Dean and Dad...So Far
Monday, 20 April 2009 21:01 | Last Updated on Monday, 04 January 2010 23:41 | Written by elle2 | 
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My plan had been to write two or three separate – distinctly separate – articles; plans change. Paraphrasing something Sera Gamble said in the commentary at the end of All Hell Breaks Loose I: When we do something to one character we often show it through the reactions/emotions of the other. I’m finding these articles to be similarly affected.
In my first article, Daddy Issues, Sam Winchester Style; I kept my focus quite narrow and it worked, mostly. In writing this from Dean’s perspective I’m finding it a lot harder to keep such a narrow focus.
First, Sam’s and John’s tumultuous times occurred pre-series, the fallout was clear, as shown in the Pilot, Sam had been gone and not in communication for four years. The growth we saw was not Sam’s coming to recognize himself as an individual but rather in learning to see his father’s point of view as well as finding a way to be himself.
Second, the growth we saw in Sam occurred in part because of Dean’s role initially as peacemaker but also through some critical interactions with parties outside the family, notably Matt in Bugs and Max in "Nightmare."
Third, while Sam’s emotional maturation regarding dad was affected because of Dean’s patient counsel, Dean’s less mature relationship with dad was similarly affected by Sam’s rebellious or better yet, mature and independent ways. Before anyone starts climbing through their computer to beat me up thinking I’m saying Dean is immature or Sam a rebel; I’m saying both. Both had maturity issues and both were rebellious – and that can be for another article if you tell me you want. The point is that both grew and changed in how they viewed their father and how they viewed themselves interacting with him and much of that growth came from their interactions with each other.
Thus, having argued successfully – I am writing this so I get to decide if the argument was successful or not – that both brothers are critical to the development of the other, I’ll be adding a broader focus on this article and show how Dean evolved due to Sam’s influence and also show some of Sam’s altered role as intermediary between Dean and Dad, albeit posthumously.
In an attempt to provide a framework for this journey the following are the phases of Dean’s development as I see it:
- Blind faith
- Thinking for himself
- Grief
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
- The Impact of Brothers
- Now
By the way, if you really liked the short, simplistic view of my previous article, you’ll be disappointed as I found this one much harder to simplify since I intend to focus a lot on Dean and Dad but also expand with how Sam not only changed Dean but also changed roles.
By all means feedback is welcome because that helps me think about what I wrote and whether it made any sense or not, be gentle though I don’t have the same constitution as a ’67 Impala and am not likely to come back from all the abuse looking so fine. 
Blind Faith
Season one doesn’t give us much in the way of recognizable growth in how Dean views his dad until the end; it does, however, set the pattern:
“…this [the journal] is dad’s single most valuable possession…I think he wants us to pick up where he left off, you know, saving people, hunting things, the family business.” [Wendigo]
“Who cares, if he wants us there, it’s good enough for me…dad’s telling us to go somewhere, we’re going.” [Asylum]
Dean: “Dad doesn’t want our help.”
Sam: “I don’t care.”
Dean: “He’s given us an order.”
Sam: “I don’t care. We don’t always have to do what he says.” [Scarecrow]
Sam: “I don’t care. We don’t always have to do what he says.” [Scarecrow]
As an underscore to the level of importance Dean placed on strict adherence to dad’s orders we see something extremely unusual for Dean – Dean left Sam; in the middle of the night, on the side of a dark road.
Now, some can mention that Dean left Sam in "Long Distance Call" and "Time Is On My Side"; I know I made a fairly big deal of it recently in reviewing "The Monster at the End of This Book." Those speak to a very different issue and while important and perhaps even will be a part of an article I have percolating for the summer hiatus *shudders*, they do not carry the import for this theme here.
Having established Dean as a ‘good son’ or better yet, as having “blind faith in the man” as Sam accused, Eric Kripke doesn’t stop there and stunt Dean’s characterization.
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Comments
Now, before I'm starting to argue with one point I do not agree with (or have different point of view to the situation), I have to say, I like your articles.
The information is mostly not new, but if you put it together like that, it's very comfortable to follow.
BUT
The idea of Sam helping Dean to deal with their fathers deal with demon, Sam accepting the deal, because he is so _mature_? (This is weird phrase, but I don't know how to say that normally).
I do not agree at all.
I don't think this deal should ever been made. I think John's relationship with his sons was unhealthy and the relationship between Sam and Dean is also unhealthy.
(Hey, I have 2 kids I love above everything else - but if one of them died, I would not take eternal torment upon myself to reverse it. AND my children are so much younger then John's. I mean, all their lives should be in front of them and it would seem even more unfair for them to die.)
But death - really - is not such a bad thing. People die. That's world's way, and we should be happy that we had some time with them, and yes, we may be very sad, and grief is so painful - but that's life. (Or death, if you wish.)
I think Sam accepted their fathers deal because he could live more easily with John dead than with Dean dead. Losing Dean was (is) so much more terrifying to him. So he saw John's doings as ultimate sacrifices for both of them, maybe even some way how John could make up all his mistakes as a parent, and felt mostly gratitude, not giving much thought to what actually happened to his father in hell.
Because accepting someones death is _so_ different from accepting someones eternal torment in some awful place. I don't think Sam could have accepted this, if he properly thought about things. So I assume he just stopped at "grateful" and "he gave his _life_ for Dean" and did not think any further.
But Dean did.
And that's why Dean was so much more broken. Not because Sam took his grief more maturely but because Sam was in "denial" part all the time.
When Sam was finally in Dean's place, there was no maturity, no letting go, there was "only blood and pain". And I understand him perfectly.
Those deals, nothing good comes out of them. This is _not_ the right way to love your family.
This is destruction and self-destruction all the way down.
(I like your articles. It's nice to see someone thinking about this family stuff. /Even as I like Ruby very much and I also hope secretly that she is Meg inside and there is some wonderful link between her doings and old Yellow-Eyed-Demon, whom I also loved greatly, and you don't love her at all, AT ALL :cry::/)
Bye and have a good spring!
What I think everyone overlooks in the automatic labelling of Dean, early in the series, as a foot soldier is that it's not so much about blindly following dad, it's about doing what needs to be done to keep the family together or safe (ultimately, Dean wishes these could be one in the same, but as he acknowledges in Shadow, this is not the case).
I also don't agree that Sam is the more mature one, whether it is the result of going away to college or being "rebellious" or anything else. In fact, I think Sam has had a number of immature moments throughout the series, moments of petulance in which he is then surprised by reality, such as the scene you provided when he realizes that John visited him at school.
They handle things differently, period. Sam doesn't have quite the same dynamic in the family as Dean does - he was able to have a childhood to some extent where Dean was *always* required to be vigilant and responsible. From the time he was four and a half years old, Dean has been responsible for another human beings life- Sam. I don't believe Dean had/has blind-faith in John, but he did have a trust in him. In combat, you can't constantly be questioning the orders of a superior/authority or it will lead to bad things - death, most likely. Dean experienced this in the flashbacks of Something Wicked. He didn't follow the orders of his superior and it left Sam at risk and exposed (not that I agree with Dean bearing the responsibility for that or being raised with military mentality - he was a child, after all). My point is that Sam grew up with a totally different understanding of the world because Dean provided that for him. Sam didn’t watch his mother and childhood home burn, Sam was never responsible for ensuring that his brother was taken care of at the expense of his own mental, physical and emotional well-being (not to be confused with the idea that Sam hasn’t saved Dean or sacrificed for him, I’m simply talking about growing up). We know that Dean traditionally kept his emotions and personal torment to himself almost 100% of the time, where Sam was more inclined to release his, in a healthy way. So, Dean has a completely different outlook on things than Sam. Sam understood the world from what could be termed a “normal” outlook where I would argue Dean was never afforded that luxury.
Additionally, part of the “blind faith” or absolute adherence to their father comes from Dean’s own lack of self-worth, especially in the early seasons. Dean doesn’t have faith in himself, so why would he trust his own inclinations over and above those of his father? Especially after Sam leaves for college when Dad is the only one left. I have to imagine that Sam questioned John enough when they were younger and Dean played peacemaker so much that he got entirely fed up with it. In my house, I am constantly mediating between my parents when they fight about my brother – so I can relate to Dean in his role of peacekeeper. It isn’t a fun job and it’s draining.
I don’t agree that Dean’s view of John changes to “more rebellious” after John’s death, and even before then when the three of them are hunting vampires. I believe that Dean always does what has to be done for his family (case in point: Crossroads deal), even if that means questioning an order from their father every now and again. I think by this point he has gained perspective, because remember – Dean has NEVER been away from their father during hunts for an extended period of time, so he had to put more trust into his own instincts and abilities as a hunter than he did before. I don’t that Sam had anything to do with it, one way or the other; so much as Dean and time facilitated this change. After John trades himself for Dean, he still doesn’t believe he was worth it. As he says to Bobby, in AHBL2 – “At least this way my life can mean something.” I really think the dynamic with Dean and John has a lot to do with Dean’s loss of childhood innocence and his own sense of devalue.
Sam doesn’t show Dean independence, in my opinion, by leaving for school, questioning John, etc. I believe that to Dean’s way of thinking (and, I’d probably be inclined to agree if I’d lost as much as he had), family is the be-all, end-all. In his speech to John in What Is and What Should Never Be, Dean doesn’t talk about himself personally the way he names Sam and his mother. He collectively states “we” indicating [to me] his family. Dean defines himself completely in terms of his family and here, his concern is for their happiness. Dean doesn’t give up this “world of happiness” because he has gained “independence”, rather I think he does it because the greater good is important to him too. And Dean never, ever puts himself before anyone; therefore he couldn’t put his own happiness in this fake-world before the lives of people in the real world.
The realization in Dream a Little Dream is more about Dean’s own self-worth. I agree, that he is finally admitting he has value beyond a soldier. As I said though, I think Dean’s ardent following of John stemmed more from his desire to maintain the status quo in their family, keeping them together and safe, and the best way to do that was to follow their Dad, who has been the only constant in Dean’s life up until very recently. It was easier for Dean to follow orders than to question them and risk his believe about complete worthlessness confirmed if/when John brushed him off, or whatever else he might have said/done if Dean confronted him. DALDOM is about Dean admitting to himself that he has value, not that John was wrong and fallible.
Ultimately, (after my incredibly winded explanation) I don’t agree that is was Sam who allowed Dean to realize these things about himself but instead it was being away from John that had this effect. I believe that Dean came to these realizations (albeit slowly) all on his own largely as a result of having to be the leader and being apart from his father for the first time in 20+ years and being able to put trust in his own capabilities. Dean had a chance to think, execute and succeed without John hounding him for a change. Prior to Hell, these were tenuous beliefs that Dean was starting to form. Now, he is back to square one, if not lower, and even Sam is telling him he’s useless.
I too am excited for Jump the Shark. I’ll admit this “third Winchester brother” thing gives me a little pause, but I trust in Kripke and know that he won’t steer us wrong! It will be interesting to see their individual reactions to this new brother.
I was hoping to get some discussion and you've provided it wonderfully.
Vana naine, I agree, this family (as much as I love them and wouldn't have them any other way) is unhealthy. Mary makes a deal -- born and raised a hunter, she knew very well that deals with evil lead to bad things. She paid the price and consigned her children to the very life she stated she never wanted for them.
John, loved his boys so much he said he couldn't/wouldn't watch them die [uh, anyone remember writing class...pure foreshadowing here) and thus he made a deal and Dean lived. In making that deal I'm convinced John knew all about Mary's deal, all about the demon blood... he didn't care though, he couldn't live having had a son die. Heck, we even saw that he was willing to 'waste' a bullet from the Colt to save Sam, should not be surprising he'd bargain the thing away, and his life to save the other.
Dean, learned from dad (that's the way it goes folks, parents teach children either by design or chance) and Dean through grief, through guilt, through low self-esteem...combined both Mary's and John's traits and made the deal for Sam.
Sam, last Winchester standing followed suit...sure, he tried to make a deal and was denied, but revenge then became his motivator [kinda like John] and he psuedo embraced that which he's railed against for the previous three years. He's now transformed himself to full on demon blood pumping through veins freak...everything he never wanted to be.
Uh, unhealthy anyone? Yeah, and I think that's the whole point [and face it, a lot of the reason we all tune in]
I love that Kripke makes the characters pay a price for their actions/decisions. They don't get brushed under the table. Make a deal? Pay the price, suffer the consequences...and never in a vacuum either 'cause others pay the price as well (most recently Pamela, Bobby (certainly the drinking Bobby we could see in LR, he suffered as well) Good times.
As for Sam's maturity? What I was trying to show is that Sam, likely due to Dean's protection or however you want to characterize it in giving Sam some semblance of a childhood, was able to become more independent, to the point of leaving for school. Sam was more realized at that point as he made choices and took action and went by what was best for himself. Yes, it is also selfish but that's the struggle in learning to become your own person.
I'm not condemning or condoning the fact that he was gone for four years and hadn't called home [speaking of which, it's been a week plus three days since I spoke to my parents...*jots note on to do list*] Sam took a chance and struck out to become ...well, Sam, not just John's son or younger brother.
Dean didn't. Dean remained the dutiful son. Again, absolutely nothing wrong with that and he's right, in battle, there needs to be the leader and the soldiers and questioning orders gets people killed. Dean is very right. However, the fact that he surpressed his own dreams or even the thought of having dreams is by no means healthy and ultimately is unsustainable.
Both brothers, through time, experience (as in college and a year(ish) on the road together) influenced the other. Sam, having had the cushion of distance to smooth away the harsh emotions, was first able to look at his father differently through interactions with Max and Matt, then he was more readily able to process what Dean had likely been telling him all along.
Dean, having had time to hunt for close to a year could realize, without dad nearby to help or hinder or whatever, that he makes his own decisions and is a quite capable hunter as well as able to perceive people (and kids) [and I'm firmly convinced Dean is smart in S1, so many comments have been made that Dean isn't shown as smart in S1 and I don't see it. There's plenty of scenes where he shows his ability to recall Anasazi symbols, what kills a Wendigo, how to make his own EMF thingy and lots, lots, lots more. Dean's smart]
Through their time together both were able to see themselves, the other and their father differently...alas, had it been a show about two brothers and their father travelling the country in a truch and Impala hunting evil, well then that's what we'd be watching but it isn't so we get to go this route...and I'm loving it.
So, just some further comments from me. One of the reasons I'm going back and rehashing some 'old material' is that this is a show that builds upon what's come before and as time, and seasons, pass the picture becomes more and more complete. By no means are we there yet but more of the picture is being revealed. Further, I want to have a good outline in my mind for this Thursday's Jump the Shark as to where our boys were then and where they are now with respect to family as however this thing turns out, it's going to dredge up some daddy issues somewhere.
Enjoy!
The only point where I would beg to differ would be in the section on Dean's blind faith. In it, you mention that the only time Dean left Sam by himself was in adherence to Papa Winchester's orders in Scarecrow and that you felt that when Dean and Sam split off to work solo in Time Is on My Side (TIoMS) and Long Distance Call (LDC) this fission was for an entirely different reason.
I agree that there were other reasons for Dean's splitting off from Sam in these episodes; however, it appears that he is still being influenced by his father as evidenced by the fact that he believes (or wants to believe) that John is the caller in LDC call and follows the caller-John's orders, thereby leaving Sam. In TIoMS, Dean splits off from Sam in order to chase down the Colt which, granted, is a weapon that might help Dean escape his deal, but which is also an item his father held in high esteem. I wonder if Dean fears what his father would think of the boy's losing the Colt so carelessly. So here, again, I felt that Dean had been influenced by the memory of his father to go a different way than Sam.
Sorry, I don't mean to dispute your article. I just thought that there was still a connection, even in those later 3rd season episodes, with Dean's leaving Sam only on John's orders. Of course, now there is the full fourth season to consider and incorporate into this article... but that's what Hellatus if for, right?
BTW, as a (soon to be) mental health counselor, I LOVE that you are applying the Kubler-Ross stages of grief! I started watching the show last year during my first year of grad school and so, of course, began applying many theories to the characters of the show (which I believe is somewhat healthier than applying them to myself or to my friends/family!) I have always wanted to write an article applying theory to the family dynamics on this show and now feel more inspired to do so.
Thanks!
Thanks for the great comments! You bring up an excellent point regarding LDC, especially) that I had forgotten about. As for TioMS...definitely this is one of those times where Dean is 'blinded' as it were with revenge...Bela! I do think there is much to your supposition that Dean harbors some sense of guilt or shame or ...geez, this would really (not) make Dad proud, we lost the Colt! So, excellent points.
Thanks for the shout out to the stages of guilt...the article fairly screamed for that type of an outline, especially as it got to be so much more complicated than I had originally intended. There is much more to say on this 'issue' and I really look forward to what Season 5 will bring now that Dean has spoken aloud that he is not dad. Couple that with what he learned and finally is beginning to address about dad from JTS and how he likens Sam to dad and then acted like dad and then Bobby told him not to be like dad and .... awesome stuff.
I hope you do write such an article on the family dynamics...I'd love to read it. You're right, this is exactly what hellatus is for.
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