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The “Things to Ruin” List
 
Eric Kripke is on a mission! With cheerfully warped and macabre assistance from his writers, just how many ostensibly good things can be ruined by Supernatural? We’ve heard the Krip keeps a list of loose ends he wants to tie up on a whiteboard—that obsessive-compulsive streak is one of the many reasons I adore the man. It’s fun to imagine that he also keeps a “Things to Ruin” list on that board, cackling and rubbing his hands with glee every time he gets to cross something off. Mission accomplished!
 
The idea for this piece came from a comment from Alice along the lines of “Cross that off the Things to Ruin list.” I cracked up when I read it, as well as Bethany’s response to the “Home” recap. Credit for the first item on the list goes to her! I thought it might be fun to take the idea further and see how many things I could come up with. And it’s bound to get longer--with a sixth season in the works, they’re sure to make admirable progress on the list in the coming year. I can’t wait to see what twisted awesomeness they come up with next!
 
The list that follows is in no particular order. Some of these are more amusing than others. Some will no doubt make you groan, so keep those rotten tomatoes handy! Let’s start with:

1.      
 The entire kitchen
 
This one’s from Bethany, who wrote that Kripke seems determined to ensure that we can never go back into the kitchen or use any of its appliances ever again. Kitchen items ruined thus far include the:

 
 
Refrigerator
 

 
Microwave
 

 
Cuisinart
 

 
Garbage disposal

 
Melon baller

 
And, of course, the kitchen sink
 
2.       Holidays 

Christmas
 
 

 
This one’s a no-brainer. Evil Santa, drunk Santa, blinking sweaters, cross-eyed reindeer and one thoroughly butchered rendition of Silent Night: Carver & Co have ruined Christmas forever. 
 
 
I read a comment once from a mortified viewer who unsuspectingly stumbled across this “holiday special.” Poor guy—this episode really should come with a warning. 
 
Halloween 
 
 
 
The brothers’ lives are one long Halloween, and considering the day precedes the anniversary of Mary and Jessica’s deaths it’s got to be a crappy time of year for them. However, from razor blades and skeevy jailbait cheerleader witches to angels breathing down their necks, zombies rising en masse, and the Great Pumpkin himself, Halloween 2008 stands out as a particularly horrendous experience.

 

 
You can run, but you’d do better hiding. In this case, that means smearing your face with blood and playing dead.

 
Valentine’s Day
 
 
               
 
There are no words . . . this one was ruined by a master. IMHO the ruin of Valentine’s Day may top that of Christmas, and that’s no small feat.
 
Thanksgiving
 
OK, this one’s a stretch, since it was off camera, but it sounds like Thanksgiving was ruined for those poor boys year after year. Every time I sit down to turkey from here out, I’ll reflect sadly on little Sam and Dean sharing a bucket of extra-crispy with Dad passed out on the couch. Apparently those Millertime shifts were no joke, but cut Pa Winchester some slack—both his boys appear to have inherited his penchant for drowning their sorrows in hard liquor. The season 6 storyline will feature a quest to score Dean a new liver, but I digress.
 
 
Normal Thanksgiving


 
 
Winchester Thanksgiving

I wonder which holiday will be next? We know the boys had at least one fun Fourth of July, although it sounds like whenever John was around he was a massive buzzkill. Cinco de Mayo, perhaps? Dean’s been wanting to go down to Tijuana for ages, and the boys have a knack for finding trouble wherever they go. Or maybe St. Patrick’s Day. We know what Dean thinks of leprechauns, with their small hands . . . 

 
 
  


 
3.        Angels
 
I can’t believe what Supernatural gets away with on network television! Routinely calling angels “dicks with wings” for example (although I suppose that’s nothing compared to calling the Almighty an SOB; it’s completely in context, but I’m nervous I’ll get struck by lightning every time I watch that scene!). When you meet these angels, though, you get it—it’s a perfect description!
 

 
Good stuff. Good stuff? Good stuff! Zach, I miss you already!!!

 

So much for the Eastern seaboard.

We will, however, make an exception for the Angel of Thursday:
 
 
 
4.       Heaven

 
 
My 13 year old sister refuses to watch Supernatural. While perusing the CW site for episodes of “Life, Unexpected” she spotted the caption for DSotM and said, “Aww, look, Sam and Dean go to Heaven!” I explained that’s not a good thing. â€œIt’s not?” â€œNo, kiddo, that’s a very, very bad thing . . .”  
 
 
 
Who made Heaven a place in Cleveland? The Winchesters, apparently. Not to dis their botanical gardens, but when any part of Heaven looks like Cleveland, it’s gotta be a sign that something’s wrong. Not that it matters, since the guys already figured that out. Supernatural turns Heaven into a place of darkness and disillusionment. Even those who are happy there are basically living in the Matrix while the angels run the show. The brothers, on the other hand, spend most of their time subject to physical abuse and psychological torture, when they’re not running for their lives, that is. Did I say lives? They’re already dead . . .
 

5.      
 The preacher’s daughter

  
What should be said about Lori from Hookman? Probably as little as possible. I didn’t hate her . . . I just wasn’t remotely interested.
 
 
 
Leah, on the other hand, was very interesting. The actress captured perfectly her charismatic innocence and religious zeal masking a core of manipulative evil. This scene in the church especially gave me chills: â€œLet me go, or the next sinner I name will be you.” â€œFootloose” this is not-- more like Arthur Miller’s “The Crucible.”



6.       Fairy tales


 

Yep, these fractured bedtime stories are even Grimmer than the originals (*ducking tomatoes, again*). Then there are unicorns, which weren’t ruined per se, but I know I’ll never look at them the same way again!
 
 
 
 
7.       Colored contacts




 
 
I think colored contacts look a little spooky to begin with, but as a Supernatural fan, I now find them extra creepy: if demons can have black, red, yellow, or white eyes, why not blue or green? Being able to see the pupils doesn’t reassure me. You can see the red-eyed crossroad demon’s pupils too.
 
8.       The Tooth Fairy


 
Open wide and say “ahhhh” . . .
 
When I lost my teeth, I’d place them under the pillow hoping to find a quarter in the morning like all the other kids. Apparently I was ok with some freak coming into my room in the dead of night. But there was never anything there. See, my parents are first generation immigrants—they had no idea they were supposed to play tooth fairy! As it turns out, I should be grateful. Thirty-two quarters will not cover the lifetime of therapy bills that poor dad will need after his encounter with Jesse’s version of the Tooth Fairy.
 
 
It’s too bad we didn’t get to meet Jesse’s parents--sounds like his dad had a pretty perverse sense of humor! Or he just came up with a creative way to hang on to his pocket change.
 
9.       Clowns

 
 
“Clowns?? What the—” Oh, Ash, don’t act so surprised. Didn’t you ever see “It”?   Pennywise ensured the ruin of clowns for an entire generation; the folks at Supernatural are just doing their part to increase the prevalence of traumatic coulrophobia in the population. Bonus points to Jas for teaching us the word of the day!



10.    Little girls

 
        
 
       
 
Sugar and spice and everything nice? Um, not so much. In the world of Supernatural, these kids are definitely not alright, given Sera Gamble’s firm conviction that nothing is creepier than a little girl. If you see one, run for the hills, because as Sera says, they are never good news. This should be part of everyone’s Supernatural survival guide. Sam and Dean unfortunately have to stick around, in case it really is a girl who needs help. We know how that usually goes.
 
 
 
There are very rarely exceptions to this rule: Audrey Elmer, for example, and I loved this precocious kid from IBTCAOF too.
 

 
 
 
 
“The Real Ghostbusters” gave us some obnoxious and creepy little boys as well, but IMHO they’ve generally fared a little better on the series than the girls; we’ve had some pretty cool little dudes helping to keep their subspecies from total ruin:

 
 
 
11.    Not so little girls


 

 
 
More from the Supernatural Survival Guide: Remember, if you see a little girl, run. If you ARE a girl, RUN!!! Those boys may be pretty as all get out, but there is way too much collateral damage around them. â€™Nuff said.

12.   Dogs
 
      
 
Let’s say your significant other or kids are bugging you to get a dog. Say you’ve got allergies and aren’t really into scooping. Try making them watch “Crossroad Blues,” â€œNo Rest for the Wicked,” “Abandon All Hope” and “Devil You Know” in succession. If the hellhounds don’t do the trick, show ’em the Yorkie chasing Dean--insist that he really is vicious and dangerous. Add that he’ll pee when he’s nervous. Don’t forget the golden retriever in “Mystery Spot.” Do not be swayed by offers to name the dog Bones. Or Sam.
 
 



 
13.   Pediatricians

 
 
So you’re taking your kid to the doctor, someone you like and trust. It never hurts to keep some silver rounds on hand, though, as well as some salt and holy water. Should the nice doc starts smoking at the mouth or attempt to suck out your kid’s soul, you’ll be prepared to defend them like the lioness you are.

14.    Nurses 
 
       
 
Pestilence’s little assistant reminded me, and how could I forget Not-Cindy McKellan (Lilith’s personal chef), or Nurse Ratched and her colleagues?
 
 
The doctor will see you now.
 
Along those lines, between Pestilence AKA Dr. Green and Sam’s psychiatrist (the one who’s apparently never heard of Van Halen), I suppose a case could be made for generalizing #12 to just plain “doctors.” I didn’t really want to do that, though, since we’ve had a lot of docs on the show, and most of ’em have been decent folk. Although they were mostly coroners and medical examiners, so make of that what you will. But hey, there was Dr. Cara! That was a cool chick.
 
 
 
Then again, if you take all these healthcare professionals and lump hospitals, nursing homes, orderlies, psychiatric institutions, pharmaceutical companies and their associated sales reps into the mix we could just place The Entire Healthcare System on the “Things to Ruin” list. But there’s no call for that, methinks. The healthcare system doesn’t need Supernatural to ruin it—it’s doing just fine on its own.

15.   Dolls

 

That decapitated doll head from Family Remains reminds me uncomfortably of Chucky.
 
 
 
As for the inflatable variety, does it drive anyone else nuts that they start to deflate only after Bela pulls back the covers, not when she actually shoots them?!
 
  
What is it with these demented monkey toys? There was an evil-looking one in the Roadhouse, too. Do they count as dolls? I don’t know, but whatever, this one ruined cymbals for me too.

Click here for Part II
 

Comments  

Jasminka
# Jasminka 2010-05-19 09:53
Hey, ElenaM, this is fantastic... And I wondered why I never touched those melonballers again for over a year...

I have always been afraid of clowns, kids in movies, dolls .. this show only enhanced that, thank you very much, Mr Kripke.

Remind me to never make a deal with a crossroads demon - the idea of being torn up by hellhounds (perhaps Crowley-big-one s) is not improving my idea of a quiet death.

Bring on part two! We need some laughs during this hiatus!

Thanks! Jas
Randal
# Randal 2010-05-19 11:07
A new liver, heh heh. Guess they'll have to dig up Doc Benton's alchemy text after all.

Can one ruin Arbor Day?

Ahem. Are you saying that heaven does in fact NOT contain a burning river or subpar sports teams?

Only Supernatural could turn a sweet golden retriever into a bloodthirsty killer.

Bonus points for the dig at our joke of a health care system, but this list would've scored an A anyway. Loved it! :D
Julie
# Julie 2010-05-19 11:07
ElenaM ,
I love lists and this one is just great . I may never recover from the trauma of seeing that screencap of the melon baller , this is the only scene I have never actually seen as I have to look away as soon as I see Sams eye taped open ( feeling ill just thinking about it )
Really looking forward to the next part though , thanks.
Bethany
# Bethany 2010-05-19 14:31
ElenaM thanks :D i laughed my way through this list, which was a bit awkward as i was at work, but still brilliant list ... can't wait for part 2!

i loved the dog death in mystery spot it was one of my favourites! (after the taco and the archery)... i personally think kripke loves taking things that are held up and knocking them down in his own unique way ... is nothing sacred to kripke, i don't think so.
Sablegreen
# Sablegreen 2010-05-19 14:33
Great list, ElenaM. The microwave is macabre for sure and the kitchen sink! :P Look forward to part 2!
Bevie
# Bevie 2010-05-19 14:59
That was so funny ElenaM. Thanks for the laughs. :lol:

The bits I can no longer watch are the table saw in "The Kids are Alright", the garbage disposal in "Home" and the
cuisinart in "After School Special". Something about living flesh being minced! Just hearing the sounds freaks me out.

Always distrusted clowns, but after "It" absolutely hated them. Shiver!

Don't have a melon baller, but my ice cream scoop would do in a pinch and every time I use it I think of Sam's eyeballs. Eeeeek! :o
Elle2
# Elle2 2010-05-19 16:32
ElenaM,

I love the kitchen appliances! I'd forgotten about the melon baller...until I saw it again ugh!

Great list...and you have more to come!! Whee
Aaricia
# Aaricia 2010-05-19 20:05
Very good. But don't forget the BBQ fork (Bad Day at b
Black Rock)!
Ardeospina
# Ardeospina 2010-05-19 23:06
Really fun list, Elena! I didn't even think of some of those things the show has ruined for me, and part 2 is still to come! I'll wait until then to see if you have had the same things ruined for you!
ElenaM
# ElenaM 2010-05-20 01:15
Before I say anything else: I'm so sorry about the melon baller cap!!! I really should have put a warning or disclaimer before it. Better late than never: scroll down carefully and skip screencap number 6 if you're squeamish!!! Honestly I tried to find one where the Doc was just holding it but it was hard to tell what it was in those caps...

Along those lines, I just went through part 2. I don't want to give anything away yet, but I'm putting out some disclaimers: tha cap for #19 is OK, but the scene referenced is probably one of our more disturbing ones... Numbers 21, 22, and 23 each contain a screencap with some stomach-turning potential, so scroll carefully. Still, nothing you haven't seen already...

Thank you so much, everyone--just wanted to contribute something fun for Hellatus, glad you're enjoying it, melon baller excepted ;-)

Narcissus, good call!!! The white nightgown totally belongs on the list. Can't pass one in the store without a shiver. But hey, I'd rather have plaid flannel PJs anyway (hmmm, I wonder why... ;-))

Jas, glad you liked! Yeah, this show isn't going to help anyone with any of their neuroses. Hellhounds wouldn't be my favorite way to go either. But Crowley did make me consider the advantages of having one for a pet ;-)

Leslie, Krip's just too twisted, isn't he? You can't catch a break with this show! And Provenance, creepy painting, creepy doll, creepy little girl, yikes. But it had one of the best motel rooms ever!

Randal, leave the doc in the fridge, please! No one wants to see that melon baller ever again. The black market will provide. Re: Arbor Day: yes. M Night Shyalamalan ruined it with the abysmal "The Happening", which is too bad 'cause I'm still a huge fan of Sixth Sense. And pouring so much crap into the Cuyahoga that it freaking sets the RIVER on FIRE does not help you climb the celestial ladder (IMHO), but being a fond Winchester childhood memory helps ;-). Not that the Miami did much better, mind. Kidding aside, thank you so much, and hope you like part 2!

Julie, sorry about that... for me the gas station scene from Simon Said is unwatchable (hmmm, more for the list). And Pestilence snotting all over the drugstore. I better stop, I'm not helping at all. Hoping you enjoyed the rest!

Bethany, I totally owe you! Your pointing out how Krip ruined the kitchen started this whole thing, so thanks again!

Thanks, Sablgreen! Gotta love the dark humor on this show ;-)

Bevie, oh no! Show ruined ICE CREAM for you? That is just so wrong!

Thanks, Elle2! Although the kitchen stuff was all Bethany, I just picked some screencaps :mrgreen:

Hi, Shauna! yeah, the Tooth Fairy was awesomely disturbing. Apparently the Rock has played the role as well, which I also find awesomely disturbing. I'm positive there'll be more creepy little girls, especially if Sera Gamble takes charge ;-), and evil leprechauns get a vote from me too! I love the holiday episodes.

Aaricia: Right on. The barbecue fork definitely gets a place of honor under ruined kitchen stuff--good call!!!

Ardeospina, thank you! Very curious to find out what Krip's ruined for you ... :D

Again, thank you everyone for your comments! No tomatoes yet, I can hardly believe it. There's still part 2 though :D
Bethany
# Bethany 2010-05-20 02:01
Well i have to admit that when our sink backed up a few months ago, however irrational this may seem, i wouldn't go anywhere near it much to the amusement of my housemates ... thanks kripke!
Suze
# Suze 2010-05-20 07:17
Bethany, me too! I've now got such a morbid fear of sink related doom that I'm very reluctant to put my fingers any where near it, even though the nearest thing we've got to a garbage-disposa l is the dog ...
Karen
# Karen 2010-05-20 09:07
Hi ElenaM
Love the list, what a great idea.
For me I will never own a garbage disposal unit, ever!
The Clown never bothered me, but my daughter went into a panic attack on her first watch of Everyone loves a clown. But that was the fault of Stephen King and ‘IT’.
Can’t wait for part 2.
ElenaM
# ElenaM 2010-05-22 11:56
I'm quite fond of my garbage disposal, it's doing such admirable work on the veggie peelings and other dinner detritus. But if it ever backed up, I'm not touching it either. No freaking way. Which means I'll probably get sued by the plumber.

You know, Suze, dogs are on the list too--just kidding, I'm sure yours is (are?) great :D
Karen, I remember when "It" came out all the kids at my elementary school were freaked. Hope your daughter wasn't too frightened, that movie still scares me. Tim Curry classic, right under Frank N. Furter. Oh, and thank you!
Suze
# Suze 2010-05-22 12:37
Frankly, ElenaM, the occasional shredding of things and/or people are not the most unpleasant aspect of dog ownership by a long shot ... We've got two, an elderly Lab and something that looks like a warg crossed with a sheep and being bitten ( given a nasty suck ) is the least of ones worries. The farts alone could kill a bus load of demons ... ( Oooh! Anyone feel a FanFic coming on? :lol: )
Suze
# Suze 2010-05-22 12:39
Oi, what's going on with the bobbly emoticons, they're all strange and squiffy ...
Freebird
# Freebird 2010-05-24 17:25
ElenaM, what a great list! You made my day :lol: :lol: