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I know where we have to go.

Back to the episode, ahem, shallow moment over for now, Sam scares the living daylights out of Dean by revealing to him for the first time the supposed truth behind his nightmares.

Sam:    I have these nightmares.
Dean:   I've noticed.
Sam:    And sometimes they come true.
Dean:   Come again?
Sam:    Look, Dean, I dreamt about Jessica's death for days before it happened.
Dean:   Sam, people have weird dreams, man. I'm sure it's just a coincidence.
Sam:    No, I dreamt about the blood, her on the ceiling, the fire, everything. I didn't do anything about it, because I didn't believe it and now I'm dreaming about that tree, about our house and about some woman inside screaming for help. I mean that's where it all started, man. This has to mean something, right?
Dean:   I don't know
Sam:    What do you mean, you don't know, Dean? This woman might be in danger. I mean this might even be the thing that killed mom and Jessica.
Dean:   All right. Just slow down, would you? I mean, first you tell me that you've got the Shining and then you tell me that I've gotta go back home? Especially when ...
Sam:    When what?
Dean:   When I swore to myself that I would never go back there.
Sam:    Look. Dean, we have to check this out. Just to make sure.
Dean:   I know we do.


This is episode nine of the first season. When I first watched it ages ago, it seems, on German Television, I was used to the horror elements of the show after episodes like Bloody Mary or Dead In The Water. But still, somehow, a part of me was hoping to not be overwhelmed by any emotional undercurrents that were already there, but this one scene had such an impact on me that I could hardly believe it. I had smelled the tragedy in the guts of this show from the first episode on, but I had – in part – hoped that I might have been wrong. But, I love stories like that. A shrink and a masochist. What a combination.  

This scene is another testimony to the amazing actor Jensen Ackles already was at that point. As he speaks the line 'I swore to myself that I would never go back there' we see his fear, his pain, and hear it in his trembling voice, as if he wants to cry but gets a grip just in time, as he says 'I know we do', the most helpful Winchester strategy is often to defiantly pull themselves together in overtaxing moments – concentrate on the job at hand (another horrific moment like that is to be found much later in Abandon All Hope as Bobby pulls Dean back to his reason on the verge of breaking down over Jo's lethal injury, and, of course, many more).



# Mardem 2010-06-20 00:46
One of the reasons I like this site so much is because the articles always give me an impression of being talking to a friend face to face. This article is no exception and I'm so grateful for that.
Jasminka, this article is brilliant! 'Home' is one of my favorite episodes of season 1, and you voiced most my opinions about this episode.
marie -a
# marie -a 2010-06-20 03:58
this site is the clever side of the fandom and it's a relieve to read you. Thank you. I love this episode, the scene where Dean an Sam speak, then Dean phone is the first that own me really. It was the beginning of me being a fan for the first in my life.
Jasminka you said everything already. Bravo !
# Yirabah 2010-06-20 04:48
I can only repeat myself. You are able to put in words the things I can't.

Keep up the good work. Even though I don't know when you have the time to do that. Did you write this one in your sleep?
# Julie 2010-06-20 06:52
Oh Jas,
Thanks so much for chosing `Home` for one of your Open Couch episodes , I too really love this one and, suprise suprise, it never fails to deeply move me. I think it was one of the first times we saw the chinks in the famous Winchester armour, and some of the insecurities and vunerabilities that makes us love these characters so much.
You are totally forgiven for the shallow moment, it happens to the best of us, and at the risk of upsetting some people I also agree with you in that this was another episode where I wanted to slap John Winchester.
Fancy, you reacting in the same way as your boy to situations! Go figure eh? You are the therapist here but does this not also explain a lot of the allure of the show?
Just a really small thing but I am so pleased you noticed and included the step scene with Missouri, this melts me every time I watch. Once again Thanks and looking forward to your next choice, Ju
# alysha 2010-06-20 08:31
Yep! Your words say it all. Home was the turning point episode where Supernatural clearly became all about family. Dean's reaction to learning Sam was psychic and then later when his father would not answer! OMG! That's when I knew he was the real emo brother, and it was heartbreaking, because like you said, he was a kind chivalrous young man.

And Mary's scene! Another OMG! The mysterious "I'm sorry". How could they have known way back then? So crafty.
# elle2 2010-06-20 09:49
Yeah, another open couch moment!

Like you I don't watch the episodes over and over and over again but try to let them settle and breathe. Then, when the moment strikes and I watch one I haven't seen in so long a time there it is, all fresh and amazing and yet deep and familiar. You make me want to cue up Home and sit down for a good viewing...and I will soon.

This is a lovely recap/insight into this episode and it is one of a series of episodes that reveals the 'bigger something' moving behind the scenes. I'm wondering if you're planning a number of these throughout this summer? I hope so.

It is so nice to settle on the couch and 'watch' Home through your eyes.

Thank you, Jas
# Bevie 2010-06-20 12:05
I was really enjoying this article Jas, but for some reason I can't access Page 5. It's just a blank even though it says "done".

Alice, is it me or the site?
# Jasminka 2010-06-20 15:11
Mardem, marie-a, Yirabah, Julie, Alysha, Elle2, Bevie, what lovely comments, thank you ladies!

Mardem, I'm glad that, while reading this article, you felt like talking to a friend face to face. It's so great that you feel comfortable here.

marie-a, this episode was your beginning of becoming a fan for the first time in your life? Wow. How extraordinary.

Yirabah, oh, girl, I don't know when I do this... probably when I can't sleep... which is kind of a regular these days. But I hope for the best...

Julie, I chose this as, just you describe, this episode always moves me, and then some. And I think you're right. A part of the allure of this show lies in similarities, to some extent I guess...

Alysha, this episode was indeed full of OMG moments - and those included family issues... we love this show for it, don't we?

Elle2, yes, I would like to write some open couch articles on episodes that move me particularly. I don't think I'll be doing that every week,but there are still some weeks of hiatus to cover, right? I will give the idea you sent me more thought, but also go into episodes, as well... Allow me to surprise you, it I can.

Bevie, thank you - if you can't open a page, try the 'print' icon beneath the title, that usually opens the whole article, so you could be able to read it.

You honour me with your comments, thank you. Jas
# elle2 2010-06-21 08:13

You always surprise me, I have no doubt you'll keep on doing it.

There are a few more weeks of hellatus to cover...good thing for as I was watching some eps last night (The Pilot and Wendigo) and taking notes for two other articles I was inspired on yet a third...good thing there's a few more weeks left.)


I'll keep reading as you keep writing!
# Sablegreen 2010-06-21 10:21
Good episode to talk about Jas. This had a tragic side, but also had a good element of sci-fi with all the special abilities they were bring forth in Sam. Not to mention the special effects they had in the episode. Boy's characters were true to each other, and even the supporting roles were well developed. Missouri was a wonderful addition to SPN, but as the writers now tend to kill off all the older roles, I hope they don't bring her back. Maybe in season 6 they will swing back around more to the gist of the earlier seasons.
# Bevie 2010-06-21 12:53
Thanks Jas for the tip. Don't know what is going on but it is doing the same thing for your next article. Just a big black screen with "advertisement" showing at the top and it only happens on the last page of the article.

Anyway thanks again as I don't want to miss a word of your articles.

# Jasminka 2010-06-21 13:03
Bevie, I hope it works for you with opening the 'print' version, I never had problems there. I'm so happy that you love what I write... it's a great feeling, you know...
Love Jas
# Jasminka 2010-06-21 13:10
Elle2 and Sablegreen, what can I say, I'm just happy to be part of all this and to have such generous fellow-writers with me... You girls are so kind and sweet with your recognition of what I offered here,
Thank you, Jas
# Jasminka 2010-06-21 17:16
Oh, Dany, thank you. It's not hard for this episode to reduce one to tears, eh? It is one of many layers... and those are so well placed that we are drawn in like by a magic spell...

Happy that you enjoyed this. Love, Jas
# Yvonne 2010-06-22 01:08
Great article Jas, it's always a pleasure to read your stuff.

You hit all the amazing moments in 'Home'. It is heartbreaking and fascinating and genius.

And thank you for drawing attention to Sam's lovely arms. They definitely deserve it and so does he for the effort he puts into them...happy sigh!

Oh John…
I’d like to say this is one of my favorite episodes for the simple reason that we get to meet and see present day John for the first time. That moment of him on the couch, alone, mysterious, and causing all kinds of questions and slap inducing fury…yep, that’s when I became the John girl I am. As for why he didn’t contact his sons, well I’ve got my own theories and thoughts that I won’t say here. (And for the record Julie and Dany, ‘Some People’ got laugh cramps from reading your posts.:lol:-)

I’d also like to say how much I love Missouri! We need a campaign to bring her back on the show! I loved how she mothered Dean and how Dean responded to that mothering. I loved how she tried to provide a safe place for Sam. And I wonder if she could have made a difference with Sam and his choices if those two rapscallions had stayed in touch like they said they would. (Side note, the actress, Loretta Devine, totally rocked in ‘Crash’. She’s been in other stuff, but I like that movie.)

Thanks for opening your couch Jas. It’s been comfy but in-depth and thought provocing. All wonderful good things.
# Karen 2010-06-22 09:14
Hi Jasminka
This was a wonderful and heart warming review of Home. I don’t think there is anyone out there that doesn’t have this episode high in their favourites.
The impact and information that was brought to the table in this was mind blowing, including the scary and the gross, which I’m sure made Kripke very happy. Btw thanks to this episode I will never own a garbage disposal unit.
# Evelyn 2010-06-24 01:05
I truly love the episode 'Home'. This episode was just recently shown on TNT and I found myself really affected upon this recent viewing by all that was going on with the boys. Thank you Jas, once again, for a wonderful introspective look into this most awesome episode.

As for Missouri, I like her character and would enjoy seeing her in another episode, but opinions and feelings differ when it comes to the way she treated Dean. I didn't much care for her so-called "motherly" ways. I thought they were kind of mean, but that's probably just me sticking out for my Dean.
# Jasminka 2010-06-24 15:32
Yvonne, Karen and Evelyn, thank you ladies!

Yvonne, you're absolutely entitled to be a JohnGirl, dear... I understand, though I have my issues with him,... but diversity rocks. And MIssouri - as soon as you want a campaign to bring her back to start, I'll be on board.... also loved her in Crash...

Karen, I also don't have a garbage disposal unit. As I was moving last winter and had my kitchen renovated, they offered me one. Actually, this episode came to mind (and the movie Final Destination) and I graciously declined.... ;-)

Evelyn, it's so fascinating to read different views, and I admire your sticking out for Dean. I didn't consider Missouri's actions kind of mean, but he might have felt that way, he didn't cuss at her for now reason.

Thank you for commenting and cheers to you all! Jas