Grab your guns, get your whiskey and be prepared for the emotional onslaught, because this week, Hiatus Hunting is going to look back at one of those Supernatural episodes that, while not only being incredible, it also reaches into your heart and crushes it until you’re a bumbling mess of tears. That’s right – join us won’t you, for a look back at Abandon All Hope...




Okay everyone, have those boxes of Kleenexes handy? Good, because as far as tear-jerkers go, this is the gold standard.



A limo pulls up under an overpass. An older man with a tin box and a shovel gets out, but not before he steps in a puddle. I have no idea if that was a symbol for something, Ben Edlund being cute or a happy accident but there you have it. He finds an area that must somehow be a crossroads and puts the box into the ground. Ah, I smell a crossroads deal coming. A man in a dark suit shows up. It's Mark Sheppard! Wow, this guy has been on everything. He's been awesome doing it too.

Mark Sheppard identifies himself as Crowley, calling the other guy dead meat, I mean Mr. Pendleton. Old guy looks surprised for before he was dealing with an attractive lady. Crowley knows, but this banker dude is a big fish so he was sent. I’m sure he was sent because banker dude is a homophobic jerk and demons love twisting that knife of irony. Lord knows they do it to Dean enough times. You know, demons like Ben Edlund J. Crowley wants to seal the deal personally and banker all too well knows the deal would be sealed with a kiss. “That’s right,” Crowley says with delight. Banker gets really uncomfortable. “Your choice. You can cling to six decades of deep seeded homophobia, or give it up and get a complete bailout of your bank’s ridiculous incompetence.” So now Ben Edlund is linking bank bailouts with crossroads deals? That actually makes sense.

I remember when recapping “I Know What You Did Last Summer” I thanked heavens that the crossroads demon there didn’t accept Sam’s offer, otherwise that kiss would have been awkward. You know Ben Edlund has been dying for this opportunity since then. As for those thinking this is risqué for TV, this is the CW for God’s sake! They just heavily publicized a threesome on Gossip Girl. Male kissing is so passé. Banker agrees after Crowley does the whole “going once, going twice thing” and this is no light peck on the lips. Full-on deep pressing and maybe some tongue. Gotta give them credit for doing it right. Continuity is important on this show.

Meanwhile, in the distance, someone is behind a pillar watching. It’s Castiel! Pervert. He’s on the phone. “Got him.” Title card.



Back to the lip lock and Crowley lets the now squicked out banker go. Castiel tells Dean on the phone the demon Crowley is making a deal. “Even as we speak its, going down.” I never tire of the Cas dry humor. Even Dean finds that one odd. “Going down? Right, okay Huggy Bear.” A Starsky and Hutch reference! Perfect for two guys hanging out with their beautiful car. I saw that exact 1975 orange and white Gran Torino at the classic car showroom at the Imperial Palace in Las Vegas. Herbie the Love Bug was there too. I fully expect an Impala to be there when the show is over. Hear that guys! Procure this item now!

The banker tells Crowley “Damn you.” Crowley isn’t about to not rub it in this guy’s face. “Enjoy the obscene wealth. See you in ten years.” I like him. Crowley walks off and disappears in thin air. Castiel follows and then disappears into thin air. He may be a fallen angel but he still gets to do cool things. Castiel finds the house that Crowley is at, but he can’t go in since it’s layered in Enochian symbols. As we find out, he wants to avoid one pretty big angel, so don’t take it personally Cas. Dean tells Castiel he did great and they’ll take it from there. Yeah, how about that for weakling humans! No symbols of any kind can keep us out! We don’t even read “No Trespassing” signs.

Crowley is in his elaborate living room, pouring himself a drink, listening to classic R&B and strangely watching footage of Hitler. The only Hitler I like to watch is “Springtime for Hitler” from The Producers. The Third Reich never looked so fabulous! Crowley smiles while watching the Nazis march and takes his drink. It's so nice to be able to kick back after a busy day at the office.



Outside the gate of this gorgeous Spanish style estate woman walks up in a backless black dress with skimpy skirt and high heels. Yep, it's Jo. Man, she doesn't look like a schoolgirl here. She does the whole "my car broke down" thing on the intercom. The gate opens and outcome two creepy and large guys. One has this evil smile and tells her “We’re the only help you’re ever gonna need.” She does the whole backpedalling thing, pretending this was a bad idea. Considering the one guy grabs her and he eyes go black, they obviously know who she is. Man, what would they have done if this was a real innocent girl?

Jo takes the guy down with a kung fu chop and out of nowhere the demon killing ginsu goes through his neck of the other guy. This week's brutal and lightening fast knife kill comes from our dear Sammy. Then he takes out the jerk in the same brutal fashion. Remember the early days when he was our gentle giant? Our boy has grown. Judging by the crazy killing eyes he has going for him now, something tells me he still craves that demon killing power. I don’t think his issues there are done. But hey, that’s me speculating. I do that.

While Sam is doing his crazy eyes thing over the body, Dean shows up and tells Jo nice work. They’re ready to move onto the next task and we go back to Crowley inside who calmly watches the lights go out. He smiles like he’s expecting this sort of thing. Probably because he is. He walks into the other room and Sam says “It’s Crowley, right?” “So, the hardy boys finally found me.” We haven’t heard that nickname in a while. I think the last time it was used was “A Very Supernatural Christmas.” I could be wrong though. I’m such a freak for knowing that off the top of my head.

Sam and Dean are standing in the long hallway side by side holding weapons and Crowley steps toward them, stopping short of the badly placed devil’s trap under the bunched up rug. Come on guys, at least lay the rug flat. Sam and Dean are disappointed it didn’t work. Duh! “Do you have any idea how much this rug costs?” You know, I’d be upset over that too. Sam and Dean are then grabbed from behind. Come on guys, you didn’t expect the ambush either? Coasting on fumes these days?

Crowley pulls out the colt. He obviously knows what they’re there for. He raises the gun and then takes out the two demons holding Sam and Dean. Interesting. Sam and Dean are certainly shocked. Sure I could nitpick and ask why the shock since they’ve seen it all, but then again I like drama so I’ll shut up. Another thing I noticed about this scene, an all new Smallville is coming on Friday. I’m going to take this moment to do a brief commentary on Smallville season nine so far. It’s been really decent and I enjoy how it’s embraced the darker comic undertones, despite the fact that we know Superman isn’t Batman. However, that hokey “Save Me” intro has to go. This is not farm boy Clark Kent anymore. They really need to rebrand the whole thing as Metropolis.

Sorry, back to Crowley who tells the boys they’ve got to talk privately. Sam and Dean both look at each other perplexed but follow him into the fancy study anyway. Crowley shuts the door with the wave of his hand and tells them he could have buried the colt. There’s no reason anyone should know it exists at all. Except that he told them. He was the one spreading messages through the grapevine. Castiel has some real seedy sources, doesn’t he? Sam asks why. You know Sam, you do that a lot. More times than not it gets you into trouble. Luckily this isn’t one of those times. Crowley tells them that he wants them to take the colt to Lucifer and empty it into his face.

Dean isn’t buying the act at all. “Uh huh, okay, and why exactly would you want the devil dead?” Tell me Dean, would you believe anything this guy says no matter what he answers? Crowley says it’s for survival. “But I forgot you two at best are functioning morons.” Dean flubs another comeback. I don’t mind that once in a while, but here a snappy line would have been cooler. Ben Edlund comes up lame. I love Crowley’s answer though. “Lucifer isn’t a demon, remember? He’s an angel and an angel famous for his hatred of humankind. To him you’re just”¦filthy bags of puss. That’s the way he feels about you, what can he think about us?”

Sam points out he created them. Crowley knows that to him they’re just servants, cannon fodder. If Lucifer does exterminate humankind, they’re next. Wow, that’s really interesting, but it makes so much sense to me. Angels hate demons, period. Crowley asks Sam and Dean to help him. “Let’s all go back to simpler, better times. Back to when we could all follow our natures. I’m in sales dammit.” You know, one thing that has always stuck in the back of my mind is why Lilith approached Sam during “The Monster at The End of This Book.” Why did she want to go back to the way things were? If Crowley was her lover, I wonder if something he said convinced her and she was being genuine with her offer to Sam. Maybe her botched attempt to kill Sam, for if she succeeded Lucifer would stay caged, convinced her she couldn’t tempt fate. This is consistent though!



“What if I give you this thing and you go kill the devil.” Crowley hands the colt to Sam, who looks at him strangely. Then Crowley shakes it a little and smiles. I really like this demon! Eventually Sam takes it, albeit reluctantly. After a long awkward pause Sam asks if Crowley knows where the devil is. He as a matter of fact does. Carthage, Missouri on Thursday. Now this smells like a setup. I love ambiguous situations on this show but I want to believe this guy. He’s fun and seems like a straight shooter (pardon the pun after the kissing scene). “Great, thanks,” Sam says matter-of-factly before putting the colt to Crowley’s forehead and pulling the trigger. It clicks but doesn’t fire. I love Crowley’s reaction to this! He’s so calm and doesn’t even flinch. “Oh yeah, right,” he says like he forgot something, “You probably need some more ammunition.” He goes to the desk and gets some. Ah, the cheeky demon.

Sam and Dean are tired of the act now. Dean asks the daring question of whether Crowley is signing his own death warrant. What if they go against Lucifer and lose? “Number one, he’s going to wipe us all out anyway, two, when you leave here I go on an extended vacation to all points nowhere and three, HOW ABOUT YOU DON’T MISS OKAY! MORONS!” He throws Dean the ammo and vanishes. Yeah, that didn’t leave Sam and Dean with a lot of warm fuzzies.