The Winchester Family Business

Festivus Aluminum Pole

There's no tree in Festivus.  Just an aluminum pole.  Aluminum was chosen because of its very high strength to weight ratio.  

Dean really digs the pole!

Festivus Miracles

Festivus miracles are very unlike other miracles and somewhat tricky.  They are the labeling of easily explainable events as miracles.  If you squint hard enough, you can find a few of these miracles happening in Supernatural.  For example...

The End

We all remember this stirring outcome.  Dean, in the evil clutches of Zachariah after coming back from future world, is rescued by Castiel.  



Dean is stunned to see himself on the street corner out of harms way, his stoic angel friend coming in the nick of time.  
 
Dean (stunned):  Cass. 
Castiel:  We had an appointment.

It’s a Festivus miracle!

Here's another one from the earlier years:



Dean:  So, what are you going to do, huh? You gonna kill me?
Sam: You know what, I am sick of doing what you tell me to do. We're no closer to finding Dad today, than we were 6 months ago.
Dean: Well, then here, let me make it easier for you. Come on, take it. Real bullets are gonna work a hell of a lot better than rock salt. Take it! (gun pointed at Dean) You hate me that much? You think you can kill your own brother? Well then, go ahead. Pull the trigger. 
(waits for Sam to fire gun) 
Dean:  Do it!
(Sam tries to fire the gun, Dean hits him).
Dean: Man, I'm not going to give you a loaded pistol. Sorry, Sammy.  

Alright, say it with me...It's a Festivus miracle!  Hey, I don't make the rules.  

Festivus Dinner

How would you like your cheeseburger?  It's not meatloaf, but it's close.  

 

This works too...

My favorite part of Festivus.  A chance for family members to get off their chests all the annoying crap that's been bothering them all year.  



Sam:  Dude, you know, I've put up with a lot from you.
Dean:  What are you talking about, I'm a joy to be around.
Sam:  Your dirty socks in the sink, your food in the fridge.
Dean:  What's wrong with my food?
Sam:  It's not food anymore Dean, it's Darwinism!

Grievances aren't just for family members!  It works with annoying fans too!



"No, I'm not a fan, okay. Not fans. In fact, I think the Dean and Sam story sucks. It is not fun, it's not entertaining. It is a river of crap that would send most people howling to the nuthouse! So you listen to me. Their pain is not for your amusement. I mean, you think they enjoy being treated like-like circus freaks?"

It also works for TV personalities that just irk the living crap out of you!



"Calm down? I'm wearing sunglasses at night. You know who does that? No talent douchebags. I hate this game. I hate that we're in a procedural cop show and you want to know why? Because I hate procedural cop shows. There's like 300 on television, they're all the freaking same, it's like 'oh... a plane crashed here.' Oh shut up!"

Grievances aren't just limited to Sam and Dean!

"You stupid, stupid, son of a bitch. Well boo-hooo I am so sorry your feelings are hurt – Princess. Are you under the impression that families are supposed to make you feel good? Make you an apple pie maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family."

"I killed two angels this week. My brothers. I'm hunted. I rebelled and I did it -- all of it -- for you. And you failed. You and your brother destroyed the world. And I lost everything -- for nothing. So keep your opinions to yourself."

Feats of Strength

The rule for the Feats of Strength, which happens after the Festivus dinner, is the head of the household must be defeated through a wrestling match.  

Considering Sam is usually the only other family member present, you know he made sure Dean cried “Uncle.” 

Then there’s the time Dean kicked Sam’s ass…

And the time Sam kicked Dean’s ass…

And the time Dean kicked Sam's ass



Frank Constanza would be most proud of these two.   
 

Remember the slogan, It’s a Festivus for the Rest of Us!  Enjoy your secular holiday everyone!