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 Supernatural Jumps The Shark!

“The way I look at it, it’s really not jumping the shark if you never come back down.” —Chuck the Prophet

Apparently these are the words of God, so there must be something to it, right?  You thought the third Winchester brother worked out okay in the end, but it’s for real this time!  Just kidding.  There has been some speculation—and worry—about where the show might go in season six.  Will everything seem anticlimactic after concluding this epic five-year storyline?  

If the stuff coming out of Comic-Con is any indication, sounds like we’ve got a really exciting and intriguing sixth season coming up, with plenty of post-apocalyptic fallout, both supernatural and emotional, to deal with.    But it got me to thinking—what if the writers DID run out of ideas?  What if clueless network execs started calling the shots?  What might Supernatural look like if they really, truly, completely jumped the shark and never came down?  We’ve had literal Seasons from Hell, maybe it’s time for a figurative one.  I thought I’d share some speculative scenarios reflecting just such a situation.  Enjoy the train wreck!

1.  The poor Impala is breaking down, and Dean just can’t hold his baby together anymore.  In a heartbreaking moment of staggering sacrifice, he uses his cell phone to videotape an appeal for help and submits it to MTV’s “Pimp My Ride.”  Special guest star Xzibit and his team come to the rescue.  She is unrecognizable by the end, and looks more like a tricked-out version of the Sacrament Lutheran Militia’s truck.  The arsenal in the trunk is much better organized, however, and the holy water fire hose should come in handy.  The script is written by Julie Siege.




2.  After repeated requests , the writers finally decide to do the Surfer Demon episode.  At first the everyone’s stoked, as it’s December and raining buckets--they think they’re going to film on location in Hawaii now that the Losties have vacated their beaches.  Then they spot the potted palm trees being hauled in, although they did manage to hire a couple of former Baywatch babes.  D. Hasselhoff guest stars.



3.  The ratings are declining, and the network decides it’s time for the regular cast to include a hot babe again.  In a misguided attempt to get Sam out of Hell, Dean opens another Devil’s Gate.  Sadly, there’s no sign of Casey.  Instead, Bela Talbot crawls out of the pit.  She’s a demon now, but no one can tell the difference.





4.  The Horsemen are coming back!!!  They’ve recovered their rings and their strength, and they want some payback.  Pestilence is still after the bros’ healthy young arses (and more screen time).  Rumor has it the script is pretty good, and fans think the season may be getting back on track.  Then it’s announced that they can’t pay the actors, but there is a creative solution.  In homage to Ben Edlund’s brilliant Angel episode “Smile Time,” they are turning everyone into Muppets.  In a humorous aside Dean does jokes and a musical number with Rizzo and Pepe the King Prawn.  Big Mean Carl is supposed to have a part too, but Dean takes one look at him and blows him away with the salt gun.  Statler and Waldorf guest as Death and Pestilence, while War is played by Sam the Eagle.  Mr. Edlund is offered the opportunity to direct the episode.  He refuses.


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5.  Despite the insulting brilliance of Statler and Waldorf, the Muppet episode strikes out.  The musical number, however, becomes popular on Youtube, and the writers are finally pressured into writing a musical episode, a la “Once More With Feeling.”  The British babe is in it.  She and Dean are going to dress up and trade snippy barbs to a tango, because that worked so well last time around.  Kripke firmly maintains, however, that according to canon Sam and Dean are tone deaf and cannot carry a tune to save the world.  Someone suggests that the plot center around Dean’s possession by Kevin Cronin, since for some reason he does okay with REO Speedwagon.  In the end, they go with Christmas carols and Bon Jovi tunes which blossom into Bollywood-style song and dance numbers.  It’s another epic fail.





6.  It’s crossover time.  In a CW marketing gimmick, the Winchester brothers roll into Tree Hill, NC to investigate some demonic omens.  In an effort to catch the demon, they vandalize the River Court with spray-painted devil’s traps, and end up having to take on an offended Lucas and Nathan Scott in a bros vs bros game of pickup basketball.  Ratings are sinking like the Titanic, and Eric Kripke is visibly upset by the anemic alternative-pop soundtrack selected for the episode.





7.  The brothers travel to Canton, Ohio to investigate a guy whose head was slammed into the front of James Dean’s car but bled down the back.  Another guy is murdered by Honest Abe Lincoln (apparently conversational Spanish is required to understand the words “el Presidente”).  Their efforts are hampered by a bumbling Sherriff and out-to-lunch wax sculptor, and in the end we get to see Paris die.  Why does all this sound familiar?  Oh . . . we actually had this episode.  Must’ve blocked it out.






8.  When his fraudulent credit card is rejected, Dean is unable to purchase pay-per-view and quickly exhausts his supply of quarters for the Magic Fingers.  He ends up watching late night infomercials and Carson Daly in a boozy haze, during which a commercial reminds him of his long-forgotten mission to hunt down Snuggles, the fabric softener bear.  He and Sam jump into the Impala and drive, their sense of purpose restored, only to discover during their research that the Ghostfacers took care of it last week and turned it into a poorly edited into an episode of their reality series.  Dean takes this as a personal affront and decides to sabotage their next hunt.  An episode of douchnozzilian chicanery and hijinks ensues.








9.  The fan backlash against the return of the British babe is getting out of control.  Kripke convinces the network to allow them to take fan suggestions for an episode, even though the body swap didn’t work out as well as they’d hoped.  They are promptly bombarded by requests from Suze and the gang from the Winchester Family Business to take on zombie alligators.  Ben Edlund writes it.  The creature takes a few bites out of Sam’n’Dean, but the Impala’s firehose is used to douse and subdue the demonic Bela, allowing the alligator to eat her instead.  Far from jumping the shark, the episode is hailed as an instant classic and highlight of the series.






10.  It can’t save the season, however.  The ratings are still tanking.  In a last ditch effort, the network finally throws some money at Supernatural, and announces the RETURN OF JEFFREY DEAN MORGAN!!!  Fangirls are passing out from excitement.  Time to celebrate, break out the champagne—er, not so fast.  He’s not back to play John Winchester.  Network executives decide to capitalize upon the popularity of “Grey’s Anatomy” among young women and insist that Mr. Morgan reprise the role of the ghostly Denny Duquette.  Given what they’re paying, they feel he should play the character that made him famous, not Big Daddy John.  Sam and Dean are dispatched to Seattle Grace at the request of Dr. Izzy Stevens to hunt Denny down.





Are you horrified yet?  Nauseous just thinking about it?  Or do you feel a lot better, because no matter what comes our way in season six, it CANNOT POSSIBLY be as bad as this?!?!

So, share your ideas for train wreck episodes and storylines, your worst-case scenarios for a Season 6 that is the stuff of nightmares--and not in a good way.  What do you imagine when you think of Supernatural jumping the shark in ways that defy belief?  Share the most ridiculous, over the top ideas you come up with, episodes that would surely mark a rapid downward spiral and invite immediate cancellation.  It’s bound to increase our appreciation for the show, which despite occasional flaws, is pretty awesome.

Just a few weeks left . . . Happy hellatus, everyone! --ElenaM


# elle 2010-08-30 00:04
These were horrifying in a completely fantastic way! Brilliant idea, Elena! Here's mine, though it isn't as slick as yours:

Sam and Dean learn of a haunted place LIVE FROM HOLLYWOOD and are forced to go undercover as D-list actors learning to dance. Fans watch in horrified fascination week after week as Dean masters the quick-step and Sam's dance partner must wear 10-inch pumps to hold correct frame. In week 5, exhausted by the paso and harsh judges comments, the brothers discover the mirrorball trophy is a ghostly-beacon invoking spirits of dancers past, that can only be destroyed by it's true victorious possessor, so the boys must endure spray tans, fringe and cheesy remixes all in an effort to stay in the game for the win and kill.
# Darun 2010-08-30 00:23
LOL, love some of these episodes.

Ok I'll take a crack at a ridiculous episode even though a few ideas come to mind, I'll stick with my first. Sam and Dean get a call from the real estate agent from Bugs notifying them that someone has gone over his head and purchased the land. Dean and Sam rush there knowing that the curse will is only a few days away and what they discover there are many ill kept, half finished homes filled with people fallen on hard times but with good hearts. Sam investigates the houses trying everything to get people out of the homes including pretending to be a ghost (jumbo sized sheet and spooky voice included) while Dean goes to talk to the real estate guy. When Dean arrives at the man's house he sees a bus that looks very familiar to him and when he realizes what it is he squees runs to it. It turns out Extreme Makeover Home Edition is doing a special that will fix up all of the houses specially for the new residents, Ty Pennington guest stars to Deans great pleasure. :P

How's that, now just as an off note, some of my other ideas included a Billy Mayes impersonator guest starring, an animated episode where the cast were put under a spell and injected into cartoon shows, and a very special Oprah episode where Dean meets another one of his heroes and she helps them vanquish a crowd full of demons by guessed it, demon traps under their seats. :P

How are those? Eccentric enough?
# Yvonne 2010-08-30 02:32
Holy...this is aweful! Genius and aweful and scary all rolled into one wonderful ball of craziness. Hellatus just got a smidge easier. The 'Pimp my Ride' one gave me heart failure. Here's my try.

Due to fan demand, the writers finally give in and write Cass with wings. Since Cass and Jimmy are apparently now one, Cass's return to heaven allows his wings to show on his vessel while on earth. While the concept looks stellar in the writers room, the already tight budget is cut on the tanking show and there is not enough money for special effects. An old pair of Victoria Secret Angel wings are found for Misha to wear and moved with wires by grips off camera. The outrage over this is so huge, that the network panics and kills Cass off (for real this time) by a returned Anna who goes on to form a love triangle with Dean and Lisa. The resulting domestic mess upsets Sam so much that he abducts Ben and takes him in search of a better life and a new mommy. Dean, Lisa and Anna join forces to find them and travel together in the Impala, the girls up front and Dean in the back to avoid argument of who gets to sit beside him. Things stay tense between them all until Bobby intercedes and gives them the name of the Three Musketeers. They're soon sporting feathered hats, carrying silver swords and wearing masks while shouting "Hunt for one and all for hunt!" before each job.
# CitizenKane2 2010-08-30 04:55
This article - and the responses (including Yvonne's !) - are hilarious. :-)
# Ardeospina 2010-08-30 09:25
ElenaM, that was so funny and simulatneously horrifying! Though, I do still want to see the zombie alligator episode.

Here's my idea for a jump the shark episode:

While going through their dad's journal one day, Sam and Dean notice a set of coordinates they never noticed before. It leads them to a safe-deposit box in Tulsa that houses a shocking secret: Sam and Dean were adopted! They take their adoption records from the safe-depisot box and head across the country in a search for their real birth parents. The search leads them to Arkansas where they discover that their parents are Jim-Bob and Michelle Duggar. Suddenly, Sam and Dean are no longer orphans but the eldest children in a family of 23! They meet their siblings Josh, John David, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy Anna, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer, Jordyn, and Josie. They are renamed Jensen and Jared to fit in with the family. Hilarity ensues as they try to figure out how to keep their secrets from this conservative Christian family, including the fact that Sam-Jared has demon blood, they've killed lots of things, and both of them started and then successfully averted the apocalypse.
# Yvonne 2010-08-30 10:02
Thanks CitizenKane2! Arde, that's just scary! *shudder* You genius you!
Another idea popped in my head and couldn't stay away.

Sam and Dean wind up in an alternate dimension where they find their lives portrayed on a TV show called 'Supernatural'. They investigate and find the two leads to look exactly like them! (minus the scars) In a moment of envy and weakness, they boys swap places with them and send the actors back to their dimension while the crew of Supernatural begin to wonder why the Js suddenly became method actors. Meanwhile, the Js struggle to apply what they learned in the scripts to real ghosts and end up calling the Ghostfacers for help. In the end though, they all learn to love their own lives more and the end scene comprises of Sam and Jensen talking over the finer points of producing the Single Perfect Man Tear while Jared and Dean square off in an eating contest. Daneel and Genavieve guest star as themselves.
# joelsteinlover 2010-08-30 15:47
Yvonne, I really liked that last one. : ) Aside from the silliness, I actually really want to see that done now!
# mysticpeach 2010-08-30 16:12
For me, they already jumped the shark last season. But it sounds like they've landed on the other side and are ready to start a new and promising journey. I'm in.

Sorry. Boring comment is boring. I'm crunched for time. Though these were hilarious and the mental pictures were epic.
Christine Apple
# Christine Apple 2010-08-30 17:16
All these are hysterical! I just love all the silliness of them. The only thing I could add is any one of the above mentioned episodes could be saved if... Wait for it.... (here comes the totally shallow fangirl *squee* moment) Sam and Dean were shirtless for the whole episode.... What, the episode sucked? I really hadn't noticed. :-)
# Rlwgsd 2010-08-30 23:12
Okay Here goes Sam and dean hear of a succubus haunting the sets of Dancing with the Stars and The Batchelorette.S o they go in undercover to the shows to find out who the guilty party is and it turns out it is not a succubus but another damn shapeshifter who switches between head judge len goodman and chris harrison.
# Karen 2010-08-31 08:29
Ok CW! Look what you’ve done! See what happens when you torture us with these ridiculously long Hiatus’s. The SPN withdrawals get so unbearable that the fandom starts creating scenarios on what it would take to kill off our favourite show!!! :shock:

Thanks ElenaM…this was really enjoyable.
What you and others have written is hilarious.
I’m afraid I couldn’t come up with anything even nearly as creative.
# Randal 2010-08-31 14:45
This is genius!

One minor quibble though: if we're doing Smile Time redux, I know there wasn't a band in that episode, but can we at least get a cameo of Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem?
# nancyL 2010-09-01 19:36
five words: Winchester brothers vs Salvatore brothers !!