying cad. His ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘of course, Dean’ are stereotypical, clichéd phrases devoid of the emotion that would usually accompany them and make them genuine. 

I love Sammy. I always have. But this Sam is giving me a hard time loving him. I’m trying to imagine how I would react to a guy I love like that in real life, if I experienced similar moments of being let down or deceived. My natural reaction usually is to listen to the other’s explanation. To listen whether I find any truth there, since loving someone means to embrace his dark side, too. At least to me it does. And, well, I’d most likely give him one good slap.

But slowly I’m reaching a point where it becomes too hard to bear this development, although I am so very proud of Jared’s marvellous acting skills. Again, he shows a lot of courage by treading this path which is tough for an actor to dismantle a well-loved character in this manner. 

I don’t want to lose faith in Sam, but I’m going to need a good explanation. And soon. Because this emotional turmoil I’m getting thrown into since the first episode of this season is messing me up. This show entered my soul in a way I had never expected and I didn’t protect myself well enough.  Watching the writers pile even more agony, guilt and torment on the protagonists’ shoulders is more than I want to ingest every week. It might be only a tv show, but it does something to me. 

I still live in hope that we will be given a satisfying answer. Soon.

By all means we’re given an astounding episode that keeps the minds of its audience reeling, with fascinating cinematography and nuanced lighting. A story that depleted and finished me to a point I was hardly able to breathe. That alone is amazing for a show that has never ceased to amaze me for more than five years now. And the acting here can’t be commended highly enough. I am stunned, really.

I’m left in about the same state of confusion as Dean is. Noticing the changes in Sam, trying to make sense of them, being utterly shocked and betrayed and somewhat disheartened at finding what he is capable of.

I’m chewing on essential questions that shake the foundations of our show. For five seasons now it was built on the importance of family and the power of the unconquerable love of the brothers. ‘In the end they chose family’ was one of the closing messages of Swan Song. 

There are elements of it here, but the core of Supernatural, the caring relationship of the Winchester brothers, has suffered serious harm to an extent of almost becoming unbearable. 

I do hope that Lucifer’s words in The End that no matter what they did they would always end up at each other’s’ throats with Lucifer as the victor will not hold true in the twisted version of a break-up of the brothers’ deep bond. 

Personally, I will try to calm my mind and wait for the next episode before losing heart, as I trust there will be some answers there. Well, I need them. I suppose we all do. 
 

‘It is those we live with and love and should know who elude us’

(Norman MacLean)