I got super bored at work yesterday and found a fun way to kill time. All it took was flipping through the season three pages at supernaturalwiki.com, and an afternoon of amusement was born. I spent hours fondly recollecting moments from this past season, and somehow ended up taking notes. So, below are my awards for season three of Supernatural. Keep in mind these categories are random and don’t follow any type of clear thought process. Work and thought aren’t usually compatible in my case.
Best Appearance of Sam Winchester’s Hair: Tie between “The Magnificent Seven” and “The Kids Are Alright”. I know the gag is to let his hair grow as the season progresses, but it got a little too out of control this time. They shouldn’t have messed with the perfection from these episodes. It was showing a lack of control as soon as “Bad Day At Black Rock”.
Worst Appearance of Sam Winchester’s Hair: “Long Distance Call”. By this episode, it was a flyaway mess. He smartly had it trimmed by “Time is On My Side,” but at that point it was too little too late.
Best Dean Death: This was so hard to choose! Granted, we only had two episodes to choose from, but “Mystery Spot” provided so many delightful ways. In the end though, I chose Dean’s actual death in “No Rest For The Wicked.” I still stand in front of my screen, jaw hanging open, tears watering in my eyes at the shot of Dean’s mangled and bloodied corpse lifeless on the floor. However, second place goes to dying Wile E. Coyote-style after being crushed by a desk. Cartoonish deaths are always memorable!
Best Torture of a Winchester: Oh, there were so many, most coming from Sam for some reason. There’s no scene, no matter how cringing, how gruesome, that can match Sam almost getting an eyeball scooped out by a melon baller in “Time Is On My Side.” Dean’s graphic and bloody mauling by a hellhound comes close, so does being chained up in Hell while hooks were impaled through his shoulder and side, but there’s a difference between gory and disturbing. I still shiver over the thought of Sam Winchester’s hazel orb being removed while he was tied down to a table, awake to witness the whole thing. That’s far worse than having his fingernail clean ripped out by rusty pliers. Kripke was pushing limits this season!
Most Gruesome Villain Death: Notice I said “villain” otherwise Dean would have topped this list (still sobbing!). The obvious answer to me is the long, slow, very bloody decapitation of Gordon Walker in “Fresh Blood.” It wasn’t just the way Gordon died in that one, but also Sam’s horrified expression afterward once he realized what he had done. If a death creates trauma for a brother, it wins with me. It was interesting that as quickly as the next episode, when he was driving the stake through the Pagan God’s heart, any signs of remorse over killing were gone. The same holds true for “Dream A Little Dream of Me.” If season three did one thing, it turned Sam Winchester into a brutal killing machine.
Best MOTW: The “Ozzie and Harriet” Pagan Gods from “A Very Supernatural Christmas.” As a suburbanite, I love the idea of sharing fruitcake with the perky elderly couple across the street while they're committing bloody human sacrifices amongst the over-the-top Christmas decor. Hmm, meadowsweet, nothing smells finer! Honorable mention, oh hell, no one else came close, except maybe the return of the Trickster.
Worst MOTW: Since Bela in any episode doesn’t count (damn, that would have made this easy), I’m going to deliver a tie between the crocatta in “Long Distance Call” and most of the demons in “The Magnificent Seven” (removing Pride and Lust from that list).
Best New Hunter: Rufus Turner in “Time On My Side.” He should have been the only new hunter. Also, Henriksen should have become a hunter in “Jus In Bello” instead of being turned to dust by Lilith’s white ray of doom. Such a waste.
Worst New Hunter: All the rest.
Best Ending To An Episode: I’m not being fair in this category. The description is too broad. I’m going to disqualify the finale. Why? It’s a cliffhanger, and thus not really an ending. We cannot judge it until we see where it leads next season. So then, what makes the best ending? There was the touching ending in “Fresh Blood,” the heartbreaking ending of Sam’s devastated and broken gaze after his ordeal in “Mystery Spot,” and the “hell yeah!” ending in “Bedtime Stories” when Sam impulsively blew away the crossroads demon with the colt. In the end though, two endings stood out, both falling in different spectrums. First, there was heart-melting shot of the boys through the motel window, enjoying their supposed last Christmas celebration together while snow falls and colored lights bounce off the shiny hood of the Impala in “A Very Supernatural Christmas.” Picture perfect. Then, there’s the “screw with you” ending in “Dream A Little Dream Of Me.” Dean as a demon, shouting the words “you’re gonna die, and this is what you’re going to become,” then snapping his fingers to end the dream. Whoa. Nothing this season still matches the all time best ending ever in “Nightshifter,” but these two came close.
Worst Ending To An Episode: “Jus In Bello.” I would have given that episode a perfect "A" if it weren’t for the ending. It stunk that bad. Dean should have slapped Ruby around over her comments. At least we got to see that in the finale.
Most Out Of Character Moment: Sam in “Long Distance Call” comes close, but the prize goes to Dean’s behavior in “The Magnificent Seven.” Thank heavens that “I’m dying so I don’t care about life” attitude lasted only one episode. I would have killed him myself by episode two otherwise.
Best Use of Classic Rock: Another no contest, partially because there wasn’t that much this year (stupid budget). “The Heat of the Moment” by Asia. “Mystery Spot” would not have been the same without it. When a song that you previously ignored as background noise for years now triggers laughs when you hear it, especially when visions of Dean lip synching the words and Sam’s bed head pops into your mind, then its purpose was more than served. I don’t even have an honorable mention. No song defined an episode quite like that.
Best Quote: Why am I making these things so hard on myself? There’s no way to narrow this down to just one single quote, especially since almost all of them belong to Dean. So, I’m picking the in unison exchange between Sam and Dean in “Mystery Spot” since it includes both of them at their childish best. “Right, you're a mind reader. Cut it out, Sam... Sam! You think you're funny but you're being really, really childish! Sam Winchester wears makeup. Sam Winchester cries his way through sex. Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by the bed and every morning when he wakes up..... Okay, enough!” Second place, by a slim margin, goes to “The Magnificent Seven.” Dean: "Truth is, I’m tired, Sam. And, I dunno, it’s like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel." Sam: "It’s hellfire, Dean." Dean: "Whatever."
Funniest Moment: Um, um, wow, there were so many. Maybe this category is too broad as well. The wacky choreographed fight scene over the rabbit’s foot in “Bad Day At Black Rock.” Dean in that same episode rescuing Sam yelling “I’m Batman.” Sam and Dean attempting to sing “Silent Night” to grungy Santa Claus and forgetting the words in “A Very Supernatural Christmas.” Dean’s priceless reaction over Tammi and Ruby’s little lesbian moment in “Malleus Maleficarum.” Sam’s sex dream about Bela in “Dream A Little Dream of Me” (that also qualifies as the scariest moment). Dean dying over and over in the craziest ways in “Mystery Spot” while Sam’s angst twists in a hundred different directions. All the gay humor in “Ghostfacers.” The Bon Jovi sing along in the finale. No, I’m not mentioning Sam being groped by an old lady in “Red Sky at Morning.” I’m pretending that episode didn’t exist. So, just pick from one of those, or throw in your own.
Angstiest Brotherly Moment: The finale doesn’t count here. Why? Because the entire episode was one sledgehammer of angst after another. That qualifies as the “Angstiest Brotherly Episode.” As for the one moment, I picked “Jus In Bello,” when the dude from 21 Jump Street shoots Dean and Sam grabs him while handcuffed and begins latinating by memory, just before the cops come in with guns pointed high. I still freak out over the intensity of that scene on the rewatch. Honorable mention: “Is that what you want me to do Dean, just let you go?” That scene from “Bedtime Stories” still haunts me, especially when Dean walks away.
Most Touching Brotherly Moment: The end of “Fresh Blood,” fixing the Impala. Sure, honorable mention goes to the hug at the end of “Mystery Spot,” or Dean and Sam’s final exchange in “No Rest For the Wicked” (“take care of my wheels” – still sobbing!), but this one personified the core relationship between these two. It had big brother showing little brother the ropes, there to give support and be a positive influence in life. Also, the fact that they were taking care of the third member of their family, well, who didn’t get misty over that?
Most Delightfully Tacky Motel Room: Without a doubt, the obnoxious blue and green peacock themed room in “Dream a Little Dream of Me.” If it burns the retinas, then the impact has been made. I’m still trying to figure out though how such a flamboyant room existed in Pittsburgh. Honorable mention goes to the very strange gold/red/brown room with mirrors on the walls in “The Kids Are Alright.” How did a large divider of colorful fake flowers fit into that dÃ©cor? An ostentatious room in a part of Indiana not known for that sort of thing. Come to think of it though, Cicero, Indiana doesn’t have a lot of tall pine trees either.
Best Obscure (aka blink and you miss it) Pop Culture Reference: To me, you can’t fail with a Simpsons reference, but surprisingly there weren’t too many this season (as opposed to several last season). The winner goes to the opening segment from “A Very Supernatural Christmas.” Kripke, you’re a magnificent bastard from snagging that from CBS. Yes, I remember “A Special Presentation” flashing on my screen in the 70’s just before Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer came on. Granted, this doesn’t count as a Pop Culture reference, but I also loved Casey’s reference in “Sin City” to Dick Cheney having “a parking spot reserved for him downstairs.” I knew that man was the Devil!
Best Puppy Dog Moment: No contest! The infamous “I lost my shoe” pout from Sam in “Bad Day at Black Rock.”
Best Badass Moment: Dean stabbing the crap out of Tammi the demon multiple times in “Malleus Maleficarum.” That was loads of fun to watch. I love seeing that badass side of Dean and it was missing all too much this season. Badass Sam got huge development this season, but nothing he did could match this.
Best Location for Episode: My vote goes to Maple Springs, New York, used in “Bedtime Stories.” Why? I’ve vacationed there a few times before and have a love affair with Lake Chautauqua. Plus, it’s one of the few places where Vancouver does look like that. Honorable mention: Broward County, Florida in “Mystery Spot.” That was the first Supernatural episode to take place in that state and they had pink flamingos on the wall to prove it!
Plot Device Introduced That Should Be in All Episodes: This category was obviously created with one thing in mind. I loved Sam and Dean cursing in “Ghostfacers.” That should be done in all of them. If I went up against all the crap they did, every other word out of my mouth would be f- this. As a side note, I loved the idea of trying a reality show concept like that, but it probably would have gone over better in a full 22 episode season. With only 16 episodes, we needed more.
Best Acting By The Impala: Every minute it was on the screen. Always solid. I did credit “Malleus Maleficarum” in a review as the best episode for the Impala, and I still stand by that.
Best Inside Joke: “Hey, aren’t those assholes from Texas?” That’s from “Ghostfacers,” and I only mention that since it had the lowest ratings of the year. Otherwise, everyone would have probably caught where that was from.
Got any categories I missed, or wish to vehemently disagree with me on something (or everything)? Please share, for I’m sure I overlooked something great, or not so great. Plus, we all need more ways to kill hiatus time.