Nate Winchester’s Remix of Supernatural 9.16 – “Blade Runners”
As always, thanks to http://homeofthenutty.com/ for their screencaps of the episode)
Awwwww yeah! Canon episode baby! | |
So? | |
That means I get to be in it. | |
Nope. This is the Crowley and Friends variety hour. YOU are not invited. | |
Aw man. | |
Now leave me alone with my metaphor. | |
–MEANWHILE– | |
I’m telling you, Dean, Crowley’s using my addiction metaphor right now! I can feel it! | |
Alright, let’s find ourselves a plot coupon. | |
*poof* Hey! Someone ask for a plot coupon? | |
Oh. This explains… everything actually. | |
Like how our show makers have sold their souls? | |
No, THEIR show makers. Our show makers still have artistic integrity. | |
I’ve got a windows tablet in Act 2 that says you don’t. | |
Dammit! Is there anyone who hasn’t sold themselves to Crowley? | |
I still say Carver IS Crowley. | |
Can’t be, we’re missing too much charm for Crowley to be at fault for this. | |
Guys? I’m on a reality show. If I don’t get back soon, this is going to be suspicious. | |
Right. So you help us out or we stab you and… | |
Hang on, Dean… I think we’re villains. | |
What? That’s crazy talk. | |
We’re threatening to kill a national personality – which would get us a lot of attention when we just got over the fake killing spree from two years ago – for no reason but our own purposes. | |
So let’s just exorcise her. | |
Which would leave her out here in the middle of nowhere without any contacts or idea on how to get back home. | |
So what do you think we should do with her? | |
Hang on, I know someone that might be able to help… *gets out cell phone* | |
Hello? | |
–LATER– | |
Maybe injecting myself with blood from people wasn’t a good idea… | |
*burst into room* Stop using my addiction metaphor, Crowley! | |
Hang on, I’m working on my STD bingo. | |
Hah! I’m on my 3rd card. | |
Well I did this without the fun of ****. … Aw, I made myself sad. | |
Because you’re mainlining human blood? | |
You started it, Moose. | |
How does this work? Any random human body has like…. a dozen gallons of blood in it when you possess them. But that doesn’t affect you until you add one more ounce? | |
Actually, Dean, the human body has just under a gallon and a half of blood. | |
Thanks, Spock. | |
And – at most – the syringe Crowley is using holds half an ounce. | |
We get it, Sammy. So as I said, why blood when the demon should be soaking in it while meat riding? | |
If we had to force feed the demon the Eucharist or give him a holy water enema… that would make some sense. | |
By Satan I can’t tell if I’m crying from the feels or your incessant chatter. | |
Buckle up, Chuckles. It’s time for your intervention. | |
… Oh no, we’ve totally stepped in his metaphor. | |
You bastard! I’ll kill you for stealing my plotline! I’m going to… | |
Dean… I really think we’re becoming villains. | |
That’s crazy talk, Sam! We’re just forcing intervention on a person to keep them from finding any possible redemption because it suits our own purposes. | |
… Oh my chuck we’re totally villains. | |
I’m so proud of you both. | |
–LATER– | |
Man, it’s been awhile since we’ve done that research thing, hasn’t it, Sammy? | |
Glad we skipped over all that, otherwise people might see even more examples of how villainous we are. | |
Like letting someone get possessed for our convenience? Or threatening a random citizen? Hah. Good times. | |
Huzzah! I am present! | |
A little early, no? | |
I grow bored waiting for thou to arrive. Now welcome to my parlor, said the spider to the fly. | |
What? | |
Classic literature. Well, they were first printings when I perused them. | |
Whoa, you’ve got a lot of neat shit around here. | |
And a zoo. | |
A petting zoo? | |
… | |
… | |
I mean stuck up here… all by yourself… it could get lonely… | |
Dean! Reality. Porn. Just stop! | |
So how may I serve thee? | |
We need the first blade. | |
Similar to that one? *points* | |
*looks behind* Damn, we’ve become really unobservant. Remember when I could spot a fingernail in a basement? | |
What dost thou even need it for? It’s useless without the Mark. | |
Like this one? *rolls up sleeve* | |
Exactly like that one. Please exit stage right, Sam. | |
*poof* | |
Hey that wasn’t nice! *grabs machete* | |
I cast, Melt Weapon. | |
I use a free action to pull out my gun. | |
The gun I retrieved with my pickpocket skill? *holds up gun* | |
Wha? How? | |
I rolled a critical success. | |
Damn wizards, always overpowered. | |
Not my fault thou remained a pure warrior instead of multi-classing. Now let me tie you up as befitting my collection. | |
Again? No, I won’t do it! | |
Thou must! | |
No I’m sick and tired of being tied up ever chuck-damned episode! Well I won’t do it this time. | |
Thou better or… I’ll blast thee. | |
No you won’t, you just admitted I’m a part of your collection. You won’t shoot me. | |
Damn. Ok, I’ll shoot thou, then tie thee up, and then bring you back with a resurrection spell. *cocks gun* | |
How? You multiclass cleric? | |
*pouts* No. | |
And look… I have a room full of weapons within arms reach here. Bet you run out of spells before I run out of them. | |
Wait! Let’s ponder this… | |
–MEANWHILE– | |
Damn… weeds! | |
Yeah, too bad you don’t have something like a machete to cut your way through them. | |
*looks down at thigh sheath* Awwwww man. So the guy took my brother. I’m selling my soul to you for the power to get him back. | |
I thought you wouldn’t bother saving him if Dean was in trouble. | |
Right. I… begin researching. | |
Feels like old times, doesn’t it? You miss it? | |
Can you please just not talk right now? | |
Why all the hate from you and your brother? What did I ever do to you? | |
You messed with our friends and loved ones. | |
Worse than Castiel? Or Meg? | |
Well Castiel helped us out with the Apocolypse. | |
SO DID I! Hello? The Colt? Larger hellhound? Finding Death? I did more to drag you two over the finish line than twinkle toes. | |
But he feels remorse for the bad things he did. | |
I was feeling remorse, UNTIL YOU TWO GAVE ME AN “INTERVENTION”. | |
Uh… you’re a demon, who must have done bad things. | |
As much or less on screen than all of Meg’s appearances, and you two didn’t give her near the hate you give me. What gives? | |
…We don’t like how you’re stealing some of our fangirls. | |
I knew it! | |
–LATER– | |
Ah, here we go! I cast Dominate Person! | |
Seriously? You had that spell and you didn’t bother starting with it? | |
*SAM OFFSCREEN* | Now take us to Dean! |
*CROWLEY OFFSCREEN* | Just kill him already! It’s a sealed house, we can find Dean at our leisure once the wizard’s dead. |
*enters room – sees Cuthbert* … | |
… | |
Then what is… | |
Shapeshifter! | |
*stabity stab* You had a shapeshifter all along? | |
Yeah. So? | |
How did that shapeshifter change its clothes? | |
Dumbass. Why didn’t you just send a mind controlled shapeshifter to replace Dean when you sent me back? Then I wouldn’t be breaking in here and would have left you alone with your “collection.” Don’t you watch Dr Who? | |
No, I’m from the 50s. I refuse to acknowledge anything nu-Who related. | |
Oh no, you got him started… | |
Heresy! There are some good quality stories in the series which maintain the spirit of the originals while forging new ground in storytelling! | |
Bah! The best of the new is inferior to even the worst of Colin Baker! | |
Oh them’s fighting words! | |
Bring it! For Slyvester McCoy! | |
In the name of David Tennant! | |
You know I was partial to Christopher Ecelston. | |
You all disgust me. None were greater than Tom Baker. | |
Why? He sell his soul to you for the job or something? | |
No, I sold my soul to him – well a soul. For an acting gig. But there was a problem with the paperwork and processing… I ended up acting opposite that ham Matt Smith instead of a living legend. | |
Dude, you got to hang out with Karen Gillian? | |
Yes, but I was hoping to meet Louise Jameson. | |
Enough! Just… just get out. I can’t stand to have such philistines in my house. | |
Fine, we’re going. | |
*scoff* I liked Dr Who before it was cool. | |
Oh that’s it. *choppity chop* | |
blarg! *is dead* | |
What’d you do that for??? | |
Dude, I am NOT letting a geek-hipster live. | |
Good call. Now I’m taking the knife and skedaddling. | |
Aww dammit! Why don’t we put these things on a bungie already? … And what the hell happened to my car? | |
At least they didn’t take your cassette tapes. |
(cross posted @ http://http://natewinchester.wordpress.com/2014/03/25/9-16-blade-runners/)
Leave a Reply