Article Index

(For Part One, the link is here).


16.  
 Teddy bears

 
Leave it to Ben Edlund to bring a warm, fuzzy childhood companion to life as a 7-foot bipolar nutjob. He’s scarier than a real bear. Tea parties are strongly discouraged.
 

 
 
Dean, are you ever going to hunt this little bitch down?
 
 17.    A nice, relaxing bath or shower
 
     
 
Anyone who knows anything about horror realizes this is a harbinger of bad things to come, like a bloody axe murderer. Vengeful spirits and swarms of flesh-eating arachnids are just variations on a theme. Still, even though you pay attention to horror movies, it’s hard not to bathe, so it’s nice to know it’s occasionally possible to have an awesome shower! But beware--your chances for surviving an attempt at personal hygiene are vastly improved if you’re, well, a dude. The axe murderers and other evils that plague bathtime just don’t seem to be into dudes, even if they’re as gorgeous as the one pictured below--come on, now!
 
 
Dude . .

 
18.    Small towns

  
Ah, life in a small town . . . slow pace, pastoral environment, friendly neighbors. If anyone offers you an apple pie, though, just get the hell out. It’s so not worth it. If it’s really easy to isolate your town (say there’s only one road in or out, with a bridge to cross the river), it is again recommended that you get the hell out. Find out how deep the river is if necessary. 
 

 
Small towns were being terrorized and even obliterated on Supernatural long before the rising of Lucifer, but it’s been stepped up a notch for the Apocalypse. Lucifer’s plan seems to be to quietly cut off and destroy one backwoods American town after another, and though some practically fall off the map it’s hardly noticed by the world at large.
 
Examples, just to name a few:
Burkittsville, IN     River Grove, OR     River Pass, CO     Carthage, MO     Blue Earth, MN     Sioux Falls, SD
 

19.  
  The Sisters of St. Mary’s Convent, Ilchester, MD

 
  
Geez Louise, Krip!!!! Nuns slap your wrist a few times too many as a kid??? OK, so I have no idea whether Eric Kripke did time in Catholic school or not. More likely he was just running his finger down the Things to Ruin list and said, “Aha. Time for nuns.” But watching him sic that yellow-eyed bastard Azazel on the helpless sisters makes you wonder if there weren’t some issues being worked out . . .
 
20.   Camping

 
 
Another horror staple. Between the monsters, demons, and other things that go bump in the night—which may or may not include zombie alligators—I reckon Suze has the right attitude towards the great outdoors: they’re not all that great. Lock the doors, lay down some salt and just stay in your condos, folks.
 
 
 
 21.   Bunnies
             


 
 
Continuing the fine tradition established in Fatal Attraction, these critters always seem to get screwed in the deal. 
 

22.  
Tomato soup

 
 
You managed to check out of the Hotel California, but you’ll always carry the scars, including the ruin of this classic comfort food. You’ve had to cut grilled cheese out of your diet too, just by association.


23.   French fries

 
 
While we’re on ruined foods: In my opinion calling these artery-clogging treats “deep fried crack” only adds to their appeal. Even demons are willing to kill for them. No, it’s when the poor Biggerson’s fry cook starts snarfing them straight out of the fryer that they’re totally ruined for me. 
 

 
 
 24.   Family reunions

 
 
Short-lived and usually end in disaster. Hmmm. Maybe the Winchesters aren’t so different from us after all.
 
 
 
25.   Interior decorating
 
Jerry Wanek, you can ruin my house anytime you want. The motel rooms on this show, which are ruined on a weekly basis, are genius!
 
 
The Gibbs brothers passed out slept in here last night. 

 

Bobby thinks the birds are after him . . . Hey, if I got high in this room, I’d have nightmares too.


26.    A classic beauty
 
     
     
 
The Impala has put up with so much abuse over the years, but you can’t let a car like this one go. After the stunning ruin of this gorgeous girl in the S1 cliffhanger, fans welcomed her back in black in “Bloodlust”. Our hearts broke all over again when we saw her ruin in “The End”—when Dean treats his baby like that, it’s the end of the world for sure.
 
 

 
27.   A beautiful head of hair


 

Ruined. Really, there’s nothing else you can say about going from this . . . 

 
 . . . to this. Seriously, WTF? What did he do to piss off the stylist? 
 
Dean’s hair can be styled once and it’ll never move again (I hope whoever developed that industrial-grade gel patented the formula), but Sam’s needs constant care and attention. JP really needs to keep on the stylist’s good side. Treat her like royalty, you hear?! It takes awhile, but they must’ve at least come to an uneasy truce, because there are thankfully better hair days ahead . .

28.   My Productivity

 -------->
 
I should be reading journal articles and studying for an exam. Instead I’m obsessively rewatching the last episode, sifting through screencaps and procrastinating by writing this article. I suppose I could take responsibility for this state of affairs, but it’s just more fun to blame Kripke. ;D
 
29.   Our emotional well-being

 
         
I didn’t realize it was possible to inflict this much suffering on a series’ characters and the fans who love them. They’ve been ripping our hearts out and stomping all over them, week after week, for years. And we love it. It’s a relationship as dysfunctional as the brothers themselves! 
 
Stocking up on Kleenex is pretty par for course before a new episode. Survival checklists have also included booze, whole chocolate cakes, and by way of precaution, putting 911 on speed dial! Fortunately, the resident therapist at TWFB has offered spots on the biggest virtual couch ever to help calm our frayed nerves . . . Thanks to Karen, Jas, and Nitewoman, whose comments I pilfered in writing this paragraph!
 
30.    Asia 

 
Wanna play a really cruel joke on a Supernatural fan? Set the alarm to wake them up to Asia’s “Heat of the Moment”. Put some pink flamingos on the walls for good measure and you are guaranteed to freak them right out. We’re talking panic and palpitations. Be warned, however, that as soon as they recover they will try to kill you. If they seem cool with it and laugh it off, start to worry. They are likely plotting something even more heinous to do to you.
 
Footnotes:
 
1.      "The Enigma of Sam Winchester's Hair" is way funnier than my attempt to address the matter in #23. Newcomers are directed to the archives, that article is a must-read! For the sake of completeness, however, it simply could not be left off the “Things to Ruin” list. Btw, the pilot is so friggin’ dark I near went nuts trying to find a decent picture of the never-to-be-seen-again Pilot Hair.
2.       Anyone perplexed by Uriel’s inclusion under #18, he’s there on purpose—“Wire” fans, that one’s for you!
3.       I had 25 items on the list, a reasonably nice round number. Then I saw “Hammer of the Gods” and absolutely had to throw in #22, for a new total of 26, which was so screwing with my OCD that I just kept adding stuff until I got to 30. Damn you, Kripke.
 
So what has Supernatural ruined for you? I’m sure there’s plenty I’ve missed! Summer hellatus is upon us, and with it a temporary respite from further ruination. Enjoy it while you can, folks-- I’m sure there’ll be plenty more gruesome fun come September! 
 
Cheers! --ElenaM
 

Comments  

Karen
# Karen 2010-05-23 09:16
Hi ElenaM
Loved part 2 as much as part 1.
Tomato soup and grill cheese sandwiches has always been my daughter and I favourite lunch(comfort food) since she was little. Until now of course. Thanks a lot Kripke!
BTW pilfer til your hearts content, if it helps assist in these fun articles, I’m all for it.
joelsteinlover
# joelsteinlover 2010-05-23 10:15
Post "Magnificent Seven" I've never even looked at Drain-o. That's the one thing on this show that's ever made me nauseous, ever. I use one of those pokey things and I shove it down my drain to clean it, now. Euugh.

Once I accidentally put my Supernatural playlist (instead of "Stupid" playlist) as my alarm and Asia was the one that came on. Just for the sake of MS, I sat up with wide eyes. I was almost expecting Dean to be sitting on a bed next to me tying his shoes.

And right now, I'm supposed to be doing a book report. I was on my way to my email inbox because my friend sent me a prompt that I forgot at school and I was like "wellll I can get to gmail from the top of any google search, hmmm..." So yeah, Supernatural pretty much trumps all.
Bevie
# Bevie 2010-05-23 13:12
Loved this ElenaM.

There's the meat tenderizer in "Sex and Violence" and the mirrors in "Bloody Mary". The telephone calls in "Long Distance Caller". Mechanical toy monkeys with cymbals (Yike! Stephen King uses them too). Air ducts as in "Sam Interrupted" and "No Exit". And chocolate chip cookies. I'm sure they were ruined for Sammy.

Oh, and flu medicine containers. You never know where they have been, do you?

Thanks for the fun list.
Evelyn
# Evelyn 2010-05-23 17:37
Great list Elena. Nice trip down memory lane and it's good to smile again when it comes to Supernatural. As far as what SPN has ruined for me lately - well, that's obvious, my emotional well-being and productivity. Still recovering from Swan Song. Watched it again last night, was lucky this time, the tears didn't start falling until the very end - but when they did, the floodgates just burst open. Yep, my emotional well-being is a goner. Maybe it's good we have the next four months to recover ourselves until the next angsty onslaught. Keep it coming!!!!
Suze
# Suze 2010-05-24 07:52
Snigger, I can really identify with no.28, my work ethic ( never that much to write home about ) shrivels up like a salted slug when confronted with a new episode. Can't agree with 23 though, nothing, not even the vision of deep-fried-moro n-fingers, will put me off chips! ( Sad but true )

I'd add sleep patterns to the list of things wrecked beyond redemption by the show. I know it's tecnically possible to stop half way through a dvd and retire to one's couch, but I've never got the hang of it at all personally and my bloke-free boxset marathons tend to end with me waking up on the sofa covered in cats with a really stiff neck ten minutes after I was supposed to be at work ... ;-)
Jasminka
# Jasminka 2010-05-24 08:10
ElenaM, this was another great fun thing to delve into... I won't let the show ruin my teddy bear for me! No way! ANd he's fine, he'll never put a gun to his mouth :-)

This show has ruined me for other show that simply don't reach the quatlity of this one... I've become more critical, but that's not necessarily a bad thing, I guess.

Thanks so much for these two lists, if you have something else in store to follow in their wake - please keep them coming... We still have some weeks of hellatus to kill

CHeers! Jas
Freebird
# Freebird 2010-05-24 17:40
#30 ASIA - :lol: :lol: :lol:
#28 PRODUCTIVITY - sometimes I feel the need to sue Kripke & Co
I am so glad we don't have GARBAGE DISPOSALS here in Croatia :D

ElenaM, loved your list, this was so much fun to read, thank you!

Lara
Ardeospina
# Ardeospina 2010-05-25 07:55
Really fun part II of your list, ElenaM! I definitely enjoyed it! And yeah, this show has definitely ruined my productivity at home since I spend more time writing and chatting in the CBox and less time cleaning (ugh) and doing home-improvemen t projects!

As for the other things the show has ruined for me, I just have three to add to your list:

1. Flickering lights. Any time a light flickers, I immediately think it may be a spirit. One of my co-workers is a SPN fan, too, so if it happens at work, she's like "You get the shotgun and I'll get the salt." Which leads me to number 2...

2. Salt. I can't look at salt and not think about how as well as seasoning my food and making it taste good, it's also a weapon against evil things.

3. Impalas that aren't from 1967 or thereabouts. Every time I see one of the newer Impalas, the four-door sedans, I laugh at it because it's such a lame version of its old self. Any non-'67 Impala is ruined!

Great job on the lists, and thanks for making them! They were really fun and funny.
Sablegreen
# Sablegreen 2010-05-25 09:33
Thanks ElenaM. Teddy bears can never be ruined for me, but I'll have problems ever eating tomato soup again! Loved the 'dude' in the towel...one of my favorite of Dean.

Thanks so much for putting this together!
Randal
# Randal 2010-05-25 10:31
I never had a teddy bear, so I think it's place in the hierarchy is safe. And french fries? Ruined? Not even Satan himself can destroy such salty, artery-clogging goodness!

And I must also quibble with productivity being ruined. Since when is forsaking work to comment here NOT productive? Why do you hate America?
ElenaM
# ElenaM 2010-05-26 12:14
Thanks again for your kind comments, everyone! Hee, looks like #28 is one a lot of us have got in common ;-). Is "ruination" even a word? Pretty sure I made it up, should've just been ruin.

Narcissus, thanks so much!!! No part 3 yet, but hey, figure that's what season 6 is for ;-)

However, if you (and anyone else) are looking for a good laugh this hellatus, you've got to check out "Stupornatural. " I just discovered this & thought it was hilarious. Not only is there an episode, he also created a trailer and gag reel to go with it. Ash4897 liked it so much she made a fanvid for it. That's right, a fanvid of a fanvid. And now there's a trailer for "Stupornatural 2"--I can't wait! Hope I'm not overhyping it, hee . . .

Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odgAN4nSv2M

Karen, thanks again for your help! I was just thinking, submarine sandwiches should go in the ruined foods category--I forgot about "Malleus Maleficarum"! Cherry syrup, jello and ketchup just go without saying . . .

Joelsteinlover, LOL--I never, ever want to wake up to that song! Oh yeah, the Drano scene was horrible. Definitely on my "unwatchable" list, but mostly I can block it out. This is good as Drano does such magical work on clogs, I don't even have to touch anything! Hopefully being on hiatus will help us focus--good luck with your report!

Bevie--Good ones! Flu medicine, lol, I think I'll just make that "drugstore". The meat tenderizer totally belongs under kitchen! Maybe we can just live on takeout like the boys. Ice cream AND cookies were ruined for you? Kripke, you owe Bevie dessert.

Evelyn, know what you mean! But we keep coming back for more and more and more! Still, I appreciate that even the most horrendous heartbreaking eps still bring the funny, even if it's just a little. And bringing Cas and Bobby back to life was a uncharactersiti cally nice of the Krip. Maybe the prospect of actual riots at Comic-Con scared him a little . . . So glad this made you smile, especially after that finale, and thank you.

Dany, I'm trying a reward system--you know, if I get my to-do list accomplished, I get to read an article, if I work out today I get to watch an episode, that sort of thing. Maybe it'll turn serious time suckage into motivation! Or maybe not. :D

Suze-- :lol: Way to hold your ground! Deep fried crack, she knew what she was talking about. Until they get cold anyway. So are the cats fans too? And having the dogs must be comforting, since apparently at least one can produce an Airborne Toxic Event strong enough to repel demons :D Speaking of screwed up sleep, I'm so excited about the show moving to Fridays, I stay up too late on new episode Thursdays ;-) You know, I never salted a slug as a kid, you've sparked my (morbid) curiosity...

Jas, I would expect any bear of yours to be perfectly healthy, balanced and well-adjusted! ;-) What'll we do when this show ends? Won't be much to watch then!

Lara, we'll just make that a class-action suit :D So happy you enjoyed this, I figure every bit helps during Hellatus!

Ardeospina, I jump EVERY TIME the lights flicker. Which of course makes me want to go for the salt. See what you mean--it's got to be really distracting when you're trying to do normal things like cook, have dinner, prep the driveway, fill the water softener... :lol: These vehicles, they call themselves Impalas, yeah right... Then there are actual impalas--took my sister to the zoo, but for some reason I ended up with cars, and SPN, on my mind :D

Sablegreen--Snuggles is definitely ruined for me. I thought that bear was really cute as a kid, even wanted a stuffed one. Now I think it's way creepy! I passed the fabric softener in the grocery store and snickered out loud once, got a couple of puzzled glances because there was no apparent reason for me to be laughing. As for a certain dude, I really want to try a steam shower. :D Thank you, glad you liked!

Randal, :lol: :lol: :lol:
elle
# elle 2010-05-26 17:02
Number 28 - absolutely! Many times I was waylaid from studying or proper pre-exam sleep because of Supernatural. But, it's a sacrifice I am willing to make for my beloved show! Thanks for the list - it's excellent!
ElenaM
# ElenaM 2010-05-27 01:19
Thanks, Elle! It was really fun to put the list together--and surprisingly easy! Just kept coming up with stuff... they've ruined so much. Reckon the move to Fridays will help #28? Not too many exams on Saturday, thankfully! But Show is way too addictive. I say I'll just watch a few minutes while I'm eating dinner or something, but once I get started it's all over, I usually end up watching the whole episode...
Freebird
# Freebird 2010-05-27 19:32
Elena, thanks for the Stupornatural-l ink - it's hilarious! :mrgreen: