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Sam: Of course, it's official F.B.I. business. Now where's the bathroom?
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Elka: No line cutting, you have to wait your turn on the "bull" like everyone else.
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Elka: Duh, I can't read.
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Elka: Cookies? I didn't know the F.B.I. sold cookies.
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Dean: We've been looking for you a long time.
Sam: We're investigating your entries in the Caption This! contest.
Elka: Oh..
Dean: According to Nate Winchester, who runs Caption This!, you've been posting your entries on the instructions page and not on the contest page.
Elka: Oh, dear.
Sam: Nate has clear instructions on how to enter captions in the Caption This! contest on the Caption This! entry page.
Dean: From there, if someone needs help, they are referred to the Caption This! instructions page.
Sam: Where Nate clearly states:
"If you want to leave an entry on the discussion board (like say, the caption this contest), scroll down to the bottom of the page with the discussion (NOT this page) to this"
Elka: Okay..uh..I think.
Dean: Nate used to write "How to Guides" for the I.R.S.
Sam: He's amazing!
Dean: You've been erroneously posting for 12 years now and there are costs accruing.
Sam: In addition to the fines there are added late fee penalties...
Dean: Which comes to $3,575,000.
Elka: Yeah..I'll pay it out of the tip jar.
-

Elka hands Sam their bill...

Sam whips out his Fed ID...

Elka: "Really?"

Sam: "Government perks!"

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Elka: I got me a I.D. like that too from my favorite show Supernatural. Ever watch it?
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Dean: *Whispers* "Wait. I thought we were going with "Mechanical Bull Inspectors!"

Sam: "What do you mean you question the authenticity of my ID?"

Dean: "Yeah! That's quality work. Do you know how-"

Sam: "Oh sure. You pick NOW to remember!"

Sam: "Important FBI questions..."

Elma: "I'll do my best..."

Sam: "You've ridden the mechanical bull?"

Ella: "Yes."

Sam: "And you've ridden Dean?"

Ella: "Oh yeah!"

*Dean beams*

Sam: "So how would you like to ride a moose?"

Dean: "Wait a minute..."

Sam: "Nigel Tunfil... and my partner here-"

Elka: "Nigel Tunfil? Look closer."

Sam: *Looking at his badge signature*. "Mick E. Mous- damn it Dean!"

Elka: "Get out."

Sam: "Your Government needs your help."

Elka: "What can I do?"

Sam: "We're looking for anyone who has info on the myth arc for Season Eleven..."

Dean: "What myth arc?"

Sam: "Shhh...you suffering from memory loss!"

Dean: "I'll rephrase. WHAT myth arc?"



I'll NEVER forget Nate!

Sam: "Official government business. We have to clear everyone out..."

Elka: "You're here to ride Larry aren't you?"

Sam: "The bull. Yes."

Elka: "Can't you just wait your turn like everyone else?"

*Sam flashes badge*

Ella: "Back for another ride? Well c'mon..."

Sam: "Wait. The bulls over that way!"

Dean: "Shut up Sam!"

Sam: "We're here to investigate the Hotdog Smokies Pizza Burger you're advertising..."

Sam: "We're here to insist you take your WANTED poster down..."

Sam: "Excuse me but I believe the couple seated at the table to my right DID NOT throw their peanut shells on the floor..."

Dean: "A punishable offense in any honkeytonk in these United States..."

Dean: "Hey"

Elka: "Don't you dare stand me up again!"

Dean: Yeah? What are you gonna do if?"

Elka: "I'll smack the waffle right out of your mouth!"

Dean: *Thinking to himself in his forgetful state*

"Uh, FBI. "Fake Badges Inc?" "Fast Bullshit Inventors?" "Fine Bullriding Imposters? Yeah, that's it!"

Dean: *Still suffering confusion from memory loss* "We're Federal Bikini Inspectors? Best damn job ever!"

Sam: "Have you ever seen a moose ride a bull?"

Elka: "No..."

Sam: "Well you're about to!"

Sam: "The sign says you take cash."

Elka: "Wait one damn minute. I'm a waitress, not a hooker!"

Dean: "Yeah, dude!"

*Sam points in back of him*

Elka: "Oh. You mean the sign back THERE..."

Sam: "No, not FBI. Federal Brewery Inspectors. We're here to check the quality of your craft beers..."

Dean: "All the beers!"

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Elka: Female Body Inspectors. Very funny. We get 2 or 3 of those a week here.
-

Nate Winchester and the Borg Collective

Alright kids, in last weeks episode poor little Nate had been assimilated by the evil Borg. We'll get started with tonight's episode after these messages.

Announcer #1: Hey kids, if you smoke Supernaturals you will be cool and popular. Smoke Supernaturals! Smoke Supernaturals!
Announcer #2: Hey kids, If you drink Old Crowley 100% whiskey, you will be happy and successful. Drink Old Crowley! Drink Old Crowley!
Announcer #3: Hey kids, if you play Eden Lawn Darts, you will have a lot of fun! Play Eden Lawn Darts! Play Eden Lawn Darts!

Tonights episode: Paradise Lost
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Sam: We understand Nate Winchester was seen here recently.
Elka: Yeah, one of our regulars.
Dean: What can you tell us.
Elka: I barely recognized him at first.
Sam: How so?
Elka: He looked Goth - pale white skin, blank stare, black leather, and piercings.
Dean: Yeah, that fits. Anything else?
Elka: Well he would'nt sit down...drank standing up.
Dean: [Rolling his eyes] Well that's understandable.
Sam: Did he say anything?
Elka: He said they didn't want him so they kicked him out.
Sam: Who kicked him out?
Elka: The Borg Collective....must be a Goth band.
Dean: Tsk, did he mention why?
Elka: He liked being "plugged in" to his 'docking station" all the time.
Sam: [Knowing look at Dean] Plugged in, eh.
Elka: Must be a guitar reference....
Dean: ....or a slide trombone and I do mean bone and I do mean sliding!
Elka: Whatever it was, he would'nt leave it.
Sam: You've been a big help. Anything more you may have noticed?
Elka: He was walking kinda stiff-legged.
Dean: Yeah, I bet.
Elka: Oh, and he said he had never been happier than with the Borg.
Dean: I never saw that coming.
Elka: I told him I could'nt help with the Borg but I could get him a hamborger - on the house.
Dean: Bazinga!
Sam: Thank you, Elka, you've been a big help.
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Remember kids, join us next week...same Borg time!....same Borg channel!
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Dean: (confused) Phoebe? I don't know who this guy is, but he sure spells him name funny.

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Elka: You're with Wildlife as a Furry Beaver Inspector and you want me to what?
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Elka: How can I help you Special Agent Sponge Bob?
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Sam: We're looking into fake IDs...
Dean: I thought Nate said fun with fake IUDs this week.
Elka: Me too, boy am I worn out!
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Sam: We're looking into fake IDs.
Elka: The only thing I've got's a fake health certificate to work here.
Dean: Health?
Elka: Look, I don't have typhoid fever, I just carry it.
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Sam: We're looking into fake IDs.
Dean: I thought it was fun with fake IEDs this week?
Elka: Fake? Call the bomb squad!
-

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Elka: You still need your discount coupon for the "Surf 'n Turf" special.
-

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Elka: We still don't validate parking here.
-

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Sam: We need to discuss witches, UFOs, and swamp people.
Elka: While everyone knows that waitresses are sought after for their deep knowledge base and wisdom of all things sacred, profane, and arcane, the truth of the waitress profession has been overlooked in popular culture. Waitresses are paid minimum wage with no benefits such as health insurance or maternity leave. As a result, waitresses often end up working 2 or 3 jobs. The stress of toiling at low pay for long hours amongst demanding, thankless customers takes its toll in terms of psychosomatic illnesses and a chaotic home life. Waitresses who are trapped in this vicious cycle often die young just because they have worn themselves out. What is truly sad is the lack of maternal care and love often leads their children to turn to gang life, drugs and early deaths. It's a horrible existence repeating in millions of homes every day.
Sam: Here's a couple hundred bucks for your time. Thank you.
Dean: I'll never say anything bad about being a hunter again. Ever.
-

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Sam: We need to discuss witches, UFOs, and swamp people.
-

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Elka: Yeah, I called. Can you get 'em to put up a new photo. Everyone in here is sick of this one.
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