I am writing to you, on behalf of my client, Dean Winchester. He has retained my services, most reluctantly, on the matter of several missing items. Mr. Winchester would prefer to send this message to you, in a more â€œpersonalâ€ manner. However, he finds himself rather busy these days.
It seems that sadly, once again, he and his brother Sam are down one friend, but up one enemy. At present, Dean is studying diligently for catechism class at The Church of The Holey Trenchcoat. Thus, he has left this issue in my hands, in hopes of a speedy and successful resolution.
As you know, the Winchester Brothers have few possessions. That makes the few they have, even more special to them. Their most prized possession, of course, is their 1967, black Chevrolet Impala. It has saved their lives (and the entire world) on more than one occasion. It is their home, the keeper of their secrets, and their connection to past, present and future.
I understand that at this time, it is in need of some body work. I recommend it be towed to Singerâ€™s Salvage Yard, for safekeeping until Dean can carry out the necessary repairs. I have always found Mr. Singer to provide excellent, compassionate, and thoroughly researched service.
From my observations of the brothers, there are two things that have significant meaning for Sam, and certainly for those around him. He has the Paisley Shirt of Peril, which has miraculously made it through many hunts (and much muscle gain) without losing a button, or ripping a seam.
But in this case, it is not clothes that make the man. No, it is his hair. Samâ€™s hair, or what their friends refer to as SamHair, is something both boys cherish. Dean loves to tease Sam about it. Sam loves to flip it, flounce it, swirl it and bounce it. Samâ€™s hair is an extension of his personality. When heâ€™s happy, itâ€™s voluminous and fluffy. But, when heâ€™s stressed or depressed, it loses its lustre and lies flat. No supernatural entity, which values its life, would dare tangle with those tresses!
Which brings me to Dean, and the material objects he values. For years, he was defined by the leather jacket he inherited from his father, and the amulet necklace (henceforth known only as The Amulet) his brother gave him as a Christmas present in 1991. Tragically, both of these things are now missing â€“ one stolen, the other tossed in the garbage in a moment of rage, sadness, grief and frustration.
Let us begin with the jacket. As I mentioned, it was given to Dean by his father. I have never been told the full story of how or when the transfer of ownership took place. Perhaps it was a significant birthday. Perhaps he just started wearing it, and John decided it was time to pass it on.
The fascinating thing, about what some have nicknamed The Leather Jacket of Masculinity, is that it shares certain magical properties with some Travelling Pants, shared by a Sisterhood. (I believe the Sisterhood is supernatural, only in the profound bonds of friendship the members share, and the sometimes slightly saccharine nature of the story).
The jacket has been worn by Young!John, BigDaddyWinchester!John, Teen!Dean and Dean himself. It is my understanding that all these men have slightly different dimensions, and yet the jacket fits each and every one of them. Better than that, it makes them all look tough, virile, manly and yet oh-so-fashionable. (There really is something about that vintage look!) I suspect the magical properties of the jacket have their limits however, since Sam has never been seen in it, at least not as an adult. (The sleeves would probably end at his elbows!)
I have been informed by the authorities that jacket is not, in fact, missing. But rather, has been stolen. You can only imagine Deanâ€™s reaction on learning the news. And, I quoteâ€¦ â€œSon of a BITCH!!â€
I can understand coveting someone elseâ€™s possessions. I canâ€™t understand stealing them, and then wearing them. It would just feel wrong. I suspect leather jackets have a form of Feng Shui. The thief likely took it, in the vain hope it would make him look like a Winchester. Ha! The truth is, itâ€™s probably a cursed object for anyone but
Dean and I both acknowledge that itâ€™s unlikely the Leather Jacket of Winsome Winchesterness will find its way back to his sculpted shoulders. I, however remain hopeful, but puzzled.
Dean and Sam lead a rather remarkable existence, what with the novels based on their lives, the book conventions at quaint New Englandesque hotels, and that alternate universe with the TV show. It must have a costume department, right? And they would have pictures of the jacket, right? And those photographs would show where itâ€™s faded, and stained and worn a little thin, right?
So, why canâ€™t they make a new one? I know it wouldnâ€™t be the original. Dean would likely know itâ€™s not the original, but perhaps you could explain the slightly different appearance by telling him it had been found by a Good Samaritan who took it to the dry cleaners?
To my eyes, Dean looks more confident and assured, and more dangerous when he squares those sculpted shoulders in that leather jacket. Even Samifer himself blinked an eye when Dean wore it to the cemetery. I think Dean draws strength from it. It makes him think of his dad, and his brother and all they and the jacket have been through. It gives him the power of memories, which are super-powers of a sort.
Barring the reconstruction of the jacket, couldnâ€™t Sam & Bobby pool their pool winnings and buy him a new one? As a present? Perhaps they could get one from a secondhand shop so that it would look suitably aged, rugged and hunt ready. (Does that describe the Winchesters or the jacket? Maybe both.)
Now that I have offered solutions for the problem of the stolen jacket (Son of a BITCH thief!), it is time to negotiate for The Amulet.
Letâ€™s put our cards on the table and acknowledge how important The Amulet is to both brothers. Sam gave it to Dean as a sign of love and devotion, when they were still young boys. For years, Dean proudly wore it as a sign of love and devotion. He was furious when anyone would dare to remove it. (Remember that Shapeshifter incident?) Sam wore The Amulet when Dean was in The Pit. It was a way to keep his beloved brother close to his heart. Then, when Dean returned topside, his joy and wonder at receiving it from Sam was truly beautiful to behold. (Of course, I mean Iâ€™ve heard it was beautiful to behold. I wasnâ€™t watching through the peephole of the hotel room or anything.)
Even when Castiel asked to â€œborrowâ€ The Amulet to find God, Dean was reluctant to part with it, ordering Cas not to lose it.
I fear I must betray a confidence at this point. Dean has told me that he wishes The Amulet had never been considered a Super-Decoder-Ring-God-Finding device. He always understood that, with a face like that
on it, it was likely The Amulet had some special properties. But heâ€™d never seen it that way. All it ever meant to him was the love of his brother, and their faith in each other. That was supernatural power enough.
So, itâ€™s understandable that when Deanâ€™s faith in himself and Sam began to waver, the only external object he could lash out at was The Amulet. After their trip to Heaven, and their different memories, Dean felt his relationship with Sam was crumbling again. He was worried that he had never been as important to Sam, as Sam had always been to him. Iâ€™m not saying heâ€™s right, only what he told me he was feeling. Then, when The Amulet couldnâ€™t even fulfill its supposed destiny of finding God, Dean felt it was truly worthless. And with all the maturity of a 5-year old, he threw it in the trash.
(I say that from experience. I am the youngest child in my family, placing me at the bottom of the pecking order. So what could I take out my frustrations on, except my adored Teddy Bear that I took everywhere with me, slept with at night and was my best friend! When I was really, really mad I would occasionally toss it in the trash. Thankfully, I never did that on garbage collection day. Whew! I still have it and it holds a cherished place in our house.)
The intriguing thing about objects with sentimental value is that they only appreciate in worth, whether or not we still have them. My wedding band belonged to my grandmother. She lived over 100 years, more than 30 of them as a widow. Yet, even in her 90â€™s when we gave her a repaired, reconditioned photo of my grandfather, she burst into tears. The love shone from her eyes, as she traced his lips and whispered his name. The ring still carries all the love they shared. Iâ€™ve worn it for 12 years, and its gold glows that much brighter now. Perhaps, someday one of my daughters or a future grandchild will wear it. The ring may have cost a few dollars originally, but it is now truly priceless.
The same can be said of The Amulet. Many times, during that long Samless year, and the RoboSam times that followed, Dean reached for the leather cord that used to hang around his neck. Each time, his fingers grabbed at nothing but air. He knows now he might have found some comfort in a physical memento of his brother. Dean deeply regrets the impulsive, petulant act of discarding The Amulet.
I am aware there is a nasty rumour that The Amulet is being held for ransom, in order to raise money for something called the CW. Shame. Shame on people who would take that kind of cowardly action.
Let me make it clear that the Winchesters rarely negotiate, but they are nothing if not practical. Perhaps a deal can be arranged. Another glimpse of the dual chest tattoos and we call it even? I might be able to get agreement to full shirtlessness on the part of both brothers, maybe even swim trunks too. (Please ask for this concession. Please ask for this concession.)
Still, Dean and I both think that the suggestion of The Amulet being used in cheesy TV shows about vampires and diaries is just a ruse, a red herring, a film noir tactic. We believe that Sam picked it up out of the trash can, and put it somewhere for safekeeping. Maybe, because of its God-connection, he couldnâ€™t remember where he put it, when he himself had no soul. Perhaps the wall constructed by Death also blocked that knowledge.
All I can say is this... Now that the brothersâ€™ relationship is back, stronger than ever, more trusting and more loving, itâ€™s only logical, proper and RIGHT that The Amulet be returned. It is a very real, tangible sign of the brothersâ€™ bond. And Dean just looks so damn sexy with it around his neck!
(May I just add, again, if you canâ€™t find the original, I understand they sell them at those conventions, or online. About $24.95 plus shipping and handling. Trust me. Iâ€™ve had to replace kidsâ€™ toys with identical ones. Some creative storytelling and youâ€™re all good!)
In conclusion, my client Dean Winchester, and by association his brother Sam, wish to see the swift and sure return of the Leather Jacket of Winsome Winchesterness, and The Amulet.
Remember, they are hunters. They do know how to find you. And they have a trunk full of weapons.
Attorney (ly grateful for SPN)