Dysfunctional.  Co-Dependent.  Toxic.  Destructive.  These are the terms that have been flying around the Supernatural fandom lately, especially after the last two episodes.  But strong opinions on the brothers’ relationship are nothing new.  Fan commentary has always included statements like, “The brothers constantly lie to each other,” “the brothers won’t really talk to each other,”  “The brothers don’t try to understand each other.”  Season nine, however, appears to be pushing the envelope in regard to the problems in the brothers’ relationship: 

“Dean took away Sam’s agency.”

“Sam speech was unduly harsh and cruel.”

“Dean’s motives were selfish because he doesn’t want to be alone.”

“Sam doesn’t appreciate all Dean has done for him.”

“The brothers have to stop the destructive patterns of the co-dependence.”

“The brothers’ co-dependence is the heart of the show.”   

The fandom has exploded with vocal opinions about the state of the brothers, where they might be headed, and how they got here.  Judging from posts on various online sites, some fans like that problems in the relationship are being addressed; some are afraid that the resolution might mean the brothers will no longer have a strong bond; some come down in the middle - optimistic about improvements in the relationship but still concerned.  Fans also have endless theories about what this brother rift might mean for the rest of the season (and/or for the overall series).  Whatever is happening between Sam and Dean, one thing is certain – it has caused a fan uproar.   

This essay doesn’t contain any answers.  I certainly don’t purport to have any.  The main purpose of this essay is to give us some food for thought regarding the current brother dynamics, particularly in the area of self-sacrifice and extreme measures in regard to saving one another.  Sam and Dean Winchester (and all the beloved characters in the show) are in many ways, real to us.  Of course intellectually we know they’re not, but we have emotionally invested in them, and so we can relate to and empathize with them.  This makes us want to talk about their motivations, discuss how they’re feeling, and suggest what might make things better for them.  In short, we care about our boys.  

But I’m not going to do any of that in this essay.  Instead, I’m going to attempt to switch gears and take a practical approach.  So much has been said recently regarding the motivations for each brother (particularly Dean) to save the other.  But what really happened way back in all those previous seasons?  Just who was saving who, and what were they saving the other from?   Before tackling that topic, though, a few statements have to be made about the nature of the Winchesters’ dynamics, and TV dysfunctional relationships in general.     

I think most, if not all, fans would agree that the boys’ relationship is dysfunctional, at least to an extent.  They lie to each other.  They hurt each other.  They lack trust in each other.  I also think most fans would agree that both Sam and Dean have their own personal issues resulting from the trauma they have faced.  Arguments can be made if these reactions are normal or excessive, but everyone can agree that it makes them – less than well-adjusted.  Having said that, isn’t that what interests us?

As a general rule, we like to watch other people’s drama.  For whatever reasons – maybe it’s cathartic, maybe it puts perspective on our own lives, maybe we’re voyeurs – we find it entertaining to watch flawed humans attempt to navigate the relationships in their lives.  Television abounds with dysfunctional relationships.  It has for a while.  Over time, perfect families like the ones in Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best gave way to depictions of more damaged familial relationships like those in All in the Family, Dallas, and Roseanne.  And people watched and embraced these shows, relating (sometimes a little too closely!) to the issues and chaotic nature found within the family dynamics.  

When looking at popular television shows of recent years, The Sopranos, Mad Men, BreakingBad, Game of Thrones, and even comedies like Suburgatory and The Simpsons, dysfunctional relationships are all at the center of these narratives, sometimes played for laughs, sometimes for tears - and sometimes played simultaneously for both.  In all of these shows, the characters’ inner demons (no pun intended) are constantly at work and influencing their familial relationships, and most of the time, it makes for absorbing TV.  

Television programs with a specific focus on sibling relationships have also flooded our screens:  There’s dramas like PrisonBreak, Dexter, Brothers and Sisters; comedies like Malcolm in the Middle and Shameless (more a comedy-drama);  There’s even children’s fare like The Suite Life of Zach and Cody (with our own Kim Rhodes) and Phineas and Ferb. 

Contained within the narrative of most of these series is the dysfunctional yet abiding love between siblings.  We apparently think it’s compelling what siblings, and family in general, will do to and for one another.  Again, we can relate;  we all have some sort of family, and watching those dynamics play out on the small screen in often outrageous way says something to us about our own (slightly less outrageous) family dynamics.

Turning the focus back to the dysfunction of Sam and Dean, it seems much of the discord in the fandom stems not from the fact that people think all the lying and shutting each other out is good, but because of decisions made by either Sam or Dean in relation to the other brother.   Fans have reacted to the issues centered on self-sacrifice, family bonds and different coping mechanisms when one brother is in danger.  But the Winchesters’ love for one another and willingness to do anything for each other is what drew many to the show in the first place.  The problem is, the possibility has been raised that this love may have become not only self-destructive, but destructive to those around Sam and Dean as well.  Many fans want the boys to have more independence from one another and less of a willingness to do destructive things out of needing each other.  Others feel these changes may go overboard and dissolve the intensity of the brothers’ love, lessening the bond that they share with one another.    

I turn now to one of the biggest issues surrounding  the story right now – self-sacrifice and/or using supernatural means in the name of saving one another.  However, I’ll look at this not from the viewpoint of either Sam or Dean, but from a chronological cataloging of events in the series.    


Self-Sacrifice Between the Brothers:  Many fans feel (judging from online comments) that this self-sacrifice is born out of the co-dependence of the brothers.  This word has been bandied about on forums and social media sites more times than is humanly possible to count.  We see:

 “Dean makes these decisions because he can’t be alone.”

“Sam has to stand up for his own needs.”

“They have to stop sacrificing themselves and others for the sake of one another.”

It’s been said several times in the show, and by the character of Dean, that Dean didn’t want to hunt alone, (and he emphasizes that later, when he tells Jo “who would?”).  And we know that Dean values and needs his family.  In addition, from the onset of the series Dean was made to be an overprotective big brother, and often put Sam before everything else.  Examples of this are not hard to come by.  In 1.22 “Devil’s Trap” he uses a precious bullet from the colt to save Sam’s life.  In 2.9 ”Croatoan,” he is willing to sacrifice his own life so Sam won’t be alone when he becomes infected with the virus and is presumed to be near death.  And though we’re told many times that this overprotective instinct stemmed from John Winchester drilling it into Dean’s head to watch out for Sammy, Dean also says in “All Hell Breaks Loose Part 2” that John “didn’t even have to tell me.  It was just always my responsibility.”  During Dean’s speech over a dead Sam, Dean says Sam’s death was letting Sam down.  It seems in this instance, Dean couldn’t live with having let Sam down (by not protecting him from death), rather than not being able to live with being alone.  Whatever the case, Dean commits one of the biggest self-sacrificial acts by one of the brothers, which then becomes one of many yet to come:

·      In 2.22, Dean summons a demon and sells his soul in exchange for Sam’s resurrection.   

·      Dean risks his life (5.22 “Swan Song”) so his brother won’t be alone while possessed by Lucifer.

·      In 6.11, (“Appointment in Samarra”) Dean allows himself to die temporarily, putting himself in grave danger should Dr. Robert not be able to bring him back, in order to ask Death to retrieve Sam’s soul which is being tortured in Hell.    

·      Though not a sacrifice of self, Dean (8.19 “Taxi Driver”) does ask Benny to sacrifice himself so Benny can return to Purgatory and get Sam and Bobby (his spirit) out.   

·      On that fateful day, (9.1) in order to save Sam’s life, Dean sacrifices Sam’s wants, setting off a tragic chain of events. 

Sam, on the other hand, started out the series as independent and rebellious (due in large part to a contentious relationship with his dad).  His character traits were very different from Dean’s in that he wanted to make his own way in the world, away from “the life.”  Over time, Sam came to need his brother more and value the relationship in a different way.  This came to a head in season three with Sam’s increasingly desperate attempts to get Dean out of his demon deal and save him from the fate of going to Hell.  The culmination of this was shown in 3.11 (“Mystery Spot”) where Sam was tortured by the never-ending deaths of Dean (brought about by the Trickster/Gabriel in order to teach Sam a lesson).  Sam became obsessive in his quest to find the Trickster to break the death loop, and was willing to go out and kill a stranger for the blood needed for a summoning ritual (though many fans say he was willing to kill Bobby, once Bobby kept insisting Sam kill him, Sam figured out it wasn’t him, stating, “Yeah, ok ‘Bobby’.  But you want to know why? {stabbing him in the chest} Because you’re not Bobby”).  And this would not be the last time Sam would sacrifice for Dean:

·      In 3.15 (“Time is on my Side”), Sam is willing to use Doc Benton’s “live forever” formula on himself and Dean (but ultimately doesn’t go through with it because Dean doesn’t want to live that way). 

·      In 4.9 (“I know what You Did Last Summer”) Sam recounts to Dean how he had tried to trade places with him in Hell, but that no demon would deal.   

·      In 5.22 (“Swan Song”) Sam decides to sacrifice himself by allowing Lucifer to possess him and then attempting to throw the two of them down in the pit, thereby stopping the apocalypse.  

·      In 6.22 (“The Man who Knew too Much”) Sam allows the life threatening Hell memories to come flooding back into his psyche because “I won’t leave my brother alone out there.”  

·      In 8.14 (“Trial and Error”), Sam takes on the trials (and the sacrifice they entail) in order to stop Dean from a “suicide mission.”

·      Sam is initially willing to give his life (8.23 “Sacrifice”) to complete the trials in order to close the gates of Hell and not let Dean down.

So what does all that prove?  Nothing, it just gives us an indication that both Sam and Dean have often used supernatural means in order to assist each other.  They both have sacrificed, or have attempted to sacrifice, themselves for one another (and sometimes to accomplish something seemingly important for humanity).  This theme of sacrificing oneself for the good of family is woven throughout the entire show.  And it’s not just Sam and Dean who do it. 


Self-Sacrifice by Other Characters:  Other people inhabiting Sam and Dean’s world often resort to the same means to protect their loved ones:

·      Mary Winchester (1.9 “Home”) destroys her own spirit in order to protect her children from a poltergeist that has taken up residence in their old house. 

·      Mary (4.3 “In the Beginning”) unwittingly allows Aazael to give Sam demon blood by agreeing to let the demon into her home in exchange for bringing John Winchester back from the dead (who Azazel killed).

·      John Winchester (2.1 “In My Time of Dying”) sacrifices his life and makes a demon deal to go to Hell in order to save Dean from impending death. 

·      Old woman Rose (2.11 “Playthings”) trades her life to save her granddaughter’s from the spirit of Rose’s sister, who doesn’t want to be alone in their house. 

·      A man named Evan (2.8 “Crossroad Blues”) makes a demon deal to sell his soul and go to Hell in order to cure his wife of cancer.

·      Castiel’s vessel Jimmy (4.20 “The Rapture”) begs Castiel to possess him again and spare his daughter, who Castiel takes as a vessel after Jimmy. 

·      Castiel stays behind (4.22 “Lucifer Rising”) to deal with the archangels, sacrificing his life in order to let Dean escape and find Sam in the hope of stopping Lucifer’s cage from being opened.   

·      Castiel (7.17 “The Born Again Identity”) takes on Sam’s hallucinations in order to atone for breaking Sam’s wall and to save Sam’s life. 

·      Bobby (5.1 “Sympathy for the Devil”) gets possessed but temporarily takes back control and stabs himself with a knife in order to save Dean’s life,

·      Bobby sells his soul to Crowley (5.20 “The Devil You Know”) in exchange for information on Death’s location. 

·      Bobby and Castiel (5.22 ”Swan Song”) risk their lives at Skull Cemetery to assist Dean and Sam and end up being killed (though they both get resurrected, of course).

·      Ellen Harville (5.10 “Abandon all Hope”) sacrifices her life to help the Winchesters escape and stay by her dying daughter’s side when Jo is mauled by a Hell hound.   

·      Adam (5.18 “Point of no Return”) is willing to be Michael’s vessel and play a part in the apocalypse in order to be reunited with his dead mother.

·      Samuel (5.10 “Caged Heat”) betrays Sam and Dean for Crowley in what he thinks will be an exchange to resurrect his daughter from the dead. 

·       Amy Pond (7.3 “The Girl Next Door”) sacrifices the life of her mother in order to save Sam’s life, then years later sacrifices criminals in order to feed her starving son. 

·      Linda Tran (8.2 “What’s up Tiger Mommy”) sells her soul in order to “buy” and thus save Kevin during a supernatural auction. 

·      Ellie (8.14 “Trial and Error”) makes a demon deal to give up her soul to save her mother from the effects of Parkinson’s Disease. 

·      Prometheus (8.16 “Remember the Titans”) sacrifices his life (and kills Zeus in the process) to save his son Oliver from a curse.

·      Benny (8.19 “Taxi Driver”) sacrifices his life on earth (which wasn’t working out for him anyway) in order to rescue Sam and Bobby (his spirit) from Purgatory.

 
Miscellaneous Sacrifices:

·      Madison (2.17 “Heart”) gives up her life (and asks Sam to kill her) to avoid hurting anyone because she’s a werewolf. 

·      Lenore (6.19 “Mommy Dearest”) asks the Winchesters to kill her (Castiel ends up doing it) after feeding on humans.   

And so it seems self-sacrifice for a loved one, or to atone, is seen time and time again with the characters of Supernatural.  The show has told us that people often go to extremes and use supernatural means to save their loved ones from pain or death, or in the hope of being reunited with them after losing them.  Whether this is right or wrong is not exactly the point, but more speaks to the fact that in the world of Supernatural, this type of sacrifice is so common that it would probably not be considered abnormal.  

The Fallout from Sam and Dean’s Sacrifices:  The show tells us that with each sacrifice made by the Winchesters (or by anyone), a chain of events is set in motion, often with drastic consequences.  For Sam and Dean that is most notably the apocalypse.  But the show also concludes that no matter what Sam and Dean did, they would still always end up right in the middle of the apocalyptic action.  But cataclysmic events of the universe aside, how were individuals affected by Sam and Dean’s sacrifices?  Many fans have commented about the brothers destroying people because of their choices.  So we need to take a look at character deaths throughout the series thus far.  And when we do, something unexpected happens. 

When you look at the numerous characters that have died on Supernatural, their deaths weren’t caused because one of the Winchesters was sacrificing them to save his brother.  These people got killed because they got caught up in the ongoing battle that Sam and Dean participate in.  When you look at Jessica, Meg Masters, (the real one), Ellen, Jo and Ash, Agent Hendrickson, Pamela, Gwenn Campell, Rufus, Frank Devaureau, even Bobby -  those people were not sacrificed, but were casualties of war.  They were killed by their association with this epic fight of good and evil.  Many more have died in the proximity of the Winchesters, or even because of the Winchesters’ methods of hunting:  This includes all the innocent people who got possessed by demons (who Sam and Dean killed), hunters killed by people trying to get to the Winchesters, and innocent people that Sam killed while soulless.  And though a very sad part of this story (and still a cause for guilt feelings by Sam and Dean), none of these deaths was because of a Winchester doing an extreme thing to save his brother.

From what I can see, the only people sacrificed in the name of saving a brother (Sam) were Benny and, through cause and effect – Kevin.  Dean asked Benny to go and help Sam, and Benny said yes.  Ultimately, Dean thought Benny would be coming back, and was making plans to “fix” Benny’s problems (not feeling like he belonged with the living) when Benny returned.  But Benny ended up staying in Purgatory - by choice (though Dean still brings up killing Benny as proof of putting Sam first in 8.23 “Sacrifice”).  Regarding Kevin, even though Dean didn’t knowingly sacrifice Kevin, Dean’s choice to let Gadreel possess Sam did result in Kevin’s death (although warning Kevin to steer clear of Gadreel once he knew there was trouble could have solved that problem). 


Drawing the Line in Saving a Brother: It must be noted that throughout this story, there are also times when the brothers chose not to sacrifice for the sake of the other. 

·      Dean (3.12 “Jus in Bello”) refuses to sacrifice Nancy’s life (needed to complete a spell) which would allow him, Sam and the rest of the group to escape the police station where the demons were headed. 

·      When Sam is de-toxing from demon blood (4.21 “When the Levee Breaks”) and Bobby tells Dean it may kill him, Dean refuses to give him more blood and is willing to let his brother die, stating “I won’t let my brother become a monster.”   

·      Dean (5.1 “Sympathy for the Devil”) refuses to become Michael’s vessel, despite Sam (and himself) being tortured.  He tells Zachariah “Just kill us,” before Castiel shows up and saves them.

·      Dean stays to protect the locked down group (5.2 “Good God Y’all”) during a town battle, rather than go after Sam when he learns one of the “demons” took his brother.  

·      Dean, while doing Death’s job for the day (6.11 “Appointment in Samarra”) and messing with the natural order, tries to fix things, and ends up taking Death’s ring off to save a man from a fatal car accident, knowing it would break the deal with Death and Sam wouldn’t get his soul back. 

·      Sam decides not to sacrifice anything (8.1 “We need to Talk About Kevin”) when Dean disappears after killing Dick Roman (but I’m not going to touch that one).

Role Reversal:  lronically, during “Bedtime Stories” (3.5) when a doctor tells the brothers he should have let his daughter (who was in a persistive vegetative state) go a long time ago, Dean, who is getting closer to dying and going to Hell,  tells Sam that what the doctor says is good advice.  Sam becomes very confrontational, saying, “Is that what you want me to do, Dean?  Just let you go?”  The roles were quite reversed from what is happening in Season nine in that Sam couldn’t come to terms with the thought of losing Dean, though Dean wanted Sam to let him go.  But of course a lot has changed since then.  


The Conflict of Sam and Dean:  It should be noted that in the early seasons, so much of the conflict came because of what was happening to the brothers - Sam’s emerging abilities, John’s death, demon plans for Sam, the impending apocalypse, and Sam and Dean’s roles in it.  The conflict came from the boys reacting to very, very personal events in their lives.  Now that the story has become so much less personal, conflict comes by way of brother discord.  These days they are so far removed from the mytharc that the tension that would normally come from The Winchesters’ part in the overarching story is now coming in the form of never ending conflict with each other.  Maybe Sam and Dean’s relationship would improve if they just had more important things to do than fight with each other.

Life and Death and the Supernatural: One more thing must be said in regard to this latest turn of events surrounding Dean’s decision to allow Sam to be possessed.  This season, we’re being told by Sam that he was ready to die.  However, in season eight, Sam wanted to live and survive the trials, and took them on in the first place because Dean saw it as a suicide mission.  In certain episodes Sam even told Dean he was concerned that he wouldn’t make it through the trials.  In the church, Sam was willing to sacrifice his life because he was on the verge of closing the gates, but his reasoning, in addition to partly being concerned innocent people would die if he didn’t, was that he couldn’t let his brother down.  After reassurance from Dean that he was the most important thing in Dean’s life, Sam decided to walk away and not close the gates, which was a choice to live.  Dean, in an attempt to save Sam’s life, let Sam be possessed by an angel that Castiel vouched for.  Since it is up for debate on whether or not Dean actually went into Sam’s mind and heard what he said about dying, or if Death was actually present ready to take Sam or just a figment of Sam’s imagination (making it unclear if Sam was in fact, completely ready to die or just trying to make up his mind), it’s difficult to know if Dean thought he was in some way assisting Sam in his will to live or if he was aware that he was completely disregarding his wishes.  And that does make a difference in Dean’s culpability in the act of letting Gadreel possess his brother (though any way you look at it Dean did withhold the truth from Sam for months, which pretty much held Sam hostage in his own body).    

One other thing must be noted about the brothers using supernatural means to save one another.  With the exception of Sam getting stabbed, all of the things Sam and Dean had happen to them was because of supernatural events.  In essence, their dire situations were unnatural.  So in the brothers’ world, maybe using supernatural means to save one another makes sense if the reason they got in those situations in the first place was due to supernatural forces.  

Making Sense of the Conflict: So what are the possible outcomes for all of this fallout?  The story tells us something between the boys needs fixing.  Is it something as basic as respect or trust?  Or does it have to do with using Supernatural means in order to save each other?  At this point we don’t exactly know the writers’ agenda.  Fans have many theories.  Some say Dean will go “dark side,” and Sam will have to sacrifice something big to save Dean’s life.  Some say Dean will learn to let Sam go.  Perhaps, though, it won’t be anything that big, and the boys will just quietly resolve their differences without a huge catastrophic event occurring.  Even if they do resolve things, I’m not so sure that this is the last time we will ever see conflict between the Winchester brothers.

The More Things Change, the More they Stay the Same: Even though things may be changing, some things will have to stay the same, if for no other reason than because it’s the premise of the show.  The brothers will continue to hunt together.  They will still live together.  They will still always have to save each other’s lives.  This last point is an important one.  Some fans are afraid that Sam and Dean may no longer have each other’s backs.  But in almost every episode, Sam or Dean save one another from a supernatural force.  What are the odds that’s likely to change?  Despite the uproar Sam’s comments caused, even between those who differentiate between Sam not attempting to save Dean’s life at all and not doing so in specific circumstances, the boys will still save each other (and sometimes others along the way).  Otherwise, there is no stake in the hunts.  

Lastly, one thing we all hope doesn’t change is the strength of the brothers’ love. We’ve been told that the writers all understand the boys’ relationship is at the heart of the show, and Jeremy Carver has said in numerous interviews that the story is always grounded in the brothers’ relationship.  Logic would dictate, then, that where we’re going is someplace good for the brothers.  Let’s hope the writers and showrunner like to be logical.


Some Words on Discussion:  We all love to discuss this show. It’s fun, and reading other people’s viewpoints often gives us new insight into our own.  Just a word of caution, though:  Judging fictional characters who live in a fictional universe by real life standards that occur in a real world can be problematic.  Now of course, all we have are our own life experiences to comment on the actions of Sam and Dean, and the brothers’ emotions that we see are as real as any of ours.  However, there have been many heated posts about very serious, real world issues like co-dependency in relationships, rape, and end of life issues, and we could argue all day, but in the end its akin to comparing apples and oranges.  In the world of Supernatural: relationships are built around constant life and death struggles, hunting monsters is a profession, death is often not final (though he does have a personality and likes junk food), and a certain pair of brothers keep getting resurrected no matter how many times they die.  Also, demons and angels walk the earth, grievous injuries can happen to someone’s soul, people can stroll in and out of places like Hell and Purgatory, monsters prey on unsuspecting victims, and even when killed can come back if they hitch a ride inside someone else.  People are vulnerable to being possessed by supernatural entities at every turn, time travel is possible, alternate realities exist, and if you look hard enough, there is a spell to accomplish just about anything.  In this world, if you take a trip to the grocery store, it might not be you who comes back, and even if it is, your neighborhood may be a stomping ground for cataclysmic otherworldly battles.  

The point is, we debate endlessly, which can be fun to a degree, but the level of emotionality and quite often, animosity, we often see on the boards isn’t worth it.  How can we ever say that any action Sam and Dean commit is definitively wrong, because the rules of their world are constantly changing and even their own character motivations can change from episode to episode?  That’s not to say we can’t discuss things, but maybe we need to draw a line with how much we are willing to argue our positions.

Conclusion: Ultimately, none of us really know what goes on in that Supernatural writers’ room.   Right now, the writers are trying to say something to us about the Winchesters’ relationship.  “Breakdown to rebuild” is what we’re hearing.  But what will that reconstructed relationship look like?  At this point, everything is just audience speculation.  Hopefully things will become clearer soon.  Until then, we can still go on the ride, we just need to hold onto our seats when it gets a bit bumpy.