Supernatural actor Misha Collins delivered a stunning announcement today regarding Supernatural and its fans.  He's renouncing the show and the fandom!  Mr. Collins has chosen the Winchester Family Business exclusively for his statement, mostly out of guilt because he's met our editor-in-chief, Alice Jester, many times and always forgets her name every time he sees her. 

There's just no sugarcoating this, so we'll just share his full statement:

"Today for me represents a breaking point and a moment of liberation, a day I prayed for years would arrive but instead I had to subject myself to painful and often embarrassing experiences.   I’m announcing my intent to renounce all ties with Supernatural and its fandom, known unoriginally as #SPNFAMILY.

My conscience finally got the better of me.  My actions are reprehensible and beyond what would be considered normal, grounded behavior.   All those years of me fueling the shipping fires with the concept of Destiel, knowing full well that it would never become a reality, made me question my own morality.   It was just me yanking the chains of wishers and dreamers, all because it made me feel good.  Dean isn’t my type at all.  I find him to be quite a jerk actually.  Anyone with an iota of common sense  knows that Castiel prefers taller men because mounting becomes a fun challenge. 

These fans will believe just about anything.  Don't they see the truth?  It's all an elaborate hoax and has been for some time.  Supernatural is a mediocre to sh***y show which technically ended almost 6 years ago but whose fans are so in denial that Canada and the CW have resorted to an elaborate scheme to keep the show going less a wicked slap riot break out across North America.  This is aided by bottom of the shelf CGI replacements of the two lead actors, Jared P_ and Jensen A_ who 6 years ago left acting to embrace their true passions: lobster rodeos.  Though the CGI is stiff and barely human like, nobody has been able to tell the difference from the real thing. 

I'm the only live human actually filmed on the show now since the CW decided it was more profitable being filmed in my wanderings than actually putting me a facility for the mentally ill and getting me the treatment and medicine I desperately need.  This usually works though sometimes, when the production assistants on staff blink, I will get into the jelly beans again and have to be sedated less antics cause another international incident.  Nobody has yet to notice these periodic disappearances because in order to save money, the show also fired all the writing staff and have written the show by stealing from fans' twitter feeds on the occasions the producers sober up long enough to realize they need a plot. 

As part of the conspiracy, this has led to many critics calling these recent seasons "the best years ever" for the show and declaring that the plots and writing from the first five seasons were what was holding the show back.  The fans all seem to agree as their embracing of the show has not decreased in the slightest.  When CW announced that for season 12, each episode would just consist of a still image of Jared & Jensen on screen for 45 minutes, they promptly melted down twitter in an orgy of excitement.

The rest of my activities have been a scam as well.  Mission trips to Haiti?  That was just a front for me to get good PR for my career while my family and I enjoyed a luxury vacation at a nearby resort.  GISHWHES?  A device to make fools of you all.  It worked too, well beyond my wildest dreams.  The experiment proved abundantly what I suspected all along, people will do anything a celebrity asks them to do.  Fans are like sheep. 

I confess that I have been mocking fans for years as well with the use of the words “creative” and “energetic.”   SPN fans are just plain sick f***s.  The colloquial statements on twitter and Tumblr alone are enough for me to gouge my eyes out, let alone leave me wondering how basic human interactions can spiral into dark depravity over what to me is an easy part time job.  After years of stringing fans along and making them think they’re part of something greater for my own amusement, I’ve decided to rescue my sanity and become the responsible, sane human being my son and daughter think I am.  My dear friend William Shatner said it best, “Get a life.”  Message received and done.  So long suckers." 

A shocking statement indeed!  The Winchester Family Business would like to remind any fans that are truly horrified by this report to check the published date of this article and question its truthfulness.  This news is brought to you by the hashtags #mishapocalypse and #aprilfools.